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victoria Nov 2017
Addicted

If I’m not addicted to Facebook
I’m addicted to a poetry site

If I’m not addicted to alcohol
I’m addicted to any azipam

If I’m not addicted to tattoos
I’m addicted to ***

If I’m not addicted to the sky
I’m addicted to reading

If I’m not addicted to shopping
I’m addicted to tinder

If I’m not addicted to exercise
I’m addicted to food

If I’m not addicted to staying thin
I’m addicted to cutting my hair

If I’m not addicted to AC/DC
I’m addicted to Leonard Cohen

If I’m not addicted to writing
I’m addicted to procrastinating

If I’m not addicted to the beach
I’m addicted to my bed

If I’m not addicted to you
I’m addicted to someone else

If I’m not addicted to something
Then I’m not happy being un-addicted....

In the words of a song I love dearly...
addicted
“I’ve never met a ****** that I didn’t like”

Many of us are addicts.... it’s how we survive ❤️
Chuck Kean Mar 22
My response to Addictions by Acme

For The Addicted

    For the addicted there’s no hate
For the addicted there’s sadness
For the addicted there’s anger
For the addicted there’s madness

For the addicted there’s pain
For the addicted wants to die
For the addicted hurts so many
For the addicted our tears we cry

For the addicted though it’s not a disease
For the addicted it was a choice
For the addicted there’s help
For the addicted I utter with devoice

For the addicted Have given up
For the addicted chose not to fight
For the addicted lives in the dark
For the addicted closes their eyes to the light

For the addicted there is shame
And the whole world is afflicted
For the addicted we pray for
God’s Grace for the addicted

Written By:Charles Kean
Copyright © 03/22/2020
All rights reserved
Forgive me my views but myself being
A victim of child abuse at the hands of
An alcoholic father mentally and physically
Because he chose his love for alcohol instead
Of his love for his wife and children.
And I know it’s a choice not a disease
Because when my turn came to make the same choice, I chose to love my wife and daughter. And the easy way out for me could have been choosing alcohol or drugs or both because of everything I went through but I CHOSE to fight and not give up on life or myself. God Bless the addicted but you can chose to fight or you can stay addicted and cause more heartache and pain than you will ever realize.
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
I am addicted to tea. Seriously. It is concerning.
I am addicted to watching that old show Mad About You  
I am addicted to watching that old show Blossom
I am addicted to fluffy blankets
I am addicted to music
I am addicted to books
I am addicted to writing
I am addicted to Hello Poetry it Is actually negatively affecting my ability to function I am not kidding lol
I am addicted to the color black
I am addicted to makeup
I am addicted to tea (I needed to say it twice so everyone realizes how serious it is)
I am addicted to being weird
I am addicted to laughing with my friends
I am addicted to poetry
I am addicted to bubble wrap
Everyone seems to be doing this challenge so I figured I had a free second and a lot of addictions lol anyone else share any of these addictions?
Julia May 2019
I'm addicted.
Addicted to the rush of joy that fills my heart
To the affection, the small touches
Addicted to the laughter and smiles
To the companionship, the connections
Addicted to the feeling of falling for you
To not knowing what happens next
Addicted to the butterflies that find their home in my heart
To catching my breath and the feeling of floating in the clouds
Addicted to the colors in your eyes,
The words in your mind,
The shape of your hands,
And every freckle, tan-line, and flaw that you think you see
Addicted to every second spent together
Each memory being filed away for safe keeping
Addicted to feeling weightless, worry-free and worth something
Feeling like everything may be falling into place, finally

But addictions have consequences, side effects
Disappointment, tears, broken hearts
Like the first drag off the cigarette, hitting your chest like bricks
Making your mind foggy and thoughts fade for just a moment
Toxic.
But you can’t help but go back for another
You can't help but think about when the next one will come around
Because addictions hit hard
Sometimes slowly making their way, sometimes in the blink of an eye

I'm hooked.
Addicted.
To the split second thoughts of pure, raw happiness
The kind that makes every other moment feel so dull
Addicted, knowing that Ill end up broken and burnt out
Letting my heart take the lead
Knowing it has no self-control and moves too fast
Knowing Ill put my guard down to anyone who might feed the addiction, hoping that this one will be different
Addicted to the chase, catch and learning to let go
I wish I could quit ya love, but I can't
I'm addicted.
to you.
WR Teschke Nov 2010
Maybe I'm addicted to that feeling
Addicted to that living
Addicted to that painless high that glorious mental healing

