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Jordan Rowan Apr 2016
I got my philosophies ready to go
And all I want is for you to know
Let me tell you what's wrong with you
And why you need to change the things you do

What is that you've got in your mouth?
I thought we left those ideals in the south
A perfect platter tastes so natural
And perfect laughter sounds so beautiful

I'll meet you in uptown, baby
The place downtown goes crazy

You made a joke without warning me
You need to know that you offended me
I hope you're happy, you Neanderthal
Hopped up on commercialism and Adderall  

Do you wanna know what my talent is?
It's telling you how the end begins
I'm not a prophet, I don't believe in one
But you're gonna pray to me when I'm done
ghazal Dec 2018
you're gonna leave when the rain stops.
when my lonely world is joined by you the pain stops.
and i hope you don’t feel pressured but please stay.
because once the clouds pass and the trees cease to sway,
the memories come-
the memories remain.
it’s not your responsibility i know that,
but when it comes to implementing change my minds blank.
my heart ends up getting thrown around-
a free for all.
and i cant seem to focus without you-
my adderall.
and each day that passes,
my tolerance grows faster,
the world gets louder,
my brain feels crowded,
and my heart beats faster.
so calm me down with a kiss or two.
nothing about me wants to feel this kind of blue.
maybe my neck, get that a darker shade of hue.
so hold me close, i’ll hold you too.
and in this cold weather,
i somehow feel less tethered
to the world outside theres somehow less pressure.
but the raindrops stop tapping on my window
and you’re gone before i get a chance to whisper

“don’t go”.
insta: @faithpoetrybook
We were young but we felt old
Forced to make decisions
On the road less traveled

Watching time go by
As we cling to our youth
Holding our breathe
Scared to the tell the truth

Trying to live above the influence
So we all just get High!
Mary Jane and molly is one hefty price
Adderall to stay focus
On this thing that we call life

Teeenage fever, God... I hope this thing dies
Postal Leo Jan 31
The world is super ******* frightening, I'm scared of it all,
And I’m so high off fear, and about 4-6 adderall.
So keep to myself, stay quiet, and stand real tall,
Man, hope I don't get shot…

Is life really that serious, I don’t know…
But i feel like a toddler, trying to run half-time show.
Or maybe that’s all i want, and aspire to be,
But, thing is, can’t tell if I can run, or am even up on my feet.

I can't pretend to be thugged out, or a G.
I’m just stupid *** original me!
I escalate nothing to something, yet still act carefree,  
And am completely unbeneficial to society.  

I’m a complete waste of space, live with my Granny at her place,
Sometimes I swear I’m just an alien, hidden, among the human race.
And i had to get me a lady to convince myself that’s not the case.
And I give my heart to her, because we met through the fates!

And the fates will tell me yet again, if she’s meant to be my wife,
Haven’t put a ring on **** yet, but I blame my ******* up life.
And if she was cheating on me, wouldn't even be confused.
I would get exactly why you did it, but my ego would still be bruised.
Jason James Mar 26
3 quarts of Smirnoff ice ***** drivers it'll buy me about for hours of peace. I miss my kolonopins,
But my doctor has me one probation for taking ninty in a day.i can't wait to get them back, but for now it'll  do.
Snort six, eat too and enjoy the tempotarary
I would just smoke ****
But it's not legal and far to expensive. Tonight maybe I'll mix it up with some haldol....
The things I do to be normal.
No longer smoking crack rock on a curbside thrown out cosch,
Snorting blow to come peace
Doing points for the nods and the ****** bliss,schrooms and lsd
Still medicicating to find some peace.
Women seen scandalous and I know longer feel like chasing ***** for all the drama it brings, and the beer doesn't work anymore but the scotch is still  present, but a little expenses.how I miss ectstacy, the ***** beans laced in MDMA, coke and ******. **** wasn't bad but molly was pale in comparison. How I miss dramamine. But I an a good patient, I fill my prescriptions and misuse mine occasionally, but I am mostly legal and trying to be honest, i confess my shortcoming. And if i had the bugject I'd drink wnte Russians and ****** Mary's and forgoe food with the occasional tequila and coffee,,,,,,but alas ime ust above poverty, and cigarettes aren't cheap. But my ashes burned true will be clean,and a filter to the poisons I steal, barter buy and take off the streetscape. Never a dealer,just a connisuer who's dabbled in all. Opiates nutmeg adderall. The trapping of a misspent youth,,but never worth trading you you're cookie cutter Monday through five scene for. Happiness exchanged for pleasure, experience, high and low, enlightenment and fear and losing. Only lacking adrenochrome, peyote and dmt.. as I said, now I serve big pharmaceutical
After all I'm now a law abiding individual.
Selena Jan 17
Addiction
Is 2am stumbling in slurring all your words
Addiction is when the needle is so far in your vein that it aches and pulses
Addiction is when your nose burns from not the first but the 20th line
You tell your self I’m not addicted I don’t have a problem but your family is begging with pleading eyes and you sit with bleeding veins as you tell yourself just one more Adderall you don’t see how far gone you are until you’re gone because you would rather give up your own life rather then the Xanax hanging from your hand you say it’s an escape but this escape is calling death upon yourself
You’re a prisoner to the drugs begging with pleading eyes for someone to ask you how you’re doing but when they don’t you’ll sit in the dimly lit kitchen as pills caress your hand you’ll wonder why no one asked you. You feel alone so you’ll fill the void with another shot of liquid gold and when you’re finally able to sleep after days of escaping your day meres you’ll realize the reason why no one asked how you were and as the realization sets in you’ll take out the needle and throw away the pills as your nightmares begin to fade and the smile on your face comes into play you’ll realize I made it out of this.
Mauren Oct 2018
I realized tonight that I don't love you
and the tattoo of you wrapped around my shoulders hasn't comforted me in ages

