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"briefest" poems
Thank you for the memories, The unexpected, sudden hits of nostalgia Taking me back to carefree days Of playing football after a summer rainstorm, Of laughing in woodwork class, Of my grandmother's awesome cakes. Like time travel on the cheap, You weather away the years, And the strata of cynicism and regret, Momentarily eroding my reality, Revealing the manchild at my core, Allowing him the briefest chance to once again explore. But these are unpredictable reveries, Three dimensional snatches of memories. It's time they developed some kind of smell recorder, Just like sights and sounds can be held for posterity. But such technology would not compare to my physiological wonder; Magically transforming scent into vivid memories.
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Sep 20, 2018
Sep 20, 2018 at 1:57 PM UTC
Ode To My Olfactory Bulb (or The Need For A Smell Recorder)
Solvent and solution Kept assuaged for so long Treading in the selfishness of my subconscious state Of barely traceable memories, spurred on by the gravity of time spent At the briefest hint at past involvement Each leaf falls, eventually. Every pristine little well formed tended to. Each nurtured, cared for, parcel or idea. I can watch them for hours Watching them fall, one by one, for hours. When days start to bleed together, out of the corner of my eye, I can always see them, marking progression. Collecting in drifts, then, taken by the wind, then The rot sets in. I used to watch this. I used to find time. The roof cast me in its shadow, even standing along the banister that runs along the length Even as the final rays of sun start to vanish one at a time
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Apr 3, 2018
Apr 3, 2018 at 2:34 PM UTC
Wednesday
I wish for a hug... One that lasts only mere seconds. Yet could only mean nothing but eternity. I long for a hug... One that finds me struggling, and offers the line that'll hoist me up so that the whims of the world would simply fall away. I yearn for a hug... An embrace that grants me the briefest moment of solace. Amidst the clamour and chaos that overwhelm. I want a hug... One that's unconditional. One that'll just take me in, as I am. One that wouldn't cringe at the misfit of my bones. One that wouldn't judge if our heartbeats don't thump in sync.
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Apr 12, 2016
Apr 12, 2016 at 11:37 AM UTC
Hug
i am nostalgic for the past, the past that we hadt and the almost happy memories we shared, painful memories that will always be caged in my mind and heart. and sometimes, this nostalgia is too overwhelming and unabareable, so i get the urge to be sentimental for the briefest moment and wanting, needing a time machine. but then, again, i need to face the ugly reality, where you are no longer next to me, and you can't comfort me like you used to.
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Mar 30, 2014
Mar 30, 2014 at 5:05 PM UTC
sentimental
I met you at the station you said wanted to go anywhere but here. I said to look for the tracks that are the most uninviting. You took my arm. I wished for something better and here it came, disguised by dirt, dislocation and greying days. Your ticket says no return but mine is undefined, watchful, ready to bolt or to linger. You say you love the stations from afar. There's not much of me requested, but the splinters that you do, I gift hopelessly. The smallest glimpse of light approaching filtered through dank, oppressive air are superior, surely? than finite life exhausted watching the dark. By the night you amplify, when you have enjoyed my fill and left with little but fingerprints and recollections, casting parallel shadows on directions that await. I give you almost everything except for the words that travel nowhere but my head. You gave me the signal a briefest flash of red that stopped this in its tracks.
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May 16, 2015
May 16, 2015 at 6:04 AM UTC
Strikes on the Railway.
A tragedy miles of time away, The anguish almost forgotten: But pain is a stubborn stain; Counselling never washes it away, New love never smothers it. Like a stubborn **** It is always there, Rooted in composted memories, Finding nourishment in the briefest recollections. The slightest trigger allowing it to briefly blossom.
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Dec 13, 2018
Dec 13, 2018 at 7:17 PM UTC
Stress Residue
I smile at you Watching me Watch you Smile right back at me, Sharing the briefest of secrets. Well ZOWIE KAPOW! That's all it took. Suddenly your mystery compels me To tell you Things you wouldn't understand. Like how your salty wet leather scent Keeps fragrancing my dreams. How we may be strangers, But our making native nasty Knuckle noose love Keeps coursing, red-roaring through. And when I come to, Forcibly forgoing my fantasy of you, I exhale my ethereal bliss, Left savoring only this: Your wicked wiles, whispering winks, And God in the curl of your lips.
