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"pealing" poems
#*It is out of the heart’s cavernous longing and furious search for love, significance, acceptance, approval, identity, security, freedom, belonging, innocence, intimacy and transcendence— out of its primordial memory of what was lost to us in the Garden— that we begin to ***** idols for ourselves. Unconsciously we hope they might restore to us a taste of paradise, taking away our fear and shame and isolation. We yearn to go back but, alas, we cannot get in from there. We ache to connect to beauty, to be desired by it as much as we desire it, and Jesus is the only door by which we may enter. He is the Beauty, and all the rest are simply there like pealing bells to arouse our hearts to Him and tell us that He is coming for us. Still, as if we haven’t quite yet heard and believed the message, we keep aimlessly trying to forge a false righteousness through our false gods. When they are lost or the dreams of them unrealized we are devastated, for the shadows, echoes and reflections we had supposed would finally make us feel good about ourselves have been exposed as frauds, and once again we are left to feel naked but without fig leaves to cover us. It is at these precise moments, when the bottom of our false hope falls out, that we are best prepared to encounter Christ in His intimate fullness and most apt to recognize at last that He alone is everything we have been so desperately wanting. It is our boiling point, where the unbearable weight of failed expectation so crashes in on us that we are finally begging God to lift our idols off of us and deliver us from them, pleading with Him to come and capture us, crying out to Him to possess us fully.*#
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Jul 3, 2016
Jul 3, 2016 at 12:58 PM UTC
The Long Way Home
#*It is out of the heart’s cavernous longing and furious search for love, significance, acceptance, approval, identity, security, freedom, belonging, innocence, intimacy and transcendence— out of its primordial memory of what was lost to us in the Garden— that we begin to ***** idols for ourselves. Unconsciously we hope they might restore to us a taste of paradise, taking away our fear and shame and isolation. We yearn to go back but, alas, we cannot get in from there. We ache to connect to beauty, to be desired by it as much as we desire it, and Jesus is the only door by which we may enter. He is the Beauty, and all the rest are simply there like pealing bells to arouse our hearts to Him and tell us that He is coming for us. Still, as if we haven’t quite yet heard and believed the message, we keep aimlessly trying to forge a false righteousness through our false gods. When they are lost or the dreams of them unrealized we are devastated, for the shadows, echoes and reflections we had supposed would finally make us feel good about ourselves have been exposed as frauds, and once again we are left to feel naked but without fig leaves to cover us. It is at these precise moments, when the bottom of our false hope falls out, that we are best prepared to encounter Christ in His intimate fullness and most apt to recognize at last that He alone is everything we have been so desperately wanting. It is our boiling point, where the unbearable weight of failed expectation so crashes in on us that we are finally begging God to lift our idols off of us and deliver us from them, pleading with Him to come and capture us, crying out to Him to possess us fully.*#
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#*It is out of the heart’s cavernous longing and furious search for love, significance, acceptance, approval, identity, security, freedom, belonging, innocence, intimacy and transcendence— out of its primordial memory of what was lost to us in the Garden— that we begin to ***** idols for ourselves. Unconsciously we hope they might restore to us a taste of paradise, taking away our fear and shame and isolation. We yearn to go back but, alas, we cannot get in from there. We ache to connect to beauty, to be desired by it as much as we desire it, and Jesus is the only door by which we may enter. He is the Beauty, and all the rest are simply there like pealing bells to arouse our hearts to Him and tell us that He is coming for us. Still, as if we haven’t quite yet heard and believed the message, we keep aimlessly trying to forge a false righteousness through our false gods. When they are lost or the dreams of them unrealized we are devastated, for the shadows, echoes and reflections we had supposed would finally make us feel good about ourselves have been exposed as frauds, and once again we are left to feel naked but without fig leaves to cover us. It is at these precise moments, when the bottom of our false hope falls out, that we are best prepared to encounter Christ in His intimate fullness and most apt to recognize at last that He alone is everything we have been so desperately wanting. It is our boiling point, where the unbearable weight of failed expectation so crashes in on us that we are finally begging God to lift our idols off of us and deliver us from them, pleading with Him to come and capture us, crying out to Him to possess us fully.*#
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Nov 12, 2015
Nov 12, 2015 at 10:41 PM UTC
The Long Way Home
