For our anniversary
you gave me a rope necklace
Then got angry when i started
chocking on
my
words.

I listen to Gogol Bordello
through surround sound
speakers in my living room
Fold laundry in my sports bra
Brew coffee all day long
I cry a lot
I write a lot
I paint a lot
My laugh is piercing
My eyes are glossy
My best friends are drug addicts
I prefer wine
And snow storms
And Netflix
I have a pierced eyebrow
I have a pierced nose
I've got tattoos on my arms,
Flowers growing up my right ankle
And 18 years of regret overflowing my skull
I don't care for your muscles
Or the ice in your ear lobes
I kiss hello
And I kiss goodbye
I like the smell of gasoline
I like the smell of ****
I run my fingers through his hair when he cries
He doesn't mind
If you sit in my seat,
I'll be sitting in your lap
I don't care who you are
I'll hug you from behind if you look sad
I'll feed you whiskey to cure your headache
I mop the floors, excessively when I'm anxious
I paint my nails just to peel it all away
I don't sleep
And I don't really eat
I smile without really meaning it
Throw out "I love you"s like water
Clean my sheets daily but forget to shower
I hate myself for smoking
But I've never really tried to stop
I over think everything you say
You can see my mind racing
from a mile away
And then my friends say,
"Not again.
I'm not takin your **** today"
But they do anyway
School makes me nauseous
Always has
Work makes me happy
Always has
I don't care for money
But I like to move
And I like to talk
And I need to feel accomplished
I sing out loud even when I don't know the words
I like to be home alone
But, I'll text you over and over and over again
Until you come keep me company
Just to know that you care
I need constant reassurance
Because I've spent most of my life hating myself
And I'm perpetually afraid
of revisiting that feeling
I hate the beach
I hate to drive
I'm nostalgic all the time
I think of life like a ticking time bomb
Counting down the days til I die
I'm wired
You can see it in my eyes
I'm worried
You can hear it in my voice
Always worried
Worried about someone
But I'm the one who's falling apart
Right at the seams
I invite people into my bed too easily
Invite people into my heart even easier
I don't get annoyed
And I don't get angry
I have love pouring out of my veins
There are certain songs I can't listen to
Without chocking on my own tears
There are certain faces I can't look into
Without chocking on my own tears
I'm obsessive
Compulsive
Impulsive
I'm an over-sharer
I'm an over-carer
You said I've got it all figured out
I'm just good at hiding my fear
I sweep it under my tongue
I don't know much
But I know that I'm gonna be okay
Wish I could say the same for you
Oh what I'd do
To say the same for you

To live life in its fullest
To taste the grapes of joy
To drink their wine in glasses
To feel the sweet drops,
And enjoy.

To be enchanted,
Drunken with delight,
To see the brightness of the stars,
During the dark, mysterious, cold night…

I dream of happiness and laughter,
Of rainbows shining in the sky
I dream my tears are turning into roses.
They're dropping on my pillow as I cry.

I dream of green fields, and I'm running
I feel the wind stroking my cheeks.
It dries my tears and softly whispers:
"You must break free of all your fears".

I close my eyes and I am swallowed.
Consumed,
By a gigantic salty wave
And I am floating, not resisting,
I'm only trying to be brave…

Inside the sea, deep in the darkness
I see my past, my present and my dreams,
And there's a voice, floating beside me,
It tells me: "nothing's as it seems".

At times I'm chocking, and I'm drowning
I'm praying for the coziness of death,
But when it doesn't come, I realize that
All I need,
Is a deep breath.

First what I learned about business at six years old my sister and cousin were out in the pasture behind the house on Jefferson St
We were this messing around and we found these turnips in a line in these little piles with weeds piled on top they were covered
With little flakes of ice very cold on bare fingers we weren’t deterred before long the little red wagon was bulging or this was
The sales and delivery truck so now let’s find some customers so off we went door to door people were pleased and we did a crisp
Business success came to fast we were up at Beno’s little standard gas station spending our windfall so back to work well
Got back to the house and then I thought man uncle Fred was living in the office now defunct after the green house went down
We all have old uncles how sweet fun loving knee slapping koots hold on big sale straight ahead so I knocked on the door the door
Opens wide prospective customer is ready to be sold uncle Fred would you like to buy some turnips then it happened right above his
Collar red started to rise it was surprising to say the least it seemed like right then was when the ping pong game started in my mind it would
Bounce back and forth front to back one side was thinking this is wild then hey this looks like a thermometer how is he doing that
Then as it kept going to his full white head of hair one part of the Childs brain is it going to catch on fire about then the top of his head
Didn’t blow off the only place available came to life this great roar emits from his mouth if this was a peanuts comic strip our
Hair would all be blown straight back I also didn’t know he had been a sailor and I thought he had me confused with someone else I
Heard that happens to older folks he spoke as though he thought we had a hearing problem then the mistake he said you sons a b——-
No I’m Lavern’s boy your sisters daughter he said what were you doing in my turnips back to the back part of the brain I was thinking
Thank God we already cashed out our profits butter fingers baby Ruth’s bubble gum and all the other candy was all I was thinking
Well and how to go out of business gracefully mostly in a hurry how fast can you get a wagon in motion going the other direction
maybe it was me but from then on he looked like he looked on us with a birds eye and we were worms to tell the truth I’m still not a
Great fan of turnips later I learned the line cussing like a sailor I thought he must have really sailed long and hard.

How come your brain doesn’t have a red flashing light when you’re going to do something stupid Halloween night eight years old?
Costume or lack of one go out as Minnie pearl straw hat corn cob pipe and dress the late October wind was alive to say the least
Legs so use to cover and warmth now pop cycles so high then the thrill of cold wind whipping up you rear what to do slap your legs
Together that only would help the inside cross your legs then you couldn’t walk only thing left grin and bear it what else could go
Wrong walk up to the door the guy whips the light on why couldn’t a lady have come to the door an old lady so it’s show time for
Effect I **** on the pipe one problem the idiot who made the pipe didn’t clean out the dust when he drilled the well part of the pipe
No problem I cleaned it out the tongue barely felt it the throat got the whole load so for the next three minutes I choked gagged spit
All Over the guys yard he was quiet amused it seems later I found a piece of paper that said inspected by number fifty four I wanted to
Write a letter dear fifty four but I didn’t have any other address and I was to small any way so frozen somewhere from the middle of
My shorts down half strangled I hate Halloween.
Almost childhood
The Jefferson gang went to the lake to camp out we were in this hideaway deserted spot off the main lake at the end of a slough
It was as black as the end side of a barrel and cranes are almost extinct well why this one had to stay alive at our camp site
It would fly over the water right at you then make this terrifying sound it was like a white specter a ghostly sight and it just kept doing
It well what do the brave do I can’t speak for them but I can speak for five spooked cowards we all jumped into a pup tent for two all
Of us were armed with shotguns all I know is if a farmers bull or cow walked up and mooed it would have been cow dunnie everywhere
A tent hanging in tatters and all of us chocking from gun powder at close quarters and deaf somehow we ****** up our guts and went
To bed it was five thirty in the morning it was nice and cold but I had pants on I was down at the edge of the water the mist was over
The water and then the biggest boom it was like a farmer had been blowing out a stump with dynamite and forgot the last stick or it
Was the crack of doom maybe it was I whirled around and there was Jesus standing right in front of the camp fire his Indian blanket
Held straight out with both arms I heard how he turned water into wine but he turned our campsite into chef Boyardee spaghetti
Factory well at least Charlie Cole did he came late into the camp out idea he wasn’t there when we were told to punch a hole in the
Can Before you throw it in the fire to heat it up he had scalding hot spaghetti on his face in his hair all over the tree limbs he continued
His Christ like imitation like he was amazed or in deep worship where ever he was he felt no pain maybe he was where the can went we
never did find it I hope no one was blown out of bed by the blast well it didn’t make the paper I guess all kinds of crap happens at the
lake.

