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400 · Jan 2018
The Sleeping Pill
Tatiana Jan 2018
Take the medicine to feel well again

Allow sleep to creep up on you

Desire the sleep and count the sheep

The flock has grown too large

to control

and it stampedes over your soul
400 · Aug 2020
I Have No Power
Tatiana Aug 2020
The call comes in at six am,
I don't get into the office until eight,
My answering machine blinks red with warning;
I'll get this message too late.
"I haven't serviced my generator
in three years
and it stopped working
after twenty-four hours.
I have no power."
I check their name,
they've done no business with us before.
I cannot send techs to them
when my phone keeps ringing.
I answer it.
"Hello, how can I help?"
"We're current contract customers
and our generator didn't turn on.
I've got an infant and this storm
is too dangerous.
I have no power."
And all I can ask is for their name
and number,
send it off to my boss
who cannot send techs out
in the storm.
I inform them so,
"I understand," they say.
"Send them when you can."
I hang up my phone
only for it to ring again.
"Let me guess," I say
"you have no power?"
"Got it in one," then comes
the nervous laughter.
Our conversation repeats
just like the others.
When I go home tonight
I'll maneuver around branches,
dodging cones and power lines,
yielding for approaching sirens.
I'll go up my driveway
crunching twigs and leaves.
I'll enter my dark and quiet home
and flick a switch
but no lights will turn on.
I'll have no power.
©Tatiana
I work for an HVAC company and we install and maintain generators. Due to Isaias, a lot of people ended up without power. And these conversations inspired this poem.
397 · Sep 2014
I Wanted to Write A Poem
Tatiana Sep 2014
I wanted to write a poem.
About something very important.
Something that should have never happened.
Something that we can't just ignore.
But for a solid hour I couldn't remember,
what I was writing for.

Was it for the people we lost that day?
The people who lost someone?
The pride we once felt,
gone as a nation crumbled,
our unity was threatened,
and our fear was amplified.

How can I even be breathing right now?
I expect the tears to fall.
I feel them,
but they just won't come out.
All I see when I close my eyes,
are images of that day.

I was to young to remember it clearly,
but I saw enough pictures,
too many pictures.
The day we realized we weren't invincible,
was the day the Twin Towers fell.
That day is today.
That day was Hell.

I just wanted to write a poem,
one that would't be inflicted
with sadness and with rage.
Maybe it will be one about love,
maybe I can make that change?

This one will have a happy ending,
everything I write is too bitter sweet.
But I knew what day today was,
and I decided to write while knowing
what this day will do to me.

I walked into school this morning
and I looked around.
I spoke to people before class started.
Not one of them mentioned this day,
most of them didn't even know what day it was.
That saddens me,
and angers me.

These are the same people
who will say they care,
but never actually do anything in person.
I cried last night,
I cried today.
I said the Pledge of Allegiance
with so much conviction.
The rest of my class didn't say it at all.
They never do.

It's disrespectful
to forget what day today is.
As if people don't have the time
to take just a moment,
one moment out of their day,
and remember.

I wanted to write a poem,
something that was happy.
But today is not a happy day.
The only comfort I have in today,
is that the towers are back,
our pride is back,
our nation is back,
our hope is back.

Let's just hope that everyone's memory comes back too,
because this day does not deserve
to be forgotten,
so carelessly.


I just wanted to write this poem,
for all who remember,
that today is,
September 11.
Better known as,
9/11.
396 · Dec 2012
Get Out
Tatiana Dec 2012
An old abandoned hospital,
that's your choice of stay.
To prove yourself worthy,
of all your friends praise.
You walk into the dark, broken entrance,
why were you doing this.
What was the point.
Well you can't turn back now.
You walk in and take a left,
into an eerily cold room,
a little toy car,
rolled across the room.
There was no breeze.
You take a step back,
and a door slams shut.
You jump forwards,
and run into a small bed,
on that bed,
was an apparition,
of a little boy.
He sat up and stared at you,
his eyes growing wide,
"Get Out!"
he whispered,
his little voice filled with warning,
and small eyes filled with fear.
"Get Out!"
was repeated,
but this time it came from behind you.
You slowly turn around,
and a dark figure is standing there.
Its eyes were dark,
and the figure was angry,
"Get Out!" it screamed,
and the room suddenly got very hot.
As you ran for the door,
childish laughter filled the room.
As you bolted for the closed door,
it opened before you reached it,
you ran out of the hospital,
with the voice in your ears,
"Get Out!"
I watch too much ghost stories now don't I
396 · Aug 2017
Apathy
Tatiana Aug 2017
Taking a bite into a sandwich,
A well made peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
And tasting nothing.
The jaw moves up and down.
A hand migrates to the temple,
Feeling the muscle respond
To the empty, automatic, chewing.

