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Nikita Sep 2015
The wall clock ticks like the timer on a bomb.
I can't stop it, reverse it or slow it down.
Each tick drags me forward, helpless and nervous to the allotted time.
I can no more avoid it than the beating of my own heart as it pounds with futility against it's cage of bone and cartilage.
The dread is an invisible demon sitting heavy on my shoulders and only I can hear the sharpening of it's knives.
I sweat and become pale, then the tremor in my hands begins.
Nikita Jul 2015
All you do is put me down
Shut me down
And laugh

You're a ******* princess
Thinking you're cool
Just because you hang with a group of people that seem to think they're better than everyone else

You always have your nails done
Your eyebrows done
Your hair done
Everything has to be perfect

Im not a girly girl
Im not rich
Im just a white chick
Who couldve give two *****

I used to think you were my friend
That you were nice
But the only reason I ever thought that
Is because you were using me
Since you had noone else

We were best friends
Great friends
But now I wonder why
I dont want anything to do with you anymore
All you do is make me feel like Im below you
That Im not good enough
That Im not cool enough

You know what?
Go **** yourself.
Nikita Jul 2015
Its 9.45
I could'nt feel less alive
I seem to be falling, sinking
In my own bed
And I hope that maybe
Just maybe
The mattress might swallow me whole
Can't wait to fall asleep again.
Nikita Jun 2015
I just want someone to laugh with, to hug me and hold me close so i dont drift away.
Yet i am picky
Yet i push people away
Yet i avoid relationships entirely

I guess im just a *******
Nikita May 2021
As sweet as candy
Don’t you think watermelons dandy?

It’s got seeds
It’s nice and fresh
It’s green

There’s no other fruit in sight
I’d like to eat
Nikita Aug 2015
I've cried more this week than I usually do in a year

Need to harden up
Nikita Aug 2018
It's not the full moon
its the people
who
turn us into
monsters
Nikita Jul 2015
What if every wish you made was countered by every bad thing you've ever done ¿
Nikita Jun 2015
Love isn't just between couples
Its between us and our closest friendships
Its between us and our closest family

Its love for our pets
For our hobbies
For the earth we walk
For thrill
For life

Love is simply an intense passion and connection for things/people that have changed our lives ❤
Nikita May 2015
The waves moving in and out like a goddess stroking the sand
The clouds rolling across the sky with ease
The bright sun warming us up for the cold water
The beach is my favorite place
Especially when the red and purple is painted across the sky like a visual lullaby
When the air turns crisp
When sky fades into darkness
And you can see the refection of stars shining off the gentle water ⭐
❇❇❇❇
Where I'd rather be
Nikita Aug 2015
You don't even say hi anymore
You hang out with people who value wealth and looks over kindness
Change can't be stopped
But I never thought
That one day Id barely recognise you
Why
Nikita May 2015
Why
Red hair
Bright smile
Green eyes
Could stare for awhile
Sweet and kind
A strange yet intriguing mind

Yet I still back away
Afraid and scared
Step by step I move away gently

Why
Why can't I take a chance
Why am I so afraid to take his hand and dance

Somethings off
So I keep on backing away
Waiting for the day I'm not afraid to stay
Nikita Dec 2015
Why do I still need to know you're okay to fall asleep?

Why do I still want to see you smile?

Why do I still think of you?

Even though, I know that I don't love you.
Nikita Jun 2020
Like the rage
Of a thousand winds
My mind spins
To and fro again

Similar to the wind
The mess inside my head
Remains invisible
Yet violent

Sometimes I wonder why
We have warnings
For tornadoes in the sky
But not a glance
Towards the hurricanes
That dwell inside

But when I picked up a pen
I began to wonder again

I thought of all the wreckage both leave behind
And realised the reason why

A tornado in the sky
Will leave wreckage for both you and I

A tornado in my mind
Will leave wreckage that only I will find

So while I pick up the mess of a thousand men
I will also pick up my pen.
Nikita May 2021
Push me
Blow against my skin
Ptsd you win
Nikita Jun 2015
If you could wrap me up in your arms every night

Then maybe
Just maybe
Everything would be alright.
Nikita Jun 2015
I know its wrong but I'm so much better now that I'm talking to you.
Nikita Aug 2018
tug of war
at each end of my mind
one saying stay
and
one saying fight

each time stay wins
I'm paralyzed

each time fight wins
I'm antagonized

but when I'm stuck
in the center
_

I'd rather just
cut the rope altogether

~ ~
You
Nikita Jul 2018
You
A daisy six feet under
Who are you babe?
Nikita Jun 2015
I miss you so much
You dont have a clue
Yet, when you talk about her
Im never jealous
Im never sad
Only do I ever wish you the best
And It makes me wonder
Does that mean I really miss you?
Maybe just as a friend
But then again
If you were to chase after me
You would'nt have to run very far
Because for you
Id stop running
Even if I was running from something that terrified me the most.
What am I even doing with my life

— The End —