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Mar 4, 2010
Mar 4, 2010 at 12:19 PM UTC
Clandestine Admiration
Seated beside you in a bicycle rickshaw, eventide of your last New Delhi day gathering itself all around us. Silk from my sari encircles my head, shoulders warmed by a winter shawl. Your heavy beige mantle and dhoti, frame a man as tall as a tree, at least to me. There is no need for words. I may have been singing a bhajan to you, just quietly, as shop lights came on in the deepening blue. Perfection finds us in the briefest of moments. Wherever you are now, timelessness governs friendships formed in the Land of the Veda.
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Apr 17, 2016
Apr 17, 2016 at 2:32 PM UTC
Eventide in Shalimar Bagh
Leaves stripped bare, The clump of a nest Now so obvious, but since abandoned Past residents won't care. This morn, winter flavored branches Sweet confections that beckoned. Black in twilight, the silhouettes Look again as barren, Swaying spindly fingers And counting stars Which today seem so far. Once I reached up and plucked Those winking sparkles to sprinkle A pillow I shared, Though glowing duller amid dreams That shined in young eyes. Their beams became beacons, Joining hearts across oceans So that distance wouldn't matter. It was in absence dread fate dared, Soon setting ancient lights to falter, Dimming, dying through time's haze. Oh, how long ago did I last gaze Upon exciting skies as this! Certain of the hopes and promise Avowed within those sparks held. T'was briefest of life's moments, Most rare and intense, Never again finding its day Save in ambush of memory On a night like this When wind blows bitter and swift. Brilliance still dances, but ever so far away
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Feb 14, 2010
Feb 14, 2010 at 4:36 PM UTC
Starry Night
i caught the midnight sky winking at me as i walked out the front door; its clouded lid falling upon that bright but waning eye for the briefest of moments it is hard to know if this was a gesture    of endorsement a translunary "attaboy"    of encouragement to keep walking this path less travelled or an accusatory reassurance despite    the ambivalence that my secrets would be kept by this ever-watchful stellar companion
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Aug 4, 2022
Aug 4, 2022 at 8:06 AM UTC
lunar pareidolia
downpours in june are expected in london like the rushing to the tubelines at closing time the warmth of the morning undone raining in june is nothing short of a crime. like children in suits the 9-5ers leap from raindrop to raindrop with umbrellas writhing against eachother like tethers only for the briefest connections can we stop. there's no point looking into a rain-battered soul its only when we move apart can we truly be whole.
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Jun 15, 2019
Jun 15, 2019 at 6:08 PM UTC
raindrop to raindrop
tonight i looked up into the night sky...and i saw how lucky i am to be alive. how is it we can see so much in the dark? i saw myself looking back at me. too far for my own mind to follow. i thought of spinning around in circles...of history repeating itself. i thought of seeds sprouting and people dying. i thought of my body and it's weakness. i saw my strength and resilience. i thought of living long after i leave this place. returning to dust and earth. sinking into the deep and floating off into the nothingness. i thought of the wondrous nothingness. so enormous with purpose. too far for my own light to follow. to venture as far as to fade into future and pass into past. i saw myself looking back at me. i saw my eyes weathered with age and wisdom. i saw my heart playful as ignorance. foolish with curiosity. i knew that from this moment i would not fear death. for i saw in the dark that i shall never perish. i saw my return to the night. my return to the dust. the beautiful beginning end. i saw it begin so long ago. i knew all along that i could not fear life. i saw in the dark that i shall always shine brightly. i saw the gorgeous truth of the extraordinary coincidences. i thought of my mother and her strength and care. i thought of my father's photograph... and the life that he lived in my pocket. i saw him looking down upon me. shining brightly as i would. i saw myself turning in circles. i thought of turning...turning...turning into him. this is such a beautiful place. such a lovely breath of air. so enormous with purpose. each one will venture as far as to fade into future and pass into past. i thought of the last inhale. i knew at that moment that time has been kind to me. i thought of holding my breath. i dreamt of keeping the last thing this world would give me. i saw myself shimmer like light on the water. i saw myself leaving and coming back. i knew that in the briefest of moments i would last for eternity. i saw myself in everyone else. i saw us all fighting for air. i thought of us spinning around in circles...of history repeating itself. tonight i looked up into the night sky...and i saw how lucky we are to be alive.