Which one you choose; whatever?
Jimbaran, Kota or Nosadua
happiness inside leaves us forever

Took pictures with terrace rice fields background
thinking of hanging on the wall around
dancing decor all surrounds; echoing sounds

Looking for the bedcover pink and blue
Cotton floral design so beautiful true
when we can use it without a clue

Having a candle lit dinner on Uluwatu cliff
beside a table without a script, a band of music
breezing air across the ocean; not restrict

Tasting Luwak coffee on way to Mount Butar
the buffet was not super but we felt like Michelin cook rooster
Thinking of happy ever after

We went for banana boating
I was afraid of chocking though it was floating
while you're holding me tight but soaking

Now you are there without me
I'm sure your eyes will be full of tears
of the memories
can we call it tragedy?

What I want to do in this writing is do a little stitching of the national fabric we can do that
Because it’s our country I will start with the great loss of America’s sweet heart Annette
Funicello I am fortunate to have several Mickey Mouse club tapes and Annette as an adult she
Does the introduction on each of them her favorite all time Disney movie is Bambi this not over
Reaching or doing harm to the fabric but from that long ago teaching from Walt that told
Children tragic facts of life and the most painful of all when they shot old Yeller and when the
Gun smoke cleared everyone was in tears any and all could use that to help against the plague
Of violence that rest heavy on this land it’s not guns it’s the human heart with its disregard and
Its dismal accounting that human life can be a means of assuaging deep hurts and
Misunderstanding you can never gain anything when you charge and cheat others especially of
Their sacred lives and not to pick on women but as this starts and continues with Annette what
A role model for the girls and women of today you’re going to cringe now women smoking and
Cussing is undignified it has always rested on virtuous women to hold the ground on being
Chase wisdom by itself says those endowments God gave the fairer *** are to be guarded it is
The true treasure of women hood but if you squander it in the attraction stage you will have a
Harder time getting what you really desire and that is real true love and affection if it’s being
Taught no one can see it its going to be the theme of this piece use people that we recognize as
Helpful on the subject matter were addressing next Walt first as a person then as a business
Person we mentioned Bambi so I can’t leave you without this story a dad learned a painful
Lesson from his five year old daughter he had a farm and this dear kept getting into the wrong
Place so he shot it and fixed it for dinner he was so pleased until this little voice said these
Words daddy why did you **** Bambi his chewing continued for an inordinate amount of time or
A chocking sensation was heard but know this in his mind signs were going up all over the place
No deer hunting before I start with Walt again this country needs a lot of stitching as my
Brother-in law said we need a grass roots movement we all know Walt to be fair and a loving
Person just as Annette describes him he knew everyone at the studio it didn’t matter who they
Were he cared and was interested in you since Annette was referring to her relationship with
Walt she told how on her sweet sixteenth birthday he came to see her and gave her a script for
Zorro that she was going to be in as a Birthday gift because he and everyone knew how big a
Crush she had on Guy Williams and then when her first child was born he sent all the characters
Over to serenade her we were never close to Walt Disney but we all are blessed by his life God
Gave to us we can emulate him as a wonderful role model and you can pick people in your area
You know we have a great man here though he is gone Jack Jeffrey’s no one finer represented
Our community he and wife ran a TV store it was a landmark of good will we can’t start clubs
But we can as a people intact these precious qualities of those mentioned above and this is not
A contradiction by reposting a piece I wrote before since then the threat of Asama Bin Laden
Has been dealt with but the malignant spirit that drove him still lives on and it is my continued
Way of supporting the troops

The Flame of Blessing

America’s warriors face dangers untold in a country unlike our own where violent war is a way of life
In evils caldron that burns with natural order hate, teaching laced with poison and ****** is honorable
This can only thrive in a society that kills truth and then in falsehood their black robes invite all strife
Chaos butchery all manner of anarchy is used to try to subdue a people’s God given right to be free
Our troops in one way or another are set to burning Miss Liberty is in their hearts although latent
All that is needed to cause liberty’s flame to blaze is put these blessed ones in contact with tyranny
Every insult and criticism is leveled at the U.S. we need improvement but let evil show and be blatant
Ordinary kids from American streets will rise the last thing you will see is freedom blazing in their eyes
Black hearts are tuff pushing the weak and there fanaticism pretends at being brave every bully’s trait
These cannot be reasoned with madness has one cure annihilation this fight not for the faint hearted
The enemy needs a history lesson Tara, Iwo Jima; Omaha beach a brother hood reborn gun barrel strait
You posses by ideology penned by hell’s most convincing liar we come bearing truth then arms
God’s shadow first then Miss Liberty looms then the unquenchable prayers of a nation they pray for you
Peace, tranquility is worth our sacrifice you are left with a tattered rag a soiled flag marred by carnage
To bleed, true honor the making of a house of arms it will succeed in all war and conflict peace to accrue
We take God given might temper it with mercy and justice for all we are not timid in freedom’s fight
This is the my candle burning and my stitching of the tattered fabric of this once religious sacred
Country that I love and as all good people are pained by the shape it now exists in there is only
One hope a united people in the most Holy God who has kept us and allowed us such freedoms I
Will ask your patience one more time but if this wasn’t important I wouldn’t bother you in the
First place

