Get out of the way
Self judgement coming through here
Creation blocker

The brown liquor creeps
Into the gray crevices
Rye whiskey, you win

Ungrateful
Garbled and gassed up gall
Finding flaws for free
I need
To find
Strength
In
The little things

I'm an idiot
Open my mouth, remove doubt
God f*cking **** it

When the smoke hits my eyes
Eyes then close
I left long before I last saw you
And your siren memory calls to me
A beckoning to a reckoning
Of
No closure
Smoke billows and stings
Like the memories of what never happened
Memories of maps you drew
Guiding me to my next destination
But
I forgot where I had been
I regret my lack of sight
Perhaps the smoke was in my eyes
Perhaps
That is why

Being open blows
Blah blah, talking, feelings, blah
Verbal vom session

If there is a thin line
Between love and hate
There must be a thick one as well
And on that uncaring hill
I built my tower for you

I'll take all the looks
The cold, penetrating stares
I guess you're angry

Some are more wild
The will to fight life and its control
Some are more beautiful
To others' eyes
To others' desires
Some are more wounded
Carrying past penetrating pain
Pulling powerfully, preventing prayer
Some are more watchful
Gazing so intensely
Their own life is rooted on patches of blind earth
Some are more
Than life
Than love
Some are more
Some are more...

The sweet wine
Passed
Your lips to mine
Breathe
You into me
The wild fire
Called
Our passion
Salted skin
Quickened pulse
Heavy breath
Curved flesh
With
Two
Heart
Beats

My fast racing mind
Unbridled zeal for the past
To fix far gone acts

I need some space
I need some help
I need to put
Thoughts on the shelf
They circle round
My ferris wheel
Dark memories
And fear I feel

The azure horizon
Stretching, grasping at infinity
Sings some song of promise
A welcome melody to the
Ancient aches
And creaking
Of my soul
With damp grit to guide me
And
The waves' whispers of hope

Taking my deep breaths
Inhale, exhale, in a square
Pulse slows, patience comes

My mind is like mud
   slow, sliding down
      a
         H
               I
                     L
                           L

I feel like
      my brain
and all the
      canyons
are being filled
      with

   memories
I
don't
want

Chairs and tables deserve to be
Wrecked
This silent scream
Piercing my brain
Causing mental destruction
Drives my craving to
Mirror this rampage
In the tangible world
Shaking hands that might
Break
Before
Hardened
Wood
and
Plastic

Every noise slithers 'cross
My ear drums with
The cool slickness of a
Sandpaper serpent
My skin pulled tight
'Cross my raw nerves
Nerves
Stretched stiff as a drum skin
Upon which beats this
Percussive tattoo of wild instinct
I clamp my eyes, vice-like
"Please let me wake"
But no
In this misty dream realm
I remain tethered, chained
Stuck in a sarcophagus
               of
Strangled Silence

I want to change me
Too bad I'm a piece of sh*t
My brain tells me this

Just a glance paints a picture
Images of some other era
Non-existent ideas
That maybe laughed, wept
Danced
Steam rising from slick skin
The starlight illuminating us
Perhaps we found unexplored places
Dined on fabulous food
Lived
Fought
Loved
But.
Here we are
In this circle of broken people
So just a glance
Lets me imagine

When those tired sad songs
Twist to melodies of love
That's when you know
You're in trouble

Swinging from this place, I never thought I'd leave
I craved the welcome comfort, that sense of purpose
There was no end in sight, who else did you have?
But one day, I saw you look at me. With no need.
You had no want, for me to keep you warm
With all my patches and holes, I couldn't help anyone
But I didn't see that. How could I?
So now I hang here, silent
And no one needs me now
A codependant coat

In a new place now
One last chance to start over
Breathe deep, you got this

I've always thought
        myself a ship
With all others
        caught in my wake
My life, a black hole
        a gaping vortex
There is no hope of escape
        
And I the captain
        drunk at the wheel
There might as well
        be icebergs
I hope to god
        this journey ends
I'm tired of the wreckage

Music knows me.
Knows my struggles and victories
My passions and prospects, promising
Music knows me
Understands the lies I hide in a cyclical shell game
As I try to hustle life
My attempted con on the universe
Because fear is perpetual these days
And I must escape life's lidless gaze
Penetrative exposure of deception
Because life is played out in music
I can fake a tune
Can fake an answer to,
"How are you doing today?"
But music knows me
Knows I have nothing

                 -i'm fine

I interpret your every move
Twitch your eyes and
Speak volumes
Smile and tilt your head back
Laugh with a honeyed tongue
A tongue to taste
A tongue to bite

All the hijacker does is scream
And it is enough.
Blisters burn the brain until
A rancid tinnitus
Washes through my canyons, flooding everything
Total destruction
A later me may find small shells
Evidence that at some point
I lived
I fought
I existed
But for now, I go the way of the dinosaurs

You scribble, frantic
Your pen, a fragment of the ship
Torn from the wreck
Floating for survival
Clinging to escape the
Angry Seas
Burning Cold
Stinging Salt
Your hand furiously slides
'Cross the page, venting your
Pain
and
Rage
Squeeze those eyes shut
And pray to the gods
For land
For a reprieve

Should I stay or go?
What I want and need aren't clear
Someone help me please

Creeping guilt
Haunting shame
Liquid burn
Checking out now
When my mind won't slow
Distilled rye
Filling the gray canyons, the crevices
Pulsing, swimming fire
Hopes that this poison
This pleasure
Will scorch
And end
This madness

She twists my name
In a welcome greeting
The lilt, a pleasant change
To an oft' heard word
And when my thoughts
Boil and steam my being
That crooked name
She calls out
And reels me back to sanity

Little by little
I will reclaim all the songs
That bring you to mind

Match me in fire
Match me in pain
And if my heart stops
Bring me back
Let's change where we've been
What we've been
Us
To roam and find that all along what we both sought
Was present in the mirror of the other
The same, but completing
Match me
Match me in desire
To hide away in the church of Shakespeare's beast
A sanctuary of naked truth
Unclothed worship
Amen and Hallelujah
Private Bacchanalia
To praise us
Match me
Match me
Save this soul

I'd like to say
If I'd have stayed
I wouldn't be here now
But truthfully
Inquiring
Will only sink me down
Pass memories
That mock and tease
Ulysses' siren song
The jagged rocks
Seductive talks
Carry my soul along

Take life
              s l o w

Move like thickened molasses
I slip step by step
'cross the thinned ice
Testing for the cracks
Gaping holes that lead
To my icy end
This slouching snail'd pace
Comes from past life
My bones still chilled
From former submersion

Take life
              s l o w

****, ****, ****, ****
Fuzz through the brain
Zapping pain
Through icy passages of panic
Swell, flow, overflowing
With pain, doubt, hate, anger
****
Breathe in, Breathe out
Think about the seat
The air, it's cold
My ears ring
Count from 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
Walls are getting closer, life squeezes
God's cruel fist crushes
Air from my lungs
Thoughts from my brain
LET ME ******* GO
Why am I so broken and insane sometimes?
The ocean draws near in my ears
The shore creeps close, the tide stalks through my canals
Air, water, rushing, getting louder
Pounding, ******* pounding

Someone save me please.
                
                                -the claustrophobic mind