first you have to learn
to love
the
****
out of yourself

go somewhere quiet
and get yourself

u n ******* e d

slice into my subconscious
to bleed nonsense
onto the page
for everyone to scoff at
as I doggypaddle the waters
that many have drowned in

baby all I wanna do
is try and get along with you
why do we have to fuss and fight?
can't figure out, it's just not right

I know I slept in kinda late
I'm sorry, I don't feel so great
I'm trying to change the way I feel
but you just don't see the appeal

I can't be still, I can't be lazy
and you look at me  like I'm crazy
or worse, like it's some kind of crime
to build myself and **** some time

I'm sorry that I can't sit still
it's just the way I have to deal
I go too far, I get obsessed
but if I don't, I get depressed

at least, if I work out a bit
I won't feel like a *******
lie to myself, at least that way
I had a good, productive day

and if I went to meditate
at least, I got my thinking straight
but with all this, you're just annoyed
with everything that brings me joy

can we start over?
baby, please
I love you
I don't wanna leave
but when you
start to act this way
it really pushes me away

can't play guitar,
can't take a ***
without you finding fault with me
and that's just how
you make me feel
I gotta doubt if you're for real

so tell me, baby
what did I do?
I'm trying so hard to get along with you
don't wanna go,
I wanna stay,
but I feel like we need some space

to meditate,
to cook and clean,
to work off nervous energy
why does it have to cause a fight?
and cut into my sleep at night?

get mad if you like
sometimes I need a minute
sorry, not sorry

Another day, another ache
my mind is just a total blank
I punch these keys, to no avail
but won’t allow myself to fail
I feel so useless, feel so dumb
I struggle, but the words won’t come
a waste of space, a waste of time
I lost that spark I had inside

I used to have so much to write
sometimes it’d keep me up at night
now where it was, there’s just an ache
my mind is still a total blank
still punching keys, to no avail
another try, another fail
I’m such a failure, i’m so dumb
these ******* words won’t seem to come

a waste of time, a waste of space
my failure stares me in the face
or maybe at another time
I can put something in these lines
or maybe some good tunes would help
no, i’m just lying to myself
I lost that spark I had inside
my life is just a waste of time

my dog has manners
unlike what I've found in friends
and intelligence

spark the fire, and with each inhale,
I begin to drift further
in and out
of consciousness

deeper in,
further down
and somewhere between
exists inspiration

coming through
in waves

so I jot down what I can
because I don't remember dreams so well

but other times,

I just enjoy the vibrations
as they pass through every cell of my body

I
don't know
about that turkey
and that
ham is if-y, but
hell yeah, I'll have
a couple of those rolls
and those
mashed potatoes look kinda
decent

mid-day reveries
leave me many miles away
in another time

if I only worked
like I tried to avoid work
the world would be impressed

"just do the dishes!"
I tell myself, but I can't
seem to get focused

"why can't you be normal?"
I ask myself
in reply, I scream internally

I'm blessed with a curse
that leaves me dreaming
and drifting away

I'm sorry, love
I don't mean to ignore you, it's just
so nice over here on my little cloud

take one giant hit
hold as long as possible
repeat as needed

I toss and turn as things I’ve said
play on repeat inside my head
and feel the burning sting of shame
that shows no signs of going away

these past few days I’ve been a *****
to think about it makes me sick
instead of showing gratitude
I’ve had a ****** attitude

I don’t know how I could forget
that lately I have been so blessed
most every night, I fall asleep
beside someone who cares for me

and every morning, I wake up
she makes a *** and brings a cup
and she reminds me with a smile
that she’ll be there for quite awhile

in life, I never thought I’d have
somebody that could love like that
she truly treats me like a King
I don’t do much of anything

I have to show my gratitude
and change my ****** attitude
I have to treat her like the Queen
that she has always been to me

alas, the time has finally come

to just surrender and succumb

been fighting with myself all day

and I don't know another way

from counting doubts to counting sheep

it's time I get some ******* sleep

startin' early
gettin' *****
it's gotta be done

life is hell, so
might as well
make it a little fun

I feel the urge,
I feel the ache,
I feel my stomach
start to quake

must find my throne
exalted seat
a place where I
can find release

I wonder what
it's all about
as lines and verse
just slides right out

and when it comes
the proper time,
I raise my seat,
observe my rhymes

I can't resist
the urge to look
at what came out
at what I cooked

and when I'm done,
I pull the ****
and send it down
to all you slobs

to make you gag,
to make you think
besides, I'm proud
of how it stinks

we just kept going
but the only thing I reached
was soreness and sweat

I'lL hAvE
nO mOrE
iN tHe MoRnInG,
bUt I'm NoT
gOnNa SleEp
TiL iT's GoNe

nobody wants to hear
how your life's so bad
and how you just can't take it

I know that life
is rarely nice, but
it's only what you make it

it's not like we're
all here by choice, but what else
can you do?
the way you feel about it
is entirely up to you