Most hated twins
Who are these two desperate characters revered but feared by all
To make their acutance few will volunteer those who know them well
All can tell by the drawn face and the tears that swell the pool where wisdom has her rule
Achievers welcome them as honored guest they withstood the test now they the richest blest
At mornings first blade of light they strike with all their might they the quickest to fight
Timorous to afraid how many have dwelt by waters undying well only to die unfulfilled
But others tried and they fell the well is to deep its where darkest shadows creep
We will be lost in these new surroundings the familiar there will be water there too
Yes stagnant unmoved guarded for naught its benefit was for the traveler going places
For you it will be your grave marker he talked and talked but venture on never
He said he was the clever one as his countenance slowly turned to stone killed by apathy
Green pastures call to find them in yourself health you will install
Few are they that were meant and born to reside in the same place you must go
If you stay rebuild the common and ordinary your monument then they will admire
Who stood to long and with all intention he gave it only words action was the wonder that was missing
Treading a narrow path in the end if you buried or squandered your talent divine wrath you will face
Cast your seed far and wide how can you not see the need sorrow has them tied
Push back the encircling darkness with the light in your heart that God did endow
Go and answer the door your guides are here I want you to meet two friends Pain and Adversity
Two finer companions you will never know Washington and his men befriended them at Valley Forge Concord, York town. Lincoln met them first at Bull Run Antietam I think he gave a little speech at Gettysburg. One birthed a nation the other saved a divided one thank you and God bless you

II

Do not be afraid, my darling
I see you.
I see your tattered spirit
and stripped flesh
wandering in darkness.
Alas!
we are kindred,
you and I,
for I too have been
murdered.
I have died a hundred times
and I have lived a
hundred and one
We, who are dead
but still breathing,
are kindred.
I have been poisoned by
the nectar of lust. And
this nectar was
sweet and it was
intoxicating and it was
addictive and it was
******* lust.
It was fed to me by
a man posing as
a god and he kept
my goblet full and
I was paralyzed.
He was not a god
nor a man.
He was a snake,
a false prophet.
The nectar was
venomous and
my blood,
my body, and
mind were
laced with
paralytic venom
I could not move
and died waiting.
Alas!
We are kindred
you and I.
We who have died
waiting and paralyzed.
We who have been
murdered by false
prophets and snakes.
We are kindred with
Eve and the apples of
Eden, we who are
poisoned but  
still alive.
In this paralytic state
a surgeon came
and he said unto me
“I will let you be free”
and he cut into me.
He entered my chest
so delicately and
so eloquently he
whispered to me
“ Darling, if I cannot
keep you I can’t let
you be free.”
He wanted a
keepsake, a piece
of my heart.
Something which I
would never just
willingly part.
He took a small
piece though I
screamed to
his claim. This
was not my love,
just blood,
muscle, and veins.
Alas!
We are kindred
you and I.
We who walk around
with pieces that will
never be found.
We who have filled
the empty cavity with
other objects to
replace what can
never mended.
Do not fear, my darling
we are still pumping
blood and we
are still alive!
An artistic healer
found me wandering.
He said unto me,
“ My love, I see your
rough edges and you
are flawless to me
with all your perfect
imperfections.”
I was his canvas
that could be remade
to what he wanted
me to portray.
He molded me,
bent me,
folded me,
painted me.
He chiseled away
at places that
were already weak
places that were
untouched by people
like He. I was his
muse which he
misused, abused,
and attempted to
create and sculpt
art, which I was,
to his vision
of what I should be.
He coated me,
plastered me,
froze me in time but
paper machete is fragile
and I never asked to
be molded or painted.
Slowly I broke free
from thee. Death by
art was not meant
for me
Alas!
My darling,
do not be afraid.
We are kindred
you and I.
I see you in all
your molded glory
upon the altar
which he built
to display a creation
which he did not create.
I am the one
who chiseled
at the cement
and the plaster
and the paper
and the alter
so that we can
escape a different
type of cage.
I see you broken
but uncaged.
A builder of dreams
approached me and
he said unto me
“ You are a rarity
in a world full of
mediocrity. A rare
bird like you should
not be caged.”
He built me a castle
made of sand and
deafened me with
promises which
were lies. The tide
rolled in and castles
made of sand were
taken back to sea
and i was deaf
and I could not
hear the rumbling ,
the crumbling,
the mumbling as it
was all swept away.
I was asphyxiated by
the sand and sea
of empty promises
and lies
and expectations
that I found myself
chocking on.
Do not be afraid my darling.
Alas!
We are kindred
you and I.
We have
swallowed
and choked
and  inhaled
the dirt which
posed as sand.
We who have been
drowned in lies.
We who have
been buried and
have touched the
ocean floor at great
depths have come back
to the surface.
Alas!
We are still swimming.
We are the ones who
saw the shore and
returned to land
with our feet firmly
planted on sinking sand
and unsteady ground.
Hush my darling, and do
keep our secret safe.
Hush and never let them
know that we, who are
dead but living, are the
ones who created the shore.
We have a multitude of
little deaths. Deaths which
showed us life, joy, and
pain.
Alas!
My darling,
we are kindred
you and I.
We are the masochists.
We invite the murders in.
We who see the axe in his
hand as he knocks and
yet we still allow the
murderous aftermath
to begin with no regard
for the clean up.
My darling, we take with
us a piece of our killers
as they have taken a
keepsake from us.
Alas!
My darling
we have taken
we have learned
we have observed
we have seen their
surgical precision as
they have taken us
apart. We have
mended and
stitched and
sewn and
glued and
filled and
repaired
ourselves.
Oh my darling
do not fear for
we who are
still alive
still fighting
still breathing
still living
still pumping blood,
we have taken
their murderous
intent. We who
were victimized
by batting eyes
and lies that left
bitterness as an
aftertaste have
have learned to
lace honey with
arsenic. We are
kindred, you and I.
We are different
now. The stichting
and filling
and sewing
and gluing
has changed
us.
We are not afraid,
my darlings.
We see you.
You who have
caged and
trampled and
opened and
taken and
broken and
killed are no
longer feared.
Be afraid
my darlings.
Alas!
We see you.

III

I am a serial killer.
I have ravaged
empty vessels
which once upon
a time were
filled with ideas
of what could be.
I am innocent!
I slay the murderers
who murdered me.
Those who murdered
we.
I and we have
perfected the craft
which you,
and you,
and you,
and you
have used as
weapons of
mass distraction,
mass destruction.
I am the one
who distracts
and destroys.  
I have ingested
sufficient venom
to become
arsenic laced
honey.
I have let a
man drink
from me ‘til
he could drink
no more. He
drank himself
to insanity.
Oh dear!
I fear I did
not warn him
of the venom
that’s within.
What once was
just plain honey
is now
poisonous
to him.
I am a serial killer.
The killer of
cervical slayers.
But again
I am innocent!
I once sheltered
a wretch and
he sought
sanctuary
inside of me.
He never looked
at my eyes.
Only prayed at
the church that
he made betwixt
my thighs.
Oh dear!
I fear
I did not mention
that this was not
his church. It was
my sanctuary which
was now covered
in his dirt.
Death by exertion
was his end.
I let him die *******
but I did not let
him win
A tragic death
for a stallion
like he. Because
I am small he
underestimated me.
Like Helen of Troy
I brought
destruction
upon thee.
I am a serial killer.
The killer of
psychological
terrorizers and
verbal mesmerizers.
I have linguistically
lobotomized men
who thought they
could philosophize
the origin of I.
I have sown the
seeds of doubt
within the halls of
confidence which
have lain within his
mind.
I have broken
fortress walls
that were built to
withstand the  
wrath that fell
upon *****
and Gomorrah.
We have cut out
the tongues of
our verbal
betrayers and
left them befuddled
in Babylon.  
Oh dear!
I fear I forgot
to mention that
Freud is my Father
and Jung is my
uncle.
Your mommy issues
do nothing for me.
I am not her!
I am a child of
psychology.
Rationally you are
weaker than me
mentally.
I am a serial killer.
The killer of
egotistical thrillers.
I have paralyzed
and anesthetized
men who have been
thrice the size of me.
My scalpel is sharp
and my steady hand
cuts as deep as my
verbal violations.
This is my body.
This is not your nation.
My dissection was but
a brief vacation to
your annihilation.
Your internal organs
were similar to an
egotistical colonoscopy.
You thought your
insides were different
from me.
You required proof
that we were the
same.
I said
“Let me cut first”
and you did not
complain.
Oh dear!
I fear I failed
to mention I’m
quite skilled and
I have killed before,
far better men and
even their ******.
I am a serial killer!
A killer of killers!
You are a cheap
thrill as I reap
and I sow.
I plant the seeds
that I know will
not grow.
You will stay frozen
and will get old.
I need not a keepsake.
I own your soul.

