"overestimated" poems
I couldn't let him always have the last word
Watching as people died and killed in the name of his holy Lord
Who cares what happens to those humans?
But I couldn't let it go
I broke away from his pasture
Covered myself in ash
Was discarded out of the Holy Land
And became my own God
Being the black sheep casted away from Heaven
I learned what it truly was to be broken
Building myself up to put a stop to these
Commandments and scriptures set in stone
I overestimated the humans
They ran amuck with every power I lent
Turning my idea of love into lust,
Enjoyment into gluttony and greed,
Sloth, pride, envy
Everything I tried turned into another
Deadly sin
Now my name is said in destruction
Evil is a synonym to my existence
I guess I don't mind as long as things aren't mundane
Isn't this what I wanted?
Always a figure to blame,
These humans have taught me to not trust,
Have hope in anybody,
And how to go insane
Jan 22, 2015
Jan 22, 2015 at 2:07 AM UTC
I must be blessed,
Surrounded by benevolent spirits,
Guarded by angels,
Watched by my ancestors before me.
This life cannot have been the first time we’ve met.
Some never find,
What we have discovered in each other.
We are a four leaf clover,
A needle in a haystack,
A rare and precious taonga,
A treasured gift.
We are perfect,
Immaculate.
In you I find a comfort,
That sometimes wanders from myself,
You are my closest companion,
and I learn so much
From the way that you are.
We are sisters,
Blood is irrelevant.
We are weird sisters,
Queer witchy feminists,
Living by self-developed norms,
Rather than societal,
The value of which cannot be overestimated.
Together we cannot be held back.
We are perfect,
Immaculate.
I will float with you
In our next life also.
Jul 20, 2016
Jul 20, 2016 at 4:30 AM UTC
Darkness slowly invades my body,
Ridding me of all emotion;
Blinding and deafening me,
It’s being as vast as an ocean.
Screaming for mercy,
But my pleas suffocated;
The darkness becomes a part of me,
Its power I overestimated.
Panic finally sets in,
With nothing visible in sight;
All I pray for is redemption,
From darkness’ unending might.
I float away gracefully,
Dark waters welcoming my soul;
The flame within now purged,
In a darkness as black as kohl.
Jul 8, 2014
Jul 8, 2014 at 11:15 AM UTC
YOU
overestimated the strength of this foundation
this home was made of paper -
3 years of hot glue and worn fingers,
finally we had a bedroom,
a living space
with fall came the rain
day and night, downpour
sign number one the flood was coming -
puddles appeared in the grass and i tried fixing it with my cupped hands
silently pleading that the neighbors look away while i was on my knees
you rushed around with a bucket of paint, the grass must be green
the grass must be green, your shirt must be tucked, i must crack a joke when your family shows
it was still raining and everyone else realized what was happening
my mother called, "please just leave. your skin is greying
get out of the rain."
You slept through the thunder,
a crack appeared here and there and the floorboards shook
Our arguments leaked through the cracks
And the screams dripped down the walls
during dinner it suddenly became all too much
the windows popped, one by one, starting in the basement
you thought if you locked the doors the water would stay out
if we stayed in the covers we would be dry
if i stayed naked we'd be fine
but i'm cold i'm cold and it's still raining
the windows kept popping and you ran to replace them
but water and glass overtook you
shards in your back, shards in your hands
please don't touch me don't grab me don't hold my face
rain water filling your lungs - pouring from your mouth
you screamed apologies and tried to hold me
don't kiss me i can't breathe please don't kiss me don't
the water was only up to your shoulders but you were drowning
just swim, you idiot, make an effort to stay afloat
i have this raft made of my skin
and yes there is a scar there and a burn to the left
but it can hold us
we climbed back into bed instead,
completely submerged
you held me tightly as i welcomed the rain into my lungs
and with the glass in your hands slowly slicing my skin
I apologized
And felt the roof land on my spine
Oct 8, 2015
Oct 8, 2015 at 10:39 AM UTC
Everything is overestimated
Love is blind to your pain
Happiness is fleeting
Fear is a wall people hide behind
Everything is an obstacle
In your self-righteous path
The games they're obsessed with
Are to you a mere distraction
From the boredom of your existence
He's the exception
He makes you feel painless
He is the candle in the dark room
That is your soul
He is the lifeboat that keeps you
From drowning in your thoughts
He is the cactus in the flower killing
Desert that is your mind
So if you don't care about anything
Enough to hate it
And everything is overestimated
He is nothing
This must be nothing
And nothing lasts forever.