#*It is out of the heart’s cavernous longing and furious search for love, significance, acceptance, approval, identity, security, freedom, belonging, innocence, intimacy and transcendence— out of its primordial memory of what was lost to us in the Garden— that we begin to ***** idols for ourselves. Unconsciously we hope they might restore to us a taste of paradise, taking away our fear and shame and isolation. We yearn to go back but, alas, we cannot get in from there. We ache to connect to beauty, to be desired by it as much as we desire it, and Jesus is the only door by which we may enter. He is the Beauty, and all the rest are simply there like pealing bells to arouse our hearts to Him and tell us that He is coming for us. Still, as if we haven’t quite yet heard and believed the message, we keep aimlessly trying to forge a false righteousness through our false gods. When they are lost or the dreams of them unrealized we are devastated, for the shadows, echoes and reflections we had supposed would finally make us feel good about ourselves have been exposed as frauds, and once again we are left to feel naked but without fig leaves to cover us. It is at these precise moments, when the bottom of our false hope falls out, that we are best prepared to encounter Christ in His intimate fullness and most apt to recognize at last that He alone is everything we have been so desperately wanting. It is our boiling point, where the unbearable weight of failed expectation so crashes in on us that we are finally begging God to lift our idols off of us and deliver us from them, pleading with Him to come and capture us, crying out to Him to possess us fully.*#
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Out here in the fields of the distance whither the wind blows the silence further afield; roughhewn footprints show a windswept pathway   from whence feral feet lightly trod    Only the passing whispers chase after the gypsy wind: that the silence be in quire, placed aloft like a sigh, pealing through the gentle sway of sweet grass' hush There are no walls need echo an evanescent wind-song as each breath of earthen psalm vanishes lilting into the crystalline quietude colour; The callused patience still held in these hands is frayed and tattered, but hope heals stronger than a ream of paper wings to fly away And I'm mindful I'm not alone again, lost in a lingering silent storm — pensively listening — enraptured aneath all the big skies hold                       Jesse Stillwater
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Aug 31, 2018
Aug 31, 2018 at 12:44 PM UTC
Out here in the distance
My mother's breath is tainted with alcohol She's on my floor, sleeping away the dinner she refused to swallow I try to forget she was never there, and remember how hollow Her skinny love for me was, and I ate my way into her Hell The first cigarette, the first drink, the first time I forgot to think I was induced in her fairy tale, my morals wothout ink, to go on I tried to slip away, grasp a hint of bliss I did catch something, and that was a fish Her name was Autumn Her hands on my shoulders, mine on her hips We were one glance away, and this time, it hit An anchor she was, I left my dreaded life behind I took her calloused hand, and she took mine Our pasts weren't us, they were our luggage We dropped it off far back, buried it, covered it A pair of suicidal lovers, a kiss above the chin I was pulled on a thread Seven months of lies She was a chameleon No painful past of cries She wasn't molested Her mom wasn't at the end of the line Her dad didn't abuse her Now wasn't her time She left me longing for another Another Autumn, another lover I didn't love her, I loved who I thought she was I know I will see her again, when the leaves are dust She is so sorry Sorry I'm sad She got to live the life The life I never had I yearn to forget the name of Autumn Until the season leaves, fall from the pealing trees I will lie in the lies of the baked brown leaves Crumple them one by one, calming myself, forming ease Chills form around my neck The same spot my mother gripped my throat It is so hard to love someone, who despises being loved My mother, a liar, a man sitting above
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Jul 18, 2014
Jul 18, 2014 at 4:23 AM UTC
Living Lies
My mother's breath is tainted with alcohol She's on my floor, sleeping away the dinner she refused to swallow I try to forget she was never there, and remember how hollow Her skinny love for me was, and I ate my way into her Hell The first cigarette, the first drink, the first time I forgot to think I was induced in her fairy tale, my morals wothout ink, to go on I tried to slip away, grasp a hint of bliss I did catch something, and that was a fish Her name was Autumn Her hands on my shoulders, mine on her hips We were one glance away, and this time, it hit An anchor she was, I left my dreaded life behind I took her calloused hand, and she took mine Our pasts weren't us, they were our luggage We dropped it off far back, buried it, covered it A pair of suicidal lovers, a kiss above the chin I was pulled on a thread Seven months of lies She was a chameleon No painful past of cries She wasn't molested Her mom wasn't at the end of the line Her dad didn't abuse her Now wasn't her time She left me longing for another Another Autumn, another lover I didn't love her, I loved who I thought she was I know I will see her again, when the leaves are dust She is so sorry Sorry I'm sad She got to live the life The life I never had I yearn to forget the name of Autumn Until the season leaves, fall from the pealing trees I will lie in the lies of the baked brown leaves Crumple them one by one, calming myself, forming ease Chills form around my neck The same spot my mother gripped my throat It is so hard to love someone, who despises being loved My mother, a liar, a man sitting above