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May 2, 2012
May 2, 2012 at 5:17 PM UTC
the night sky
tonight i looked up into the night sky...and i saw how lucky i am to be alive. how is it we can see so much in the dark? i saw myself looking back at me. too far for my own mind to follow. i thought of spinning around in circles...of history repeating itself. i thought of seeds sprouting and people dying. i thought of my body and it's weakness. i saw my strength and resilience. i thought of living long after i leave this place. returning to dust and earth. sinking into the deep and floating off into the nothingness. i thought of the wondrous nothingness. so enormous with purpose. too far for my own light to follow. to venture as far as to fade into future and pass into past. i saw myself looking back at me. i saw my eyes weathered with age and wisdom. i saw my heart playful as ignorance. foolish with curiosity. i knew that from this moment i would not fear death. for i saw in the dark that i shall never perish. i saw my return to the night. my return to the dust. the beautiful beginning end. i saw it begin so long ago. i knew all along that i could not fear life. i saw in the dark that i shall always shine brightly. i saw the gorgeous truth of the extraordinary coincidences. i thought of my mother and her strength and care. i thought of my father's photograph... and the life that he lived in my pocket. i saw him looking down upon me. shining brightly as i would. i saw myself turning in circles. i thought of turning...turning...turning into him. this is such a beautiful place. such a lovely breath of air. so enormous with purpose. each one will venture as far as to fade into future and pass into past. i thought of the last inhale. i knew at that moment that time has been kind to me. i thought of holding my breath. i dreamt of keeping the last thing this world would give me. i saw myself shimmer like light on the water. i saw myself leaving and coming back. i knew that in the briefest of moments i would last for eternity. i saw myself in everyone else. i saw us all fighting for air. i thought of us spinning around in circles...of history repeating itself. tonight i looked up into the night sky...and i saw how lucky we are to be alive.
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38
No Good Ever Came... No good ever came From staying up all night Except when it took all night To satisfy our thoughts No good ever came After the eight pint Except when we drank too much And finally said the words No good ever came From sleeping for hours all fine Except in those morning hours When we were safe from the whole world No good ever came From staying sober and bright Except for the days we remember When everything was sharp and whole No good ever came From standing completely still Except when we stared at each other And knew just who we were No good ever came From filling up on pills Except when we hung from the ceiling And clung to the clouds in mirth No good ever came From chasing childish thrills Until we found that place inside And laughed at how simple it was No good ever came From using power of will Except when we clung together Much longer than we should No good ever came From constantly pretending Except when we said it would be fine And sort of lived our lives No good ever came From the act of surrendering Except when we surrendered To the currents in our hearts No good ever came From being real and raw Except when we absolved ourselves By accepting all our scars No good ever came From fighting in a war Except when we fought each other Instead of face ourselves Nothing ever good came From shedding all those tears Except when it let you know That I was full of fear Nothing ever came from me or you or us Except for the briefest moments When good came from both our lives.
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Jan 12, 2014
Jan 12, 2014 at 4:46 PM UTC
No Good Ever Came...
No Good Ever Came... No good ever came From staying up all night Except when it took all night To satisfy our thoughts No good ever came After the eight pint Except when we drank too much And finally said the words No good ever came From sleeping for hours all fine Except in those morning hours When we were safe from the whole world No good ever came From staying sober and bright Except for the days we remember When everything was sharp and whole No good ever came From standing completely still Except when we stared at each other And knew just who we were No good ever came From filling up on pills Except when we hung from the ceiling And clung to the clouds in mirth No good ever came From chasing childish thrills Until we found that place inside And laughed at how simple it was No good ever came From using power of will Except when we clung together Much longer than we should No good ever came From constantly pretending Except when we said it would be fine And sort of lived our lives No good ever came From the act of surrendering Except when we surrendered To the currents in our hearts No good ever came From being real and raw Except when we absolved ourselves By accepting all our scars No good ever came From fighting in a war Except when we fought each other Instead of face ourselves Nothing ever good came From shedding all those tears Except when it let you know That I was full of fear Nothing ever came from me or you or us Except for the briefest moments When good came from both our lives.
