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"tumors" poems
Look at me My skin Has dealt with a lot                          I have lived through                          Tumors and attacks                          Cuts and bruises from me                          Bruises from him My poor skin In the end This damage is All for naught Because                             *"Scars are only **** on guys..."*
0
Nov 2, 2014
Nov 2, 2014 at 7:53 PM UTC
Only Guys Have **** Scars
for you, we bundle into the car, the littlest (half my brother and twice my nuisance) and the middlest (14 going on favorite) the bitterest (only girl and pen-in-hand) and the biggestest (20 years of bombastic nonsense) 30 minutes and four cornfields later he'll start. "i have to *** "there's a bottle up there, dad." "dad, i have to *** "dad." "dad." "dad." and he's going to *** in that ******* bottle which will inevitably stay in the car for the remaining 8 and a half hours, sloshing and yellow too dangerously close to the color of something you would actually drink. the two youngest will get into some sort of argument some sort of argument that i will intervene in. "shut up!" he'll say. "chill out!" i'll shout. "you chill out!" and my father and my stepmother will eye from the front seat until one of them turns around ("relax, madeline!" sharply). and then the oldest like clockwork will act like he knows more than he does about something (my father will just chuckle, but i'll begin, "bullsh-" i'll begin, but my stepmother will hiss, "madeline!" as if i've killed somebody even though the 8-year-old curses even worse than i do). he'll make a face at me and i'll make a face at him. the littlest will inevitably stomp on my seatbelt about 30 times a second which i will not be able to stand, and we'll get into an argument which will turn into me versus the whole car (afterwards, much stewing, and resentfully cranking my ipod up as loud as it will go). 9 hours and 12 thousand cliff-faces later we'll get there. we'll make it. we'll only be a little worse for the wear. we will be swept up by our twelve billion aunts our nine billion uncles and our three billion cousins, like we always are. someday something will be missing. first it was your back, and the postponement, and eventual cancellation of our trip. then it was your surgeries (why weren't they working?) and then it was a series of words i don't understand stage                                                                                                           inoperable                                             3                                                                                                                      cancerous                                                      mass lung                             malignant                                                                                                               radiation                                                  therapy                                                                                                                          chemo you may crumple in on that blackness inside you, that's eating you alive one lung at a time, pushing, on your back, until you can't even stand. the fabric of our family is plucked by this disease. this is my poem, my plea for you and for us, that you not pull into the blackness, and that you fight the tumors and the tests and that you win.
0
Jul 31, 2012
Jul 31, 2012 at 10:42 AM UTC
the fabric of our family
for you, we bundle into the car, the littlest (half my brother and twice my nuisance) and the middlest (14 going on favorite) the bitterest (only girl and pen-in-hand) and the biggestest (20 years of bombastic nonsense) 30 minutes and four cornfields later he'll start. "i have to *** "there's a bottle up there, dad." "dad, i have to *** "dad." "dad." "dad." and he's going to *** in that ******* bottle which will inevitably stay in the car for the remaining 8 and a half hours, sloshing and yellow too dangerously close to the color of something you would actually drink. the two youngest will get into some sort of argument some sort of argument that i will intervene in. "shut up!" he'll say. "chill out!" i'll shout. "you chill out!" and my father and my stepmother will eye from the front seat until one of them turns around ("relax, madeline!" sharply). and then the oldest like clockwork will act like he knows more than he does about something (my father will just chuckle, but i'll begin, "bullsh-" i'll begin, but my stepmother will hiss, "madeline!" as if i've killed somebody even though the 8-year-old curses even worse than i do). he'll make a face at me and i'll make a face at him. the littlest will inevitably stomp on my seatbelt about 30 times a second which i will not be able to stand, and we'll get into an argument which will turn into me versus the whole car (afterwards, much stewing, and resentfully cranking my ipod up as loud as it will go). 9 hours and 12 thousand cliff-faces later we'll get there. we'll make it. we'll only be a little worse for the wear. we will be swept up by our twelve billion aunts our nine billion uncles and our three billion cousins, like we always are. someday something will be missing. first it was your back, and the postponement, and eventual cancellation of our trip. then it was your surgeries (why weren't they working?) and then it was a series of words i don't understand stage                                                                                                           inoperable                                             3                                                                                                                      cancerous                                                      mass lung                             malignant                                                                                                               radiation                                                  therapy                                                                                                                          chemo you may crumple in on that blackness inside you, that's eating you alive one lung at a time, pushing, on your back, until you can't even stand. the fabric of our family is plucked by this disease. this is my poem, my plea for you and for us, that you not pull into the blackness, and that you fight the tumors and the tests and that you win.