IV

We are naked.
Our flesh is worn
and our spirit torn.
The garments which
once kept us warm
are now just eaten
and tattered.
We have silently
walked
and waited
and paced ourselves
and learned hatred.
WE have come
back home where
board games and
Barbies wait.
I have broken
all my favorite toys
just like you
and you
and you
and the horse
you rode in on
have taken all
my simple joys.
You have all
taken away
a piece of pink
and replaced
with a piece of
grey. A piece
which will never
be the same.
Oh Darling!
Do not fear for me
do not fear for we.
We have become the
porcelain women
which watch
and wait.
Our pink colored
kingdom shall
never be invaded
because here we
are waiting.
Not even shoots
and ladders or even
the Madd Hatter
can lead you to
green pastures.
Oh my!
You failed to notice
the malicious
twinkle in
my eyes.
I fear this was
your fault
for you created
a steeple
betwixt my
thighs.
Silly rabbit,
we were never
yours.
I was always
mine.
This is
not revenge.
This is a warning
before the rhyme.

For those who could use a laugh

First what I learned about business at six years old my sister and cousin were out in the pasture behind the house on Jefferson St
We were this messing around and we found these turnips in a line in these little piles with weeds piled on top they were covered
With little flakes of ice very cold on bare fingers we weren’t deterred before long the little red wagon was bulging or this was
The sales and delivery truck so now let’s find some customers so off we went door to door people were pleased and we did a crisp
Business success came to fast we were up at Beno’s little standard gas station spending our windfall so back to work well
Got back to the house and then I thought man uncle Fred was living in the office now defunct after the green house went down
We all have old uncles how sweet fun loving knee slapping koots hold on big sale straight ahead so I knocked on the door the door
Opens wide prospective customer is ready to be sold uncle Fred would you like to buy some turnips then it happened right above his
Collar red started to rise it was surprising to say the least it seemed like right then was when the ping pong game started in my mind it would
Bounce back and forth front to back one side was thinking this is wild then hey this looks like a thermometer how is he doing that
Then as it kept going to his full white head of hair one part of the Childs brain is it going to catch on fire about then the top of his head
Didn’t blow off the only place available came to life this great roar emits from his mouth if this was a peanuts comic strip our
Hair would all be blown straight back I also didn’t know he had been a sailor and I thought he had me confused with someone else I
Heard that happens to older folks he spoke as though he thought we had a hearing problem then the mistake he said you sons a b——-
No I’m Lavern’s boy your sisters daughter he said what were you doing in my turnips back to the back part of the brain I was thinking
Thank God we already cashed out our profits butter fingers baby Ruth’s bubble gum and all the other candy was all I was thinking
Well and how to go out of business gracefully mostly in a hurry how fast can you get a wagon in motion going the other direction
maybe it was me but from then on he looked like he looked on us with a birds eye and we were worms to tell the truth I’m still not a
Great fan of turnips later I learned the line cussing like a sailor I thought he must have really sailed long and hard.

How come your brain doesn’t have a red flashing light when you’re going to do something stupid Halloween night eight years old?
Costume or lack of one go out as Minnie pearl straw hat corn cob pipe and dress the late October wind was alive to say the least
Legs so use to cover and warmth now pop cycles so high then the thrill of cold wind whipping up you rear what to do slap your legs
Together that only would help the inside cross your legs then you couldn’t walk only thing left grin and bear it what else could go
Wrong walk up to the door the guy whips the light on why couldn’t a lady have come to the door an old lady so it’s show time for
Effect I **** on the pipe one problem the idiot who made the pipe didn’t clean out the dust when he drilled the well part of the pipe
No problem I cleaned it out the tongue barely felt it the throat got the whole load so for the next three minutes I choked gagged spit
All Over the guys yard he was quiet amused it seems later I found a piece of paper that said inspected by number fifty four I wanted to
Write a letter dear fifty four but I didn’t have any other address and I was to small any way so frozen somewhere from the middle of
My shorts down half strangled I hate Halloween.
Almost childhood
The Jefferson gang went to the lake to camp out we were in this hideaway deserted spot off the main lake at the end of a slough
It was as black as the end side of a barrel and cranes are almost extinct well why this one had to stay alive at our camp site
It would fly over the water right at you then make this terrifying sound it was like a white specter a ghostly sight and it just kept doing
It well what do the brave do I can’t speak for them but I can speak for five spooked cowards we all jumped into a pup tent for two all
Of us were armed with shotguns all I know is if a farmers bull or cow walked up and mooed it would have been cow dunnie everywhere
A tent hanging in tatters and all of us chocking from gun powder at close quarters and deaf somehow we ****** up our guts and went
To bed it was five thirty in the morning it was nice and cold but I had pants on I was down at the edge of the water the mist was over
The water and then the biggest boom it was like a farmer had been blowing out a stump with dynamite and forgot the last stick or it
Was the crack of doom maybe it was I whirled around and there was Jesus standing right in front of the camp fire his Indian blanket
Held straight out with both arms I heard how he turned water into wine but he turned our campsite into chef Boyardee spaghetti
Factory well at least Charlie Cole did he came late into the camp out idea he wasn’t there when we were told to punch a hole in the
Can Before you throw it in the fire to heat it up he had scalding hot spaghetti on his face in his hair all over the tree limbs he continued
His Christ like imitation like he was amazed or in deep worship where ever he was he felt no pain maybe he was where the can went we
never did find it I hope no one was blown out of bed by the blast well it didn’t make the paper I guess all kinds of crap happens at the
lake.

