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Lizzy Jan 2014
You laid me down gently,
Just as gentle as i wanted.
You reassured me of my uncertainty.
You made sure i was okay.

There was that cold tightness in my chest,
That sank right through me until
I could feel it in my spine.
As this feeling has once left me scared and shaken,
I made my decision.

Than you made your first move,
And all the colors i have ever seen lit up my mind.
And a fire lit in my stomach and the flames moved up my spine.
Until you reached my neck and arranged a small kiss.
Your lips extinguished my fire and left my bones bare.

Hold on for dear life,
I felt something adjust inside me.
And that was not as suggestion for the actions at hand.
But something happened in my soul
That left me forever thirsting for your touch.
Not in the desirous way i had before,
But as though the atoms of my heart,
And every particle that made up the pathetically helpless being i call myself,
Needed you.
They would not be the same without you,
i am stuck on you.
Addicted to you.
And every moment without you feels like sudden death,
A draw of my logical mind and these particles of my being.
Its absolutely absurd how reliant i am on you.

Well i have no other way to put it,
But in the least poetic and mysterious way possible,
I guess that's what happens when you take a lonely girl's virginity.
They become addicted.
Hannah W Oct 2014
Surely it isn't healthy
to be this attached to someone
who has only ever called me beautiful
when his mind was soaked in alcohol

-h.w.
Why won't you love me?
avalon Aug 2017
one more time, she whispers,
she whispers violently, tremulously, like an addict whispers
to the fingernail marks in her skin, like persephone whispers to pomegranate seeds, like sin, and her whispers collect on dollar bills in the wind, and the money flies home but she's still sitting in that bin,

wondering if Hades ever regretted his win
Patricia Feb 2018
//the door to your bedroom was a portal to a world unseen

your bed, the ocean
& your sheets, the sand
with the crevices caused by the tide
it flowed so sweetly over the soft sand
beyond the door, serenity was foreign to you

you were only there when you needed to be

you, who had knit the thickest wool to pull over my eyes
thicker than the blindfold we used
the frenzy I remember
frenzy further cured with discipline
and you know what?
"I like that ***** ****."

how will you discipline me today, daddy?

it was what you taught me after all
to be a brat for no one but you
to be no one else's little girl
if not I'd be a bad girl
bad girls get punished
bad girls get no love

so I saved you the trouble and left my collar at the door//
typhany Jan 2014
my arms remember razor blades and spiked needles
and my veins ache to feel the warmth of her
swimming perfectly through my bloodstream
and engulfing my every fear, my every desire
until i am nothing but a pool of sticky tar

my nostrils burn without the powder
flying into my brain, and dripping down my throat
keeping me awake for days on end
and opening up my mind for my pen
shaking as i hold it to the paper; scribble

my tongue dwells on the bitter taste of hallucinogens
that made me dance in the coldest rain
and swim in the smallest pools of warm blood
that erupted from the belly of an orange tiger
who held my hand, and danced to the beats

my stomach remembers the feeling of pill bottles
emptied out; the tablets dissolved
coaxing me into warm slumbers, and forgetfulness
i miss the feeling of letting go
of love, of pain, of regret
Lizzy Jan 2015
I loved the bitter taste,​​​​​​​
I miss the dusty air I breathed.
But time has come to give that up,
To let go of my chemical scars.
I will bandage myself up,
Repair my lonely hear,
And leave my old life of war,
For a calmer future.

I made my mistakes,
But my mistakes have not won.
My blood will never be pure,
But the evil has been killed.
londin Feb 2014
The freedom in your veins was too much for you to stop but the monitor beside your bed had no problem coming to a halt
It was 5:42
I was holding what was left of you, but I held too tight and that seemed to be the issue from the start.
ali xoxo Nov 2014
life is tame
and i revel in
the mysteries and treasures
of being a sad girl
riddled with the same pain and psychological tendencies
you are a crack in the wind
a tumor in the back of my skull
cherry red on the other end of this cigarette
feeding me pseudo-sorrows and cancer so sweet
harlee kae Dec 2014
they say,
you can get addicted to anything
they say,
i was addicted to you.
six months later
and i finally believe them.
because it's 4:48 am
and i've got the shakes
Aiden Phelps Feb 2017
The world around me is revolving slowly
While the people surrounding move faster & faster
As I am caught in between the fibers of time

Why am I here?
Do I even belong?