Boring.

Breathing in a breath of fresh air,
A spring breeze carrying the scent of lilacs.
And smelling nothing.
The lungs expand and deflate.
A hand is placed on the ribs
Feeling the bones respond
To the empty, automatic, breathing.

Boring.

Watching storm clouds in the distance,
A western front bringing the rain closer.
And seeing nothing.
The eyes' gaze broken with blinks.
A hand is placed next to one eye
Feeling the muscles respond
To the empty, automatic, blinking.

Boring.

Turning on a car radio while driving,
A voice reports the unusual weather patterns.
And hearing nothing.
The ears started their phantom ring.
A hand is placed on the volume dial
Feeling the ear drum respond
To the empty, automatic, ringing.

Boring.

Picking at the worn steering wheel,
A ripped, and tattered leather covered wheel.
And feeling nothing.
The skin got caught and ripped open.
A hand is placed over the heart
Feeling the chest respond
To the empty, automatic, beating.

Boring.

*I don't care.
© Tatiana
Tatiana Oct 2017
I used to think 24 hours was a lot
but then I became sad.
It used to be an hour of sadness
that would blend into a few more.
But I could always get through it,
turn it around,
and enjoy life.

A few years go by
and the sadness took up more time.
A few hours
turned into school hours.
But when I got home
I could turn it around,
and enjoy life.

A year goes by
and the sadness took up more time
School hours
turned into day hours.
When the sun shone
my smile froze
into a sculpture of the real thing.
But when the sun went down
I could turn it around
and enjoy life.

Days go by
and the sadness took up more time.
Day hours
turned into night hours.
I could hardly sleep
as my brain, my chest, it won't let me.
But in that one hour of dawn,
I could turn things around
and enjoy life.

Hours go by
and the sadness takes up more time
24 hours
turn into 48, 72, 96 hours
There is no reprieve.
There is no new day.
Time means nothing to sadness.
It's consuming
and I can't turn it around
to enjoy life
because there is no more time.
© Tatiana
I'm having a moment where I feel okay enough to write.
393 · Dec 2019
A Fire Put Out
Tatiana Dec 2019
Crack my bones like dry kindling
and make more room for some logs.
Then set them on fire
watch my body burn hotter
than any star.
If you feel queasy
at how I burn so easy
then maybe turn away.
Let me die out with the flames.
Don't douse me.
But my dignity is something
you're not willing to give.
So you take the water
and toss it on me.
A fire put out, can't die on its own.
I'm just embers and ashes
that you leave out in the open.
A day and night passes
and you return to the spot
to poke a stick at my cinder heart.
You're shivering, are you cold?
It's too bad I have no bones
left to warm your icy soul.
I'm a fire put out, can't die on my own.
I'll see you home.
©Tatiana
392 · Sep 2019
Discarded Leaf
Tatiana Sep 2019
Though time is rather fleeting
I don't know why I'm sleeping
the days away.
And can you see the sunrise
above the horizon?
I find myself swaying.
Away with the breeze.
Flowing with the leaves.
I find myself traveling across the sea
just a discarded leaf
with no destiny.
©Tatiana

It has been a hot minute since I posted here. I've had a rough September so far. I suffered an allergic reaction to some food and I have never had food allergies before. That put me out of it for a little bit. I'm also just struggling with my mental health again. I'm trying to do my job, keep up with everyday tasks but I feel it all slipping away from me.
391 · Mar 2013
School
Tatiana Mar 2013
My piano is covered with papers,
my instruments covered with books,
I have notebooks on top of my drawing pads,
and pencils and pens covering my stories.
I have past assignments all over the floor,
and new ones spread across my bed,
my computer is always opened,
to type up another essay.
School is something I have to do,
and honestly I enjoy it,
except when it takes over my life,
and then I can not control it.
391 · Dec 2012
A Million Mistakes
Tatiana Dec 2012
I'll make a million mistakes
in my life time
but I won't let them hold me back.
I'll learn from them.
But the question is,
will you?
388 · Jan 2019
Dare to Hope
Tatiana Jan 2019
Dare to breathe
in the space of those on pedestals.

Dare to love
in the face of those who hate.

Dare to grow
from your past mistakes.

Dare to hope
in a world lost without it.

I dare you.
© Tatiana
387 · Apr 2019
Metal
Tatiana Apr 2019
How striking the steel sword is
when it's twirled expertly in the hand
of a knight from centuries ago
and then ****** at his opponent
finding the ***** in their armor.
How does metal find its way through metal?
Piercing the chest, flesh, bone, then heart.