May 21, 2016
May 21, 2016 at 1:05 PM UTC
There is this moment in the morning, this short, sweet period of time where you haven’t yet woken up but aren’t really asleep. Where your memories have not come crashing down on you like a thunderstorm yet and you can fool yourself for a few seconds.
It is at this time where I forget that you no longer love me.
It is at this time where my heart feels safe.
It is at this time where in my mind I am still your sky and you are still my stars.
I want to live in that time.
I remember once, before everything got so messed up, I looked into your eyes and thought **** you have never loved a hurricane before. I am going to break your heart.”
You broke mine.
I overestimated myself and underestimated you.
You are the hurricane, the Milky Way that is scattered across your pale silky skin shines brighter than I ever could.
And although I always refer to myself as fire I have forgotten what it feels like to be burnt to the ground.
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 1:02 AM UTC
Days flash past my shadow
Unable to distinguish your face.
Missing someone is overestimated
An individual can't be missed
But how you felt in his presence
Will subsist.
Love conquers as endless matter
Thus exposing your heart is key,
For a new world to perceive.
An unknown yet
familiar ardor rushes through my veins,
I thence forsee you're present but somehow
Gone away.
Humankind around neglected you
Trust is reasonably locked into your gut
Disowning is no option,
Neither patronizing you;
Been there myself.
Dark nights
Dark thoughts;
Disoriented your head,
But reincarneted who you are today.
Don't contemplate there is no better.
Stand high on your feet,
Drown yourself on memories
That once made you
Complete.
Perhaps I'll never be your future,
Perhaps my existence to you is nonsense.
Straightforwardly;
Merely knowing you're no longer lost,
Will be my cue for moving on.
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 11:38 PM UTC
to never know when I'm going to stop. each new girl topples out over the last, already midway into her own ******** her own catastrophe. to be out of control. to be constantly out of context. to live once or twice removed. to see kaleidoscopes in every drawn eyelid. to deal with the repercussions of the Other's actions. to only feel Whole with eyes closed & voice in hallelujahs. to hate being used, yet need it, crave it for the feeling of being wanted. to have sound hallucinations. to feel empty chronically. to feel emotions suddenly turn off. to rattle & shake under the lightest of pressures & thrive in chaos. to be distracted into dysfunction. to love. to love everyone except me(s). to mark my body with insults. to rack my mind with misgivings. to never be understood & to always be overestimated.
--
but to love. to always be humble. to always see others before self. to understand other's pain. to have so many bad memories, thus revel in every good one. to live in the emotional gutter then feel euphoric when crawling on level ground. to know that normal can never become extraordinary. to blow minds often, feel **** in my own skin. to be open to unexplored territory. to love often, powerfully, uncontrolled, chronic overflowed rivers, oceans of oscillating passions. to see kaleidoscopes in every drawn lid & know that others will never be mesmerized by the odd beauty i find ordinary. to close my eyes & raise my voice. hallelujah. hallelujah.
Jan 8, 2014
Jan 8, 2014 at 4:01 PM UTC
i’m tired of not loving you.
i’m tired of the dry
fluorescent lights
illuminating not everything
but almost everything
just enough to make me think
i see it all.
i’m tired of waiting
for the stones i sent skipping
across the water
to come back
i’m tired of sinking with them.
i’m tired of noticing
that snow during spring
is warmer than i am
i’m tired of complaining
and then being scared of
what you think
of my complaining.
i’m tired of stitching puzzle pieces
into patterns that don’t make sense
just so i can ask you about them
i’m tired of trying to hang paintings
on bare white walls and thinking
i’m the problem
when it doesn’t stick.
i’m tired of being overestimated
even when i know
what i’m doing
i’m tired of falling in love
just because you’re kind to me
i’m tired of not loving you
but i’m tired of not loving me more.