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90
This is what she looks like when she's sad: The human condition effective immediately. Winter shades shift side to side, exploding out of each iris. Skin falling off, when lunging forward to kiss me. Fingernail daggers dig into my pores. I'll bleed under her fingernails, if she'll drag them down my torso until her knees click the floor. This is her tongue inside of my mouth: We taste each other before we waste each other. Hip bones parallel and our eyes rubbing shoulders, my hands surfing her rib cage and it's all the rage because she moans. And when she moans, color tones orbit around her head. Planetary tumors dancing around her skull; jump roping with her hair, eating morals and removing plurals. Those are her lips around me. Her head moves up and down but her eyes focus on me. She makes eye contact and I empty my dreams into her mouth. We are a public forum. I ache with alcohol poisoning and liberal undertones. The terrain that is my face bleeds oils that would lubricate the axle of the car that she drove into the tree that we carved our name into. Come back to me. I miss you so much. I watched you die. I watched you die and there was nothing I could do. They told me that she wouldn't make it. They told me that she might make it. My hand gripped at blood stained blanket. I think she said my name under the air mask. I could tell if she saw me; her eyes rolled back into her head after she gazed a thousand yards away into the field of black that sheltered the tall grass that we would chase each other through and get lost in as we got lost in each other. I love you! I ******* love you! My back, a membrane coil that rises my stiff neck that cares my head full of memories. I turn on the light and you're not there next to me. I put my hand on your copy of The Thornbirds and know that you've read it more than the notes I leave in your inbox, hoping that it'll say that you have seen it. Walking to your grave, I am a darkness that the abyss has swallowed and I have followed myself into nothingness that is such bliss that I forget your kiss.
0
Dec 31, 2014
Dec 31, 2014 at 1:01 PM UTC
******** and Car Crashes ******* in a mouth)
This is what she looks like when she's sad: The human condition effective immediately. Winter shades shift side to side, exploding out of each iris. Skin falling off, when lunging forward to kiss me. Fingernail daggers dig into my pores. I'll bleed under her fingernails, if she'll drag them down my torso until her knees click the floor. This is her tongue inside of my mouth: We taste each other before we waste each other. Hip bones parallel and our eyes rubbing shoulders, my hands surfing her rib cage and it's all the rage because she moans. And when she moans, color tones orbit around her head. Planetary tumors dancing around her skull; jump roping with her hair, eating morals and removing plurals. Those are her lips around me. Her head moves up and down but her eyes focus on me. She makes eye contact and I empty my dreams into her mouth. We are a public forum. I ache with alcohol poisoning and liberal undertones. The terrain that is my face bleeds oils that would lubricate the axle of the car that she drove into the tree that we carved our name into. Come back to me. I miss you so much. I watched you die. I watched you die and there was nothing I could do. They told me that she wouldn't make it. They told me that she might make it. My hand gripped at blood stained blanket. I think she said my name under the air mask. I could tell if she saw me; her eyes rolled back into her head after she gazed a thousand yards away into the field of black that sheltered the tall grass that we would chase each other through and get lost in as we got lost in each other. I love you! I ******* love you! My back, a membrane coil that rises my stiff neck that cares my head full of memories. I turn on the light and you're not there next to me. I put my hand on your copy of The Thornbirds and know that you've read it more than the notes I leave in your inbox, hoping that it'll say that you have seen it. Walking to your grave, I am a darkness that the abyss has swallowed and I have followed myself into nothingness that is such bliss that I forget your kiss.
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66
Nervousness sets in As I await the news And doctors disagree About their medical muse. Confusion swarms high As answers are not clear And possibilities come to my mind Cancer and tumors, the greatest fear. Anxiety bubbles up As the next appointment comes And I don’t know what I want; My thoughts are going numb. Sometimes I think the possibilities of health are shrinking And then I realize… that’s just wishful thinking.
0
Sep 9, 2013
Sep 9, 2013 at 10:22 PM UTC
Melodrama
Things sometimes fall apart Among sisters and brothers, No matter what they once were. Childhood picnics and dreamy games, Memories of trips with Dad, Since Mom was tired of us. We would climb Appalachian peaks Or drive to look at the Mayflower. Every summer there was a golden week A lakeside cottage and all-day swims In crystal water, becoming mermaids. But time passes and bitterness accrues. Imagined slights grow like slow tumors, Never excised but nurtured by some. I go to college and am freed From the poison of ignorant rage, From the creeping depression left Like diesel fog on an endless floor. Four or five years of delight pass With only hints here or there Of a sibling’s misery at home. Of a once close sister, Maggie, Who is ignored and never loved By any man she pursues. She blames me for it, for reasons I have yet to fathom. Of a brother, Francis, deluded, drugged, Steals the family car in a rage And drives to New York City. Of Deirdre, the middle sister, Whose friend who knows men who feed On her ignorance and rebellion. Only Susannah tries to rise above The maelstrom of misery. I send her to a school far away And she sheds despair, at least. Decades drawl, children are born to us, While the bridge between us, obscured, Sags and frays under weight of rancor. Christmas dinners and birthday parties Turn into chores, invitations kept as scores. Petty grudges, like acid, sever the bridge At last, all ties are abandoned. When we are all grown and scattered, No one speaking to anyone else, Unaware, uncaring about the others. Only Susannah visits me and smiles, With no ulterior plan for insane revenge, Or accusations for errant slights. Her once dark hair is grizzled and wild And her girlish skin now creased. But her treacle eyes, “black aggies”, I used to call them, still shine. Only Susannah writes a letter, Wishing us well and Healing scars made by others, Returning the word “family”. To my basket of small treasures, I carry with me Into the twilight.