Metal is for strength and for show.
Metal can make us fall apart, you know.
©Tatiana

I mini series about some homophones

Metal
Medal
Meddle
Mettle
385 · Dec 2012
Let Me Be
Tatiana Dec 2012
Hush,
let me delve into my own world,
where I am comfortable,
and can not be disturbed.
Yes I'm sad,
but that's all i'll tell,
through my impassive face,
and quiet ways.
You can't read me,
so stop trying,
don't try to seek my attention,
or make me open up,
cause I won't.
If I open up,
then I really trust you,
not to turn what I say,
against me.
Don't ruin my trust,
because once its gone,
good luck,
trying to find it.
Don't pester me,
i'll give you answers,
all in sweet-time,
that is if you deserve them.
But for now,
just let me be,
i'm not sad,
and i'm not tired.
I just don't know
anymore.
383 · May 2020
A Rusted Wheelbarrow
Tatiana May 2020
Iron legs brittle to the touch
ready to snap like dry twigs,
and yet it still carries mulch, tools, and plants.
Wheels tried and true.
Metal a sunset hue.
It’ll collapse no doubt into a heap on the ground
spilling its contents to be judged by the earth.
I wonder what will finally make it fail.
The stones? The dirt? The rain?
It’s a matter of when, not if.
All carriers crumble under the weight.
©Tatiana
381 · Sep 2015
Life
Tatiana Sep 2015
Silver linings are hard to find
A life gets ripped apart like a bad idea
Deadly moments are forever remembered
No time is spent wisely with misery
Endings are sometimes too abrupt
Stairs are hard to climb
Seas are easier to sink into anyways

Emptiness doesn't last
Negative energy will come and go
Disease gets cured
Strive for balance

Heavy fog starts to lift
And there seems to be more light
Pleasure fills the air
People are dancing
Inside my chest my heart truly beats
New blood flows through veins
Endings are new beginnings
Silver linings can be found
Souls are united once more

Even smiles turn into frowns
Necks get tired of holding heads high
Determination has forgotten its goal
Sinking into the sea

Tick tock goes the clock
Reading your watch with a sigh
Under the shade from your hat
Treating others as shadows
Haunting your every waking moment

Hugs are empty
Universal pain of betrayal
Rhythm falters
The leaves shake violently
Still, they cling to the tree, they won't fall

Lightning strikes the ones who know
Interrogating their lives
Ending their words forever
Silence

Kind words now mean nothing
Independence is the only protection
Leave behind your old life
Look at the ruins from lack of truth
Sadness ends, happiness ends, truth hurts, lies ****
378 · Apr 2018
Unease
Tatiana Apr 2018
I have fallen to my aching knees
at a parking lot full of unease.
I cannot shake away this cold freeze
my grip tightens harshly on my keys.

I feel that eyes have managed to seize
control of my mind like a disease.
My shallow breath is barely a wheeze,
safety here has no real guarantees.

I will watch so carefully for these
fake eyes to show up after a breeze
and to move closer with snake-like ease
to see if I will start to beg, please.

My dripping nose twitches with a sneeze,
yet the slight motion does not appease
the consuming sickness that will squeeze
the last drops of me into the seas.

Temperature dropping in degrees
the terrible night won't hear my pleas.
Those fake eyes that watch in the old trees
I'm so very sorry to displease.

How can it be so, that no one sees
that my mind has felled me to my knees?
I get up, so this torture will cease
I leave the parking lot of unease.
© Tatiana
9 syllables in each line and a rhyme scheme that gave me anxiety. That's what this poem is to me.
377 · Dec 2012
Dream
Tatiana Dec 2012
A twisted image,
fills your mind,
as you finally lay down,
for a much needed rest.
But will you sleep?

Your thoughts swirl,
into a mix of words,
that make no sense,
in your head.
But do you even see?

Your eyes close,
and they open in a new world,
that's filled with light,
and everything beautiful.
But is it all true?

The light changes,
to a cold dark,
that churns your insides,
with sharp fear.
How do you feel now?

The beauty you saw,
mislead your senses,
and made you believe,
that you had the right intentions.
Do you like being deceived?

A person appears before you,
their voice was gentle,
yet their eyes were angry,
you were wrong.
Did you think you never were?