My only therapy is the songs I hear in my head
My only medication is the drugs that make me wish I were dead

I'm just a shell of my former self.
I'm not what I used to be.

It seems there's no resolution,
only an empty cell waiting for me in this institution.

Dear diary, please help me now.

There's only so much abuse I can inflict upon myself.

The cuts on my wrist, the empty bottle of pills
The lacerations on my fist, shaking from the anger still.

I've got my fix, each line getting me higher
The only answer getting clearer, as my lows keep climbing to the ladder.

My sanity escaping.
Depression creeping
As the ghost of death takes over me.

Oh diary, it seems it's goodbye to you and I.
It seems no matter what I do, the world isn't going to accept me.

I'll never belong.

I'll always be different.

Goodbye and goodnight.

I'll see you on the other side.

----------------------------

Dear diary, I'm an addict.

Yesterday was proof of concept.

Tomorrow is a death wish.

If I don't do something now,
I may never get to see the light of day.

Dear diary, please help me now.

Because I can't do this alone anymore.
I had a stint with drugs in 2012.

I felt like killing myself.

Now I know life is worth so much more.
Jo Barber Jul 2018
My stomach drops
when the car goes down a hill.
I feel like I'm falling,
but not in a bad way.
Like a sort of drug,
or midnight shot of tequila.
Warmth floods
my body.
Everything's okay.
Hurt yourself first -
don't give others the chance.

All I can give you
is my empty heart,
my hollow love.
Like a glove,
it wears thin with time.

Beautifully broken,
barely belonging.
It's not that I want to fail. . .
just that, if I am going to anyway
why not do it spectacularly?

At least there's gossip. . .
that counts for some,
-thing, doesn't it?

Doesn't it?
Piyush Gahlot Oct 2018
it's  nine in the morning,
can't open my eyes,
don't wanna come out of the dreamy world,
I wanna be asleep,
I wanna be static,
if sleep is a drug,
I am an addict.

Most comforting is the morning sleep,
my eyes won't open,
I struggled to sit up,
but crumbled back again.
Have to be in the office,
the clock ticked
If sleep is a drug,
I am an addict.

let me lay in the bed,
don't feel like picking up my phone,
Whatsapp texts are unknown.
the sun is up, I don't wanna be.
take a leave or be awake and go,
my mind is in total conflict.
Yes sleep is my drug,
And I am an addict.
struggling to wake up this morning. Devoted to all the lazy people.
lonleyflowerx Dec 2016
i had a past drug addict tell me once that picking up smoking cigarettes helped them drop their addiction of the other dugs
it was a distraction that calmed their body and mind down when it wanted the drugs
they said they were clean for years but not a day goes by that they don't miss the drugs and the way they made them feel

you're gone
and i kissed a million different boys over and over  to replace the feeling you gave me
behind closed eyes and closed doors my mind and body replaced you with him for those few hours
i haven't seen you in years but not a day goes by that i don't miss the way you made me feel
So much pain in the bottom of a seally bag
And it reminds me of the life I could of really had
For every scar on my arm it never made me stay clam
Left my head ringing like alarm
The itch always burning like its ******
A need that I just couldn't run away from
And when I look around today and wonder where the hell have all my mates gone
Shackled up in chains I can't see they will ever break from
An this is only take one
But there's no take two
Thousand hits of Dimitri
still couldn't break through
So I'll have to make do
Knowing there's a part of me that loves and a part that really hates you
I never meant to hate you
I never meant to hate you
When the moon shines bright I think of blues and different sides of you, I was thinking of you. When you were beautiful and smiling and not so cold. How I missed what we were what we should be. Wasn’t us together the key.