0
Oct 10, 2021
Oct 10, 2021 at 10:52 AM UTC
Only Susannah
Things sometimes fall apart Among sisters and brothers, No matter what they once were. Childhood picnics and dreamy games, Memories of trips with Dad, Since Mom was tired of us. We would climb Appalachian peaks Or drive to look at the Mayflower. Every summer there was a golden week A lakeside cottage and all-day swims In crystal water, becoming mermaids. But time passes and bitterness accrues. Imagined slights grow like slow tumors, Never excised but nurtured by some. I go to college and am freed From the poison of ignorant rage, From the creeping depression left Like diesel fog on an endless floor. Four or five years of delight pass With only hints here or there Of a sibling’s misery at home. Of a once close sister, Maggie, Who is ignored and never loved By any man she pursues. She blames me for it, for reasons I have yet to fathom. Of a brother, Francis, deluded, drugged, Steals the family car in a rage And drives to New York City. Of Deirdre, the middle sister, Whose friend who knows men who feed On her ignorance and rebellion. Only Susannah tries to rise above The maelstrom of misery. I send her to a school far away And she sheds despair, at least. Decades drawl, children are born to us, While the bridge between us, obscured, Sags and frays under weight of rancor. Christmas dinners and birthday parties Turn into chores, invitations kept as scores. Petty grudges, like acid, sever the bridge At last, all ties are abandoned. When we are all grown and scattered, No one speaking to anyone else, Unaware, uncaring about the others. Only Susannah visits me and smiles, With no ulterior plan for insane revenge, Or accusations for errant slights. Her once dark hair is grizzled and wild And her girlish skin now creased. But her treacle eyes, “black aggies”, I used to call them, still shine. Only Susannah writes a letter, Wishing us well and Healing scars made by others, Returning the word “family”. To my basket of small treasures, I carry with me Into the twilight.
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60
The blasphemy That overtakes my Thoughts Was put there by Demons and Kept there by Saints in order To destroy me slowly. Demons upon demons Have entered and left Without a trace Leaving negativity Like tumors on my Brain Inoperable Said the Saints And they left me too Now I have nothing Inside of me Leading me towards The banks of the Cloudy river I have nothing leading Me towards the bottle of Sleeping pills on My dresser I have nothing to stop me I have nothing I have Me
0
Aug 26, 2014
Aug 26, 2014 at 3:20 AM UTC
Demons
I have a special interest in telling about my colonoscopy. The doc cheerful, secure in his specialty, colon cancer being the second leading cause of cancer death after lung tumors. They can snip the precancerous polyps right out of you during the test. At first the doc gave me the statistics but having paid 25 bucks for this       interview I decided to make him explain the science. He was most comfortable describing the physical architecture of adenomatous v. hyperplastic polyps but what about cell structure I said. He was vague about genes and       hormones, I could have been chatting with an Electrolux salesman. I wasn’t worried although my *** was burning. Everybody dies, everybody, even Whitman and Emerson, so I browse       models for dying— mine are middlebrow, saddlebow—John Wayne in The Shootist, Paul       Newman in Hombre—or hagiography Plath her head stuck in an oven, Hemingway who ate his shotgun. Anyway I was upbeat flirting with the nurse, a muse who has seen it all       before, acting tough, which isn’t actually an act you do your prep and say your prayers. I thought I’d be in and out **** as you probably already know the prep for this procedure is worthy of Gandhi. A day of fasting, clear fluids only, and constant voiding. You arrive at the hospital one spiritual chicken. I reflected it can’t hurt, lose a little weight, remember who you are without so much **** and flesh between you and the natural world. Snipping polyps is like taking electrons to a lower quantum energy level,       nearer the nucleus, with fasting and ****** abstinence. The art of total presence and abstinence, dependence on the Other for       future existence.
0
May 15, 2024
May 15, 2024 at 7:09 AM UTC
Colonoscopy
I have a special interest in telling about my colonoscopy. The doc cheerful, secure in his specialty, colon cancer being the second leading cause of cancer death after lung tumors. They can snip the precancerous polyps right out of you during the test. At first the doc gave me the statistics but having paid 25 bucks for this       interview I decided to make him explain the science. He was most comfortable describing the physical architecture of adenomatous v. hyperplastic polyps but what about cell structure I said. He was vague about genes and       hormones, I could have been chatting with an Electrolux salesman. I wasn’t worried although my *** was burning. Everybody dies, everybody, even Whitman and Emerson, so I browse       models for dying— mine are middlebrow, saddlebow—John Wayne in The Shootist, Paul       Newman in Hombre—or hagiography Plath her head stuck in an oven, Hemingway who ate his shotgun. Anyway I was upbeat flirting with the nurse, a muse who has seen it all       before, acting tough, which isn’t actually an act you do your prep and say your prayers. I thought I’d be in and out **** as you probably already know the prep for this procedure is worthy of Gandhi. A day of fasting, clear fluids only, and constant voiding. You arrive at the hospital one spiritual chicken. I reflected it can’t hurt, lose a little weight, remember who you are without so much **** and flesh between you and the natural world. Snipping polyps is like taking electrons to a lower quantum energy level,       nearer the nucleus, with fasting and ****** abstinence. The art of total presence and abstinence, dependence on the Other for       future existence.