You wake up,
with the fear still lodged deep,
into your gut,
and you notice the person,
outside your window,
and you're wondering,
as you lock eyes.
Was this really all a dream?
377 · Aug 2013
This House is Not a Home
Tatiana Aug 2013
There is too much tension
in the place where I reside,
to the point where I want to leave
the only home I have ever known.
This house is not a home right now,
it's becoming unhealthy
and I can feel it.
The drugs she used caused it,
and I am no longer comfortable around her.
She made our parents sick with worry and anger,
and I no longer know who she is anymore.
This house is not a home,
it's a place I never wanted to be at,
and when you want to leave home,
you don't know where you would go.
All you know,
is that you don't want to be
at the place you once called home.
376 · Nov 2014
Forces Unseen
Tatiana Nov 2014
By forces unseen
I take one step forward,
then another,
and another,
one more.
My eyes close and i'm floating.
Up I go,
into the soft white clouds.
I float indefinitely,
hoping these unseen forces
keep my head in the clouds.
Because right now,
the ground is a scary place.
Tatiana Apr 2019
Suburban streets are stifled with traffic when school gets out
and righteous rain falls from the cloudy, gray sky,
making the red taillights of cars glisten and glare
directly into drivers' squinting eyes.
Children rush rapidly between cars to get to their own,
as pitiful parents weren't prepared for the rain.
Did any know that one of them today
was calm even as they grew insane?
Patience inside pained people is a terrible thing,
for they can always see when the end is in sight.
Like they are the wearers of robes and bearers of scythes,
they know when one is approaching the night.
A screech of tires, or screams, only one is sure
a fateful falling, anyone could have foretold this crime
bones crunch and a head hits the asphalt too hard.
It is far too late, when we know it's the last time.
©Tatiana
370 · Aug 2019
Upheaval
Tatiana Aug 2019
You cut off one head.
.
Then two!
..
Then three!
...
Then four!
....
So many more!
...........................
And you wonder why
they're still standing?

BECAUSE THEY HAVE SUPPORT.

And I'm so scared.
...............................................
Do those heads belong to my enemies?
Or do they belong to my friends?

I'M NOT SURE.

One down
.
two more to gore
..
but we can't ignore!
The possibility of our heads
..
Getting the same treatment

IN THE END.

It's easier to solve your problems
when there's a figurehead
.
So take them to the guillotine
So you can all eat your bread.

And have the cake offered
by your headless queen.
©Tatiana
Here's a poem.
369 · Jun 2020
Rearrange Me
Tatiana Jun 2020
I
d
r
  o
   p
    p
     e
      d
       m
         y
          w
            o
             r
             d
              s

               pick them up
Can you                       for me?

Rearrange t-h-e-m
in
a
w a y
I meant to s p e a k?
Because I                  k n o w   you
and you                    k n o w   me.
We would n e v e r use
stale, weak words
to hurt each other.

No, we would(n't.)
©Tatiana
Had this one in the drafts for awhile now. I don't really format poetry in crazy ways, but when writing a poem about twisting words, I feel like it needs it. Mocking and sarcastic is the tone I was going for in this one. What do you all think?
369 · May 2021
Echo
Tatiana May 2021
Did you know when you screamed at the mountain
until your throat protested your own cries
until your voice became raw and bleeding
spitting out blood and lies
that the mountain would echo it all back?
Ask you the same questions you asked it?
Like pointing a finger at a mirror and demanding
your reflection explain itself.
It’s like screaming to the heavens
“Why didn't you do anything?”
And then your voice becomes larger, louder,
asking you the same question back.
Why didn't you do anything?
©Tatiana
365 · May 2019
Mettle
Tatiana May 2019
Pressurize and squeeze
the points at which we are weak
force us to release our control with a pop.
We let out an agonized groan,
as our support beams slide out of their joints
and grate against our buildings' bones.
They keep testing our metal
to see if it breaks.
But even as our bodies shake
we remain strong together.
Our mettle was forged in fires so hot,
so we will give it our best shot
and fight them until we cannot.
©Tatiana

Mini poem series finished :)
365 · Apr 2017
The Deer, The Water, and Me
Tatiana Apr 2017
Staring at my watery reflection
I see what is behind me more clearly
The ripples spread just like an infection
My figure is the view that pays dearly

Not moving has become my one action
I have sunk low in the mud where I kneel
The water trees cause a blank reaction
Since I've earned the title of being steel

There is a snort from the opposite bank
It is a deer that wants to cross over
I speak softly, she stomps, no fear of rank
Her hooves are crushing the water clover

She and I are full of trepidation
Would you be so kind to forgive my lisp
I was not in charge of my creation
The tension I feel makes my plea too crisp

Can you cross this water of reflections?
And put us out of this staring limbo
I know you place your dearest affections
Not with humans for we are your old foe

A tiny splash creates more distortion
The deer had made the decision to cross
And it ignored my odd self absorption
It disappeared and left me with my loss

Watery reflections of leaves and trees.
I left this spot, I can't live on my knees.
This doesn't make much sense but I'm going with it.
364 · Jun 2019
LOOKS KILL
Tatiana Jun 2019
Liars only obtain keen secrets
Kings initiate lethal legions
©Tatiana
one wrong look, one secret shared, thousands dead
364 · Feb 2019
The Shakes
Tatiana Feb 2019
Somewhere, there is a house upon a hilltop
that still has the shakes
of life that once lived within it.
Shivering with memories
of children's feet pounding
through the halls as they played.
They were the blood racing through its veins.