I don't get in a hurry,
but I don't take breaks

if I have to chase
the object of my desire
I lost my desire

I failed my attempt at a routine  today
I struggled to sleep and I got up too late
but at least I worked out, got my muscles warmed up
still, I never feel like I did quite enough

then I ate some oatmeal, just a half of a cup
but since I got it down, now it’s trying to come up
now my girlfriend is grumpy, don’t know what to do
‘cos she ran out of smokes, so I failed at that, too

I really don’t know where I’ll come up with cash
it’s not like I can pull a few bucks out my ***
so I guess I’m just ******, not a thing I can do
I’m so over today, I want it to be through

a buffet table
endless combinations
but I'm not hungry

I
had
all these
plans
for today
but
after I took
a few tokes
of that
Christmas Tree
I can’t do ****,
except lay here
and feel the vibrations
from all the traffic
on Old 60

I think

I've

spilled enough

blood

to last

a while

for reminding me
that no matter what happens,
I am always loved

I used to find the subject scary
but now I plan on getting married
but it’s not such a big deal, now
the day we met, we sealed our vows

her hand in mine was all it took
before I knew it, I was hooked
we’re such a perfect fit, besides
already licked it, so it’s mine

calloused digits
grip
the base
but you don't
quite
asphyxiate

this she insisted
my tongue lashed, her legs quivered
but then, she farted

n o t  s u r e

if I should take

another  t o k e ,

or if I have

a r r i v e d

at that point

got up this morning
after staying up late
I took a couple tokes and I
could swear that **** was laced

something was trippy
in that ****
but I still took a few more hits

i'm always wanting just one more
without it, life is such a bore
more coffee, sugar, this and that
of course, just one more cigarette

it *****, I had a couple nugs
and now i'm almost out of bud
I've never felt this way before
everything leaves me wanting more

I try not to escape too long
but then it's always one more song
just one more work out, one more game
lately it all ends the same

I think I'm gonna disappear
just for a while, to get things clear
and try to change my attitude
so I can have some gratitude

I don't appreciate this life
this lovely dog, my loving wife
I'm far too busy in my chase
to see what's right there in my face

train every day to be my best
take measurements of my success
watch how I eat and meditate
but does that help with anything?

I feel just like a bucket

full of **** this Friday morn

i'm feeling old, my feet are cold,

my muscles badly torn



but if I take a break, a day to stop,

and just recoup

that all the work I've done this year

will turn back into ****

berate me, try to break me
bring my name through the dirt
try to find me, I'll refine me
and define my worth

now yesterday's gone
and I'm not so strong
and I'm feeling the pain,
but it's all okay

I might feel just like I hit a truck
I'm kinda slow, it kinda *****
but little difference does it make
might bend, but I will never break

so hate me, try to break me
try to drag me through the dirt
if you wanna try, come find me
I'll define your worth

I lash my tongue at your fixation
bittersweet intoxication
all over my face and stuff
I'll tell you when I've had enough

that day we met
I won't forget
in your eyes was fire
I had flat tires
but we made it home
I got you alone
fit just like a glove
when we made love

your father passed
you never asked
if I'd remain
I made it plain
and here we are
under the stars
a lot has changed
but it's the same

I won't forget
that day we met
when I was down
in you, I found
a heart to mend
and my best friend
when we're alone
I feel at home

two souls to merge
two hearts to mend
bright lights emerge
and colors blend
this masterpiece
what's left behind
is you and me
it's yours and mine

there's plenty of fish
but this one right here, is mine
don't f*ck with my fish

twenty one frets
for my six stretched strings
I learned the words to covers,
but I never learned to sing

but when I’m sitting in my room
my hands on my guitar
my heart beats like a metronome
and I feel like a star

your petals fragrant, drip with dew
I can't wait to devour you

now I lay me down to sleep
I gave my heart, it's yours to keep
if I should die before I wake
just what difference would it make?

but then I look into your eyes
and suddenly, I realize
that someone cares if I exist
that you and Shadow would be ******

as I watch you rest
the things I would do to you
would wake the neighbors

my life went smoother
when I reached the conclusion
that it's all *******