In her eyes you see the forgiveness, you refuse to give yourself

That makes you angry, because who is she to forgive you for things you’ve done to yourself
It scares you, because it makes you aware that you could tear her apart the same way, and she’d have the same look in her eyes
It warms you in a way that you can’t acclimate to, after adjusting to years of the cold
It makes you think she must be so deeply flawed, to dignify you and all of yours
It has you thinking in a way that is new to you, for once your desires aren’t the force that drives you
You would lose the acceptance you’ve been craving, to save her from someone who can’t accept themself  
You don’t even realize this self-sacrificial heart you’ve grown proves that this is what you deserve
So you give her up, and you can only hope that one day she’ll be happy

But what you never saw in her eyes, is that with you she already was

I infer they overestimated the ships foundation, eager to set sail
The world really puts a weight on people to go follow a certain path
Unfortunately, they were at mutiny since the day they departed
They had high hopes to flourish, but we all know you can't predict the seas, only the moon can

I'd say when I was born the ship had already been sinking, but it was long before they felt the water coming through the cracks
I've always kept my head so high in the clouds that my naive but determined hopes kept us a sail through every weather

When a sinking ship sails through rough shores for the sole purpose of getting you where you need to go, it creates some type of complex
Definitely a resentment of the rough seas that lacked the passive self-control you've grown to practice, but also a deep gratitude for the days no-one hopped on a life-boat and turned their back

I've seen more animosity than tranquility, but I've also seen that people spend decades drowning out of love
I've learned that maybe sometimes people could be better off calling quits on what is definitively irreparable, so much pain can be avoided
But I never falter my peace with regrets

It's hard to know when someone is on a sinking ship, because it grows to feel normal for them
When water sinks in, you move to higher ground
When people notice and you feel their pity it feels wrong,
You're okay, you've adapted and you're better for it

Born on a sinking ship, I'll still call it home
Like a true captain I'll stand with who and what I believe in till the bitter end, yet I'll always keep my head above the water
So thank you to the rough seas that raised me
It was nature's chaos that bred my inner serenity

I'm smiling because when I yelled my loudest and cried for the hateful noise to stop, I learned to create a state of harmony in my own mind  
I'm smiling because when I was told I was different I learned to embrace it, why be the same when you can be more than that
I'm smiling because I could never shake that my nose was too big for me, but now my heart has grown to be the biggest part of me
I'm smiling because I've watched someone I desire desire someone in front of my eyes and I learned to have better taste in what I desire
I'm smiling because as I've heard people say things they don't mean, I've made a promise to mean everything I say
I'm smiling because after losing almost every belonging I grew up with, I learned that material items mean close to nothing  
I'm smiling because after waiting on things that would never come, I've learned to never wait on happiness and to seek it out instead
I'm smiling because I've grown close to people who aren't in my life anymore, and I've learned either something beautiful or essential from every one of them
I'm smiling because people who were once complete strangers have become permanent residents of my heart and everlasting parts of my memories
I'm smiling because I think its funny that people assume when you're always smiling you must have never known pain  
I'm always smiling because although I've known pain, I know there is beauty in pain and there is beauty to be found in everyday

Calculated or spontaneous movements, both quiet and loud
We are who we're becoming, we were born to be proud
But pride has this level, pride has this curse  
Pride has this tendency of making matters worse

Pride is crucial and necessary, but pride causes pain
Pride is fear of losing one's edge and in turn losing potential for gain
But do we really have an edge, or just a lackluster illusion?
What's this feeling that keeps us inside this self-securing dellusion?

Sometimes I wonder if just for a day, I took all my pride and threw it away?
If I said all the words I've ever thought to say, would I see things start to go my way?
If I stopped telling myself the world can't see me without a mask
Creating a vision of openness, while leaving vulnerability all in the past

While I'm strong, and strongly convicted to my honesty  
I'd rather lie wholeheartedly, than admit I feel weak
Because remember that word, that strange hovering boulder
That tells you to take your welcoming heart, and make it turn colder

But what can we say when pride keeps us safe? Really what can we do?
Whenever I've tried to push it aside, I've felt things that felt together unglue
If the stakes don't matter than prides not a factor, we know what to bring
Yet we'll sit where we are, afraid to move for anything worth anything

I'm hoping one day, I find a new way to keep my soul safe
That I'll stay proud of who I am but not too proud to try
That I’ll look back to how I used to hold back and I'll be laughing
I'm starting to have faith, stranger things have happened

Why do we catch fireflies?
Doesn't the entire night sky need them more than we do?

They roam freely, lighting their own way,
Because it's in their nature, they're not asking to be chased.
But still, as humans thats what we do
We see a light and we reach for it.

We want that light to be our own,
Any contribution into the pile that illuminates our self-worth.
So we'll fixate, try our best to grasp this shining light
We'll put it on a pedestal, chasing it all night.

And as for the firefly, constant flight gets tiring.
Even with the brightest light, dark nights can make you feel alone.
So they see a safe place to rest and land,
until the next thing they know you close your hand.

So you made them a prize, like a hunter on a quest
put the new light in the jar on your night-table with all the rest.
But once put in your jar, you can't differentiate it at all,
All you can see is the collection of light, brightening your wall.

It's just another contribution to the light in your dark ,
you have no idea what's in it's heart,
and you don't care.

But what the firefly doesn't understand is why  it was pursued so intensely, to be treated as one in the same.
Taken aside from it's carefree flight, by someone who one day won't remember it's name.

So now you have a firefly stuck in your jar amongst the others,
losing it's light, flickering out,
until you let it go.

But why would you?
Little boys need their night lights.

A little girl asks her mom what it means to be alive
She says something comforting, never mentioning the sleepless nights she cries
We spend years taking things in, every hour of life we're learning
Then we spend years unraveling truths, it's despondent but discerning

But it's not all bad, we've got potential, man walked on the moon
It's just such a sad view of happiness, that you could lose it if you speak too soon
Let negativity give you motivation, be strong, be bolder
Don't be frustrated when your told you'll understand when your older

Live for the moments you feel like you have life in the palm of your hand
Live for the answers to the questions you can never fully understand

Eyes open wide for the first time
They wait on our cry to know we're alive
That's the first, but not last time
They'll return every time we feel torn apart inside

We start instantly being held and adored
The most innocent form of life in the world
With time like earth we'll become and bloom
Like all else, rise and fall with the sun and moon

One day we'll see fear
Stomach drops, heart beating fast
One day we'll be passing through a moment
Well hold on to it, we'll wish it could always last

We'll both cherish and regret the things we've done
Trapped in the foolish illusion we're alone, the only one

One day we'll feel warmth and peace and ease,
Our roots planted firmly in the ground, in a forest full of trees

Learning when to appreciate and differentiate moments of significance,
Learning to accept indulgence and enjoy without succumbing to decadence

Milestones from blank slate to grave,
Building distractions from wondering if we have souls to save