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56
I wait for you, night I wait for you all day For in those briefest moments we touch I wish we could just stay Stay like this forever With your blue intertwining my red and create a beautiful masterpiece A canvas in the sky, they said For when we meet It feels as if your lips graze mine Brief and obsolete In that moment you are thine I wish we could stay in this limbo forever Where the day met the night But alas it has to end We separate in plight But when tomorrow comes I can always count on you Your darkness meeting my light As day and night must do And we partake in this game forever Never a day complete Without this dance we play Like children on the street I wait for you, night I wait for you all day I wish for you forever in the moments But you can never stay
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Feb 26, 2017
Feb 26, 2017 at 10:33 PM UTC
Purple
A bond grows into a form long and sharp, shining with thin deception. The knife stabs through her unceremoniously. Satan waits to chew. Within the briefest moment, the knife releases spermatozoa, the seeds. Earnestly sowing themselves into her innards, she writhes, expecting-- The lumbar region swells in perverse production-- Mock maternity. The formation of a placenta from the spine-- Woeful womb of Hate. Betrayal as long as the knife from which it came, borne long after Birth. -LP
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Sep 17, 2013
Sep 17, 2013 at 6:33 PM UTC
Growth
I am in love For the first time In the briefest of moments On the shortest of days I am in love With a person of great value Whose opinion has a voice Who found peace within I am in love With a heart that is ever overflowing Eyes that see beauty in all things witnessed Lips that speak naught but truth I am in love Completely and utterly With the utmost honesty With the promise to remember this feeling always For I am in love In the briefest of moments On the shortest of days With the person I have finally become I am in love
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Mar 19, 2014
Mar 19, 2014 at 2:29 PM UTC
I Am In LOVE
We were waiting at the trattoria for our friends to arrive, when she walked in, Aphrodite, alive. Her skin, olive brown, gently kissed by the sun. A fertility goddess if there ever was one. A picture of symmetry long legs and great hips. Neapolitan eyes and, of course, bee stung lips. Magnificent mammaries, barely contained in the briefest of dresses. as I stared, unashamed. There, of course, are impediments I won't try to hide. The ring on my finger, my bride at my side. Plus there's the issue of fifty years gone. My Romeo days have packed up  and moved on. Now our friends have arrived and, chaste kisses exchanged, We feast on our entrees as wine glasses are drained. As dessert time approaches I sadly observe she’'s not on the menu Pumpkin Cheese cake will serve.
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Dec 26, 2011
Dec 26, 2011 at 9:28 PM UTC
A slice of Cheesecake
This lament is not of love but of beauty: Not the beauty of a human smile, nor the beauty of of the lips and eyes of a beloved, But of the beauty of the World. I live for the beauty of the sunset, when the light hits your eyes pinning you to the spot. For the beauty of the corn and grass wafting in the breeze. And for the beauty of the sound of rain lulling you to sleep. And yet it is this beauty that kills me. In every stolen photo, every meagre recording and every nostalgic waft of breeze. For these moments can never be captured Alas there is no net big enough for this butterfly And no mind can hold the bird of paradise that is life. Instead, I am doomed to chase it, throughout my lesser existence To be forever the one who cries out "LOOK!" to those who cannot see, For there are those who are blind to it, and these are the ones I pity. For they are not blind in their eyes, sight is merely a single sense that can be easily replaced with touch or smell or hearing... But blind in their minds Do not pity me, though my head is too small for it's calling. Pity those who cannot, even for the briefest of seconds, see the World. Who spend life crawling forward, head down towards the light, wary to be blinded. For, though it may **** me, I plan to bathe in that light, so that, if only for the briefest of moments... I might see the sun. And what a way to go.