Addicted to the smiles, addicted to the lights
Addicted to those pretty girls all dressed in tights
Addicted to the laughter, addicted to the game
Addicted to that feeling that I need to keep me sane

Addicted to that feeling, that feeling deep inside
It starts with just a feeling then it turns into a ride
Kaitlin Jan 2014
I'm addicted to this pain
Addicted to you
Addicted to the stain
Addicted to misuse
The neglection you give me?
I'm addicted to that too
I'm addicted to the abuse you give me times three
I'm addicted to forgiving your mistakes towards me
Addicted to being tired of this suppression
Addicted to this thing called depression
Addicted to the blade
that cuts into life
Addicted to no longer being a hero in the strife
I'm addicted to people with an extensive diction
I'm addicted to being an addict with an addiction
Mercedes Faust Nov 2014
i am addicted.

addicted to how your hair flows at the right angle, and how your eyes sparkle when you speak sinful things into my ear.

i am addicted.

addicted to how high i get off of your lips. and with each kiss i think im going to overdose.

i am addicted.

its not something i can fight nor i can control.

i am addicted to all the bad and the good you do to me.
Eisen Pacheco Sep 2014
I'm not addicted to the substance
I don't really care about the high or the low
I'm addicted to the morning after
I'm addicted to being able to tell you exactly how I feel
and to take it all away the next day
I'm addicted to "I'm sorry, I was so ****** up."
I'm addicted to "It's okay."
Because I'll never be enough.

   I'm addicted to the aftertaste of our drunken kiss
I'm addicted to forgetting how you pushed me from your lips
I don't care for lightheaded feelings
I get enough from you
I don't need the acid rising up
but you hold me when I do

I don't need the ****** parties
The kids all passed out on the floor

I'm addicted to sobering up
I'm addicted to needing you more.
I want to be hooked
Addicted to you
First thing in morning
Addicted to you
Last thing at night
Addicted to you
Alway on my mind
Addicted to you
Perfect fix every time
Addicted to you
Losing my mind
Addicted to you
Losing myself
Addicted to you
I know I'll never win, because I'm
Addicted to you
Greyson Fay Dec 2014
myaddiction

I'm addicted to love.
And
I'm addicted to blond hair.
And
the color blue.
and
I'm addicted to the smell of smoke.
And
I'm addicted to the way I feel around you.
And
I'm addicted to green eyes.
And
Im addicted to sunshine.
And
warmth.
I'm addicted to sadness.
And
I'm addicted to hiding.

But most of all.

*I'm addicted to being alone.
Roxanne Pepin Apr 2011
I’m addicted to your poetry
I’m addicted to your words
I’m addicted to the symphony you sing
As you recite simple words
I’m addicted to your dance
as you move about the room performing simple tasks
I’m addicted to your smell
As you rush by and let it linger in my nostrils
I’m addicted to everything you do
because I’m addicted to you
© Roxanne Pepin 2011
Taylor Dec 2014
I am addicted to rain, to the sunset, to the sound of water over rocks.

To the crackling of the fire, to the breeze on my cheeks. To the feeling of someone else's fingers running through my hair.

I am addicted to the way he smiled, to the way she kissed, to the feeling of my fingers laced with someone else's.

I am addicted to the quiet pain in my heart, to obsessing over my fears, to apologizing for things beyond my control.

I am addicted to this boy who has eyes like the sky, to this boy who makes my heart jump into my throat and my cheeks burn and my legs go numb and who makes it hard to breath. I am addicted to this boy who doesn't really know who I am, who just knows who I want him to know, who has a smile like perfection and probably doesn't even know it.

I am addicted to writing. About my heart, about my dreams, about my sins and agonies. About how other people view me and how I view other people and how I view myself.

I am addicted to cuddling, to thick blankets and fluffy pillows, to lazy mornings.

I am addicted to wishing I could share all the things I love most with that boy, the one who I wish I could look at all day.

I am addicted to turning things into him without ever intending to.
Heather McCorkle Apr 2018
Every day is the same
We get up and we get dressed
Then we leave and we try to forget
It's a cycle and we need rest
We want to believe we'll get past this
But will we ever get past this?