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P-Postponing all those things until another time R-Rostering them for attention down the track O-Offering all sorts of excuses stalls one's climb C-Constantly one defers the mounting job stack R-Repeatedly ignoring their pealing bell chimes A-Acting upon them requires an assertive knack S-Still one avers in responding to their rhymes T-Taking not a step forward nor any back I-Initiative and get in and do it isn't one's paradigm N-Never does one heed their ever tolling clacks A-Always sitting in an idle non moving show time T-The day shall arrive with a great waking whack I-Into motion one shall soon be called to climb O-On one's toes the chores are waiting in the rack N-No more disregarding the many sounding chimes
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May 4, 2013
May 4, 2013 at 9:37 PM UTC
Procrastination (Acrostic Poem)
they say that love never dies could never curl and bawl and cry love is the purest of all emotions even turbulent and torrid it is pure, never horrid but I'm tired of loving you or seeing your jaw, you finger, your tooth and feeling a rush of fear that i will never escape from this anxious pit of unclear good intentions and impure thoughts so i do what i am taught i slog through the love, the lust the misplaced affections because i need, i must be graced with one smile, a small glimpse even if my feelings you already dismissed i was going to tell you, don't you know? i was going to knock my feelings off their petty throne i thought that maybe if i let it all out i would not feel a gout of excitement for the forbidden feelings that maybe i could stop pealing in laughter at the smallest thing when i thought you weren't looking, as i watched you sing that i would have the control of my buzzing desire but now i refuse to fan the fire my friends still egg me on. Valentines Day is on Saturday, what could go wrong? I've found that people are great at giving advice when it wont affect them even once or twice but they know that you know off my misplaced affection you see it now in every inflection she lied and told you behind my back and then asked me to cut her some slack when now that tenuous friendship we once had was broken and i only ask you to give me a token of admitting your silence rings out louder than any no
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Feb 11, 2015
Feb 11, 2015 at 11:51 PM UTC
I'm tired of loving you
*Pealing, Poking, Patrolling... ...Her... ...with eyes... ...like a busy snail.* © 2014 J.S.P.
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Nov 15, 2014
Nov 15, 2014 at 9:41 PM UTC
Snail Tracks (10W)
~ one more for patty m. ~ slept late after dancing with my devils, from, from the wee, until a pealing pearl from the Earl of Dawn, recovering from an intrusion~invasion~brain~regurgitation, and it’s nearly 9am, sipping my first cuppa Hawaiian, & woke to a repost of a ten year old wondering plea(1) makes me think “This old thing,” poem, like a fav frock/suit that still drapes perfectly, and yet draws the ***** admiration and drippy drawling yummy compliments, gracefully, gratefully demurred with them three words, & it’s 8:39am, Bruce pitching in with “Born in the USA” recipe for a new thank u Gawd poem to make room for a fast~break diet for an old man with a rebuilt ticker, this very emission~transmission of a verbal politesse writ going some where, cooked on a medium slow burner fueling dressed up seeds of heartfelt appreciation made of ancient oat grasses birthing a poem~child of thanks to the Lawd for one more day, opportunity, the five sense’s delivery gratitude and gratifications, and the desire to intertwine the sights, music, a crisp blue November Sky, the need to bleed brew these words into a fulfilling, second moment mug, for the pearls and Earls of poetic humans 10:01am Thu Nov 2 2023
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Nov 2, 2023
Nov 2, 2023 at 10:16 AM UTC
“This old thing?” (of gratitude and gratifications)
my friends said last night I should write something light something shiny and bright to the readers’ delight no fights and no terror no soldiers no war no suicide bombers no refugees galore after all   it’s the season when altogether we sing of the love that we bring to each other     within reason so I am doing my best NOT   to make a clean breast     of the worries that plague me cuddle deep in my nest only welcome the guests who brings me good news and carefully wipes all bad cues from their shoes ere they enter my house so   to rouse our good feelings we all listen to the chimes of the church bells a-pealing and to a poem that rhymes
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Dec 27, 2015
Dec 27, 2015 at 4:48 PM UTC
shiny and bright
Oh, the great city's madness when at nightfall The crippled trees gape by the blackened wall, The spirit of evil peers from a silver mask; Lights with magnetic scourge drive off the stony night. Oh, the sunken pealing of evening bells. ***** who in her icy shivers sheds a still-born child. With raving whips God's fury punishes brows possessed. Purple pestilence, hunger that breaks green eyes. Oh, the horrible laughter of gold. But silent in dark caves a stiller humanity bleeds, Out of hard metals moulds the redeeming head.
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To The Silenced
The time draws near the birth of Christ; The moon is hid, the night is still; A single church below the hill Is pealing, folded in the mist. A single peal of bells below, That wakens at this hour of rest A single murmur in the breast, That these are not the bells I know. Like strangers' voices here they sound, In lands where not a memory strays, Nor landmark breathes of other days, But all is new unhallow'd ground.