How much pain
Can one heart take
Burning battle scars

Every time
I don't hear your voice
I'm lost

How could I fall so far
Always afraid to kiss you
Now there's no you

Aimless and alone
Hell in my heart, an upheaval
Power of my being, without appeal

Granting you freedom
How could you still steal
The whole of me

Shadow of me, walking
Acknowledging the best of me
Stored deep inside of you

Everything else is hopeless
As no distance or time
Has murdered my love for you

Veins chocking, turning blue
As my heart walks about within you
Leaving me here dying, its true

Aimless and alone
Hell in my heart, an upheaval
Power of my being, without appeal

Peering through lashes at his form
He is more powerful than he gives himself credit for
His body is strong and lean
But his mind is stronger
Layered with complexity and intelligence

He is the first
The first to break through her rules of life
Logic becomes a distant memory
Years of experience
She is suddenly new, shiny and green

His mind like a magnet
His words an aphrodisiac
His touch..
His touch, her reason lost
She is in a new world

In his world
Each day she is high
She loves the feeling
Words become her rush
Love becomes a crutch

Eyes shut, judgement fades
Quivering she cannot control
He takes over her senses
Pushing deep to her soul
She loses herself

No words escape her lips
She is confused in a haze of euphoria
Her high unimaginable
Chocking with desire
She is lost in his love

But he is strong, stronger than her
He just doesn’t know it
Her mind crowded, her senses returned
Now crashing
Still lost , his love gone

Childhood
First what I learned about business at six years old my sister and cousin were out in the pasture behind the house on Jefferson St
We were this messing around and we found these turnips in a line in these little piles with weeds piled on top they were covered
With little flakes of ice very cold on bare fingers we weren’t deterred before long the little red wagon was bulging or this was
The sales and delivery truck so now let’s find some customers so off we went door to door people were pleased and we did a crisp
Business success came to fast we were up at Beno’s little standard gas station spending our windfall so back to work well
Got back to the house and then I thought man uncle Fred was living in the office now defunct after the green house went down
We all have old uncles how sweet fun loving knee slapping koots hold on big sale straight ahead so I knocked on the door the door
Opens wide prospective customer is ready to be sold uncle Fred would you like to buy some turnips then it happened right above his
Collar red started to rise it was surprising to say the least it seemed like right then was when the ping pong game started in my mind it would
Bounce back and forth front to back one side was thinking this is wild then hey this looks like a thermometer how is he doing that
Then as it kept going to his full white head of hair one part of the Childs brain is it going to catch on fire about then the top of his head
Didn’t blow off the only place available came to life this great roar emits from his mouth if this was a peanuts comic strip our
Hair would all be blown straight back I also didn’t know he had been a sailor and I thought he had me confused with someone else I
Heard that happens to older folks he spoke as though he thought we had a hearing problem then the mistake he said you sons a b——-
No I’m Lavern’s boy your sisters daughter he said what were you doing in my turnips back to the back part of the brain I was thinking
Thank God we already cashed out our profits butter fingers baby Ruth’s bubble gum and all the other candy was all I was thinking
Well and how to go out of business gracefully mostly in a hurry how fast can you get a wagon in motion going the other direction
maybe it was me but from then on he looked like he looked on us with a birds eye and we were worms to tell the truth I’m still not a
Great fan of turnips later I learned the line cussing like a sailor I thought he must have really sailed long and hard.

How come your brain doesn’t have a red flashing light when you’re going to do something stupid Halloween night eight years old?
Costume or lack of one go out as Minnie pearl straw hat corn cob pipe and dress the late October wind was alive to say the least
Legs so use to cover and warmth now pop cycles so high then the thrill of cold wind whipping up you rear what to do slap your legs
Together that only would help the inside cross your legs then you couldn’t walk only thing left grin and bear it what else could go
Wrong walk up to the door the guy whips the light on why couldn’t a lady have come to the door an old lady so it’s show time for
Effect I **** on the pipe one problem the idiot who made the pipe didn’t clean out the dust when he drilled the well part of the pipe
No problem I cleaned it out the tongue barely felt it the throat got the whole load so for the next three minutes I choked gagged spit
All Over the guys yard he was quiet amused it seems later I found a piece of paper that said inspected by number fifty four I wanted to
Write a letter dear fifty four but I didn’t have any other address and I was to small any way so frozen somewhere from the middle of
My shorts down half strangled I hate Halloween.

Almost childhood
The Jefferson gang went to the lake to camp out we were in this hideaway deserted spot off the main lake at the end of a slough
It was as black as the end side of a barrel and cranes are almost extinct well why this one had to stay alive at our camp site
It would fly over the water right at you then make this terrifying sound it was like a white specter a ghostly sight and it just kept doing
It well what do the brave do I can’t speak for them but I can speak for five spooked cowards we all jumped into a pup tent for two all
Of us were armed with shotguns all I know is if a farmers bull or cow walked up and mooed it would have been cow dunnie everywhere
A tent hanging in tatters and all of us chocking from gun powder at close quarters and deaf somehow we ****** up our guts and went
To bed it was five thirty in the morning it was nice and cold but I had pants on I was down at the edge of the water the mist was over
The water and then the biggest boom it was like a farmer had been blowing out a stump with dynamite and forgot the last stick or it
Was the crack of doom maybe it was I whirled around and there was Jesus standing right in front of the camp fire his Indian blanket
Held straight out with both arms I heard how he turned water into wine but he turned our campsite into chef Boyardee spaghetti
Factory well at least Charlie Cole did he came late into the camp out idea he wasn’t there when we were told to punch a hole in the
Can Before you throw it in the fire to heat it up he had scalding hot spaghetti on his face in his hair all over the tree limbs he continued
His Christ like imitation like he was amazed or in deep worship where ever he was he felt no pain maybe he was where the can went we
never did find it I hope no one was blown out of bed by the blast well it didn’t make the paper I guess all kinds of crap happens at the
lake.

Her libidinous eyes like dark beetles
circled his face in ***** adoration,
numbing pain chocking his voice
he told her the crushing truth,
he was  a werewolf, without redemption,

she didn't stir, was jubilant in spreading darkness
a blush, still visible made her look more eager
"I was hoping against hope, though too suave looking,
you would be one, just take me, I am your vampire"

drowning in what you call life
chocking on what you call hope
everyday i breathe in everything you say, everything  you do

waiting for my big break
speaking for what i think is right
sprinting for my future

the barriers of time slow me down
but never break what i have in my mind as my happy ever after.
a life a job a family with the morals of  our grandfathers

no matter the dirt you cover me in
the hurt you throw upon my shoulders
i will reach my happy ever after.

A space so unfitting
A space tired, not so uplifting
“Rehab”
”Rehab”
”Rehabilitate my space”, you pled
And I did
I did just that once you, out of town, fled
Back in town, it was going to be a monumental surprise
One that you and I could share and sleep in that night
That night and all the nights to follow
When you witnessed your new space you could barely swallow
Chocking back tears, I had succeeded in my mission
Now this space, you share with your new person
Does she like the color blue?
What about the gold accents I detailed just for you?
It’s your space, and hers now
I hope the dark shadows of your new space haunt you, watch over you like an owl
In witness of you two interlaced
With someone who has now taken my place
To lavender I retreat
That shade of navy and I never to re-meet

You thought that I was easy
                  to smoke,


But you vaped my lyrics,
    now I'm stuck in your lungs,

Cemented words that you cant exhale,
                          cremated within you.