Mar 22, 2018
Mar 22, 2018 at 1:56 AM UTC
time heals all wounds and i
overestimated the process
as a straight progression
of burn to scar
but i don't feel stronger bruised, stuck
messy fleshy **** up
hurts to touch
trauma reopened and stitches split
some days gashes slashes rips
some days smooth skin
i want to get over it
Mar 28, 2016
Mar 28, 2016 at 11:58 PM UTC
I get scared that I don't do much, and I get scared when strangers yell at or touch me. I get scared of whizzing cars that go so fast that they'd turn me into pulp and broken bones under the weight of their axels because I'm afraid of broken bones and of falling. I'm scared of being a coward and of sullying or destroying my integrity.
I'm afraid of people--especially boys--and how and why they make me feel because it seems I either care too much or not enough, and I get scared of both. I get scared and mean when they say nice things to me since I'm not very nice to myself. I get the jitters when they talk to me and I get scared because I feel and act dumb.
I'm scared of being stupid and I'm scared of being overestimated. I'm scared of apathy, and I'm frightened by the willful ignorance that exists everywhere.
Most of all, I'm afraid of causing others unnecessary suffering.
I want to be better, I sincerely do. It is just all very frightening sometimes.
Apr 9, 2013
Apr 9, 2013 at 1:21 AM UTC
I greet the night,
chasing after your profile left only in my revolving memories,
You said, “I can’t be there for you.” when you left me
but the tears embracing your cheeks couldn’t comfort me
Every time you felt like you’d be swallowed up in the waves of
contradiction and expectations, you always held back your tears, you know?
“What a strong,pure person”, they said, but everyone overestimated you
and before you knew it you lost sight of who you really are
Then the sun I thought would always be near me collapsed
and the light shut off
Rubbing out the truths and the lies of one day, altogether
I greet the morning
still, ironically, chasing after your shadow in my revolving dreams.
Jan 20, 2013
Jan 20, 2013 at 6:09 PM UTC
Understand
Why do you not understand
Who I am
How I feel
What I do?
Bridge
Crossing the river
The flowing river
The hasty river
The shallow river
You
You are on the other side
I need help to
Cross the river
Cross the bridge
Cross my heart
I reach you on the other side
I reach out to you
You run away
You disappear
You vanish
Why are you gone?
What did I do?
Do you understand I miss you?
I have underestimated you
You have overestimated me
You deserve better
I deserve no one
I crossed the bridge to get to you
And you left me alone
In the Woods of Life
To die.
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015 at 9:44 AM UTC
I found the two-headed baby deer dying
on a bed of soft pine needles under cover of an overturned oak,
not five kilometres from my cottage,
Its lungs still pumped,
Its crimson heart beat weakly through a thin,
translucent skin,
that decayed before my eyes,
until there was no skin,
and all the organs lay warm and still,
in a heap upon the earth,
like waste.
A god evaporated.
It is human nature to disbelieve
that one may be witness to epochal events,
so I did not believe that I,
of all people,
should be witness to the death of time.
Epochal: the concept itself is dead.
How lucky we were
to know time at its cleanest,
and most linear!
We know now that such constant linearity
was the consequence of a living entity,
It followed the creature like stench follows a skunk,
and we basked in it
as if it was the natural state of the world.
No more.
Time no longer heals,
Things do not pass,
Or pass only to return.
At first we believed this would be manageable,
Yes, we thought, we will relive our pain but also our love,
Everything shall be magnified!
Welcome to an age of great emotions,
a new Romanticism!
Yet we overestimated how much we help,
failed to accept how much we hurt.
And we did not realize the nature of evil,
which accumulates in a way love does not,
To re-experience our love is to know it,
again and again,
at the same intensity,
but to re-experience pain is to increase its volume until it overpowers us,
deafening us to everything else.
I will never forget the creature's eyes,
full of hatred or hubris,
yet seeking aid it knew I could not give.
How does one save a dying god?
It was not my fault!
I was but a child asked suddenly to solve a deathbed equation
expressed in an undiscovered mathematics,
I had to fail,
yet in failing I have brought it all upon us.
I relive it constantly,
Every time its eyes are louder.