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In Memoriam A. H. H. OBIIT MDCCCXXXIII: Part 104
The color of  lost time The color of white on  an horizon The color of midnight in the garden of words The color of sound pealing in a vast sea of bluebells The color of thought indentured to compelling Imunities that complain of authenticities so intence There are cloistered calls for an incantatory language of soft colored vowels a,e,i,o,u In an enigmatic language of legitimacy That wrests the color of colors from themselves And provides a history of the world in 13 tweets
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Aug 26, 2012
Aug 26, 2012 at 2:03 PM UTC
Color..words...Vowels.
It Was A Warm Spring Day, In Our Downtown Home, White Paint Was Lethargically Pealing, Off The Siding Which Lay Beneath Curling Vines, I Still Remember Your Smile Daddy, Your Coal Colored Hair Lingering In The Breeze, As You Asked Me, "Do You Wanna See?" I Nodded Not Quite Sure What I Was Going To See, You Gently Lifted Me Up, Put Me On Your Shoulders Like You Always Did, And Let Me Peer Inside A Forest Of Vines, And What I Saw Both Frighted And Enchanted Me, Something Completely New, A Little House Wren Who Cradled Her Eggs, And Looked At Me, Her Heart Beating Quickly, "She's Protecting Her Babies," You Whispered, "Just Like I'll Always Protect You" "Hi," I Said And Held Out My Hand, The Little Wren Flew Away And I Sobbed, "Why Was It Scared Of Me Daddy?" "It Was Only Letting You See It's Eggs"
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Dec 22, 2012
Dec 22, 2012 at 11:43 PM UTC
The Little Wren--My First Memory
Above, above, the sky is a painting A renaissance piece that calls out for sainting The billows, the ripples the silver-lined rims Are strokes of a genius; of mother earth's whims. The cumulonimbus, the rippling ceiling Rumbles and rolls with the cracks that are pealing The flickering tridents, the wrath of the gods Strike awe in the temporary, tainted and flawed And I, insubstantial, un-lasting and fading Stand beneath hanging eaves, hearing and waiting Beside me, within me, a childish voice Hums a soft tune beneath all the noise: The sky, the sky, it's all coming down The indigo shroud; it's falling around In crystalline spheres and mother earth's mist- The dust is erupting, the earth feels its kiss.
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Jul 28, 2015
Jul 28, 2015 at 4:22 PM UTC
Thunderhead Painting
~ dark early pre-dawn body suspended between the-dark ochre earth tones of night, and the teal pealing notes of warning of an impending morning, signs aborning, me rising with urgency of the leaden half deaden, torn from the bed casket to venture into a different kind of twi-lights, nature demanding both intake and outtake, a restoration of balance but first a bumbling wobbling, the body as carnival bumper car, installing soon-to-be-bruising for later examination-exhumation, lurching from handhold crevices in the walls like crazy cliff climbers, my balance disturbed, eyes try  tearing apart the sticky glue of night, my sense of direction keeping me from free falling into green glass edges of glass tables, barely, and not always, red cuts evidentiary “my balance disturbed” words fresh formed, and a poem expulsion required to balance the unjust scales of spirit soul and the body cage, patch an negotiated agreement between warring cousins, just a twenty four hour ceasefire to retrieve the wounded and the corpses unfounded in the small copses of false shelter, like my ancestors expelled from Spain, making escape to be strangers in strange lands, or remain hidden in place neath disguises of clothes of new poems, prayers for old and new gods this new poem comes quick like a young man making first love, for the poem has been written by thousands nights of practicing, so ready for quick retrieving in a smattering of a few minutes, expulsion expulsion what a perfect verbiage to capture the night terrors, the differentials, the procession path between what was and what will be, when my balance restored and this poem’s completion installation in the body of my work, as a nail disguised in the works of my body, entering by command of the pitch black gods
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May 21, 2019
May 21, 2019 at 8:42 AM UTC
my balance disturbed, night terrors
~ dark early pre-dawn body suspended between the-dark ochre earth tones of night, and the teal pealing notes of warning of an impending morning, signs aborning, me rising with urgency of the leaden half deaden, torn from the bed casket to venture into a different kind of twi-lights, nature demanding both intake and outtake, a restoration of balance but first a bumbling wobbling, the body as carnival bumper car, installing soon-to-be-bruising for later examination-exhumation, lurching from handhold crevices in the walls like crazy cliff climbers, my balance disturbed, eyes try  tearing apart the sticky glue of night, my sense of direction keeping me from free falling into green glass edges of glass tables, barely, and not always, red cuts evidentiary “my balance disturbed” words fresh formed, and a poem expulsion required to balance the unjust scales of spirit soul and the body cage, patch an negotiated agreement between warring cousins, just a twenty four hour ceasefire to retrieve the wounded and the corpses unfounded in the small copses of false shelter, like my ancestors expelled from Spain, making escape to be strangers in strange lands, or remain hidden in place neath disguises of clothes of new poems, prayers for old and new gods this new poem comes quick like a young man making first love, for the poem has been written by thousands nights of practicing, so ready for quick retrieving in a smattering of a few minutes, expulsion expulsion what a perfect verbiage to capture the night terrors, the differentials, the procession path between what was and what will be, when my balance restored and this poem’s completion installation in the body of my work, as a nail disguised in the works of my body, entering by command of the pitch black gods