I'm trying to find my place
I'm trying to find a strategy
I can't erase my life
So I watch while it erases me

Put the pill in, still, I sink
That doesn't work so a needle, a kink
I'm on the brink
I need to breathe something
I need, I need, I need
to believe in something
I'm addicted to believing in all the wrong things

We're addicted
If this is all life is, then we cannot resist
The pattern, the object, with all of its tricks
We're addicted
Will we ever stop?

I'm addicted to saying, "I'm okay"
You know those days, every day
Clearly, I'm hurting inside, but when someone comes up I just lie
I lie about a lot of things, actually

I'm addicted to love
But it's not really love
I'm chasing relationship after vacation this is only attraction its a fraction of something cold inside me
Tell me you love me
I'll show you I love you
But I don't really

We're addicted

What if I were to tell you?
That we have someone else to be satisfied
People say, "Why you gotta drag Him in"
Otherwise, our lives would be a lie
All a lie

Let's be addicted
to God's love
It's so uplifting
It's always enough
If this is what love is, then I feel it
The peace, and the hope, and I reel it in
I'll need to come back again and again

Addicted
We don't have to stop

We get up and we get dressed
Get down on our knees 'cause we know we're blessed
Not a routine, not a plead
But a lifeline
He will always satisfy
AJ Nov 2016
At the age of 16, I promised myself I’d never get addicted.
I swore to myself that not one thing could drown me in the ocean that is addiction, but at age 18, I shattered the promise into pieces.

Growing up, the smell of cigarette smoke escaping my mom’s sweaters always made me sick to my stomach,
but as soon as sadness found me at the age of 16, it whispered in my ear to find the addiction in nicotine.
I found myself sneaking into the garage to steal cigarettes out of half full packs,
blowing smoke out of my window at the Devil’s hour.
And at age 18 I replaced the stolen packs of cigarettes with bought packs of Marlboro Blues.
The packs sit at the bottom of my purse, the smell masked by over usage of perfume,
the addiction hidden by me telling everyone who loves me “I don’t like it anyway.”

Growing up with an alcoholic father, full of terrifying nights wondering whether or not I’d see him come home after the bar,
I swore to myself I’d never drink any sort of alcohol,
but that was soon broken when I found the bottle of wine no one wanted to drink,
and the forgotten beer cans nobody from my family drank at a birthday party.
I drowned it all, and for that second I understood why my father could want this addiction so much.
The burn was a numbing experience, and I found more relief in shots of mixed liquor and blackouts than any therapy session.

There’s no “growing up” story with the blade, with the cutting, with the self harm.
Maybe I was always fascinated with blades. Maybe I was drawn to it. Maybe I liked the idea of it,
but becoming addicted to dragging a blade across my skin was never something I could imagine.
When the knife first drew blood,
a part of me thought the waterfall of crimson was beautiful,
trailing down my arm in a river of red,
dropping into a puddle like raindrops on a stormy day.
The blade cut through skin as easy as pen on paper,
and I promised myself I would never become addicted,
but the faded white lines on my arms tell a different story.

I remember meeting you,
I remember telling myself,
“****, you’re *******,”
because even if I did promise myself never to become addicted to anything,
I easily became addicted to you.
But you,
you weren’t toxic like every other thing in my life.
You were the sunshine through storm clouds,
hazel eyes sparkling when you talked about something you love.
But it wasn’t how you talked about the items in your life that made me become addicted,
it’s how you light up when talking about me.
It’s how your eyes look before I kiss you,
full of not only lust but so much love,
a love that is so foreign to me I can’t find myself to ever want to stop kissing you.
It’s how you kiss my hand, or my forehead,
or sing in the car when I’m not okay.
It’s how at home I feel in your arms,
and maybe that’s cliche,
but if this is addiction,
then I never want to be in rehab.
(original:http://hellopoetry.com/poem/977081/i-swore-id-never-get-addicted/)
It's been almost two years since I wrote the first one, and I thought it needed a rewrite about how things can change in a couple years. Maybe it didn't change a lot, but I'm happy with how it is.
Nat Dec 2015
Addicted to
Liquor
Beer
Wine
The buzz

