I am not gifted
I am a gift
to you
I am your child
And I always knew it was your job
To keep me healthy
Maybe that's why
I cried so much
and cry so much
to this day
I did not ask to be born
I did not ask to be perfect
But you asked that of me
How the **** can a Mother
Joke of locking their child in a closet
To starve them for their weight

Gifted child
Gifted child
I wish you saw me as a gift
Instead of gifted
Instead of expecting the most
While creating the least
Out of me

I thought my first heartbreak
Would be from a friend
Perhaps a partner
But I soon realized
It was a process
That had already started
There was no specific day I realized
That I couldn't feel your love
And only now
At 21 do I realize
How badly I wanted to my whole life

You gave birth to someone with many weaknesses
Similar to the ones within yourself
But you can't stand seeing them
In anyone

I don't know if I've forgiven you
But I don't think I hate you
I just wish that the seed we planted
Grew

I was young, incapable
I didn't know how to take care of it
But neither did you
And by the time we found out

The seed was rotten.

I see with my mind
Looking through different filter lenses
Changing for better
and for worse

It hurts to realize
I may never know true vision
And I'm not even sure
If I really know reality

I live life through mental images,
these horrid scenes that play out in my head

My antipsychotics are failing me
And the catch is that they probably always will
But I love you, at least that's real

We’ve finally run away
Told no one about it
It’s better that way

There is no priest
No one to make this holy
Because darling I’m hellbent
On it just being us

I am a sick bride
And you are my pill
To fight with

You are a tired groom
And I am your pillow
To rest on

Once this is over
We’ll go back to those
That really do love us

Crystal vines creep
Along our bodies

These vines seem to know
Everything about you
And I must say I dream
Of knowing the same

If we end up pulling apart
I know their shards
Will pierce our minds
In unison

Uncertainty fills your mind
Mine too
But we both planted these seeds

Let's become new

You're hard candy and
I've no clue what you have within


Is it a viscous, sweet-tasting fluid
That will seep, spilling all that you hide


Or will you break me before I ever
Reach your center
Are you hard to the core?