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Mar 16, 2013
Mar 16, 2013 at 4:49 PM UTC
Lamentation.
If I were a painter I would craft a goddess, hung Immortal to some museum or midst the the dusty collection of some baron With body, flawless Form, divine And all of her admirers Turning the muses flanking Apollo, jealous But the real fire, the life giving spark Would flare mad passion in her eyes And the thundering, A call; Theodora, freed from the patriarchy of old Byzantium A bearer of the old magic, ghosts dancing from another time Her beauty would be harmonious To the glittering brown-gold of honeydew And bursting, Like a symphony loud and tremulous All the true aesthetes, trembling That a painter got to meet a woman so To set his heart afire And if I had been born a sculptor If I had been given the power to shape My crowning achievement The great anthem of my time, spent Would be a face; A chin, gently tilted skyward The eyes, sparkling with that unknown sea Hair disheveled, parted, smoothing the cheeks and the glimmer of lips, Softly pursed; But the eyes, the doorways to that tidal force All of the dreams All of the feelings, trapped and rolling, the ocean beneath Would burst forth; A thousand church candles, Or a gathering of street lights. If I were a sculptor my greatest achievement would be cast in Lady's Dream Not for the skin, but for the glittering eyes Or if I were a composer Working on my symphony I would have the brasses buzzing, and the strings A chorus of thought And the melody would be defined not by the loudness But the silences The gaps of deep thought, juxtaposed Amongst the roaring The soft gasps of tide being pulled back to sea and all of the sweet undulations, the rivers of a mind If I were a composer the audience would get a glimpse, The briefest moment, Of the beauty Of quiet The deepness Of thought But I am merely a poet, A poor shaper of words Strung out on hope, Gambling on luck, Trapped, eternally, to the brightness of the sun And lost to those whirlwind emotions that govern men so And for a moment, smiling, I got to know the wildness in another poet's eyes The softness of her smile, And if I could spell love in her heart I would But I am merely a poet, A poor shaper of words And with these powers I can merely say this: When I say beauty and the thoughts fall loosely on the page, hopefully bringing forth a smile When I say beauty, When I say beauty What I mean: You.
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Feb 3, 2014
Feb 3, 2014 at 11:25 PM UTC
On Beauty, What I meant by Beautiful
If I were a painter I would craft a goddess, hung Immortal to some museum or midst the the dusty collection of some baron With body, flawless Form, divine And all of her admirers Turning the muses flanking Apollo, jealous But the real fire, the life giving spark Would flare mad passion in her eyes And the thundering, A call; Theodora, freed from the patriarchy of old Byzantium A bearer of the old magic, ghosts dancing from another time Her beauty would be harmonious To the glittering brown-gold of honeydew And bursting, Like a symphony loud and tremulous All the true aesthetes, trembling That a painter got to meet a woman so To set his heart afire And if I had been born a sculptor If I had been given the power to shape My crowning achievement The great anthem of my time, spent Would be a face; A chin, gently tilted skyward The eyes, sparkling with that unknown sea Hair disheveled, parted, smoothing the cheeks and the glimmer of lips, Softly pursed; But the eyes, the doorways to that tidal force All of the dreams All of the feelings, trapped and rolling, the ocean beneath Would burst forth; A thousand church candles, Or a gathering of street lights. If I were a sculptor my greatest achievement would be cast in Lady's Dream Not for the skin, but for the glittering eyes Or if I were a composer Working on my symphony I would have the brasses buzzing, and the strings A chorus of thought And the melody would be defined not by the loudness But the silences The gaps of deep thought, juxtaposed Amongst the roaring The soft gasps of tide being pulled back to sea and all of the sweet undulations, the rivers of a mind If I were a composer the audience would get a glimpse, The briefest moment, Of the beauty Of quiet The deepness Of thought But I am merely a poet, A poor shaper of words Strung out on hope, Gambling on luck, Trapped, eternally, to the brightness of the sun And lost to those whirlwind emotions that govern men so And for a moment, smiling, I got to know the wildness in another poet's eyes The softness of her smile, And if I could spell love in her heart I would But I am merely a poet, A poor shaper of words And with these powers I can merely say this: When I say beauty and the thoughts fall loosely on the page, hopefully bringing forth a smile When I say beauty, When I say beauty What I mean: You.