Addicted to
Snacks
Dinner
2nd dinner
Excess

Addicted to
Painkillers
Creating pain
Numbing pain

Addicted to
Worry

Addicted to
Self-doubt

Addicted to
negativity

Addicted to
Distraction

Addicted to
Secrecy

Addicted to
Escape

Always
Escape
Ellie May Oct 2014
I'm addicted to the tracing you do with your fingertips
i'm addicted to the calluses all over your palms
I'm addicted to the almost burning of your arms
i'm addicted to the fist to forehead bump that you do
i'm not sure if it's to comfort me, or to comfort you
I'm addicted to the warmth that passes onto me every time we make contact
I'm addicted to every touch you've ever made on me
Soft forehead bump
Don't worry, Single follower
Arcassin B Dec 2014
By Arcassin Burnham



Addicted,
To,
The some of the ex's that I fully regret,
Addicted,
To,
Hateful comments and horror movies,
Addicted,
To,
The hot steamy abyss of ***,
Addicted,
To,
The 70s because I keep it groovy,
Addicted,
To,
YouTube videos with only one compromise,
Addicted,
To,
Marvel hero characters,
Addicted,
To,
Ellie goulding's Starry eyed,
Addicted,
To,
Having a better life and endeavors.
Challenge finished lol
broken Jan 2016
They tell me to write how I feel but all I can think about are all the memories swirling in my head like an outburst of an addict just waiting to happen. And maybe I am an addict. But instead of shooting heroine in dimly lit basements with boys who don't give a **** or doing **** in an abandoned farmhouse off of highway 54 with the greased up girls from the stop and shop corner, I'm addicted to something so much more dangerous. Because instead of costing money or teeth or my mental capabilities, it costs the spirit of my soul. I'm addicted to spending rainy Thursday twilights tossing and turning restlessly under my laced flower covers thinking about how many lips your lips have touched since that far away time when you actually cared about me. I'm addicted to letting my eyes wander over old journal entries from back when this all began, letting myself imagine every picture perfect feature of the devastating war that ravaged my heart. I'm addicted to spending hours mouthing all of the poisoned syllables you breathed into my lungs before every letter and feeling burnt up into flames of gasoline. Before all of those silly, stupid ashes clogged up my throat just enough to silence the sobs of missing you. I'm addicted to driving down that road you took me on, just so I can pretend for a single second that things are almost the same and when my heart stops in a worn down, useless church pew or lying in a sterile, old hospital bed, my parents will shout drugs or stress, and my best friend will cry ***** or pills or a drunken suicide haze. But the doctor will come into the room with his fake empathetic eyes and his white coat pockets full of greed-earned money, and he will say in his calmest, most detached voice, that I, was an addict. And I, was addicted,
                          to you.
Steven Fried Jun 2013
You’re not addicted to Facebook
You only spend
Hours a day online
Checking on
How many friends you have
Making sure
You’ve poked everyone you can
Keeping up
With the newest profile pictures of
People you don’t even know
No problem,
You’re not addicted to Facebook

You still do
Follow your ex – she doesn’t know
It’s important
That you put all your parties online
Because you’re - Important
And just like everyone else
You’re not addicted to Facebook

Life’s too short
Not to share
Life’s too long
To remember it all
So you have the Internet
To catalogue
But you can’t ever leave
Because if you do
How could you remember those hazy times?
Let’s all say thanks
To Facebook
And it’s a good thing
You’re not addicted to Facebook

Because if you were addicted to Facebook
It’d just be another
Drug to worry about.
Sadie S Sep 2014
I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
All the pain you put me through.

It's like a drug you put inside me.
Trying to keep me same
But instead your driving me insane.

I stayed up late last night
All because you started a fight.

I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
All the paid you put me through.
It's all because I stay with you.

I hang on by every word you say.
As I inject you straight to my veins.

The way you kiss me.
The way you move your hands around me.
It's so seducing.
I can not help but wanting more.
Without you I can feel my withdraws.
Breaking all of the laws.

I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
Even with all the pain you put me through.
I just cannot be without you.

The words of your mouth.
Hatred and anger.
The touch of your hand
Sends me a tingling sensation.

I keep going back to you.
Even though I say I am through with you.
As I inject you.
Withdrawls without you.
Is too much pain to handle.
I'd rather be with you.
Just hold my hand.
Please understand.