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32
Technology is taking over. It is making me and The natural world sick. Please help.
0
Sep 12, 2013
Sep 12, 2013 at 11:17 AM UTC
Dinosaur Tumors
Five four three two one, Fire spews, Flames violently shoot out of the golden boosters, Cold ice breaking off the shell, The white noise fills the air, The ground shakes with panic, And liftoff, The manmade seraph lifts into the sky, The Golden Flame forcing it further up, We watch not with excited eyes, But with sad hearts and long faces, We know, We know today is the last day this bird will fly, We have slain an angel, We have slain American Patriotism, We have slain ourselves, The Space Shuttle may just have been a chemical reaction lifting mass into the sky, But it let us explore, It let us discover space, The bitter, beautiful darkness that surrounds and blankets the planet, And now we have told her she must die, Regressive politics turning into a malignancy against mankind, Killing the Human spirit, Spreading, Cancerous tumors mark landforms on the map, Goodbye, My Dear Space Shuttle, My technological love, You always inspired me, It's my turn now.
0
Nov 21, 2011
Nov 21, 2011 at 9:19 AM UTC
Just a quick space shuttle scribble
i fall and ascend in a sea    vantablack spiral light fire ghosts and ice that cut the soul to pieces like scissors that split rabbits industry of a hissing creation polluted altar of sleeping lakes and scythe bludgeon and howitzer prods of push and pull in a grindhouse necropolis of craters scattering satanic eggs and tumors i am here born to you thin of bone mother of catastrophes on a colossal ball of scab and callous that moves sonorous dazzling shapes careening through ephemera workhorse torches of doom you fill me with knots of terror and desperate dreams of stairway wings veils and glimmers resolutions dissolving petaled apertures of desire and night whispers in a spider web of sonic bulls before undertows gravity i was vibrant but then i died into the rock ash of earth they called it my birthday my parents with party hats and balloons blinked fetters against nights of granite and stone i got deader still until i was nothing but an imagineless gob of mud and breath an eye looking out behind red nerve forest fires and tears shook tambourines down heavy lashes cascaded fluttering  tassels   i am born to you mother of senile seas citadel of shattered glass in a slate cube of cyclones mute and screaming my fate deep shock encased in mausoleums led nautilus blatting hells jaundiced shriek Pluto conjunct Saturn
0
Jun 11, 2019
Jun 11, 2019 at 1:05 PM UTC
Horror-Scope Birth Chart
You’d never guess By eavesdropping To the vapid colloquialisms Of your neighbors, your co-workers That 5 open sores fester upon our mother’s face, 5 gyres, (even the word is disgusting), of floating plastic, tangle and strangle the warm wombs of our seas, stretch out at the horizons like blankets of melanoma. Livid and neon infection Drips, seeps, spreads from Fukushima, Genociding the Pacific—3,000 nautical miles Devoid of breath or heartbeat, Save a lonely whale with tumors Full of hot dog coupons and carpet cleaning flyers.
