The pumping is still as my hand lays flat,
a non-moving silence is what I face.
I keep waiting to feel it, pat, pat, pat,
but time passes by and still no trace.
There's nothing there it is strictly hollow.
Where has my heart gone?
Do I dare to follow?

The
only
thing
I
feel
now
a
days
is
tired.

I lay awake at night
thinking
            reading
                       writing
anything but sleeping.

My mind moves fast
never stopping or slowing down
keeping me awake
until the sun peaks out.

Now I lay awake at dawn
thinking
            reading
                      writing
a­nything but sleeping.

shattering
                                                    *­cracking
                                                       ­                                       breaking

I feel my world falling apart
piece by piece I'm losing everything
I can't even find myself anymore
it isn't making sense
the pain I feel is everywhere
my heart won't stop racing
my throat is slowly closing
I'm trying to catch my breath
it is taking everything from me
and leaving me alone
I feel myself ripping at the seams
making it impossible to keep it together

shattered
                                         ­          cracked
                                                     ­                                         **broken

I ask myself if I can do it
knowing deep down I can't
but the aching failure follows me
and calls me back again.
I oblige once more and get my pen,
sliding it angrily against this paper
because this crap is better than
a
blank
page.

The weather changed today,
it went from sunshine to rain.

That wasn't the only thing that changed today,
your mind was second on that list.
It went from yes to no,
from hot to cold,
from I love you to goodbye.

The weather and your mind weren't the only things that changed today,
I was third on the list.
I went from weak to strong,
from sad to happy.
I changed today with the weather.
I went from lost to found.

How can you feel that
and
     not
         want
                to
                  write?

It's never ending
This journey that I'm on
I have no one
I have no direction
It's just me
Lost and alone
With no hope
And no plans
To reach a destination

Do not tell me
what I can
and cannot do.

I am my own person
and am capable
and smart enough
to make my own choices.

Your opinion has no effect
on my life
or on my decisions.

But since you feel the need
to tell me what to do
how about I tell you
to keep your mouth shut.