I feel it making it's way
through my body
like the shiver I get when you touch me,
or the burning sensation I get
when I'm pouring ***** down my throat;
I feel it making it's way into my heart
and into my lungs
like your love,
or my cigarette smoke;
I feel it tightening it's grasp
around my neck
like your hands,
or my noose;
I feel it killing me
like the cigarettes,
and the *****,
and the love

I just need to be left alone,
but don't stray too far;
I just need to know that you care,
but don't let out too much;
I just need to be able to stand
on my own two feet,
but don't let me collapse to the floor
for I fear my bones may break;
I have grown weaker
and my mind is slowly sinking
into a comfortable nothingness
and soon I will be sleeping
with the dead;
I just need to wait,
but I'm staring at clocks
with broken hands
and they've lost
their voice

I don’t want to sleep
There are too many noises
(Too many voices)


The tick 

Tick 

Ticking of the clock

And the silent buzz

Of street lamps

Outside my window


I can hear her breathing


Like the wind

Rushing through the trees

My heart beat

Pulsing in my chest

It gets harder to breathe

Take it slow

Count the seconds

My mind is so awake

But my eyelids

Are falling 
closed


And i am choking 



Inhaling

Smoke and demons

Exhaling

Carbon dioxide
And ash clouds

My hands are shaky
And my fingers

Are burning red

I feel an electric shock

Jolt through my body

Then entire numbness

This is turning into a nightmare
It was never like this before
I'm afraid that if I'm conscious too much
They'll come break down my door.

This is turning into a nightmare
It was always better than this
Borrowed, fake, sweet to the touch
Nothing is going as I wish.

This is turning into a nightmare
It was hardly better than now
Explain how I can find my love
Because it wasn't in lost and found.

This is turning into a nightmare
It can't be any better for you
Why do you care, they all just shove
And I end up falling through.

This is turning into a nightmare
It was worse yesterday, though
Maybe because I'm looking above
And I see a spark of Hope.

This was always a nightmare
But now it's turning to day
Perhaps I'm finding He is enough
And I've finally found my way.

the beauty that comes
from that little black pen
of yours
is more than what will ever
come from the stars
and the moon,
or the sun
and a clear blue sky;
your mind is working
so fast
and your pen still manages
to keep up with your train of thoughts;
your words scribbled on paper
are better than any
misty lake
on a cold Sunday morning
or a silent forest
on a dark Tuesday night;
your pen carries every single
emotion
from your brain
to the paper it is dancing over;
your beauty is
written through
that little black pen
and you should never
stop writing,
even when you feel empty,
you can find something
to write about;
never
stop

i will tell you this: the devil
is inscribed in the details. when you
haven’t spoken to someone
in months, it’s like greeting
a stranger anew; they are not
who they were five months ago,
or six, or seven. they are a
collection of newfound

cells and new skin and new ideas; they
are not the brilliance you once
observed at 3 am when they
were crying out their reddened eyes
over the fact you did not
love them like you used to. even
if they find some new person kissing
their wounds in a failed attempt
at intimacy, they may still latch
onto your once-love as a blood-*******

leech. the god of trickery and emotional
manipulation is named “my ex-
boyfriend” and i don’t think i like him
very much. “are you missing me” he
sighs to me over the phone, and i
cannot reply. if i whispered “yes”,
he’d grab my wrist and pull me into
his side again; if i whispered “no”,
i’d observe it devour him alive and
bring him into the warmth of a
broken heart.

He used to only dance
With a raggedy grey mop
And now when she's with him
She can't get him to stop.

I know I should stop,
I have told myself
a thousand
*******
times
but my mind won't listen
when it is restless and
needs comforting,
I am lighting
cigarette
after cigarette,
drinking *****,
whiskey, gin,
anything hard
to really put an end
to the voices in my head;
but they keep coming back
they're not backing down,
I'm being eaten
from the inside out

And I don't know
How many times I asked
Where to go
When I was looking at the past

I can't look ahead
For all the times I've made mistakes
Faults so dripping red
Don't believe I have what it takes

So give me rest
When I'm just trying to survive
When I'm not my best
Let me know that I'll revive.

Why do I
Seem to do the very same things
I'd try to fly
But never with these broken wings

It was just too cold
When I started out anew
But as I grow old
I'll try to keep my eyes on You.