0
Jan 14, 2014
Jan 14, 2014 at 6:40 PM UTC
She's sick
Health anxiety. You google one thing and it says another. You have a headache and it says its cancer. Countless trips to your family doctor. The test was negative, you will recover. Everything is fine but you’re feeling awkward. Maybe everything IS fine, perhaps you’re like an actor. Acting out the symptoms you should get an oscar. Sue me for feeling like somethings not right, get me a lawyer. To everyone around me, i’m like a destroyer. I need to rebuild my life from being an over reactor. Theres a fine line between normal worry and anxiety. Theres a fine line between being labelled from society. Theres a fine line between being sick and being healthy. But even those who are wealthy are not protected from being unhealthy. And thats where this fear has developed. Knowing the highest of classes still are not protected. CEO’s can get cancer. The president can get Alzheimer's. Investors can get tumors. Is it really so peculiar that I fear that this will occur. Occur in me? Effect my family? Increase mortality? Maybe i’m not a clinical case of a hypochondriac, but I feel that sometimes I can be. Maybe i’m not a maniac, but I know I over worry. These thoughts don’t keep me up at night, but when I’m sick I always think... What if its this, what if its that, what if this thing can **** me. But I guess thats just normal anxiety. Evolutionary instinct. Our human kind won’t go extinct. I don’t need to talk this out with a shrink. So this cold is lasting more than a few days, maybe i’ll just go to a doctor. Stop fearing that this is the end, see someone and you’ll feel better. You can get sick from being stressed, or even change from weather. Its not strange if you catch a cold, no need to worry it won’t last forever. When you feel like the doctor is wrong, please try to remember. A runny nose isn’t cancer, forgetting to check the mail isn't alzheimers, and a headache isn’t a tumor. Those are all just internet rumours. Google isn’t your doctor. Worrying isn’t hypochondria, no need to add that to your self diagnoses list. While disease is a real thing, worrying is the real *****
0
Feb 14, 2016
Feb 14, 2016 at 3:33 PM UTC
Hypochondria
Health anxiety. You google one thing and it says another. You have a headache and it says its cancer. Countless trips to your family doctor. The test was negative, you will recover. Everything is fine but you’re feeling awkward. Maybe everything IS fine, perhaps you’re like an actor. Acting out the symptoms you should get an oscar. Sue me for feeling like somethings not right, get me a lawyer. To everyone around me, i’m like a destroyer. I need to rebuild my life from being an over reactor. Theres a fine line between normal worry and anxiety. Theres a fine line between being labelled from society. Theres a fine line between being sick and being healthy. But even those who are wealthy are not protected from being unhealthy. And thats where this fear has developed. Knowing the highest of classes still are not protected. CEO’s can get cancer. The president can get Alzheimer's. Investors can get tumors. Is it really so peculiar that I fear that this will occur. Occur in me? Effect my family? Increase mortality? Maybe i’m not a clinical case of a hypochondriac, but I feel that sometimes I can be. Maybe i’m not a maniac, but I know I over worry. These thoughts don’t keep me up at night, but when I’m sick I always think... What if its this, what if its that, what if this thing can **** me. But I guess thats just normal anxiety. Evolutionary instinct. Our human kind won’t go extinct. I don’t need to talk this out with a shrink. So this cold is lasting more than a few days, maybe i’ll just go to a doctor. Stop fearing that this is the end, see someone and you’ll feel better. You can get sick from being stressed, or even change from weather. Its not strange if you catch a cold, no need to worry it won’t last forever. When you feel like the doctor is wrong, please try to remember. A runny nose isn’t cancer, forgetting to check the mail isn't alzheimers, and a headache isn’t a tumor. Those are all just internet rumours. Google isn’t your doctor. Worrying isn’t hypochondria, no need to add that to your self diagnoses list. While disease is a real thing, worrying is the real *****
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40
I see the commercials for osteoarthritis. And mentally curse this age of awareness Where we, the audience are forced to see our frail mortality . . . One in three! ONE IN THREE! Mocks the voice on T.V. And suddenly my chest fills with invisible cancers cholesterol, and tumors While diabetes races through my veines. I stagger from the room. Joints now rusted with a touch of arthritis. My breath wheezes from the asthma I never had until this moment. My arteries harden like boa constrictors. And I fall to the floor - breaking a hip as I go down. My memory fades under Alzheimer's wrath. While glaucoma darkens my vision. And ravaging Obesity, consumes my soul.
0
Apr 2, 2013
Apr 2, 2013 at 2:22 AM UTC
Tragedy by Hypocondria
We are the people we are Far from the people we should be Humor makes up the difference In every uncomfortable instance Humor I must know To soften the blow And make life enjoyable Humor is always employable Negativity carelessly creeps From somewhere deep I feel tragedy Grabbing me I must rhetorically escape These problems will deflate Once I receive a joke After taking a **** With familiar folks We're all somewhat stand-up comedians In front of our friends The pros have no way of seeing them So specificity we lend It can be trite and true Or bright and new Curing the blues To help get you through To keep from constantly imagining The endless amount of tragedy I must have a sense of humor To ignore the hectic rumors Or the life ending tumors Or the treacherous suitors My only tools are words And all my words are tools Turning sages into fools If they want to bring me down My words can steal their crown The albatross around my naked neck Is my greatest source of comedy Adding perspective to a stacked deck Turning drama into Dramamine Putting on a mask like Halloween When the darkness follows me Humor keeps me from wallowing In my own self pity I'd rather feel giddy I hate myself so much sometimes Humor can help remove that grime Not getting rid of it completely But not letting it cut so deeply It's the only thing that can treat me When life decides to beat me I respond by feasting On pain And ******** out harmless humor Which drains The sensation of being a loser That feeling you get when your friends laugh That feeling you get when your friends clap Like violent gunshots in the distance Humor alleviates the agony of existence