I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
All the pain you put me through
I still come running back to you.
My boyfriend I keep going back to. Even through all the pain he's put me through for five years.
Dave Williams Dec 2016
rain is addicted to gravity
pain is addicted to chemistry
love is addicted to empathy
safe is addicted to security
it's all good

dreams are addicted to imagining
age is addicted to hurrying
empty's addicted to nothing
everyone's addicted to something
and it's all good

we all seek comfort and that's just fine
a bit of yours for a bit of mine.
take what you need but don't be greedy, everyone is just as needy.
Joey Zimmerman Jan 2011
All the public pedestrians on main street
See, a business man walking with
A brief case meant for holding important things
They see me and I know they think, that this man has it goin’ on
His paycheck is more than I’ll ever see
And I bet a perfect life fits easily in that brief case
It’s not the case
Let’s get under the skin with injections
To see that
This man is an addict
I’m addicted to I Miss You

Slowly scratching skin
Gradually getting faster
Like I can wipe away her breath with drugs
Picks scabs off arms like memories
But they bleed and run
Reminding me how worse things get when
I try to help
Try to help the addict, I’m an addict

Look at this syringe and call it her kiss
Punctures skin and inject into veins
All the things that made me better than
What I used to be
What he used to be is when he’s high
And the worlds alright
The worlds alright, for as long as this trip lasts
I’m an addict I’m an addict
I’m addicted to I Miss You

I’m addicted to one thing
Trip LSD then move to ecstasy
Snort ******* and swallow some pills
Because they all lead to one thing
Getting high and remember being with her
Sometimes I can hallucinate so hard
That’s she breathing right next to me
See her moving in a black dress
Holding hands for dancing
1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4
I don’t count or dance anymore because I forgot how
Forgot how her heart beat
This is what I do to see her again
I’m addicted to her voice
I’m addicted I’m addicted to
her name
Could even be a drug
It’s like her first letter is a hit and I breathe
Out the last four letters through smoke

Bongs, pipes, syringes and blunts
Drug paraphernalia turns into vehicles
That all take me to the same place
A small town called Human
Because that’s all I want to be
And there’s a city to the North called Reality
They get mixed up sometimes and it’s tough to find work up there
High is the town I visit the most  
But often times I feel like I don’t belong there
And the big city of Over Dose is just a few miles away
Sometimes you get lost looking for Human and Reality that you end up there
Because the directions on the map aren’t finished
The map maker shot himself when he realized God wasn’t hearing him
God moved to a town called I Miss You
I’m addicted
And the last time I checked his next-door neighbor was you
I really want to go to I Miss You and see you but I haven’t been there yet
So wait for me

I’m done visiting these places
High would be a nice vacation spot but I can’t be there all the time
I swear Over Dose could be enough to **** me
I haven’t found I Miss You yet
And its hard to find a place to live and a job in Reality
So, Ima’ take this last hit and hope I can be
Comfortably human
LC Oct 2014
It creeps up,
Silently,
At first you think you have control,
But then the flame burns,
And you can't control passion,

I think I'm addicted,

Not to a substance,
It's not like you assume it to be,
Not a substance like liquid or powder,
Nothing is that simple for me.

Addicted to the ache,
The ethereal beauty of you,
Such a delicate warmth,
That crept up on me,

Blind to potential,
The foreboding,
Now I am burning in the fire,
Trepidation set sail,

Addicted to a person,
A person who longs to be set free,
Time is a healer,
I pray it will heal me.

~LC~
zaineb nabi Sep 2014
Lasting pain drives me nuts, lasting pain

And i look around and see people with no brain

My vision for the world is no longer the same

And all i ever have in mind is your name

I don't want to be part of this

I'd rather die of a broken heart attack

I'd rather die and stay locked away in black

I don't want to be part of this

As i remember how we used to kiss

I remember how we used to hug

You used to be my daily drug

You just got me addicted

Your love got me convicted

And now i'm stuck in hell

Besides blood, there's nothing i can smell

I watch my blood running in the sink

Wich makes me think

If it's worth it, if anything is ever worth my bleeding

I'm a need filler but would you care about my needing

Chained by the future, thinking about the past

Dreaming of fake love that never seem to last

Mistaken

Forsaken

Body shaking

Hate faking

Displaced

Disgraced

Interlaced

Double faced

Deeply hurt

Covered with dirt

Lost in darkness

Raised with harshness

I am bleeding

When leaves the wave of fear

I am bleeding

You clearely aren't here

You never were

You never care

No body did

And none would never do

I can't believe the stupid i was to think that i'd be loved by you

You...

What are you?