but memories are as deadly..

do you remember the night I fell asleep clutching a bottle of xanax and adderall
a concoction from hell
blackout and ****** that I can't trust either of us alone anymore
that's the first time you call me "******" to my face

and wasn't it a surprise that everything only got worse after that

remember when you'd hold me when I was terrified of waking up
and you'd sing so sweetly to sooth the rush of poison in my veins

remember when the blood trail behind the needle was ****
and making love is how we'd describe the way we ****** with our clothes on and the lights out

yeah, me neither

remember the first time we got physical
and it wasn't **** at all

YEAH, ME NEITHER
maybe because it happens all the time now

remember when waking up wasn't the scary part anymore?
because we were more worried about whether we were falling asleep
or just dying this time

you can count me out of that one, too!!
because I have been so ready to close my eyes for so long since you

remember the first time you didn't mean it when you said "i love you"
I wanna be certain we're thinking of the same instance
that I wasn't just months late to the punchline
of this ****** up joke we've been playing on each other ever since we decided to stop sleeping in the same bed

I swear to the only god that'll ever save me
whoever she is
I'll go back to the misery of meeting every morning like a battle field if it means I don't ever have to think of you again

but I remember everything you ever said
every time you held your head back while I traced your pale skin for a good place to inject our sins
I remember exactly what you tasted like the first time we kissed
after begging for all the percocet I had left