Your drowning
                         now comatose verses,
           that you thought were strawberry

kisses.

But when you swallowed,
                                              you never chewed.
Now you got razor wire cuts
                                             lacerating you inside.
  With every inhale of my lyrical chemical cloud.

You think I'm easy to swallow,
     breathing my verses that never leave you,
my words are like asthma on your generation.

Making you wheeze when you don't inhale
          enough of my lyrical verse.
   They tried to ban me,
                        but,
every one wants to breath me in.

I'm like a exhale that clouds your thoughts,
         but you'll still smoke my verses till


you got tubes huffing and puffing.


             Knowing that your last breath

will have my words clinging to your lungs...

                               Me in in liquorice

kisses that will last on your lips.
       I'm the last kiss you taste,
                             my words will be

on your deathbed..
          

                                    Here lies verses
                                    that were simple
                                    but never left you.


                                      cremated with the words
                                      
                         ­            I choked on the lyrics.....
                                     but I'd smoke them again.

The lies you told burned every bridge
between you and me - reality
red rain falls and fall turns leaves
tiny hands claw behind your eyes, making me trust no one
I turn to walking at night, during the moon’s light
but the ground moves me to tears
your name etched on my wrist causes my fears
You don’t blame yourself, but the green mind of God
but i see you - never moving along
stuck at a standstill
sinking in guilt.

She labors to smile,
irony draws lines
on her embittered face,
thick dark iron bars,
temporarily cage pain;
yet the risk
the two run is toxic.
soon they 'd have to face it,
unmistakable indications reveal,

her velvet voice over the phone,
conjured up an image,
drastically different,
a sadness now faintly asks
his permission to spread quickly,
confused he postpones, buying time.

guilt, a shaggy, smelly, hound
suspicion, its dominant trait,
lurks sniffing around,
the table they mutely sit,
like prisoners of unburied past
convoluting the plot,
by playing ***** tricks.
the air thickens
chocking both,
the haunt leers, licks its paws in glee
what is its intention?

"You look more or less
like him, my former lover-
I try to erase from memory
by every which way possible,
sorry about that, but i can't help it,
he traded in pain of many kinds
ingeniously, nothing else he did"
she shoots from the hip.
memory of an evil genius
was quickly resurrected by him
from the assortment of stereotypes,
vision of caravans transporting
gun powder kegs of bad memories, flashed
he had a match stick handy.
soon, everything exploded to culminate;
darkness devoured all,  breaking limits.
caravans slog towards horizon, one after other still.

..
….
…...
….....
…...........
…..................
…............
­….....................
…............
….........................
…­.................
….....
barometric tendrils
psuedo-random and hybrid sets
growing like ivy in the clutches of time
such a
           chocking
                   but actualising
    grasp

..huh? what?
oh yes! sorry, sorry
come in, come in,
                       ..you know,
I too, once, like how you are now,
was here too
                          so
                                 very
                                            very
                                                       present.
Aha! Oh yes!
Permit me a mock stifled cry of ostentatious self derision,
'hee hee hee'
aaaaaahhh..
I really was pitiful back then.
seeing you there now, I feel oh so whimsical and overcome
with
ahem
sorry.
..dank and musty cellars,
    hashish and a can of beans.
(baked, not fried, -we were really naive enough to believe that?- )
had it all back then though, didn't we?
By which I mean we had nothing,
but the conviction
that obligation was something that actually meant something
rather than a Cryptocurrency in a Ponzi scheme,
                                                            (with a slice of lemon)
confidence intervals stockpiled in the stocks of confidence men.
Derivative markets
oh, so very much so
                        so very
                            derivative
                                  idiomatic
                                        and *******
                                              asinine.  

..Still, it does harken to its era, doesn't it?
'detached and disposable.'
toothpicks
limbs
ideals
all that
goodness!
I was supposed to be offering advice, wasn't I?
Interpolate up some mediated conjecture.
But the kids can look after themselves just fine, can't they?
So our fiscal policy seems to think;
'I wager we shear up the youth
to buy shares in implementing youth wages.'
sorry, I guess it's an antiquated complaint,
“think of the children!” , they say?
Can't they see,
the whole **** market's aimed at the proto-teens??
we do it all for them the little snots.
laissez faire welfare
hedge or double down?
A shrubbery?
Or a bacon butty with bread as ****** chicken and cheese?
(I just vomited in my mouth a little,
(how pastiche))

See, and people ask why I’m trapped in the past;
the future's got me car sick.
and honestly
we're just brimming with history
(the scourge of post-modernity)
like a black moss spewed on the walls
Poisoning visions and Rheumatic fever
tearing up our lovely
lovely
pacified
pay and display
psuedo
proto
posterity
….....
….................
….......­..................
…............
….....................
…........­....
…..................
…...........
….....
…...
….
..

and there i was.
all of 3 and a half,
draped in hopping silhouettes;
neck deep in swaying hips
and blaring tunes
tied to kick drums.
dramatic rim taps
and wingtips cluttered
cross the wooden floor.
surrounded by tall men with
tall women whose heels
unforgivingly grazed
the groaning floor boards.
their gowns thick
as kitchen curtains
that seemed to flutter
like butterflies in hurricanes.

i heard the summer whisper;
her hums sweetly floating
through grand windows
tall as ten of me;
tasting the rhythm
with her tongue,
she blew a cool sigh;
flooding the steaming stew
of old souls with young bones.
sunk real deep between
4 counts and hi hats
to twirl her way
into their step;
a type of swing
'cept it had a bounce to it
like steeple chasers.
those ladies with copper faces
and stone seasoned roots
with joints as old as time
played tag with the down beat.
those daddys dodging
in their tailoreds
like taxis in traffic;
toxic with a plague of ghouls
like the Count, King Cole
and Billie, Fitzgerald, Gillespie.

Then,
just as the summer silenced her hiss,
just as the sun
dug its heels into the dirt,
making its last ditch efforts
to remain present,
dusk untied its bows;
unwrapping a gift like glory.
and we were bathed in glory
that laughed like lovers
and kissed like dogs.
it drenched us in sloppy showers
glistening gold like sweat.
yet still,
we emerged refreshed.
so as the night
began its usual
chocking down of day
and good afternoons
cacooned into goodevenings,
i stood there;

all of 3 years old.
surrounded by silhouttes
that could only belong
to old souls with young bones
who belittled big bands
with their own vibrations;
those copper ladies
and skyscraper sized fathers
in tailored suits
who two stepped
to both sunsets and groove
grew into shadows.
and i stood in the midst of
those dimmed stars;
stamina riddled.
knowing that as
a summer day died,
a summer night
had only just begun.