But it is the hour for my afternoon walk,
so I will take a pause and enjoy what remains of living.
I will go to my favourite spot overlooking the city,
and sit on the iron bench,
from where the view is magnificent,
Above me,
the clouds will form,
a tangle of pain and human corpses,
and I will sit and ponder until the first blood drops fall,
Then the screaming will begin,
the final storm will rage,
Beating, crimson corpse-clouds under a thin skin
of dissipating reality,
raining blood until we are left
warm and still upon the earth.
Oct 1, 2020
Oct 1, 2020 at 1:38 PM UTC
I know
it was silly of me
to actually let you
lead me to believe
I deserved a girl like you
you overestimated me
I led you to think
I could handle your wiles
That I accepted them
floating through life
with a smirk
and I did
for awhile
learning to play the ****
I just thought
I met another
feral animal
My only problem
is you kept coming back
you kept coming back
coming back
back. . . back.
Why?
Or leave for that matter?
Did I not bite your neck hard enough,
was my pebble too coarse?
Were my colors too dull?
Did my stance lack aggression?
I gave you every chance in the world
to run
free into the wilderness
the Arctic
but you always went back to your Zoo
didnt you?
Why?
You know why I love you?
The honest truth. . .
your beauty
is for another ******* poem
it was because
you were the only
with the intelligence
to know not to come back
but you always did.
Even when
it wasnt how I wished it to be
I always knew
you would come back
and I guess
this is supposed to tie into penguins and wolves
or some ****
Sep 5, 2014
Sep 5, 2014 at 7:48 PM UTC
You.
you have betrayed me
and underestimated me
and overestimated me
and hurt me
and abused me
and took me for granted
and hated me
and laughed at me
and tempted me
and taunted me
and shut me out
and hidden me
and drowned me
and suffocated me
and wronged me.
What you don't know,
my idiot friend,
is that you are loved.
You are getting all that you deserve.
You receive what you put out.
If you want happiness,
therefore,
all you need to do is put it out
for everyone else to grab.
If you want love,
love everyone and everything.
If you want trust,
give it.
The more you give,
the more you receive.
Mar 18, 2013
Mar 18, 2013 at 11:48 PM UTC
Angels sing in celebration
while I lose my mind
Where are you, my love?
I can barely see through this raging storm
of snow and anxiety
My passion keeps me warm
while I search for you
Why did you do it?
I had everything you needed
Though it seems I overestimated
the dosage of love that you needed
You just weren’t ready
Come home
I’m terrified
I miss you
You couldn’t handle the world
and there’s no way you can now
Not with what I’ve done to you
You need me
Apr 9, 2018
Apr 9, 2018 at 9:57 PM UTC
I genuinely believe
That God only puts us through
What we can handle
But then again
I also believe
That He has overestimated
My strength
Or mistaken me
For someone stronger
Jun 30, 2013
Jun 30, 2013 at 11:06 AM UTC
I looked into myself one day,
like I never looked before,
and I realized that what I have inside: I don't want it anymore!
All these weaknesses, this is not who I want to be;
this is not even how other people see me....
I thought I was stronger, I thought I was smarter, I saw myself braver, better than I was, I overestimated myself, I guess I just need a pause.
The door to my soul is open, it just doesn't close, maybe all of this is from a sadness overdose.
What I have inside, I need to clean it out; tried to do it alone, but it just wouldn't let go; all the problems in me just keep saying no! We won't go!
Now, I still got my faults,
I still have my flaws,
but I also disappointed myself;
I couldn't keep my own laws...
Refrain, restrain,
all things are in vain.
I thought I could do it,
but I had to learn the hard way,
only God can save me:
there is no other way;
you can improve yourself, sure,
you can get better, but there will be a time when you'll be caught off guard, later, when your not ready, or when your tired, who will hold you up then, someone you admired?
Anyone will criticize, anyone can point, but who will stop to help, who won't disappoint?
Only Jesus can help you, only He can set you free,
from the struggles inside,
from all of which you flee,
and no matter what,
to Him you can always go,
if you need help,
you can always ask, and the truth will set you free,
free from your own mask,
and your lies,
you won't need them anymore, cause on wings of truth you'll soar,
and when you'll need to stand,
you can stand tall,
on a mountain of truth from which you can never fall.