0
Mar 17, 2018
Mar 17, 2018 at 2:39 AM UTC
Humor
We are the people we are Far from the people we should be Humor makes up the difference In every uncomfortable instance Humor I must know To soften the blow And make life enjoyable Humor is always employable Negativity carelessly creeps From somewhere deep I feel tragedy Grabbing me I must rhetorically escape These problems will deflate Once I receive a joke After taking a **** With familiar folks We're all somewhat stand-up comedians In front of our friends The pros have no way of seeing them So specificity we lend It can be trite and true Or bright and new Curing the blues To help get you through To keep from constantly imagining The endless amount of tragedy I must have a sense of humor To ignore the hectic rumors Or the life ending tumors Or the treacherous suitors My only tools are words And all my words are tools Turning sages into fools If they want to bring me down My words can steal their crown The albatross around my naked neck Is my greatest source of comedy Adding perspective to a stacked deck Turning drama into Dramamine Putting on a mask like Halloween When the darkness follows me Humor keeps me from wallowing In my own self pity I'd rather feel giddy I hate myself so much sometimes Humor can help remove that grime Not getting rid of it completely But not letting it cut so deeply It's the only thing that can treat me When life decides to beat me I respond by feasting On pain And ******** out harmless humor Which drains The sensation of being a loser That feeling you get when your friends laugh That feeling you get when your friends clap Like violent gunshots in the distance Humor alleviates the agony of existence
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60
I am the child of faceless night, Born of a union of mere flesh. I am the bane of garish light, Born to voice a thousand cries. As the tyrannical sun sets, As the benevolent darkness takes over, I lend my ears to pleas of the mute, My footsteps swift and my movements light. Cloaked by deception, myth and legend, I am the faceless God of Death. Hidden by lies, tales and fables, I am the bearer of infinite names. In times of Eclipse, when order falls, When the avarice of a few prey on other lives, When Justice, the blind, mute and dumb wretch turns away it eyes, I don my mask, the son of chaos and fear. Although bards pen my tale as one of a hero's, I suffer no delusions, I know I am a psychopath. I am not a part of God's great plan, I am not an instrument of his divine will.I am the mere manifestation of human rage, Softened by the plight of my kin. All I know is that some men deserve to die, And much like Him, in whose image I was made,I feel powerful with each life I take. The thrill as my knife bleeds out the life in them, The rush which courses through my body as I remove these social tumors, Is far greater than the soft caress of lust. Thus, I'd **** only to stay alive.
0
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 10:56 AM UTC
The Faceless God
a pale night two more estranged in the passing of time forgotten promises mistimed and eternity can end in an instant a sudden death to tumors long malignant (let us remember the error of our ways, the taste of blood when suckling an open wound) it's new nihility embodied and shortness of breath when looking at night's pearl eye drown out in stillness double-time, my heart frantic, my lungs so beautiful and toxic our morning flower dies
0
Aug 6, 2012
Aug 6, 2012 at 5:12 PM UTC
Terminal
in a lobby, i sit and i look out. take my glasses off, stare at the fuzzy reflections through the window glare. count the dead flies in tiled 4x4 ceiling lights. one more day, and i'll drive home. but these couch patterns catch my eyes and the shadows dazzle in the corner. i see nothing. i look around and it is finally still, but still, i see nothing. beat, broke, bones, body. be gone, be me, catch my breath. exit sign crooked, french door bent. tiles and tumors, i sink into the sofa. it's stress, it's the lack of sleep, it's all because i let myself go. winter's woe, dry hands, bloodied nose. strangers smile.
0
Mar 6, 2014
Mar 6, 2014 at 10:26 PM UTC
no bra
What of that is me that is so beautifully splayed against the cold tin tray beneath the light of the surgeon who is splitting me open. What of that is not me who is the nurse, helping remove the blemishes and tumors that make the unrecognizable body mangled. What of that situation makes this so uncannily familiar that all I do is try to change the person I am to be when I hear God sigh once more at my attempt to, again, change myself. I hear the words, "Love yourself," As if I hadn't already tried but the parts that I have attempted to nurture already lay in the bin of flesh the surgeon has already removed. I could tell you that I was the surgeon but really, Self-consciously, I could not. I say I could not because of the way the surgeons eyes resembled of those who pick me apart, Also known as society. I am not happy with myself, I am an ever changing chameleon to the people I choose to bring apart of my life as they chisel me down to who and what they prefer. I am not the color blue any longer for that represented his eyes, I am not the color pink as my friend used as a disguise, I am not the color black for that I realize, I was once that. So I lay here splayed on this cold tin tray, Picked apart by the vultures who deem worthy and those who do not. Do not tell me to love myself when I all know is to be a sponge of the people who pour toxic waters into my skin and I wear it like plastic wrap covering me in all of the wrong places. I am no longer in control of my own strings that hang me to this life like a noose wrapped around my throat as I struggle to breathe and dance for an audience who no longer enjoys my company but my suffering.
