Pinnacle moments pass us by quickly and sharply.
Cynical thoughts control the fear marking out goals in Sharpie.

Mental games of why do I deserve such pain, even partly,
and coinciding emotions of loss amongst those not even as lovely, I finally feel this pain heartily.

One bad decision, one bad night, one terrible choice is the only ignition that was needed to begin the arson.
My apology was weak and imitated the sincerity of a disgruntled garçon, still in disbelief that my train of thought was easily that of a *****.

Love is a fickle sport we play and the secret formula is still out of my reach.
I will metamorphize into the one who is cracking the glass towards the anticipatory breach.
A lesson you subconsciously teach and I see that not all past stains can be cleaned with even the most powerful bleach.

I now know how I hurt you with my actions and eternal contract breach, like Richard Nixon I deserve the death penalty charge of being impeached, making you now just out of reach.

All I can say is sorry for all I have done, I love you, but I guess it's just a figure of speech.

Caught in trap, nowhere to hide.
In the depths where the demons hide.

You know right just as well wrong.
You justify your being wrong.

Haze filled mind with one priority.
Start to fall to pieces when you lose your inventory.

The car was pawned I hope he will do delivery.
He rings the front door and I run as quick as I can towards the enemy.

You give the money, he gives you product.
You can't take another second feeling this chaotic.

Narcotics generate the psychotic, and idiotic.
The low creates the demonic.

Why can't you just use logic.
Start a new life which isn't episodic.

Make it one that breaks the chains.
Finally find your true self and heal the strains caused by past pains.
And with no other choice but to give up the reins.

Tread lightly against the brush.
As all it takes is just one more rush.

I've been on the low.

I've been taking my time,
I feel like I'm out of my mind,
It feels like my life could never be mine.

I don't wanna be alive
and let me tell you why.

All the **** speaking happening and presently occurring, as those same culprits pop up in my head as if I'm memorizing.

I've been praying for somebody to save me, but no one's heroic.
My life doesn't even matter, I know it, I know it...or at least I tell my myself that.

I'm hurting deep down but why can’t I show it?
I never had a place to call my own.
I never had a home, ain't nobody callin' my phone.

Where have you been? Where you at? What's on your mind?
They say every life precious but nobody cares about mine.

I've been on the low.
I've been taking my time.
I feel like I'm out of my mind.
It feels like my life ain't mine.
Who can relate?

-- Alex Wilson, 2017

Perfect calculation has the inevitable human result of an enigma.

To gaze beyond the factors of sigma,
allowing creative wildfires to birth,
joining the thoughts outside the stigma.

The beauty of us makes the world we live in.

The terror of emotions is what brings us to life,
not a single identical twin or sin,
the mind allowing true living to begin.

Life your life unafraid and open.

Write your golden woven tale and be outspoken,
with self-belief leading the unspoken towards the unbroken.

CARPE DIEM!
Like a hockey team,
accomplishing the American dream.

CARPE COLLOQUIUM!
Like Napoleon,
giving a speech to defeat the Mongolian.

CARPE VINUM!
Like a forgotten man's byname,
stumbling aimlessly when it's always been within his brain.

CARPE NOCTEM!
Like a relentless cricket's chirp,
always ready to exhibit pounding energy without limit.

CARPE DIEM!
Seize the day, today,
for yesterday cannot be replayed.

The mistakes we make in life can make us crumble,
two bricks withering down can make the entire building tumble.

No matter how many times you create beauty the pessimist persists,
the mistakes always on the mind never out of the peripheral sights.

The realist looks at both sides and makes symphonies of insights.

Rise above your two mistakes and focus your lens on the beauty around.

This will lead to a building and mind on the most solid ground.

Kids running amuck in the streets,
burning lamps glistening to life with buzzes and beats.

Wonder and awe floats through their eyes,
a life of possibility calling loud and raw and they don't realize.

No vice infecting their dream,
no skewed perceptions morphing life into schemes.

Until they awaken one morning and gasp one deep breath,
and suddenly realize their childhood has finally left.

Escaped from past pain and can now explain.

The epic fall and tragedy from within humanities food chain.

I said I can explain,
as I have begun to train.

Looking towards a light that illuminates the darkest of eyes and times.

How much of such brightness can I contain and retain?

What I know is I've already lived my last dark days.

I said I can explain,
no longer connected to a ball and chain.

Freedom is now in the sunrise,
see the brightness in my eyes.