Were you really made of clay

Did you really had to go away

See i wanted nothing more than to get you to stay

But i'm sure you've forgotten about me in the next day

Your existance shall be illegal

You are a toxic drug

Don't give me that dismissive shrug

You are a pain in the ***

You are a bug in the grass

You are a dog astray

However i wished you could stay

But now that you are gone

Leaving me all alone

At least i'm left with the memory

This is all we could ever be

But you've became my drug

I am officially an addict

Shall i start to conflict?

I am addicted to you

To all what we've been through

Addicted to what we were

Addicted to breathing your air

You know what i've became?

I say it with know shame

I am

Afflicted

Convicted

Absoloutely not predicted

Restricted

Inflicted

To you... I am

Addicted.
zainebnabi.over-blog.com
Amber Dunn Apr 2014
Your lips feel like satin as I kiss you.
I can never get enough of your kisses.
I am truly addicted to your lips.

Your eyes shine when you look at me.
I could tell any emotion of yours from your eyes alone.
I could I look into your eyes for a lifetime and they would never lose their beauty.
I am truly addicted to your eyes.

Your skin is beautifully tanned bronze.
So beautiful contrasted with mine.
And oh so soft and warm.
Your skin against mine is instant comfort and home.
I am truly addicted to your skin.

Your voice is my favorite music.
It instantly comforts me.
I could pick your voice out of an entire crowd.
And oh God, your laugh.
Your laugh makes my heart melt every **** time I am blessed with hearing it.
I am truly addicted to your voice.

Every part of you is beautiful and perfect.
Your monkey toes to your wild hair.
All of it; amazing.
I will never tire of having you by my side darling.
I long for the day I can wake up with you next to me every morning.
I simply can not wait to make my Moon, my wife.
Because darling, I am truly addicted to you.
Äŧül Jun 2013
****** - Nay!
******* - Nay!
Fentanyl - Nay!!!

I'm addicted to a different one.

***** - Nay!
Smack - Nay!!
Tobacco - Nay!!!

I'm addicted to a unique one.

Mescaline - Nay!
Marijuana - Nay!!
Ketamine - Klose!!!

I'm addicted to Poetry ever since I was borm.
My HP Poem #333
©Atul Kaushal
I'm addicted

Something I can't cure
Simple and pure
To touch and watch it melt
Mmmmmm
How so good that felt
Warm, pleasing on my lips
In little strips it drips
Under the wrapping, so strapping
****
Its a victimless crime
In my prime, it feels sublime
In my mouth, moving all around
Tastes so good, need to lie down
Creamy center, nothing so delightful
Its beautiful, insightful
Mmmmmm
Delicious, begging for more
Just need another score
Addicted to the taste
Can't let it go to waste

I'm Addicted
If you think it's just about chocolate,
Then you're an angel.
Like me. :)
Z Aug 2018
Too many thoughts, too many feelings, too many faces

Yea, what’s the feeling of success?
Achieved so many things, but all I feel is regret,
I feel alone inside my head what don’t you get?
Wake up every morning like it’s still my set,
Reminisce on where I come from so I don’t forget,
Been to rehab a dozen times, they called me a vet,
You thought you knew me, I haven’t opened the curtains yet

Alcohol destroyed all my relationships
Forgot most of my life - except for the video clips,
Poisoned my brain to forget the pain, on the daily I feel insane
I’m above the ground though I can’t complain, god relieve this pain
I feel like I drank the blood of Cain,

Every day is a surprise, my brain tells me I’m so wise,
But he’s a master in disguise, while I’m the one who cries,
He’s the one who lies,
To me in my own voice watching my demise,
When he’s in in control anything flies,
It scares me, I built a fortress to disguise,
This out of control mind, I want to cut the ties
A Broad perception, in a beautiful world, through these eyes,

Try to express my feelings, no one can understand
**** it no one can, this experience is mine god had it planned
Just hope I can grow up to be the man,
The one he created to do whatever he can,
Yea, whatever he wants, his drive his will he can make a stand,
A visionary, Socrates his thoughts are grand,

Who do I trust, who I am or who I want to be,
It’s confusing with a devil living inside of me,
Loving spouse, family man what I try to be,
This bipolar got a hold of me,
Blindfolding me I can’t see,
Please doctor doctor set my mind free,
I thought I knew everything with my degree,
The lessons I learned from the things I failed to see,