0
Jun 25, 2017
Jun 25, 2017 at 3:53 PM UTC
Mr. Surgeon
What of that is me that is so beautifully splayed against the cold tin tray beneath the light of the surgeon who is splitting me open. What of that is not me who is the nurse, helping remove the blemishes and tumors that make the unrecognizable body mangled. What of that situation makes this so uncannily familiar that all I do is try to change the person I am to be when I hear God sigh once more at my attempt to, again, change myself. I hear the words, "Love yourself," As if I hadn't already tried but the parts that I have attempted to nurture already lay in the bin of flesh the surgeon has already removed. I could tell you that I was the surgeon but really, Self-consciously, I could not. I say I could not because of the way the surgeons eyes resembled of those who pick me apart, Also known as society. I am not happy with myself, I am an ever changing chameleon to the people I choose to bring apart of my life as they chisel me down to who and what they prefer. I am not the color blue any longer for that represented his eyes, I am not the color pink as my friend used as a disguise, I am not the color black for that I realize, I was once that. So I lay here splayed on this cold tin tray, Picked apart by the vultures who deem worthy and those who do not. Do not tell me to love myself when I all know is to be a sponge of the people who pour toxic waters into my skin and I wear it like plastic wrap covering me in all of the wrong places. I am no longer in control of my own strings that hang me to this life like a noose wrapped around my throat as I struggle to breathe and dance for an audience who no longer enjoys my company but my suffering.
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21
The chemo makes you tired at first, So you tend to sleep the day of treatment. But throughout the week, The radiation takes its toll. I watch it slowly unfurl inside of you. Your joints ache like there are embers between the bones, And your belly fills with hot, heavy lead, And your tonsils swell with fluid, And your ******* traitorous with tumors, are sore and bruised. This is a pain that eats at you: Your nerves, your patience, your kind words. You’re a ***** Vicious and unrepentant. It hurts. I become petty and spiteful, Convinced you are determined to make me suffer with you. You tell me that I don’t care about you anymore. And I ask you why you can’t appreciate the things I do for you more. But today, You showed me how your hair had lost most of its ***** curls, The follicles soft and preparing for departure, And you cried because your wig, while pretty, didn’t look like you. I can only hold your swollen hand And promise to draw your eyebrows for you.
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Nov 22, 2011
Nov 22, 2011 at 1:16 AM UTC
Survivor Story
The headlights blaze, a horn honks, I look at the traffic light, I wait, at a signal, in a traffic jam, stuck. Soldiers storm a university, in a book a dog dies, a girl fights tumors in her ******* the world turns, and in a traffic jam, I remain stuck. Later in the night, in my bed, I lie scrolling Instagram stories follow one another, a quick progression: outrage on an atrocity turns and becomes 40% Sale on a fashion brand, turns and becomes the best biryani in town, turns and becomes a friend at a pub, turns and becomes my office desk, turns and becomes an empty page, turns and becomes a traffic jam, turns and does not become anything, and I remain stuck.
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Jan 14, 2020
Jan 14, 2020 at 6:55 AM UTC
Stuck
Why does it happen to me? Did the accident also give me a brain tumor? The most common symptoms of brain tumors include headaches; numbness or tingling in the arms or legs; seizures, memory problems; mood and personality changes; balance and walking problems; nausea and vomiting; changes in speech, vision, or hearing. I have all except seizures and nausea & vomiting. I am already on Sodium Valproate and Valproic Acid controlled release tablets which are given to brain tumour patients as well. My psychiatrist was so scared while asking my dad the last time we went for checkup, "Did he have seizures or vomiting?" But I am not scared, I know that stuff can only get better for me. I have had enough of misfortune.
0
Mar 6, 2015
Mar 6, 2015 at 11:56 PM UTC
I Don't Know
Pity the wimpy Democrats They suffer in defeat. Year after year they don’t learn Like Republicans you must cheat. Stuff all the ballot boxes And monkey with the machines. You’ll never get a **** thing done If you keep the elections clean. And band together solidly With your chosen party. Lie and cheat and dissemble And act like a pompous smarty. Never worry about what is right. Just brazen it through out loud. It seems jerks do the best When catering to the crowd. Buy votes from everywhere Especially from big industry; Big Oil, Big Banks and Pharma Kiss their butts shamelessly. Make sure all the factions That are stealing the country blind Understand you have their backs And treat all of the poor unkind. Go on tour and television And make out you’re the good guy: Dare the opposition to debate Then Ignore facts and lie. Remember the public is stupid And doesn’t know what goes on. Run a crew of cheaters on the side, It’s what elections depend on. But most importantly, you must be The most obnoxious candidate. Start early and spend the bucks. It’s deadly for you to start too late. Run the most famous people: They must be Christian and straight. No matter how you cheat and lie Promise America will be Great. Cover your butts before you start. Plant a lot of baseless rumors. Make baseless stories about their past. Swear voting wrong causes tumors. Do what it takes, Democrats The GOP has no compunctions If they could just get by with it They’d beat you with truncheons.