Every once in a while, a thought comes along with a lasting strength of memory.

A dose of a wild clarity, a seamless interweaving of symmetry.

Every once in a while, a thought comes along with a lasting strength of memory.

A clear and toned glance at the authenticity of life.

A pure recognition of its simplicity and strife.

Every once in a while, a thought comes along with a lasting strength of memory.

The crumbling of broken shackles becomes the only sound vowed to never forget.

An impossible moment of knowledge bound only to the roots of truth.

A passionate interjection of thinking that will change everything.

Every once in a while, a thought comes along with a lasting strength of memory.

Yet we forget.

Burning rays of sunshine floating through the windows,
seemingly flawless gleams of light come into view as vivid luminosity, elegantly shimmering throughout a newly defined Disco.

Lustrous eyes willingly glare at sparkling streaks, rays, happy as the illumination spreads fully and evenly throughout,  steadily engulfing a tired mind.

A time of peace, or is this all intertwined?

Suddenly hopeful of a new design that is perfectly undefined.

The streaks of light were never assigned,
which is the solid evidence needed to believe we are all aligned.

Still and aware now as the energy begins to stir,
my racing thoughts now begin to slur.

Consistent practice has titled me connoisseur.

A silencer.

Free from my past saboteur.

We all "were",
and next step must occur.

Stuck in the middle of reality and haze, constant struggle that cannot be raised.

Undeniable truth that holds consistent, that without moderation the pains are persistent.

Underneath the silken exterior, lies a boy with images that his life is inferior.

Don’t fall down the hole that is too deep to see, become one with the grasp that will never let you free.

Understand that this is reality, and beat the struggle that thinks it has you caged.

Don’t give up and continue to grow, learn from your mistakes and the undeniable utterance of the word no.

Who am I if I'm not alive enough to see?

Who can I become with so much internal deceit?

Who and what is a soul when it's become lost?

Who and what is remembered when I'm forgot?

We all traverse pain, we all know it's true name.

The cold eternal flame that is universally the same, the fuel to this almighty game of life we confusingly play.

Chattering boxes are but the brain at work, with dreary thoughts doing the consistent work.

Laughable laughs come out as bold lies, as the true core we barely adore slowly dies.

With true words never being spoken, will the dark spell of the fraudulent counterfeits ever be broken?

The world is now digital and synthetic, and the almighty aesthetic is now genetic.

Tick tock I hear the clock. Sweating and flaming inside the sheets, when will this nightmare become what it truly is, a dream. Not reality.

I can't awaken, not even after my best pinch, as I fall deeper into my fear I quickly realize I'm on stage. Performing for just one in the crowd, finally feeling deep inside the cringe.

Naked and afraid on the inside, appearing confident and sculpted from outside, as if made of clay.

Melting away by the second from the constant flames, liquid drops falling to the floor splashing, and crashing, as we do what seems like play.

****** ambitions always stay, but true love and relationships float away.

I can't hold onto how, or keep fighting this fight. This is just the present situation, and this girls heart won't stay together tonight.

Smashing and crumbling hearts to pieces becoming a normal routine, where the true effect is slid beneath the rug, beneath the feet of where we're *******.

Changing myself, evolving into a new chapter and turning a page.
Tired of this ****, the feeling of rage from being in a locked cage.

I will break free of this war I wage.
I will break free and stop my irrational jeer, finally, I will celebrate the moment with this lady, not the nightmare.

Torn
Torn, shattered, ripped to shreds.

So many unknown feelings fill the youth's head.

Fighting to get back where we once were, all the times we had before.

Torn, shattered, finally looking ahead.

The world is brighter as we look beyond the deathbed.

No worries or anxiety overwhelming the overfed.

Standing on our own, not an ounce of selfishness in the intent.

Dreaming through the night not the day, living in the present, content.

People jubilate to the sound of their own drum.

Finally, jamming out to our own strum.

I’m clamoring in the stale sheets.

Twisting and turning my body and mind.

I’m drowning in the streaks of defeats.

Awakened and humbled as night and morning slowly become intertwined.

I’m flailing in the wind of obsoletes.

Accepting and acknowledging my unrefined state of mind.

I’m progressing in the ability to make peace.

I’m going to be ok.
I’m going to be fine.
I’m going to be ok.

I love myself, finally.

The mountains around reinvigorating life, the kaleidoscope of nature initiating a sheathed knife.