Yet all races must come to an end.

Now the house is nothing more
than a reminder of the past
that's unsteady; it shakes
like hands that have held too much.
The house is nothing more
than gaping windows, knocked out doors
and peeling paint;
that shudders in the terrible breeze.
Memory has always been rather shaky
364 · Dec 2019
Fire and Water
Tatiana Dec 2019
Though I want to be ash
don't burn me alive
I can't take it a second time
to see the crowd
with their buckets of water
watching in awe
as I, the dry kindling
light up
as I, the roaring flames
scream
as I, the intense heat
evaporate the water
they had with them
to put me out
when my burning was done
©Tatiana

rapid fire poems right now
364 · Nov 2012
I Got Older
Tatiana Nov 2012
I looked in the mirror today,
and I saw the door behind me.
I stared at that door,
confused.
I had closed it,
but now it's open.
I don't want people to see
my past.
I got up
and shut the door,
cutting myself off
from suppressed memories
that threaten to spill
out of me.
I looked back to the mirror.
I looked at myself.
My face had lost the little kid look,
and my features were more prominent.
I looked at my eyes,
and they haven't changed.
They're still the same hazel
that always lean towards blue.
They remind me of the little girl,
I once was.
Well i'm not that little girl anymore,
I got older,
and my past shouldn't bother me,
it's a lesson,
not a regret.
So why do I think it is?
Why can't I learn from it?
I stared in the mirror,
until my mind swirled with memories,
and my eyes filled with tears.
But I refuse to cry,
no more tears,
the past is the past
and I should just let it be.
There's no point in crying over it
if it's already done.
I got older,
and I need move on
into a new stage of my life,
and say goodbye
to the little girl I used to be.
364 · Jan 2013
The Dark
Tatiana Jan 2013
I'm living in a shadow,
and it's dark,
and cold,
and i'm so scared.
I'm jumping at every noise,
every movement,
and the light seems so far away,
I don't think i'll ever make it.
I'm so afraid,
that i'm frozen in place,
and time is moving very slowly,
I'm counting the days,
till something awful happens.
This is a horrible way to live,
slowly suffering,
wasting away,
with every ragged breath.
I'm trying to take steps,
toward that light,
but this shadow is holding me back,
not letting me strive forwards.
I'm stuck,
and I don't think i'll make it out,
soon enough,
because the dark,
won't let me go.
362 · Nov 2012
Then I Realized
Tatiana Nov 2012
My friend,
or so I thought.
Something great happened to me,
and she snaps
like im not allowed
to be happy.
What is wrong,
with my circle of friends.
We got rid of one,
that killed us
but now there's another
who just hates me.
Why is that,
I constantly ask.
Nobody believes me,
no one at all
and all of my friends
just love her.
But then I realized,
Why does it matter.
She shouldn't matter,
not at all
shes not happy for me,
so why should I
be happy for her?
360 · Nov 2017
Untitled
Tatiana Nov 2017
I keep hoping to strike it rich
with a pickaxe to a poetry vein
but all I end up doing
is swinging that pickaxe into my brain.
I have a migraine, but I want to keep writing
360 · Aug 2019
Outside the Cigar Shop
Tatiana Aug 2019
Outside the cigar shop is an elderly man
he is leaning against a parking meter
fumbling the quarters he pulls from his deep pockets
and dropping them into the machine
the metal clinking as it accepts the change
and only reading 20 minutes
the old man scowls at the meter and puts in more coins
until it reads 1 hour
he digs around in his pockets and turns them inside out
he has no more
grumbling to himself, he pushes away from the meter
entering the cigar shop
and I'm left sitting in my car wondering
how we can spare some change for more time
for the things that will lessen the time we already have
©Tatiana
359 · Dec 2018
Unions
Tatiana Dec 2018
I've got the scars from countless paper cuts
and calluses from the pressure to write.
Maybe instead of letting my eyes shut,
I should just let it become the cool night.
Who says I need to rest my weary head?
When I could stay awake and ponder life,
on my shaky desk where my hands have bled.
Who says I shall become a foolish wife!
I don't spit on those who are now happy.
Their stories do not flow from my heart's dark.
I can't relate to feelings as sappy
as trees when we strike and peel back their bark.