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76
It’s in the smallest sounds The briefest touches The shortest glimpse The most fleeting feeling The faintest scent It’s in the loudest symphonies The longest entanglement The seemingly endless moment shared between wandering gazes stopped The lasting, lingering instinct The strongest, most pungent aroma It’s in an informal talk with a friend A polite minute long conversation with a stranger A speech given A comment overheard A phrase dropped A joke made A remark pointed It’s in the violent torrents of stinging drops The gentlest whispers of snowflakes dancing The beacons of golden hope shining down undefeatable The spiraling wisps twirling to the ground from their noble perch up above The tiny fragments of faraway life sailing on the invisible breeze from one life to another It’s the renewal every human needs, That once in a while of going on That inescapable truth: we’re only human That once every so often we accept That everyone can only take so much We all need something to hold We all need something to hope We all need something to roam We all need something to go We all need something to have It’s the renewal And it’s everywhere It’s in our waters And in our fires It’s in our air And in our earth Everywhere someone can find it Everywhere someone will need it It’s everywhere you look It’s everywhere you need That’s what renewal happens to give.
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Sep 18, 2017
Sep 18, 2017 at 9:13 AM UTC
Renewal
You think you can erase me. You think throwing my glass to the ground will remove my lip stick stains. You think your brain, like rocks, will become smooth if you lay in the gentle waves of a new lover. You think your fingers will lose my prints if you burn them long enough on the fire of your newfound passion. You think her smell will cloud over mine. You think you can forget I was ever around, when you hold the truth on your skin. How could I possibly be gone from you if you'll never be gone from me? My mouth shows you to every single person I meet. They can't see you there, they can't feel you with my tongue. They don't know the chip you've left on my tooth. It's not there for them. It's mine. You pretend I don't know your body like a map. You don't think I can trace the scars of your fingers, draw the gully of your joints, the flat plains of your chest. You don't know a thing. I'll never be gone. You can cut me out physically all you want. But when night comes, and you're clutching her close, remember me. Remember me then. You'll feel her body shift, and for the briefest of seconds, you'll know where mine belongs. You'll catch my scent on a breeze, and call her my name. You can't ignore me. I'll never go away. I know far too much to vanish. It's not over, and I won't let it be over until I've seen you squirm. She doesn't want you. We both feel it. See, even if I'm not near you, I feel you. I feel what you feel, know what you're thinking. That won't go away. You can singe my ******* and you can **** my mementos. You can. You can't **** what they meant to you. You can't **** what you feel. So drown yourself in her, and I'll laugh when you roll to my shores, torn apart. Your skin will sag and weigh itself down with seaweed. You'll have barnacles on your tongue as you try to speak to me. You will tell me, "I knew it was wrong. You will never be gone," And I will tell you to hush, and rip off each one slowly, savoring them, making your mouth bleed onto my lap. Your blood will pool around my knees, and sink into my skin, like it was always meant to. You can't escape me. Late at night, lay there, thinking of me. You may have her now, But you'll always have me.