The beauty perplexing the greatest of mind, too often blind to the undefined and unrefined.

Taking a second to be in awe, the beauty of it all, the beauty of absolute organic law.

The unforgiving grasp tightens on our minds, and sinks faster than an anchor.

The unrecognizable emotions rip and tear the morality of even our best thinker.

The unjustifiable nonsense occurring has a globalized society acting consistently "faker".

The mind and reality can be united, finally at peace, if we only knew the truth behind our creator.

Our true maker.

The answer is simple.

The answer creates a giant ripple.

The answer of our creator would allow everyone to sprint, even the *******.

Seeping into this mattress the only consistency I know now, the only object I recognize is my stoic unchanging frown.

Running away always seems the viable choice, but the lonely mind is succumbed to having no voice.

The choice is directly in front of me and my hand, yet it looks so hideously bland, I don't understand.

When will my soul become a part of this confusing land?

So easily forgotten, do we remember the bright days of playing in the sand?

When dreams were always ingrained in the inevitable plan?

We all seem to forget the small thought of no matter what I can.

We are masters, not slaves,
not even to our brains.

All until the empire caved through mental anguish,
and the terror-filled thought first entered humankind mind,
you have been the enslaved, not the master.

Mentally losing control in all believed,
through streamlining a connective world and thought,
it seems we've all been deceived.

No single stream is achieved,
Not every imaginative wish was truly dreamed,  
communication is a constant drowning without an esteemed regal theme team.

No matter if too much or too little,
our mind enters new lands from false provocations from foolish and progressive new minds.

Youth and old somehow learning intellectual finds,  
understanding emotions is the mojo in the potion.
We're all the same kinds, same minds, race with color blinds.

Often though, no hope to cope,
no sign of mental help in poverty folks anywhere in sight,
we just stare at the moonlight,
praying for a wealthy snakebite.

Distraction from your inner-gleaming.

Don't think, let thoughts flow like a calm stream,
as inevitable chaos ensues with persistence in the mind,
the normal overwhelming of the mind,
you realize that we have made
a flawless design.

Yet, with one door open behind,
a coup to unwind.

Only the owner of their mind has the full power to control, cope, and turn the tide.

Those types of people who understand that there are inevitable downsides,
but view them simply as realities benign.

Viewed as a part of the intellectual process and our life ride.
,
Annihilate your ego, and let emotion become your bride,
spark the fire and light inside a pure soul filled with love and empathy.

Understand the Jekyll and Hyde hiding inside the mind will never disappear or fully hide,
yet fight and become no longer terrified,
only mesmerized.

The truth is clear and here,
no more anxiety, worry, fear, just....here.

You drift and physically drop down in pure peace,
understanding you've just completed a mental masterpiece.

Full with a new sensation of content masterfully mixed with enlightenment,
thus, begins the personal journey,
a subjective mental exploration of a new frontier.

The woods we wander through are never-ending,
over-extending our stay in search of eternal mending.

Can I find the truth?

Can I mature past the bloom of youth?

We all wander and create our own path,
a warpath with an inevitable eternal wrath.

Creases and lines guide our malleable vessel,
the mind.

Doubts, fears, and anxieties breakdown even the strongest of vessels to the core,
can it take much more?

Drowning in emotion, the exterior begins to erode apart, board by board.
How much more damage can such a small vessel endure?

Lust and greed lead the moaning vessel through the wrong currents and paths,
seemingly like a sociopath on a warpath.

We can only call on one savior in such detrimental times.

The mind.

Love, empathy, kindness, care, happiness, and positivity is the quickest escape, it has no name as it's inside every brain.
Our existence.

The mind.

Life is but a fickle and fragile game,
constant pain and pressure create inner ill fame.

As we watch time pass like droplets upon a window frame, we are suddenly awoken by an extinguished flame.

Shock, despair, devastation now all we imagine and watch in full frame, we see no hope and want something to blame.

Their is never anything to blame or claim.

It is just time passing through and through, the inexplicably untamed. Untamed life. Seconds away from the afterlife.

Integrated thinking allows societies to exhale, finally excel.

Driven communities show in masses at full-scale,
like a church bell.

Ignited ideals spread as far and wide in detail as one can tell.

Truth-ridden thoughts evolve the concious people past the outdated tall-tale.

The White Buffalo, the holy grail, the unveiling of life's undetermined fairytale.

Investigate your mind.

Allow it to unwind.

You never know what you will find.