Such unions made are blessings and curses.
Together we stress over the verses.

I bound my hands to my strange illusions.
I hope it brings far better conclusions.
© Tatiana
357 · May 2019
Meddle
Tatiana May 2019
It seems you've been struck with the meddler's touch.
I can see it in the way you move.
Constantly looking over your shoulder
cringing when you see nothing
not that you wanted to see something.
It's a relief overshadowed by fear
that someone will mess with emotions so dear.
They'll make metal melt and become malleable.
They'll do the same to you if you're valuable.
Melt you down and mold you into something you're not
they'll meddle with the metal and give you a medal
for participating in their meddling
and leave you to cool down when you were hot.
You're right to be wary of strange sounds
just be careful not to turn all the way around
for they're not behind you, they never were
the meddlers are in front of you
messing with your future.

Now you're something that you were not.
Now you're something that you were not.
©Tatiana
All that's left is mettle

Mettle
354 · Dec 2018
In Pieces
Tatiana Dec 2018
The sky is whiter than normal.
The cloud cover makes you sick.
It's the first snow of the season
You wish it didn't exist.
A blizzard beneath your eyelids
when your body grows weak.
You fall off the edge of a precipice
one that has no right to exist.

It all seemed to fade away
in pieces.


The snow is coming down
landing on your face,
and you frown.
You dislike how it collects on the ground.
You wrap your arms tighter
around yourself.
You can't admit you're cold.
You can't ask for help.
And I see you shiver
your way through Hell.
Like you're an icy mirror
You reflect myself.

The ground ceased to exist.
What was once so solid,
so real that the dirt stained
whatever it touched.
It burned away in these
eternal flames.
That I found myself trapped in.
Hell, is my home burning?
It's always so **** hot.
I used to drip with sweat.
I haven't drank water in over a year.
I don't sweat I'm dehydrated.

It all seemed to fade today
in pieces.


The flames are rising high
ready to leave ash in my place.
I'm sure my horror would show
if I could truly feel my face.
I wrap my arms tighter
around myself.
I can't admit I'm burning.
I can't ask for help.
You see me burning
my way through life.
Like I'm the reflection
of your strife.

It all seemed to fade away
in pieces.
It all seemed to fade today
in pieces.

.
© Tatiana
Here's a little song I wrote (you might want to sing it note by note) lol. But this is a song I wrote. I tend to just play a chord progression on the piano and then sing whatever comes to mind. I record the result of that on my phone and then I collect the lyrics and form them into something that makes sense. And this is that result.
354 · Jan 2013
I Want
Tatiana Jan 2013
Every step is painful.
in this unbearable situation.
I am walking on thorns,
countless large, sharp thorns,
that twist down into a long, dark path,
that has no end,
and it just keeps twisting away,
into an aching misery.

I'm choking back my tears,
no more crying
Not in front of so many lives,
many small, young lives.
Their fearful eyes are following me,
as I walk on thorns,
my blood flowing freely from my feet,
like the life that flows out of their eyes.

I want the thorns to disappear,
off this long twisting path.
I want this path to have a beautiful end,
not the dark one I am seeing.
I want those eyes to stop being scared,
The children should be allowed to be children,
not empty, fearful shells of their former selves.
I want this all to end,
is that too much to ask for?
352 · Nov 2012
She's Okay
Tatiana Nov 2012
That day,
that treacherous, torturous day,
is a ghost,
a shadow,
that never leaves my side.
She left the house,
fuming,
at me.
And I was,
raging,
at her.
Over stupid,
little, arguments.
Late at night,
the phone rang.
My mother answered it,
she told me what happened.
I dropped,
my body in agony,
I was slammed into the ground,
by the pain I felt.
A car hit my sister,
and I felt her pain,
along with my own.
All I could think,
all I could remember,
was our argument.
And how mad we were,
at each other.
The last thing,
my sister would remember,
about me,
is me hating her,
and yelling at her,
and screaming at her,
she wouldn't remember,
that I love her.
As that night went on,
I cried.
Every single second was filled
with heart wrenching sobs,
that came from my own body.
I didn't know if she would die,
I didn't know if she was badly hurt,
I didn't know she would get hit,
by a car.
A **** car.
If I knew that,
I would have never argued with her.
But it's too late to change that.
Even later,
my father came home,
and I was sitting on the floor,
staring at the wall.
Just waiting to hear about my sister.
Just waiting to hear the horrible news,
that my poor father would have to bestow on me.
I prepared myself,
for the blow,
and my father spoke the words,
I did not think
that I would hear,
"She's okay."
Never argue with your loved ones, you may not be as lucky as me to get a second chance to make things right, always let them know just how much you love them, because at the moment when you least expect it, they can be taken from you, right out from under your nose.
352 · Jun 2022
Sunday Thoughts
Tatiana Jun 2022
I've forgotten quite a bit of my childhood
The teenage years that is
Spent so many years without sleeping
Anger-bleaching my brain
Who was I,
I hardly knew