Mommy and daddy got divorced when I was a kid,
I think I was 8, I can’t remember, who am I to kid,
My first blackout in life, daddy’s about to lose his wife,
So much anger, “he’s” telling me to find the knife,
Take it to the artery just a little slice,
Life’s not as nice, as people make it seem,
No one hears me scream, from the pain,
Inside this brain, some days I feel insane,
110 on the freeway trying to stay in my lane,
Drunk driving no I’m not sane,
Getting high to alleviate the pain

One day I can be the man, goals, driven, and full of will,
The next be full of sadness, regret, life stands still,
I can remember anger that drove me to ****,
You don’t know how I feel,
People probably thought I made a deal,
With the devil to have all this skill,
I write all these thoughts, hoping there’s a heart to fill,

Hope someone can relate,
I hope my pain makes you elate,
My perceptions not up for debate,
Here is my life there’s no room to understate,
The reality of my life and the things on my plate,
Strive to be in a mentally stable state,
Sometimes life’s not so great,
My minds locked in a crate, and he is the key holder of my fate,

My life feels like an afterthought,
Stepdad thought love was something that could be bought,
Used to get in trouble every time I got caught,
Only if they knew the realism of what I did, or maybe they ought
Not to know, but for the sake of the flow, I’m going to let go,
Put on a show so they finally understand what they missed long ago,

Let’s start as a little boy, all the love you showed was a decoy,
For the truth that mommy and daddy were ready to destroy,
Split us up, brown moving boxes was it all momma’s ploy?
I still don’t know the truth, I don’t want to ask or annoy

They say they fell out of love, how can you fall out of love,
Unless you gave up? Don’t you realize who’s above,
Poor American white family, three kids and divorced, man the stereo type fits like a glove,
Never got physically, but always received a verbal shove,
Psychologically I wish I could dispose of,
This garbage that’s left behind, in this mind how am I supposed to give away free love,


One day at a time, one fight, I’m going to give it all my might,
Serenity prayer please give me the light,
To accept my life and guide me right,
Some days things are out of sight,
God comfort me so I feel alright,
I’m shrouded in darkness, call me the dark knight,
Noble I’m my cause, daily life’s a plight,

As a teenager I survived off my drive,
Then there was the day I didn’t want to be alive,
Locked those feelings deep in the archive,
Padlocked in the deep parts of the brain so they don’t thrive,
Questioning the purpose of life when I was five,
Asked about space and God, curiosity already took a dive,
Most people and me don’t really jive,
One instinct on my mind is to survive,
Mania kicking in putting me in overdrive,
Found out when I was twenty-five,
I’m mentally ill, my life took a nose dive,
Time to wake up and revive,
It’s time to deprive,
The addiction and the **** I do to connive,
God im going to work on my life until arrive,
To the kingdom, hopefully I live to see thirty-five,

Todays a new day, no telling what I might do,
Try to hold my family together, backbone and the glue,
Just accept my view, everything’s not about you,
Been self-reflecting, I’m having a break through,
This story is contagious, call it reality flu,
Knocked on deaths door, Alcohol blood volume .492,

What was I thinking? Pores stinking, breath wreaking,
Family and friends shrieking, at all my drinking,
Woke up surrounded by the medical team,
Asked me if I was suicidal, I said what do you mean?
I’m a genius, with a good job, had one since fourteen,
Worked hard my whole life, why am I here confused as hell - creating a scene,
Needle in my arm, threatening to restrain me,
God please set me free, right now you’re the only one that can help me,
Ready to fight the doctors and nurses, now they’re going to petition me,

When I opened up my eyes,
Seen my momma with tears in her eyes,
Most painful look I’ve ever seen on her face,
Now I feel like a huge disgrace, wish she knew gods grace,
My hearts racing at a fast pace, anxiety took over freaking out in this place,
The realest hug ive ever felt was from momma while I was in that room,
Time to clean up my life, time to clear my mind and get out of the back room,
Where my thoughts are locked, time to forgive and bury the in their own tomb,
Most think they know me, and its dangerous to assume,
Most my life you seen me in my costume, hiding behind the monster of doom,
Spent so many hours in my bedroom, drinking so much leaving behind an ethanol fume,
Days later it’s still hanging around, how the poison turns everything into a darkroom.