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Aug 6, 2013
Aug 6, 2013 at 11:09 PM UTC
Erase me
You think you can erase me. You think throwing my glass to the ground will remove my lip stick stains. You think your brain, like rocks, will become smooth if you lay in the gentle waves of a new lover. You think your fingers will lose my prints if you burn them long enough on the fire of your newfound passion. You think her smell will cloud over mine. You think you can forget I was ever around, when you hold the truth on your skin. How could I possibly be gone from you if you'll never be gone from me? My mouth shows you to every single person I meet. They can't see you there, they can't feel you with my tongue. They don't know the chip you've left on my tooth. It's not there for them. It's mine. You pretend I don't know your body like a map. You don't think I can trace the scars of your fingers, draw the gully of your joints, the flat plains of your chest. You don't know a thing. I'll never be gone. You can cut me out physically all you want. But when night comes, and you're clutching her close, remember me. Remember me then. You'll feel her body shift, and for the briefest of seconds, you'll know where mine belongs. You'll catch my scent on a breeze, and call her my name. You can't ignore me. I'll never go away. I know far too much to vanish. It's not over, and I won't let it be over until I've seen you squirm. She doesn't want you. We both feel it. See, even if I'm not near you, I feel you. I feel what you feel, know what you're thinking. That won't go away. You can singe my ******* and you can **** my mementos. You can. You can't **** what they meant to you. You can't **** what you feel. So drown yourself in her, and I'll laugh when you roll to my shores, torn apart. Your skin will sag and weigh itself down with seaweed. You'll have barnacles on your tongue as you try to speak to me. You will tell me, "I knew it was wrong. You will never be gone," And I will tell you to hush, and rip off each one slowly, savoring them, making your mouth bleed onto my lap. Your blood will pool around my knees, and sink into my skin, like it was always meant to. You can't escape me. Late at night, lay there, thinking of me. You may have her now, But you'll always have me.
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18
Would that these sounds inside my head stop, for the briefest of moments, for if it was so that I could just hear your voice one more time, I would listen like a child in incumbent solitude,   as if to a mothers soothing voice,   reading never ending stories, and if time would hold back these autumn tears, I would breath again, feeling the cold, crisp air enter my lungs as a soothing balm, healing my wounds and making me whole. © H V Swan
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Sep 19, 2014
Sep 19, 2014 at 6:04 PM UTC
Autumn tears
I stood watching her from the left of the lights Tiny arms and legs She was My little Swan! I danced in shadows As she danced in light Mother and daughter She is magnificent! Her golden curls flying Tights sparkling Toes, barely touching the stage Mother passes the light To the dancing daughter And all is as it should be She caught but a glimpse of me In my selfish shadows Dancing in her glory Our eyes locked for the briefest of seconds She danced on........
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Apr 13, 2017
Apr 13, 2017 at 12:01 PM UTC
A Brief Moment Between Shadow and Light
there’s a deep, visceral anger that I seem to feel everyday that no one ever talks about. i wake up and my stomach roils with fury, wild and burning. i eat breakfast and watch as my hand grips the mug, wishing I could shatter it against the floor. conversation hurts with the acid I want to spit at my mother. i watch action movies and ride roller coasters and go to haunted mazes and every scream I’m allowed feels like the briefest, most beautiful respite. i look out at crowds of people and it feels like I’m breathing concrete. i sit in my car and scream and cry and scream because it’s the only place I’m really alone and the guy in front of me stares through his rearview mirror. i say that I’m tired but I really mean angry but I don’t know how to say angry so I just say tired and everyone is getting really tired of me being tired. i remember when the anger was so big and I was so small and I only knew how to close the hatch of my mouth to keep it all inside because one time I let it out and then everyone knew about the anger and I came to the sudden terrifying realization that the anger wasn’t supposed to be evoked. i am so angry and I thought everyone else was too and we were all in on some joke where we’re constantly hiding fury behind our eyes. but I think, recently, I’ve realized that this deep, hot, painful, crippling, paralyzing anger isn’t entirely normal. that not everyone wants to scream at their loved ones one moment and then stick a knife in their head the next. instead the joke is on me, like I missed orientation and everyone seems to run like clockwork and I’m an angry little gear that’s rusted and out of place. everything is so practiced and planned and poised and perfect and I just want to sink my teeth into it and rip it all to shreds, screaming and baring my throat to the sky, daring god to face me and bear witness to my unholy wrath as the blood of his creation runs down my neck. anger grips me like a vice and lives in my stomach and I just want to have a conversation where I’m not trying to not throw the bottle in my hand.