Lets compare scars.
Mine are in my mind.
Yours are on your wrists.

Lets compare feelings.
Mine are trapped in a corner of my mind slowly chocking me inside.
Yours are plain to see, splashed on the art you left on your arms.

Lets compare thoughts.
Mine weave in and out of everything slow tainting my hope.
Yours are to much to handle so you bathe in your blood.

Lets compare hope.
Mine is that I can make it till tomorrow.
Yours is that you make it each minute.

Lets compare ourselves.
We’re both in pain.
But who will chose to show it?

Lets Compare Scars.
Who’s are worse?

Yours?
Or
Mine?

~
Suddenly I felt!
Known voices passage near by
My friend, this touched me a long before
Maybe time slowly comes here

In the impulsive air the images grew
Snaps of springtime those claps of matches
Long, long ago the tune I had heard
Moving slowly as the wraps of the ripples

I see the life that I cut with a knife
Feel the earth that made my heart
Long, long ago the feelings had fallen
Again chocking which is knocking to my lost heart

Long long ago but yet not to far to go
A lonely shadow that ever been sat
On the cliff of the shore coming into a soft pore
As the little drops of anguishes
~
@ Musfiq us shaleheen

To the boys who thought they were being funny but we're really just cruel
and the girls, who treated my hope like a punchline to a joke they never let me in on;
Last night I drempt I was lynched:
Your hands were the ones that strung me up
Your faces,
filled with the snarling lips of wolves-
Crowded beneath my swinging feet
Your tore me to pieces.
I drempt
You chased me through the woods
and along a beach
where the sun
was always just about to set
I sought safety from the presence of strangers
but you came at me anyway:
Hungry mouths of predators
you dragged me away ****** and screaming
bystanders just as silent as ever
even in my dreams
there are no bodies
that provide protection.
I have not felt this helpless in years.
I have not felt this scared in ages.
I have not thought of  you...
                       any of you...
   In so long....
Why?
Do you still have this power over me?
How?
Is the sight of you
in a crowded public space
where you probably won't even notice me
still enough
to twist my body inside out
To leave me trembling and shivering
in the middle of summer
I thought I was free of this?
But in my nightmares
it is still your laughing eyes
Your jackal lips
That fill the face
of everything that tries to consume me,
be it man or beast.

The fingers
that try to dissect me
Are yours
The bodies
that hold me down
Are all yours
Please
        Hasn't it been long enough?
All I wish for
Is peace
And to forget;
what your faces look like- all twisted with taunting
the specific sound of your hateful voices
the touch of your hands,
                        where they shouldn’t be,
                                         the things you say about it afterwards....  
Last night
         I drempt
that you ate me.
              With the teeth  of a hell-hound
                                      you  split me open
                                                      reduced me to mangled, shredded piece of meat
             but I could not die
you smiled at me
               with ****** lips
                                  over what used to be my body
                                                              and I could not even howl
                        because you had torn out my throat.

[Tell me now, that is was still all just as joke]

Undiscovered
Unconquered
and untampered with
Pure as the snow on the highest caps
No worries
no drama
no situation
no problems that she can call her own
Ducking and dodging the vultures
that can smell her innocence
Wanting to be the first to claim
She moves on knowing her worth
and will not settle for less
They yell after her with no respect
but she does not mind she don't have the time
or patience for such vulgarity
Now 18 with her virtue safe and sound
She has things to do
life to conquer

Out on her own a sheltered child
she face the big world with dreams and ambition
Not knowing about the wolves in sheep clothing
that she will meet along the way
She meet a man who befriended her
made her feel safe in this crazy world
Took her in, in a city where she knew no one
Took care of her bought her everything
she ever needed or wanted
Her whole life was this man
her savior in her eyes, the love of her life
She made a decision to giver her one true gift to him
and that was her virginity
The day of the gift giving she set everything up
so it would be special
Told him that she had a surprise for him
but what she didn't know he had a surprise waiting for her

It started off as planned but then his whole demeanor altered
to a man she didn't know
He got rough with her
Hitting and chocking her
Before she knew it 3 men appeared
before her like they were on stand by
A night she would always remember
they ravashed and spoiled her
used her like a wet rag
A night of pain and humiliation
With film to capture this horrible moment
The man she loved and believed in
turned out to  be a snake/a monster

He started controlling her every move
said she had to pay him back
for everything he ever did for her
He tricked her out to hundreds of men
Threatened to **** her if she ever left
With no hope for a better life
She turned to drugs to dull the pain and anguish
Now an abused prositute crack *****
Abused in every form she thinks the only way out
is in the form of death

After 4 years of heartache and misery she finally had enough
She made the decision to give the last special gift, her life
The day of the gift giving she set everything up so it would be special
She wrote her last words and went to sleep
He found her the next morning in the tub surrounded by burnt down candles
Od'd on her drug of choice
with both wrist slit
She wanted to be sure
He read her final goodbyes
With her life in his hands the monster spiraled out of controlled
it haunted him til he couldnt take it no more
and ended his torment in a cloud of gunsmoke

QNA

Snake tounges rattled and hissed words of poison mechanically,
With green-eyed monsters lurking beneath their skin,
Circling the rumours of suspicion onto those of white blood,
Like a frightened rabbit in deaths doorway to car headlights fell.
The slithering tale encapsulating innocent yet friendly ears,
Smearing their venom amongst those of lowered fighters hands,
Trickling down the innocent white hart's hands,
As though regarding herself as this murderess.

Flight of fear, fighting the dark, losing, chocking, drowning,
Yet tales of talk were not in vain, but yet they failed once again,
Smearing that of lies over white walls, black onto red,
Trapping the rabbit in the snare, as though to **** it in the shell.
My friend, would you tell the old lie? To children so high,
To fall so low, by that of snakes and their hungry green-eyes.

it's 11 pm.
And I feel empty.

I feel like I could quit by now.
Down to the beauty of a lonely harbour
the sky is colouring array of saddened blues
scattered like an ocean
then seek shelter underneath a bridge.
My legs dangle freely over the clouds
i feel like I belong down there.
Biting gusts of winter air drove my body and
the chocking aroma of ash roamed around me

Passive smoking past my body
It doesn't always drift around when it's daylight
like one would create invisible shells of me.
This wasn't daydreaming nor a transport.
That was an escape.
I wonder if the fog take me to wonderland of discovered map
Which I may never listen the waves of the impossible agonising routine
to land inside
What if i feel the same?

THIS IS GOING TO BE A WORK COMPOSED BY ALL OF US. POETRY CAN BRING US TOGETHER. Comment the next lyric and I will post it with your name in parentheses.