12 days locked in the psych ward, hopefully I can move my life forward,
Dr. says I had an episode of major depression, I forgot to tell them about my secret obsession,
These words are the closest thing I have to a confession,
When I die take my brain for a case study dissection,
Don’t let my evil said lead you to mis-direction,
When im aware I can make the correction,
What an elusive lie, chasing perfection,
Life is about love and a real connection,
God im tired, give me a symbol give me direction,

Therapy sessions for years, did nothing to help these tears,
Still react with impulsion and anger, watch out for the danger,
the biggest fear ive ever had was the fear of myself,
and the things I was capable of to destroy myself or secure the wealth.
So many secrets it’s a masquerade, im hidden behind my stealth,
The lies created to maintain this alter-ego destroying my mental health,

My biggest pains in life are when I had it all and left it all,
My depression after mania was the biggest fall,
I felt like I was the king of the world, king of the jungle; hear my call,
My ego inflated from my achievements, made me feel tall,
Daddys dream was his oldest boy would play college ball,
Just like the song boys of fall,

Daddys dream wasn’t mine to live,
But that wont stop me from giving all I can give,
Im sorry for the night I was drunk and we got combative,
I shut that night out its not something I want to relive,
Please daddy forgive, now you’re so corroborative.

Now momma I know we do not speak,
The real issue is we don’t want to feel weak,
Why are we so strong, the ones who cant take critique,
Maybe we are so unique, and live life with such technique,
The type of thoughts people think are antique,
Their arguments bleak, our common point is its our mind we speak,

Im ready for the conversation, a common destination,
Where we live in harmony, and actions don’t lead to causation,
I hope my dictation, and the acceptance of your creation,
Allows you to accept me and the ground I call my foundation,
Rebuild our family, together we can create a formation,
Our time and love the only donation, mix em together titration,
It’s a ruination of the family, its everything I wanted it to be,

Ive struggled with every relationship,
With anyone I let close I seem to lose myself and flip the script,
Those evil days I hide in my mind, security equipped and encrypt,
I feel like im writing a manuscript, a story of a man who slipped,
On the struggles of life, and opportunities that have been stripped,

Went to college on a full ride, paid for room and board seen the debt and just about cried,
350 a month to the government talk about a life hurdle that broke my stride,
Since graduation I noticed im the new dr. jekyl and mr hyde,
Success in my life was implied, mental health hit me on my broadside,
Missed my grad school opportunity, I should have applied,
Had love going for me, turned into a landslide,
All I want to do is have a good job and be able to provide,
Im not the only one suffering this epidemic is worldwide,
I just want to sit by the lake side, retire and reside,
Somewhere peaceful where a simple life is implied,
The only downside, is the demon inside me that takes me on the regular for a joyride.

Worked 80 hours a week, drinking a fifth a day,
Most people don’t even know what to say,
To me it was just another day,
Its about to get nasty watch out for the word play,
Life not black and white live in the grey,
Area, mass hysteria, my mind runs astray,
Enough liquor in my blood to make me sway,
One wrong move may be my doomsday,
I write about my life like a final exam essay,
Giving it my all no halfway,
Yea, im making headway, opening the doorway,
For all to enter; serve up my experience like a fine dining entrée,
Living check to check, cant wait for payday,
Maybe someday, ill be on the golden walkway,
To the kingdom of god then ill be okay,
Impulses so strong its hard not to obey,
The other side of me that’s so hard to portray,
When hes manic I get risqué,
Let me paint a picture, get your tickets to the screenplay.

They say its not what you go through, but what you became of it,
My lifes not a stereotype, those stipulations don’t fit,
I seem to get back up after every hit, I couldn’t write this skit,
Im trying to use my ****, my mind feels split, I cant take this ****,
I just want to quit, go to therapy to learn skills and what to omit,
From my life, its hard ill have to admit,
Elementary school I realized I was a misfit,
Dreams in the stars, illuminated and moonlit,
Building a legacy without a permit,
Try to live life so im not a hypocrite.

Shocked by the responses to voice and gods word,
You can say in high school I was a nerd,
Football MVP and valedictorian man that’s absurd,
Wanna know my secret, ask me the password,
Stand on my own, not a part of the heard,
Forgive me for all my problems and troubles that have occurred.

The darkest secret you don’t know,
Is that im not motivated by the dough,
It’s the times where Im feeling high and low,
Sometimes it feels like time is slow,
The biggest crush to my ego,
Was when I had a 20-gauge ready to pull the trigger and blow,
Racking the shells, playing with the ammo,
The rest of my life I was about to forego,
I wanted to let go, because I wanna know
I write to share my story of experience, strength and hope.
In Recovery mentally and Recovering from substance abuse

— The End —