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DEAR ENPAL PEOPLE, a poem to the dark;-?> worn out faces empty starks from deepest embraces once called on together never true alone even better neon lights blame them on the lonely nights in advance I get the train traffic another chance elevated the chills things that can't be drowned upon stupid pills done with healing now the skin put to the pealing set red to the lies gazes speak in dresses fancy to die time scattered on the desk slow motion in a black marker all clear devotion eternal freeze when the upside embraced the back some disease contagious when escaped cant **** even when baked ----ravenfeels
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Jul 22, 2021
Jul 22, 2021 at 4:07 PM UTC
Once Marked Promises
This is the Arsenal. From floor to ceiling, Like a huge ***** rise the burnished arms; But from their silent pipes no anthem pealing Startles the villages with strange alarms. Ah! what a sound will rise, how wild and dreary, When the death-angel touches those swift keys! What loud lament and dismal Miserere Will mingle with their awful symphonies! I hear even now the infinite fierce chorus, The cries of agony, the endless groan, Which, through the ages that have gone before us, In long reverberations reach our own. On helm and harness rings the Saxon hammer, Through Cimbric forest roars the Norseman’s song, And loud, amid the universal clamor, O’er distant deserts sounds the Tartar gong. I hear the Florentine, who from his palace Wheels out his battle-bell with dreadful din, And Aztec priests upon their teocallis Beat the wild war-drums made of serpent’s skin; The tumult of each sacked and burning village; The shout that every prayer for mercy drowns; The soldiers’ revels in the midst of pillage; The wail of famine in beleaguered towns; The bursting shell, the gateway wrenched asunder, The rattling musketry, the clashing blade; And ever and anon, in tones of thunder The diapason of the cannonade. Is it, O man, with such discordant noises, With such accursed instruments as these, Thou drownest Nature’s sweet and kindly voices, And jarrest the celestial harmonies? Were half the power, that fills the world with terror, Were half the wealth bestowed on camps and courts, Given to redeem the human mind from error, There were no need of arsenals or forts: The warrior’s name would be a name abhorred! And every nation, that should lift again Its hand against a brother, on its forehead Would wear forevermore the curse of Cain! Down the dark future, through long generations, The echoing sounds grow fainter and then cease; And like a bell, with solemn, sweet vibrations, I hear once more the voice of Christ say, “Peace!” Peace! and no longer from its brazen portals The blast of War’s great ***** shakes the skies! But beautiful as songs of the immortals, The holy melodies of love arise.
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The Arsenal At Springfield
This is the Arsenal. From floor to ceiling, Like a huge ***** rise the burnished arms; But from their silent pipes no anthem pealing Startles the villages with strange alarms. Ah! what a sound will rise, how wild and dreary, When the death-angel touches those swift keys! What loud lament and dismal Miserere Will mingle with their awful symphonies! I hear even now the infinite fierce chorus, The cries of agony, the endless groan, Which, through the ages that have gone before us, In long reverberations reach our own. On helm and harness rings the Saxon hammer, Through Cimbric forest roars the Norseman’s song, And loud, amid the universal clamor, O’er distant deserts sounds the Tartar gong. I hear the Florentine, who from his palace Wheels out his battle-bell with dreadful din, And Aztec priests upon their teocallis Beat the wild war-drums made of serpent’s skin; The tumult of each sacked and burning village; The shout that every prayer for mercy drowns; The soldiers’ revels in the midst of pillage; The wail of famine in beleaguered towns; The bursting shell, the gateway wrenched asunder, The rattling musketry, the clashing blade; And ever and anon, in tones of thunder The diapason of the cannonade. Is it, O man, with such discordant noises, With such accursed instruments as these, Thou drownest Nature’s sweet and kindly voices, And jarrest the celestial harmonies? Were half the power, that fills the world with terror, Were half the wealth bestowed on camps and courts, Given to redeem the human mind from error, There were no need of arsenals or forts: The warrior’s name would be a name abhorred! And every nation, that should lift again Its hand against a brother, on its forehead Would wear forevermore the curse of Cain! Down the dark future, through long generations, The echoing sounds grow fainter and then cease; And like a bell, with solemn, sweet vibrations, I hear once more the voice of Christ say, “Peace!” Peace! and no longer from its brazen portals The blast of War’s great ***** shakes the skies! But beautiful as songs of the immortals, The holy melodies of love arise.