Here I sit in this bitter cold(L.K.)
whispering sweet nothings to the moon, for the night will cease into existence and dawn shall be upon us soon. (aesha nisar)
Enwrought with silver light and dark cloths of night(Abhay Chopra)

There she plays in a twisted mind
bombarded with such torturous remarks, and a dark witty retort  
don't fall victim to the spoon
once again observe the phoenix taking flight (L.K.)

Here I sit in the bitter cold,
Watching the sunshine fold,
Down beyond the horizon,
Along with it's shimmering gold(Arlen)
were I wept no one knows
Beautiful sunset pink, and yellow
even in the bitter cold
light shines in the darkest soul (L.K.)

for this is the place to be? I'm told
Shall I add a line, should I be so bold?
Or just sit here alone in the bitter cold(Terence James Potter)
alone in the bitter cold (L.K.)

There she plays in a twisted mind(L.K.)
whispering sweet nothings to the moon, for the night will cease into(aesha nisar)
broken womb destined to the tomb
Enwrought with silver light and dark cloths of night(Abhay Chopra)

As the paint peels off the moss ridden eaves
Watching The violent clouds sailing by(Nirali Shah)
just like the passing of the autumn leaves
moving your puppet strings, so sly(L.K.)

I'm not sure what to fill so I'll sit by this window sill(Chimera)
looking at the ****** of crows, and their fresh ****
sitting here solemn, and every so very still
do what thou wilt, let that be your will(L.K)

And the daylight still creeps coldly across the floor(Evelyn Ash)
wretched images of decaying bodies there like zombies
laying on cold steal floors, what is human anymore
even in the wretchedness I will endure (L.K.)

writing words on someone's soul(Cristina)
The one who stole mine, I've been told(Michael Wysocki)
I put my own name in parentheses(Joshua Amos Graff / J.M.G.)
so no one truly knows me(L.K.)

dysfunctional pull grasping the life out of me(patty m)
as I am chocking, hoping I begin to breath(L.K.)
with coffee stained teeth chattering and frosted skin vibrating( J.M.G)
I can't understand what you prophets are saying(L.K.)

Remembering the past of a life untold(Brandon K Stephenson)
Watching darkness as it takes a hold(L.K.)
This darkness has got a hold of me(Jaishree Kumar)
Remember that life will set you free(L.K.)

Butterflies flew through my limbs
Tickling the bone as they land
And chocking my lungs until

I can’t breathe.

So what a beautiful day
When I can allow them to fly freely
between our lips

at contact.

You ask what I’m thinking so
I pull you to the side and
Lean against you and

Nothing.

Where have those butterflies gone?
Did the poisons in my body destroy them?
Did they spawn from the sick feeling of the forbidden?

Why am I so broken?

You ask me how I feel and I panic
So I avoid the question
I don’t have the heart to tell you I didn’t

I don’t know why I feel so empty.

And worse,
That makes my problem more complicated
Because with her I feel the same nothingness
But we live together.
So I am no longer choosing between
Who I love more or who I feel with
Because I feel nothing but
Excitement in dead places for one

I am so broken that even that will leave
Eventually
So what do I do when
There’s two lives on the line

I can choose you and
Keep your heart beating
Or I can choose her and
Keep my comfortable life

Or I can choose myself
And move out into the world alone
But I am so afraid to be alone
So afraid to feel

Because what if I feel this way
Due to the mental blockades I’ve built to protect myself?
What if real, raw emotions live in my heart
But can’t escape through the chains?

Yet, what if I leave and
Find another you who
Seems to have it all

Until our lips meet

And I feel

nothing?

Red reeds and a freckle of flowers bowing
before rubber wheels
tossing pebbles and sand and a whirlwind of dust.

Their plan had caught wind and taken flight against them,
like an ardent breath that leaps from battle chests
that knowingly march somewhere behind the tall thick of trees.

The rain won the sprint before the inky giants (stuck in the review mirror)
and began to speckle the seats from the gaping sunroof,
but the lovers hadn’t noticed.

Their hearts beat in unison, adrenaline seemingly driving the engine.
Four, bone-white knuckles chocking to hang on:
one pair on the steering wheel, one on the other’s shoulder, and one on the door handle.

The tires drop off and bash themselves against the stones
beneath a spray of clay and water and maggots,
as they swerve off the beaten path.

They wade through the churning waves of grasses
the wind now rushing past, splashing against their spine –
their naked necks and tangled locks swimming in the invisible rapids.

Their sanctuary lay before the whirlpools,
deeply rooted, scarred with letters, scarred with hearts,
and beautifully draped with thin weeping twigs, tied off with lace.

The car’s backend swung as the tires drifted.
The two men flung themselves inside the umbrella of branches,
untied the lacy bows, and drew the curtains closed

The willow tree would have to stand in for their officiant,
for their family, their friends, their honored guests and witnesses,
for they had none.

They both stood in front of the tree as the wind swayed,
once from behind him, and then once from behind him,
all the while their tearful eyes exchanged  silent “I dos”.

The one reached inside a burrow beneath the great trunk,
to retrieve their rings and crowns of flowers,
while the other anxiously stood watch behind him, awaiting the thunder.

Gentle hands ringed their fingers with silver bands,
and crowned their heads with white and blue petals,
then carefully chiseled into the bark their names and their heart with a pocket knife.

The two men pressed their palms to the tree to receive their blessing,
and then pressed their lips together, now salty and wet,
sealing their souls with a slow passionate kiss.

But instead of a burst of rice freely sprinkling the atmosphere
there was a burst of shotgun pellets
tearing through the whispers of love and leaves.

The men sprinted to the car,
dodging the fires of intimidation,
and drove off with their life, leaving behind the fear and shame.

They turned on the heater to try to warm up.
but it was long before they were dry,
the rain’s echo nearly drowning out the sounds of their shared breaths.

Anxious sweat is chocking me
it's her birthday you see
to carry something so light and
yet feel like concrete
a bouquet of daisies, pretty, must be held right as it might make the difference or risk dropping, eaten by things around my feet and
grasshoppers grab as tasty treats.

the safety to feel at home is inside a loved one's stare
and to be the joker is a price gladly paid to see laughter
in kaleidoscope eyes, mesmerised
to smell the fresh laundry on you.

I would struggle to ask for more of all things
bound in our shared nocturnal time.
My chest is open, but I am too easy to persuade
with questions that snap me back from your gaze.

let's not be realists my love
and accept this sentiment where we can both be lost in thoughts of each other.

your eyes change from life giving trinkets
to shades of underwater
my heart snaps violins
until you utter one word
no longer staring at xanthic shades on a dress,

yes..

happy birthday Love, let's cut the cake and count our years from zero

I swung on the hangman's noose
Feeling the too and fro of others
Moments of death, were my fingers
Gracing a moment of chocking silence.

My digits were decorating a moment
As if my grip was still around the spirt
Of a clutching oblivion that gasped
On tightened desperation.

I swung for a while till my fingers lost
Feeling like that of breath losing life,
Silent was my motion and then I was still.
I left it swinging a circle of life gracing death.