Now in Him I can improve, in Him I can grow,
because He forgave my sins, He made them go, no,
I don't have to worry, about my destiny, he gave me peace,
he made me worry-free.
I forgot it for a bit, forgot the way to the light, I forgot that He saved me long ago, saved me with His might.
There is nothing here for me, nothing more to see, so I'm on my way now, to become forever free.
Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 10:44 AM UTC
I infer they overestimated the ships foundation, eager to set sail
The world really puts a weight on people to go follow a certain path
Unfortunately, they were at mutiny since the day they departed
They had high hopes to flourish, but we all know you can't predict the seas, only the moon can
I'd say when I was born the ship had already been sinking, but it was long before they felt the water coming through the cracks
I've always kept my head so high in the clouds that my naive but determined hopes kept us a sail through every weather
When a sinking ship sails through rough shores for the sole purpose of getting you where you need to go, it creates some type of complex
Definitely a resentment of the rough seas that lacked the passive self-control you've grown to practice, but also a deep gratitude for the days no-one hopped on a life-boat and turned their back
I've seen more animosity than tranquility, but I've also seen that people spend decades drowning out of love
I've learned that maybe sometimes people could be better off calling quits on what is definitively irreparable, so much pain can be avoided
But I never falter my peace with regrets
It's hard to know when someone is on a sinking ship, because it grows to feel normal for them
When water sinks in, you move to higher ground
When people notice and you feel their pity it feels wrong,
You're okay, you've adapted and you're better for it
Born on a sinking ship, I'll still call it home
Like a true captain I'll stand with who and what I believe in till the bitter end, yet I'll always keep my head above the water
So thank you to the rough seas that raised me
It was nature's chaos that bred my inner serenity
Jun 30, 2018
Jun 30, 2018 at 2:21 PM UTC
They say "You gotta pay to play"
Finding that's too true
******* ten ways from Sunday
No clue what I should do
Learning I can't maintain
I WAS in control
Overestimated brain
Habit swallowing me whole
Panic stricken voice
Gait leading to and fro
Haunted by one foolish choice
This agony I owe
I made the bed I am lying in
It's time to say goodnight
Afraid of darkness growing within
Bring myself to turn out the light
Cause and effect
It is simple and plain
Repeat the same mistake once more
Is it really a mistake
If already made before?
May 3, 2020
May 3, 2020 at 5:49 PM UTC
born in a world that
has its back turned to you
and is paying attention to people
and things you see no worth in.
so you shake your *** and do
all sorts of things you can
so you can get his overestimated interest:
you crawl the wall
you moan and cry and whimper
you sing and dance
you write about your misery
you tell it how bad you feel
but it only takes a few swift glances at you
for you to realise that
it is needed way more to get its attention
than you are willing to give.
so you take a hike
light up a cigarette
and sit wherever you want to
allowing the world’s shit-stained eyes to
behold the unimportance you take for
others’ thoughts.
Feb 23, 2014
Feb 23, 2014 at 9:56 AM UTC
To know life is both the greatest gift and curse
The opportunity is overestimated in worth
When, come the end, our brand of uselessness is realized
We age, then sicken, then curl up to die.
There's love untapped in the first meeting
That withers and fades as the heart continues beating
I would that intrigue would take me, send me reeling
As intrigue has never been fickle or fleeting.
There's not time enough for intrigue or awe
As we've yet to comprehend how to live life at all
We'd rather follow the steps worn into the ground
Right into our coffins and six feet down.
How routine kills; it's acceptable genocide
How routine leads us, so sweetly, to die.
How we exist in ignorance, cover our ears and eyes
How we live in stupidity, the blind leading the blind.
Ah, useless eyes and worthless tongue
A world struck gray, a mouth struck dumb.
Ah, treacherous mind and failing nose
With nothing to smell, with nothing to know.
May the generation realize the futility
That put an end to you, an end to me
Before life would shake them, they may leave
With ears that hear and eyes that see.
Dec 18, 2014
Dec 18, 2014 at 7:51 PM UTC