remember the way that I loved you..
and how dangerous it'd be
if I still did
this is ******* **** but I'm sick to my stomach over you
Eleanor Jan 6
This is someone I've loved
I've loved her for years.
She's hated the world for longer
How much each day did she think she'd die? Never make it to 18.
Suicide was easier, she couldn't tell her family who or what she was
I was terrified, and I didn't even know.
Tell me, please, why are creatures that are so beautiful allowed to die? or why are they taken away, not only from us, the people around them, but from themselves, why can you see the potential in other people more often than yourself? Why do so many people have depression, why do all of my friends "joke" about dying but cry alone at night about how much they hate themselves? What an absolute pandemic. The nights and days and life is for lovers, the fresh smell of flowers on your nightstand on a high school saturday from your beautiful lover, who wanted to **** herself yesterday morning? But instead of hitting a cement wall in her car, speeding down the street, or slicing at her wrists, no instead, she tells you that you're what kept her on the road, you are who she called right after being in a car accident two years ago on a snowy night, you're who she wants to spend her free time with, actually no, you're not, I am. That girl ******* loves me, and I ******* love her and though the idea of actually marrying her seems naive, and childish, knowing that adults must scoff and roll their eyes at an idea of perfect 17 year old love, but I've lived figurative decades with her. SO MUCH PAIN AND LOVE, ENOUGH FOR 30 LIVES. I've known her for 15 years now, she lives 5 houses down the street, an upsetting family home, with problems of their own, (but who doesn't have issues?) I know what she deserves she deserves love, and so so so much comfort and kindness. I swear if you saw her like I do, I think you'd be surprised. Have you seen her? God. That long brown hair, that's curly without her even trying, in messy beach waves, or her with a beanie on? Or a snapback? Her black torn jeans, her vans shoes, her ridiculous socks I pretend to refuse to kiss her in, her huge blue, yellow, and green eyes. With those long, pretty, eyelashes, and her soft, small, kissable lips, they pout and smile and every movement her mouth makes, I want to see. She's walking art, she's hard, she's a badass, she is everything you'd want in an angsty, temperamental, crabby, high school girlfriend, you might not like the drugs, the Xanax, the Adderall, the excess of ****, nicotine. She stays away from alcohol, her parents and she knows why. You've never seen her hands, felt her warm, small frame, and her precious arms. I could stay in them as long as the sun burns. She kills me, she kills me all the time. When she's sad, I want to fix it, when she's happy I want to join that, when she's hyper and annoying I still love her everything, when she's depressed, the only thing on my mind is her getting better. My therapist said we are co-dependent, but that lately I'm moving more away from that, realizing boundaries, and property lines. I might sound crazy, believe me, I know I likely do, but what if you knew that she loved me as much right back? I am tall, about 7 inches taller than her, 5'9 . I have light blonde hair I'm growing out of a short bob haircut. I am limber, but with curves, I have a thin but hourglass shape, I have anorexia nerviosa, I have anxiety, like her, depression like her, she has bipolar tendencies, I am dissociative, we both have body dysmorphia, so honestly, at this point, who the **** knows what I look like? No one is honest about how **** I am, not a fun thought, sorry, moving on. I love her, I do, I will, I have, I don't know where I'd find anyone more fit for me in the entire world, and that's why I need her, and that's why she needs me, and that's why both of us are alive. We are both alive because the other is alive, I think back about the pills she took 2 years ago. The cry for help, rehab, the hospital, her body, I can't imagine my angel going through that, and me not being there for her, again. She's everything to me. I want to be there, I will be there, she is absolutely beautiful and I will never, ever, ever be the one to let her down. Anytime she calls me out of school and into the parking lot, and I run around campus trying to find her and get help, and each time I go to her house at 3am with my mom because she cut her wrists again, my pain worsens with hers. She doesn't deserve this *******!!!! SHE DOESN'T WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD? I DON'T DESERVE THIS EITHER. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE. WE ARE LESBIANS, WHAT THE **** JUST LET US LIVE, WE WANT TO **** OURSELVES ENOUGH EVERYDAY. I DON'T EAT, SHE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HERSELF. WE USE DRUGS TO HELP, BECAUSE NOTHING ELSE WORKS ENOUGH TO NUMB ANY OF THIS PAIN, EXCEPT LOVE. THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE. WELCOME AMERICA. DRUGS, ***, LOVE AND GIRLS. That's what we are alive for, and never for a second will you catch me alive while she's dead, and vise versa. I'm out when she is. I'm in love with her, and this world will mean nothing if she goes. Her dad yelling her name and running up the stairs to see the ****** wrists of his daughter, me crying on my kitchen floor, over food, over my body, over my girlfriend and best friend wanting to be dead. I've cried in my room, I've cried in the music room, the bathroom, my closet, I've cried for her. Any pain I've ever felt, I never want her to ******* face, and slays me, absolutely destroys me to know she feels the same pain. Someone get her some help, some love, something more, her friends say that she's so so lucky to have me, and I guess that makes me feel so good to hear. I am equally so so lucky to have her. I love that she loves me, I love the ring she gave me, that was the ring she'd wear every day she didn't self harm. I think she got it from an old crush, but I don't mind, it's all part of the story. She got me a diamond ring, and I made her a diamond ring. I also gave her a ring in a little Patina box that has a heart on the front and an engraved saying, "forever and always" on the inside. She said she CRASHED into love with me when I gave her that in my 94' Beretta. Oct. 25, 2018. We made it official. Can't wait for the day I get to call her mine forever. The day we have our first child, looking at her and thinking of how far we've come, how much love we've created in this world, and how much joy and comfort we've added, how much peace we've found, and what future we've made. I can't say enough about her, no one could. No one can explain her, or anyone, the intricacies of people are sometimes unimaginable when one is not in love with someone, but I love her teeth, her thighs, her hands and arms and stomach and chest. I love her heartbeat and her voice. I love when she's even a little annoyed with me, and I kiss her, and we instantly forget about whatever it was we were fighting about. She's my dream, and my future, and my life's greatest love.
I love her, I love buying groceries with her, I love her intelligence and humor, and entire body, and laugh and, god, everything about this girl.
Gabriel Ibarra Dec 2018
My forevers last half the time
So I hope you won't be mad if I
Give you all of me so that you can see it all
Every laugh line, broken hearted, altruistic flaw
My hopeless romantic, spastic, haphazard philosophy
Cluttered, caustic, over-cautious  thoughts that always bothered me
The way I hide behind these platitudes
And my off and on bummy mother ******* attitude
Maybe shed some light on my enigmatic self esteem
Like how I want to be somebody else but not if that somebody isn't me
To ADHD

True love is my Adderall.


Sincerely,
Depression
Self e x p l a I n.

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