0
Dec 4, 2016
Dec 4, 2016 at 9:02 PM UTC
PITY THE DEMOCRATS
Pity the wimpy Democrats They suffer in defeat. Year after year they don’t learn Like Republicans you must cheat. Stuff all the ballot boxes And monkey with the machines. You’ll never get a **** thing done If you keep the elections clean. And band together solidly With your chosen party. Lie and cheat and dissemble And act like a pompous smarty. Never worry about what is right. Just brazen it through out loud. It seems jerks do the best When catering to the crowd. Buy votes from everywhere Especially from big industry; Big Oil, Big Banks and Pharma Kiss their butts shamelessly. Make sure all the factions That are stealing the country blind Understand you have their backs And treat all of the poor unkind. Go on tour and television And make out you’re the good guy: Dare the opposition to debate Then Ignore facts and lie. Remember the public is stupid And doesn’t know what goes on. Run a crew of cheaters on the side, It’s what elections depend on. But most importantly, you must be The most obnoxious candidate. Start early and spend the bucks. It’s deadly for you to start too late. Run the most famous people: They must be Christian and straight. No matter how you cheat and lie Promise America will be Great. Cover your butts before you start. Plant a lot of baseless rumors. Make baseless stories about their past. Swear voting wrong causes tumors. Do what it takes, Democrats The GOP has no compunctions If they could just get by with it They’d beat you with truncheons.
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48
The morning brought the tremors of gray tumors in the sky and it’s such a shame that you had to hang yourself to dry your eyes you broke the Sun once you stared too long just to find that you were blind and what’s your name? just an acronym of letters without the words to tell them better and It burned the colors in the rain and made you bask in the pity of the sane you were the working dead running from the living red just finding sunshine in the telescope a morbidity without the soap dangling on a rope a sad addiction to fictional afflictions as an urgency and Exit signs away your strife with white gloves and an empty smile of love from above. And how many gods does it take to change a light?
0
Jun 21, 2011
Jun 21, 2011 at 10:54 AM UTC
Eclipse
The Process There is the notion, the urging. The first spilling, the self-congratulatory Commencement ceremony for The process. Then there is the first short-pause, a quick-freeze hibernation. Then, The bubbling, The querying, the special fear, What have I started? Where is it taking me, Am I properly undressed for doing T  he process? A new vocabulary, an arm extended, but distended, Words are all angled puzzled, Capable of unity, but first, Unshaped but swollen, By the process. Hatching, head-aching, words arrive rushed, but disordered, Confused by the process. *{The exception has it own character. One kingly, run-on sentence birthed, After silent labor, a full poem, fully dilated, A shocking head of hair, full developed, So fast does "it" fall onto the paper The obstetrician arrives too late To process.}* The exception, exceptional. The normal, normative. Twenty four hours of labor, False starts, much screaming, Painful joys, hardly seamless, This process. Distractions the enemy, Compulsion the master, As you choreograph the work, In loving servitude to The process. You the doctor, insert probes, Looking for the tumors, the out of ordinary, For normal flesh is not of interest as part of The process. Finally, you do exhale, With unique the pleasure, of the longest sweetest Female ****** The breathing less labored, Tho whole, sensing a diminish-meant to convey That completion is the end of part of you, The near-end of the continuum, lessened but continuing The process.
0
Sep 24, 2013
Sep 24, 2013 at 6:51 AM UTC
The Process
The Process There is the notion, the urging. The first spilling, the self-congratulatory Commencement ceremony for The process. Then there is the first short-pause, a quick-freeze hibernation. Then, The bubbling, The querying, the special fear, What have I started? Where is it taking me, Am I properly undressed for doing T  he process? A new vocabulary, an arm extended, but distended, Words are all angled puzzled, Capable of unity, but first, Unshaped but swollen, By the process. Hatching, head-aching, words arrive rushed, but disordered, Confused by the process. *{The exception has it own character. One kingly, run-on sentence birthed, After silent labor, a full poem, fully dilated, A shocking head of hair, full developed, So fast does "it" fall onto the paper The obstetrician arrives too late To process.}* The exception, exceptional. The normal, normative. Twenty four hours of labor, False starts, much screaming, Painful joys, hardly seamless, This process. Distractions the enemy, Compulsion the master, As you choreograph the work, In loving servitude to The process. You the doctor, insert probes, Looking for the tumors, the out of ordinary, For normal flesh is not of interest as part of The process. Finally, you do exhale, With unique the pleasure, of the longest sweetest Female ****** The breathing less labored, Tho whole, sensing a diminish-meant to convey That completion is the end of part of you, The near-end of the continuum, lessened but continuing The process.
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52
I imagined we’d grow gray together and take winter sun holidays somewhere we could warm our bones cut out coupons from newspapers stacking up in a jam jar next to the fruit bowl you’d rent guidebooks out of the library and I’d take evening classes so that I could understand black tied waiters you’d find it cute and impressive and you would hold my hand tightly during take off the plan was that we’d walk around foreign supermarkets and guess the contents of the cans they’d be faded beach towels and the sticky scent of tanning lotion our antiquated skin would burn easily if we didn't smother it but I’m not sure it matters anymore, fretting over factors we already have tumors growing like doubts in our chests we have nurtured them, tended to their hungers and thirst until we have none of our own
0
Aug 30, 2013
Aug 30, 2013 at 1:59 PM UTC
Winter Sun