Bleach you out.
Shave it all off.
I wish you were gone.
My hair,
A prised possession.
Your love,
Another dimension.
Don't forget me,
God.

The sun kissed the moon
In pastel candy
And I thought of you
I had a poem in my brain
Until I got fully numb
So that's where the rhyming stops
I wanted to share all these moments
With you
A touch,
A kiss.
A hug,
Hands held.
Did you forget me?
I should probably grow up.
But my soul has turned black,
My heart is stone cold.
I want you
To forget me
But remember me for
Who I was.
Young and helpful
Full of life and wonder.
A beacon of possibility.
Before regret and distates
Took it's final place.
Remember me.

I don't write here anymore
Because there isn't a reason to.
I was never a poet or someone to rhyme words
In a lyrical form.
I copycated.
I formed them into my own words,
My own experience.
After 26 years of living
All I want to do is die.
I throw up regularly.
I drink to numb.
I cry to feel.
My ***** soaked fingers do the deed.
I will find a way to live
without you.
The possibilities.
The wonder.
The amazement.
Heroine could be stopped.
Talking it out,
Rehab.
Never go back.
Alcohol is there.
Plain sight.
A warm embrace.
A gentel kiss.
I wish we weren't caught.
I wish I believed your dreams.
I wish I kissed you.
I wish I held your hug longer.
I wish I never believed you.

There is barely a handful of boys I remember the moment we met.
One was when we were kids,
Freckled and still learning.
I bet the skinny girls and nonstraight guys
Would be in complete disbelief of it
But it was me,
I am a country song.
And he picked grass and he picked me.

The next was true.
A friend I cry over.
He was sweet and kind.
And so was I.
Shoes didn't matter as he laced his fingers
Over his mouth.
To admire,
To realize beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

The next is bitter.
And I talk about it in anger.
**** him.

It feels like this.
When you're sinking further into the ocean
And all you can see is the sharks and the snakes
And you can only move with the shaking of finger tips

All the regret and could habe beens,
The should habe beens al wish I could be younger
Drags you further down
Until you're sea level of the floor

The coral and seaweed wraps you up.
Every scream of a name or two or three escapes
And travels to the surface to even
Being ignored by the seagulls

Or you're alone,
Soaking wet in your room
Can't even look at a mirror
Because every inch of you screams
Liability

Putting listings out for guys that aren't it but
Are a bigger picture of it all
But wanting to put a hit out
For your ownself

Make it easy, messy free.
A bullet to the head,
Three months to tell all them you tried.

Because you did.

You tried being kind enough,
Skinny and perfect enough.

You tried until it really mattered.
And you let yourself go.

You break and bend and you wish

You'd ******* ****

To try again

Your mood swings toward me
Are drastically unproportined that even I
Can't keep up with them
But I'm headstrong, I know how this goes
Every person I meet is an Anne Frank
And I am drowning beside ******
Only one can be saved

I don't know.
Maybe it's because this liquid courage
Strengthens my backbone just enough
To think easily of how those headlights seem
To be on the right side of the road but really,
They're just barely over the yellow,
Just enough so that the bones in my nose and forehead
Disintegrate into the tinniest pieces,
Slicing through my brain

Liquid courage helps spill my guts,
Not my blood

And I know what you're thinking
That this is a bigger joke than even myself,
That it's disgusting and maybe pathetic
But it's actually just entirely sad

Because there's no use for miscalculations,
There's no worry of the outcome
When you feel like life is not worth living
And the fact stretch marks don't even come close as to why
You're not even halfway good enough
For boy's like that

But the daydreams,
The longing of a hand on your thigh
While he's driving you to his favorite place
Or the first kiss you share,
Holding you every night

It makes the dull lit flame in you,
That you have no idea how or why is still there,
Spark and grow into this wildfire within your chest,
Tightening and warming it as you breath.

And that's exactly what you do.

You breath, you smile,
You imagine

Because there, in your imagination,
A boy like him would never hurt you
A boy like him would care

There's one vital scene I watch
Over and over again.
And I almost want to do it.
I know what you're thinking.
She's lying.
She's dramatic.
She wants attention.
And maybe you're right.

But I set there before.
In the bathtub.
And the blade was in my fingers.

And you can know me for a hundred million reasons
But each of them fades when I want to see my blood
Because I think life would be better,
Would be simple
If I couldn't feel

I am letting down the only person I have left.
The only one that stuck around after
They told me he was the dark path,
Wrong road to follow

And it isn't you that I sesrch for
But I can tell you know.

One flinch of the nose,
Hannah decides to have more ***** than me

But I look at my finger tips.
They are rough and chewed.
They are old.

I can take the shaking,
The vomiting
The stumbles and slurred words

But I look at them and I want what you have
The smallest heart beat in the world,
Fingers around my pointer finger
The love of my life there,
Beside me

And for once,
For ******* once
They say,

"You need to eat"

Because the feeling of bones is better than my worth
The feeling of belonging is better than my tears

And bob doesn't know me today,
Or ever really,
But giving up isn't in my blood