But I am so different today
Or perhaps I am who I always was
And back then was just the shell
I did not change then did I?
Does the distinction even matter?
I feel so different today
352 · Oct 2017
I've Painted Roses
Tatiana Oct 2017
I've painted roses on ripped canvas
but the thorns of the rose
just ripped it more.

I've painted roses on ripped canvas
claiming it was art
when it just covered abuse

I've painted roses on ripped canvas
and then just tore it apart
I cant fix this, just start over

I've painted roses on new canvas
and I felt empty.
A change of canvas hasn't changed me.
© Tatiana

There's a metaphor in here somewhere about love, past abuse, and trying to move on when you're in a better situation.
352 · Aug 2014
Recognize It
Tatiana Aug 2014
The will to love,
the will to cry,
can be expressed
by a lullaby.

A lullaby who's notes hum softly,
and whisper of lives
that play so beautifully.

The will to sing,
the will to die,
are always related
when a mourner cries.

A mourner cries from all that is lost,
and screams of lives
that had been crossed.

The will to dance,
the will to lie,
can't happen together
and i'll tell you why.

A dancer has a passion that can't be false,
and holds the truth in her limbs
that can't lie in this honest waltz.

The will to dream,
the will to be alive,
are beautiful things
that can't be denied.

A dream is an innocence,
and it's a ray of hope in our minds
that we won't ever find ridiculous.

The will to survive,
is stronger than one will ever believe it is.
So I have two words,
and two words only.

Recognize it.
350 · Feb 2021
Stress Fracture
Tatiana Feb 2021
In this hou  se I sit
on a chair t  hat has
yet to be m  oved
it takes tim  e to pack
up furnitur  e that
decorated a  home
I trace my f  ingers on
a groove in  the wood
grain of the  kitchen table
a mistake f  rom when
you cut app  les without
a cutting bo  ard for you
were runni  ng late to
work and d  idn't have
time to take   care but
it was okay   what was
one mark on   a wooden
table anyway  ? I was not
angry about i  t perhaps
I should've be  en since
you feel like I  don't feel
anything then  maybe
you wouldn't   be moving
out of my hea  rt without me
©Tatiana

A little while back (can't remember how long ago actually) I was doing a whole bunch of poems with different breaks in them to mimic different bone fractures. This is one that I hadn't been able to post because I just couldn't get a grasp on what I was trying to say. Still not sure if I've communicated anything but hey, it's in my drafts and I'm tired of it sitting there. Soooo what do you all think?
350 · Mar 2019
Hands at a Funeral
Tatiana Mar 2019
...
..
.
Grab Hold Release
keep the comfort brief
to take on some grief
Grab Hold Release

There won't be a hand

Grab Hold Hold
don't linger on how they are not old
grip fingers that are so cold
Grab Hold Hold

that is just mine to hold

Grab Grab Grab
this procession is absolutely mad
shake the shoulders of those sad
Grab Grab Grab

unless it is my own

Release Release Release
the thought that death is peace
smooth out your dress so it won't crease
Release Release Release

I prefer to grieve alone
.
..
...
©Tatiana
Tatiana Apr 2020
Teach young girls that they can say "No,"
to situations that make them uncomfortable.
Don't force them to hug someone they barely know
even if you know them well.
Teach young girls they can say "Yes,"
to situations that make them curious.
That they don't have to sacrifice their own happiness
for someone else.
Teach young girls that they can say "I'm sorry,"
but only when they actually mean it.
To assert themselves when they've been wronged
and to recognize when they were wrong.
Teach young girls to say "I'm worthy,"
no matter what path they choose in life.
Whether it's to be a doctor, an artist, a scientist, a wife
whatever it may be, let them decide.