You’re blue, small, bold and looking old. losing your hair and losing your shares, when will you regain your enchanting glare...

I looked at you hanging over there with that guy smoking your light, when will you actually fight to stay right and bright? You remember when we were even a little younger and more like lovers.

You’re gone, so far the distance is long, I wish you would even run to your grandma. Run away they are wrong. Your addiction is the end of you, I’ve lost you.

I gained something new you’re alone and I’m at home with friends and great fun shown, I’m not alone. I’m me and your you. should you join to find your peace and stop the lease on me. Feel free to rejoin me.

Just stop the act you’re not a kid. You’ve grown up right with love, friends and you give it up for 10 years of peace at max, it’s not going to last.

You’re starting to be loose lipped and obviously not glad. Get help. Find yourself and love more than the so called “self help” you are hanging yourself with you own belt.
Don’t do serious drugs or anything like it if you can help it! It’s obviously bad for you and you look gross afterwards. **** helps with ptsd, even that makes you look less appealing and costs a lot.
carminayasmin Apr 2018
As if I’m going to wash my sins,
by finding a substance so viscous - to annihilate the acid
that seeps through me.

Perhaps it’s you refilling my first glass,
which is dried up by 11,
and replenished by 5 past.

Must I keep forcing it down my refusing gut,
so I can bare the stutter drooling,
crumbling, out your teeth.

Till I’ve sipped needlessly on your lies
and fell drunken on your delusional fables.

Now I’m slurring in my nights,
awoke, still high on your acid.
Eyes are bulging, bloodshot
from you firing bullets of your decaying  burden.

-

As I walk I stumble,
diverging around solum streets.
Crows peck at my skin, to prompt me at sunrise.

Now and again I revisit
the morsels I had collected from the bottom of your chalice.
Savouring as I gulp down my regret.
Desperately urging to be hungover your reveries
one last time.
11 April, 00:31
I’m preparing myself for it all one day
Brad post Feb 13
How many days have you spent,
and how many days has it been?
How many days have you went,
without eating,
focused on breathing,
trying to make this make sense?

How many pill bottles did you sink,
and how many bottles did you drink?
How many hours did you think,
about the ending,
wrote a message without sending,
looking at the bottom, standing on the brink?

How many times have you heard,
that what you’re doing’s absurd?
Opening your mouth without forming words,
addicted to addiction,
an addict who is itchin,
listening to the voices who are constantly stirred.

How many drinks will it take,
until your body finally breaks?
How do you get rid of the shakes?
Constantly feeling,
but never dealing,
hopefully you’re here to see the daybreak.
JP Feb 27
Black coffee
Half and half cream
She sips it slowly
As her head screams
It's just what she needs
To awaken her senses
The caffeine soothes
Makes her feel less defensive
She knows the day
Is about to begin
Very soon she will have to
Put on that fake grin
She's grown tired
Of having to be nice
To people she'd rather
Not look at twice
She's been searching
For the humane part of humanity
But lately all she can seem to find
Is plain old insanity
People running the race like rats
She wishes they'd all get eaten by cats
People walking around like ticking time bombs
Just waiting to blow, when anything goes wrong
People with egos so big and so wide
Who care only about themselves
It's like their souls have died
Black coffee
Half and half cream
She wishes she could
Finally wake up from this dream
Lot May 17
Smoke dances around me,
clouding the room in a mystic breath,
it hangs from my lips like the veil that sits upon a bride’s jewelled head,
it flows through the air with nimble grace only to vanish into space,
ascending to the heavens where I can never reach,
it’s only lasting trace sits heavily beneath my teeth,
a sweet but acrid kiss that escapes in breathless fear,
rotting flowers fill my lungs with their dying drear,
constricting my voice with lasting vice,
till I’m choking up petals of addictive bliss.
Late night thoughts...
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