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I have issues, Lots of them, I could fill a library with my issues, My problems, And self-loathing. Whole buckets full of issues. Like nails driven into my skin I can't quite get out, I try to fix myself, To find the things I lack and lost along the way, But I find myself breaking even more, Like a porcelain doll. I feel like a liar, Smiling like this in your face, While I go bring pain upon myself by crushing the hopes and dreams I struggled to hang onto. I've forgotten myself somewhere in the darkness, And can't get out. My sadness is only temporary, It happens when I'm alone, I put my mask on, And take it off when I go home. But my mask is fading fast, Pealing away to reveal the things I lack, As people get close to me, I push them away, The people I do keep close in mind, I tell them all the time, Of my issues, And my hurting, And they get bored of me and leave, They don't want a basket-case, A whiny little girl, A problematic teen, A pity party indeed, When I do learn how to trust you, I'll come to you with all my problems, But soon enough you'll give up on me because you don't know how to solve them. My issues are like chains, And life is like water, The more I struggle with these issues, The faster I sink into the water, Drowning. Suffocating. I don't want people to treat me different, I don't them to try to fix me, Because I'm a lost case. I just want some friends to talk to, Not to tell me what to do. I don't you to try fix me, Or cry over me, Just go. I don't want pity, I don't want your pity, I don't want anyone's pity, I pity myself enough, And hate myself too, I've hurt myself worse than anyone ever could, Worse than you. I just want to keep my scars safely hidden away, To push my issues so far beneath my skin, You can no long see them, And you and I both win, I don't get pitied, And you think you fixed me, See? isn't everyone happy. But the problem is my mask it fades, My issues are resurfacing, And you can see everything that's wrong with me, I try to pick the nails out of my skin, but more get jabbed in. I'm too tired, I can't sleep. I'm too mad, I can't eat. I'm so happy. ...I feel sad. So sad this happiness can't last forever, But this sadness... This sadness will last forever, These wounds will never heal, These scars will never quite fade, I'll never learn to feel, Happy, Is word, I never quite learned, My dictionary is limited, By me, And my melancholy. I can tell you words like, Sadness, And apathy. I can tell you words like, Ugliness, And stupidity. I can tell you words like, Anger, And rage. But the word I'm most familiar with is Melancholy, Melancholy is me, Issue are me, I am made up of lies, melancholy and issues, I have so many problems I don't know who I am! Who am I? This happy girl? This sad one? This mean girl? This evil one? This liar? This quiet one? Who is the real me? Who are these people I try to be? Which one do you see? Which one do I portray to be? Which one is the true me? I have problems, I have fears, I have issues, Like nails in my skin. ... Sometimes I don't think it's melancholy... I think it's something worse, Something that people know as the d word, Something that you don't say, Something that can get you on medication, Something far more sinister than any old melancholy... Do I dare say it? What I think I have? Yes... I think have depression. .... I have depression. Sad.
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Nov 13, 2015
Nov 13, 2015 at 4:51 PM UTC
Is it melancholy?