Teach young girls to say "No."
And teach little boys to accept it.
©Tatiana
Now, this isn't my most artistic poem but I still think it's important. I think all kids should be lifted up and not beaten down, but this poem is specifically about being a little girl. I know many young women who have trouble saying "no" or "yes" or they apologize too much or they feel they are worthless and a lot of stems from how they were raised. I've had friends who were taught to minimize their own thoughts, opinions, dreams etc for the benefit of others and it is such a widely accepted idea. The last line is to address one of the issues that keeps coming up. That's the issue of "'No' means 'No.'" Why do we continue to teach our boys to push a girl until her "no," becomes a "maybe" and then it becomes a "yes"? I've had the thought of "maybe if I say yes, he won't snap" many times when faced with a man who was a stranger to me. Do you know how terrifying that is? If a girl or woman says "no" then that's that. (And don't strawman me here, I mean this in reference to respecting someone's personal choice and autonomy) Obviously, this is one perspective and a bit on the heteronormative side and I'd like to hear other viewpoints. If you know of any other poems like this, can you point them my way?
Leave a comment below about what you think and if anyone decides to write a poem from a different perspective send it to me.
348 · Jun 2018
Snap
Tatiana Jun 2018
I sleep under the stars tonight
in the weary winter weather.
I've been hot for far too long
so it's time to make the transfer
of energy in my bones.
I'll allow them to grow brittle and cold.
So snap,
snap your bones
and find out that you are alone
So snap,
snap your bones
and do not let yourself grow.
© Tatiana
345 · Dec 2012
To All My Friends
Tatiana Dec 2012
Whatever may happen,
always remember,
that even if I don't seem nice one day,
or if we argue,
I'll always be there for you,
because the little arguments don't matter.
We've been friends for so long,
what is the point of ruining that relationship
over something stupid?
I guess my point is,
i'll always be here.
I'll be the old friend,
that never changes,
the rock.
So to all my friends,
i'll be there,
whether you need me or not,
i'm here for all of you,
because I love you all.
To all my friends, I love you all
344 · Nov 2012
To My Friend
Tatiana Nov 2012
My work is never good enough,
that's what I always think,
and I've torn papers up
never sharing them.
But now,
To me,
it's a relief
when someone likes my work.
To me,
It means I did okay for once.
But never did I expect,
a friend to arise from this,
someone who always comments
on my work.
Someone who I want
them to see their own work
is just as lovely
as they say mine is.
My heart is bursting with joy.
and I know
that we will get through
our low views
of our own work.
So to my Friend,
Thank you.
To My Friend... Timothy, thank you.
344 · Jun 2019
Frantic Thoughts
Tatiana Jun 2019
.................................................................­...............................
If there is somebody listening, please let me know,
so I can shield my thoughts so you don't get lost.
It's a twisting, weaving, nightmarish maze in my head.
Don't listen so closely, you won't like what is said.

If I drive into this pole I would-
DIE yeah I know that brain thanks for-
PLAYING with his heart! She's playing-
GAMES which game? What do-
YOU want to know? How much wood-
WOULD anyone care if I jumped off a cliff-
RATHER than learning how to fly, I just-
AVOID the treacherous oceans of my-
MIND the gap, mind the gap, mind-
THE best of times, it was the worst of-
TIMES, divide, subtract-
ADD a face to a name and see its-
LIES that stab me like swords and I-
CRY from happiness, the world is okay.


If there is somebody listening, please let me know,
so I can shield my thoughts so you don't get lost.
It's a twisting, weaving, nightmarish maze in my head.
Don't listen so closely, you won't like what is said.
..........................................................­......................................
©Tatiana
Sometimes one word can trigger a newish thought which just leads to a bizarre continuation of the previous thought.
Die playing games you would rather avoid. Mind the times. Add lies. Cry.
342 · Nov 2019
A Skeleton Remains
Tatiana Nov 2019
Skeletons rage when there’s no rain
'cause their bones have to suffer another day
of shameful decay.
All worms, insects, and maggots
have left with the flesh
and flowers like to wind themselves
around boney necks.
Do you think he knew how much time he had left?
He has eternity
beneath the dirt.
He has serenity
when interred.
But he lays atop fallen leaves
at the edge of a clearing that views the sky.
Will the stars cry for him?
I won’t tell if they lie.
Will the Heavens open up their gates?
To him I think they’d rather hate.
Will the aching bones get washed away
to somewhere only demons play?
I think he’s wary of the angels
and not yet known to those fallen,
except the leaves,
they know him well.
They are his bed and blanket.
His comfort and his hatred.
Bones rattle when the winds bellow.
Lord, it is his time to go.
Please Lord, just let him go.
©Tatiana
341 · Mar 2013
Wait Till The City Sleeps
Tatiana Mar 2013
Close your eyes
and wait till the city sleeps,
to scream out loud,
hit the panic button
then destruction starts,
pain and misery
are common sorts,
red flames of pain
and tear-less eyes,
why can't they see through your disguise,
lighting strikes when the moment is right,
burning away
with your demise.
I was searching through some old poems I wrote a couple of years ago, and I like this one so I thought i'd share it with you guys. :)
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