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Sep 6, 2022
Sep 6, 2022 at 3:06 AM UTC
rip it to shreds
there’s a deep, visceral anger that I seem to feel everyday that no one ever talks about. i wake up and my stomach roils with fury, wild and burning. i eat breakfast and watch as my hand grips the mug, wishing I could shatter it against the floor. conversation hurts with the acid I want to spit at my mother. i watch action movies and ride roller coasters and go to haunted mazes and every scream I’m allowed feels like the briefest, most beautiful respite. i look out at crowds of people and it feels like I’m breathing concrete. i sit in my car and scream and cry and scream because it’s the only place I’m really alone and the guy in front of me stares through his rearview mirror. i say that I’m tired but I really mean angry but I don’t know how to say angry so I just say tired and everyone is getting really tired of me being tired. i remember when the anger was so big and I was so small and I only knew how to close the hatch of my mouth to keep it all inside because one time I let it out and then everyone knew about the anger and I came to the sudden terrifying realization that the anger wasn’t supposed to be evoked. i am so angry and I thought everyone else was too and we were all in on some joke where we’re constantly hiding fury behind our eyes. but I think, recently, I’ve realized that this deep, hot, painful, crippling, paralyzing anger isn’t entirely normal. that not everyone wants to scream at their loved ones one moment and then stick a knife in their head the next. instead the joke is on me, like I missed orientation and everyone seems to run like clockwork and I’m an angry little gear that’s rusted and out of place. everything is so practiced and planned and poised and perfect and I just want to sink my teeth into it and rip it all to shreds, screaming and baring my throat to the sky, daring god to face me and bear witness to my unholy wrath as the blood of his creation runs down my neck. anger grips me like a vice and lives in my stomach and I just want to have a conversation where I’m not trying to not throw the bottle in my hand.
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It has been so long since I last heard my name out of your mouth that this time, it takes me by shock. I’m standing in the shadows, mouth agape, and you’re illuminated by the sun rays, blinding smile on your face. It’s funny, I note as a passing thought; we’ve been the light and dark of each other for as long as I can remember. You pull me out of my stupor, eyes finding mine and as always it feels like returning home. "Are you coming?" I shake my head, the weather is searing and my health is frail. The sun has never been a sanctuary for me like it has been for you, hair a faded brown and skin tanned from overexposure to the day. I pale in comparison, thriving in the moonlight and the shadows, at night and in the cold. To my surprise, you don’t push any further. The briefest shock in your expression lingers before realisation sets in, and the corners of your lips turn up. It then occurs to me that you remember all that I have told you before, years ago when I thought you weren’t listening. I suppose you have been, all this while. A small spark of hope ignites somewhere deep inside my lungs. "Tsk." You truly smile by this time, fondness embedded in your gaze and the hints of affection in the tilt of your head. I return the gesture, a nervous, happy laugh escaping even before I can stop it. The moment is a giddy whirlwind of emotions; I have never been able to control myself around you. - I never notice until much later, but I spend the rest of the day away from the shade and under the sunlight; transfixed by your stare. In these moments I can only think of how much I love you. (A.H.Z)
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Oct 28, 2013
Oct 28, 2013 at 11:24 AM UTC
sunlight
It has been so long since I last heard my name out of your mouth that this time, it takes me by shock. I’m standing in the shadows, mouth agape, and you’re illuminated by the sun rays, blinding smile on your face. It’s funny, I note as a passing thought; we’ve been the light and dark of each other for as long as I can remember. You pull me out of my stupor, eyes finding mine and as always it feels like returning home. "Are you coming?" I shake my head, the weather is searing and my health is frail. The sun has never been a sanctuary for me like it has been for you, hair a faded brown and skin tanned from overexposure to the day. I pale in comparison, thriving in the moonlight and the shadows, at night and in the cold. To my surprise, you don’t push any further. The briefest shock in your expression lingers before realisation sets in, and the corners of your lips turn up. It then occurs to me that you remember all that I have told you before, years ago when I thought you weren’t listening. I suppose you have been, all this while. A small spark of hope ignites somewhere deep inside my lungs. "Tsk." You truly smile by this time, fondness embedded in your gaze and the hints of affection in the tilt of your head. I return the gesture, a nervous, happy laugh escaping even before I can stop it. The moment is a giddy whirlwind of emotions; I have never been able to control myself around you. - I never notice until much later, but I spend the rest of the day away from the shade and under the sunlight; transfixed by your stare. In these moments I can only think of how much I love you. (A.H.Z)
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