I have issues, Lots of them, I could fill a library with my issues, My problems, And self-loathing. Whole buckets full of issues. Like nails driven into my skin I can't quite get out, I try to fix myself, To find the things I lack and lost along the way, But I find myself breaking even more, Like a porcelain doll. I feel like a liar, Smiling like this in your face, While I go bring pain upon myself by crushing the hopes and dreams I struggled to hang onto. I've forgotten myself somewhere in the darkness, And can't get out. My sadness is only temporary, It happens when I'm alone, I put my mask on, And take it off when I go home. But my mask is fading fast, Pealing away to reveal the things I lack, As people get close to me, I push them away, The people I do keep close in mind, I tell them all the time, Of my issues, And my hurting, And they get bored of me and leave, They don't want a basket-case, A whiny little girl, A problematic teen, A pity party indeed, When I do learn how to trust you, I'll come to you with all my problems, But soon enough you'll give up on me because you don't know how to solve them. My issues are like chains, And life is like water, The more I struggle with these issues, The faster I sink into the water, Drowning. Suffocating. I don't want people to treat me different, I don't them to try to fix me, Because I'm a lost case. I just want some friends to talk to, Not to tell me what to do. I don't you to try fix me, Or cry over me, Just go. I don't want pity, I don't want your pity, I don't want anyone's pity, I pity myself enough, And hate myself too, I've hurt myself worse than anyone ever could, Worse than you. I just want to keep my scars safely hidden away, To push my issues so far beneath my skin, You can no long see them, And you and I both win, I don't get pitied, And you think you fixed me, See? isn't everyone happy. But the problem is my mask it fades, My issues are resurfacing, And you can see everything that's wrong with me, I try to pick the nails out of my skin, but more get jabbed in. I'm too tired, I can't sleep. I'm too mad, I can't eat. I'm so happy. ...I feel sad. So sad this happiness can't last forever, But this sadness... This sadness will last forever, These wounds will never heal, These scars will never quite fade, I'll never learn to feel, Happy, Is word, I never quite learned, My dictionary is limited, By me, And my melancholy. I can tell you words like, Sadness, And apathy. I can tell you words like, Ugliness, And stupidity. I can tell you words like, Anger, And rage. But the word I'm most familiar with is Melancholy, Melancholy is me, Issue are me, I am made up of lies, melancholy and issues, I have so many problems I don't know who I am! Who am I? This happy girl? This sad one? This mean girl? This evil one? This liar? This quiet one? Who is the real me? Who are these people I try to be? Which one do you see? Which one do I portray to be? Which one is the true me? I have problems, I have fears, I have issues, Like nails in my skin. ... Sometimes I don't think it's melancholy... I think it's something worse, Something that people know as the d word, Something that you don't say, Something that can get you on medication, Something far more sinister than any old melancholy... Do I dare say it? What I think I have? Yes... I think have depression. .... I have depression. Sad.
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130
Soon as the sun forsook the eastern main The pealing thunder shook the heav’nly plain; Majestic grandeur! From the zephyr’s wing, Exhales the incense of the blooming spring. Soft purl the streams, the birds renew their notes, And through the air their mingled music floats. Through all the heav’ns what beauteous dies are spread! But the west glories in the deepest red: So may our ******* with ev’ry virtue glow, The living temples of our God below! Fill’d with the praise of him who gives the light, And draws the sable curtains of the night, Let placid slumbers sooth each weary mind, At morn to wake more heav’nly, more refin’d; So shall the labours of the day begin More pure, more guarded from the snares of sin. Night’s leaden sceptre seals my drowsy eyes, Then cease, my song, till fair Aurora rise.
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1.8k
An Hymn To The Evening
The day is ending, The night is descending; The marsh is frozen, The river dead. Through clouds like ashes The red sun flashes On village windows That glimmer red. The snow recommences; The buried fences Mark no longer The road o’er the plain; While through the meadows, Like fearful shadows, Slowly passes A funeral train. The bell is pealing, And every feeling Within me responds To the dismal knell; Shadows are trailing, My heart is bewailing And tolling within Like a funeral bell.
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1.7k
Afternoon In February
You pull yourself away And drag everybody along Along the road of misery and misleadingness Some know it's all your lies Some know it's all your mask But wait a little longer, the light is creaking in For the mask is pealing off and the devil is revealing And the time will come, when everyone will see The true face of the misleading
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Jul 4, 2014
Jul 4, 2014 at 8:26 PM UTC
The misleading
“The Unveiling” A name so inconsistent for what it represents: The pinch of the IV injection The instant heaviness in my head Wobbly knees Being assisted to the “Treatment Room” Its bitter sterility Shedding my clothes And all sense of control The chill of the cold metal bed The goose-bumps crawling over my skin The stick of plastic beneath me Luke-warm water Slow pealing of ****** bandages Sharp stings of pain Quick to come again And again Soiled runoff dripping down my legs Pop music playing over the speakers The discomfort it caused me Yellow curtains The little boy on the other side His screams filled with agony Clenching a towel between my teeth How it didn’t help either of us Slowly examining the new skin Black, blue, and bleeding The smell of its rawness Nausea Hot tears on my cheeks They burn A team of doctors Their impenetrable staring Hearing them mumble, “It looks great.” My disagreement The gnawing desire to ask Why They give an utterly gut wrenching experience Such a grandeur name
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Mar 4, 2015
Mar 4, 2015 at 7:42 PM UTC
The Unveiling
It was clear to me then, but it escapes me now. Infinity was condensed to a single moment, I don't know how I knew that, but I did. I saw standing before me, a tomato, a swine and a human. They stood side by side. Their physical bodies were dissimilar, but their souls were all the same. By cutting the tomato you cut yourself, and by killing the swine you **** yourself. They all may not look the same, but what they feel is the same. You are the tomato, you are the swine, and they are you too. To you this is ****** but to me this is life. Life has got to eat life, It is how we survive. Life has got to eat life, It is how we stay alive. Life to you rings a different tone. You claim that life is more than food, that to feed is to ****** but no one says a snake is a murderer when it kills a mouse. You say no one needs to die in order for others to live. But death comes one way or another. You say: "Stop mashing that potato, Stop cutting that tomoto, Stop pealing those carrots, Stop grating those onions. Just because you can't hear them, does not mean they don't scream; And just because they aren't people, doesn't mean they can't feel." How you see the world is the only way to see it? But I saw infinity in the fraction of a second, yet it was an eternity. I saw that what we see, is what we want to see. And that what really is, is what we make it out to be. I was laying in the dirt, then the dirt became me. I then fed a flower, then I became the flower. A doe ate the flower, then I became the doe. A wolf consumed the doe, then I became the wolf. A man skinned the wolf, then I became the man. The man lay in the dirt, then I became the dirt again. Life bleeds into new life, It is how we stay alive. Life bleeds into new life, It is how we survive.