Maybe a scare or maybe a mental uplift is trapped inside.

Just don't deny yourself this endless gift.

You must try,
find the third eye.

Monsters crawl within the mind of us all,
but the courage lies within how far we're willing
to methodically crawl.

Unbearable pressure creeping within one's self-doubt.
Are you willing to honest spout?
Will you climb the mountain face and a top it shout?

Impossible challenges lie ahead and insurmountable pain,
but the truth of such misery is a priceless gain.

Is life laughable?
Is happiness attainable?

Only you decide the fate of what you become,
so rejoice that you can trek the maze and not succumb.

You are you and there is only one.

Time is tragically still
and the air is frigid.

I've now begun to settle from my past state
of pure livid,
anger I can't live with.

With the mastering of calm and meditative breathing
the stress melts away.
I'm constantly watching it slowly decay.

Control back on my side
as I suddenly feel
the odd sensation of content inside.

Coping and alive,
and somehow,
still,
I thrive.

As endless currents and swells
take on the sea in peace,
humanity seeks such power.

If humanity could consume such salty power
we would view it as ours, with full intent to make it ours.

Humanity would leave endless scars.

Drink the power,
no clue how far,
but it's ours.

How wrong we are,
as we've already gone this far.
Mother Nature always fights with a vengeance.

Humans aren't among the stars,
we're still so far.

The balancing of Nature us inevitable
and always leaves behind authentic scars.

Internal flames sustain the charring coals of misery.

Heat so intense,
the molten source of such bewitchery seems contradictory.

As time ends the landscape bends.
Seeps.
Melts.
No hope for new discovery.

Personal freedom and liberty are now things of history.

Ideas and dreams stuck in protohistory,
nothing left,
zero energy,
abstinence of synergy.

Death. The bittersweet valedictory.
Lost ideas of mystery. The mystery that
only the silent soul can hold the final sole victory too.

Storming tidal waves break the bank of my mind,
and overwhelm me in this ruthless urban sea.

Lost hope and optimism manifesting ideas of dying alone and accepting diving below.  

Yet, it's the end,
finally, I can rest my friend
from my failed life plan.

Dash and escape from the cruelty of today's humankind, just let the worries dissipate aside.

Such terror stalks upon my psyche,
hunting for the chance to say the final goodbye.

I've committed too many egregious sins to kin, friend, and lovers,
I have nothing left to discover.

****** in by a whirlpool of pride,
yet still, can only emotionally hide.

I took beauty for granted,
my view was so convoluted and slanted,
a false conveying of intellect that was pure and enchanted.  

I stand at the edge of an emotional vortex but it won't take me in, it wouldn't listen and too empathetic,
trying to erase my believed personal reflection; I'm a maniac.

It repeated to me: "it's never too late, just one last fate, one last call, one last human experience of love is all".  

Whirlwinds of splashing water **** me in and burrow me below the salty fuming crashes.

I hold my breath,
as I begin the dance of death,
flooded again by past my mistakes, pains, and regrets.

To my surprise, just before my demise,
a smile arrives,
relaxation resides,
my mind has been unlocked, it is free and finally no longer paralyzed.

I rise as if a crystal ball.
I'm the one in control of it all,
all it took was one leap, crawl, and natural law.  

Experiences that will still last a lifetime,
no matter their arrival time,
they mold us into a new design,
and become pure the happiness inside.

It is love. The most malleable force of all.
Human's true call.
Natures own law.
An insatiable draw.

Follow that internal call, even if you fall.

One succumbs to holistic approaches when the pain inside is no longer benign.

Diligently trying every approach, to no avail.
Losing battle after battle can but only drain the mind.

Looking for any way out without a spiritual guide or loss of pride,
using self-discovery as the palette to becoming purified.

Suddenly, emotions collide.
Critical emotions that one must recognize,
and humbly abide, and gracefully leave behind.

Horrified and magnified, the trials are monumental.
Inner-thoughts judgemental.
Until it all becomes clear,
you decide when to become transcendental.

One must never depart their fight from emotional apartheid.

When aware of the daily barrage of mental damage we endure, one can see their own personal internal genocide,
the pain inside.

Unveiled roots, deep within the soil, suddenly crackle and split after one cleans the inner-self.
Calmy dusting off the cranial bookshelf.

Clean from self-doubt, and done inflicting the avoidable self-pain, the daily drains, of ones brain, can no longer lay claim.