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Feb 21, 2019
Feb 21, 2019 at 6:12 PM UTC
Death Bleeds Into Life
It was clear to me then, but it escapes me now. Infinity was condensed to a single moment, I don't know how I knew that, but I did. I saw standing before me, a tomato, a swine and a human. They stood side by side. Their physical bodies were dissimilar, but their souls were all the same. By cutting the tomato you cut yourself, and by killing the swine you **** yourself. They all may not look the same, but what they feel is the same. You are the tomato, you are the swine, and they are you too. To you this is ****** but to me this is life. Life has got to eat life, It is how we survive. Life has got to eat life, It is how we stay alive. Life to you rings a different tone. You claim that life is more than food, that to feed is to ****** but no one says a snake is a murderer when it kills a mouse. You say no one needs to die in order for others to live. But death comes one way or another. You say: "Stop mashing that potato, Stop cutting that tomoto, Stop pealing those carrots, Stop grating those onions. Just because you can't hear them, does not mean they don't scream; And just because they aren't people, doesn't mean they can't feel." How you see the world is the only way to see it? But I saw infinity in the fraction of a second, yet it was an eternity. I saw that what we see, is what we want to see. And that what really is, is what we make it out to be. I was laying in the dirt, then the dirt became me. I then fed a flower, then I became the flower. A doe ate the flower, then I became the doe. A wolf consumed the doe, then I became the wolf. A man skinned the wolf, then I became the man. The man lay in the dirt, then I became the dirt again. Life bleeds into new life, It is how we stay alive. Life bleeds into new life, It is how we survive.
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Tufted ethereality, angelism of stock and store pedestrian...alas, circusy. Helm of streets bob...our supplicant pulls out a mile or two of scripture from an enormous pocket. Fingers ink-blotted with grime, bent forth striding-- a heedless Beethoven tuned in immaculately. Array's arrival stunned with scurry...planets of conveyance pull at their elliptical wiring. Some rare gigantism to the tenth of powers has touched everything...all he could do from going where he's arrived is futile. From time immemorial, he...at present, its full possessor! What convoluted theorem of probability will forcibly eject him from eureka...from where he's vaporized his wears...naught...naught! Some precipice's nudge knew best the wind for his thought to take to, a majestic soar pealing the spheres to show them their shape. Life has exemplified its frugal capacity to him-- simmering creation tucked away for one fine day. He, to outlive the closing energy that dances him, an immortal...to be handled with care...with universal intelligence--be, has let him...loosed. He's broken the code of things in and of themselves... he's a thing in and of himself--the Unitative factor erupts. As the credits of glory pull upward...so he as them.
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Nov 1, 2014
Nov 1, 2014 at 12:42 PM UTC
Elliptical Wiring
When my body starts to shake, I imagine the worst thing that could happen. There's a riot in my heart, ambulances speeding along the veins in my wrists. My blood can paint firetrucks that hose down the cities and bridges I've burned. My lungs: a house on fire, smoke floating out of mouths and charred skin pealing away like dandelion seeds on a summer day. This is chaos and I could find beauty in it. I could paint a picture for each of my nightmares that I dream in color. I could call empty streets Home and I could pretend that thunderstorms are really angels crying for me and that the mud I roll myself in is their wet mascara. But sometimes its easier to be compassionless to myself, and sometimes I feel better after imagining the worst, because I'm not there yet.
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Mar 22, 2015
Mar 22, 2015 at 4:33 PM UTC
Earthquake in my chest