Do you remember when the matchstick lit and touched the candles wick?

As always
The sky is painted grey
Which caused a solemn drone to spill out on to the trees below
The bark of these is streaked with a terra cotta smear,
My skin
And the pitter patter of rain matches the tempo of
The pitter patter of my feet matches the
Tones of the sod and clay
I am running
Away and towards
The cloaked man and refuge, respectfully

//


The cloaked man approached me in slumber
His voice- static and void of inflection- draped over my body and stung my flesh with the sensation of poison.


//

Stripped of light,
I ran into the fleeting night
In hopes of gathering my bearings
I cast my eyes to Great Polaris
And began to sing
"Oh Grand Astra!
This I beg of Thee,
Dissolve this fog that I again may see!"
And from thistle and thorn emerged the cloaked man,
Grinning a malevolent grin
His stare laden with sin
He spake
"Can't you see you belong to me?
I have brought you knowledge and I have brought you gain,
But you run, and now all you'll feel is pain."
And he broke my arms.
As I writhed in agony,
I called to the Northern Star,
And he pulled at my jaw until it was off.
He stuck an arrow in my lungs so that I would shut up,
But I would not.
With every gasp I cried out,
And he tore out my tongue.
He left me to die to return to the soil and sod.

I still search for the scent of a rose in a field of lilac and lace
There is no luck in this place
So I'll forsake the field and valley
Climb the peak of the nearest mountain
Pound at the void in my chest
And scream your name
I'll scream until the blood leaves my veins
And a fire fills the sky
Destroy my voice
Until the rose and lavender pair again

I beg you
Peck my eyes,
Oh fair Raven in the sky.

This thought at times plagues my mind
Not in the sense of complete consumption,
But in a manner that strikes me with a sinking feeling
In the pit of my tum, in the depths of my soul
A secret fear, though I'm certain it's not exclusive
There will come a time that I will die.
All the moments, every single second
All my breaths and beats
Each twitch and blink
Will cease and become memories
Or will they?
When I slip into the ether, will I hold to my past sights and dreams
Or will I simply be a vapid void
Would it fall upon an ear if I were to scream?
Would I even be capable of tears,
The ones I'd certainly shed
Just the same a refugee does when fleeing their country-
Their home,
But more than merely a home.
It's all I and they have ever known.
I suppose it's equal fear in leaving home and fear of the unknown.
I cannot imagine anything other than green grass and the rumble of thunder
Southern rains and how they bring comfort
So as it begins to storm in my new year of twenty-four,
I cling tightly to this planet, this plane, my perception of consciousness,
My dearest kind, all the car rides, broken hearts, locked lips,
All the pain and it's opposite,
And I smile because of how beautiful this life is,
A gifted experience from the creator,
And I am thankful.

We are the calloused hands of agriculture
The sun burned neck of labor
The bruised heel of infrastructure
We are those who go without praise or applause
Who wake up early
And go to sleep late
So that our sons and daughters have food on their plates
We are hated for our pigment
We are hated for our accent
Pigeonholed as rapists and smugglers
But really, we do the **** pendejos would never do
And we do it with pride on our sleeves
And love in our hearts
Because sometimes our families are countries apart
We take jobs that are not glamorous
And let racists hammer us
And use that hammer to sustain our families

I have lived
And I have died before
I do not want to make the same mistakes
I do not want to make the fallacy of living life without living at all
Though I understand things need to be done
A job, income, love, and a bed
And at the same time
I know life is not to be wasted on the same trivial things

Night owl:
The strigiforme emerges
Clouded in crimson
Feathered vision
Cloaked in night
The young man's heart races
He forgot to pay his fines
"It's okay" he emits
"It just slipped my mind"
The owl circles above
"Just give me some time"
The owl bellows
"I need it, young fellow"
As he patrols on time
Vicarious visions probe the man's mind
A frightening mood
He's enveloped in black
Festering forms drenched in worms
Peck at his eyes
Visceral, visceral
"Forget me not" uttered in shrill
And the man's neck snaps
With the blood his soul leaks into the void
A technicolor swirl soon gives way to paranoia
He breathes, yet his lungs no longer move
"Give way to my will" beckons the owl
His tongue is familiar, like a lost language once spoken in times past,
But hieroglyphic all the same
And the man sinks and is stretched

"Hrim shim fertulos visigvus, hgrstatious involsxedo prliii"

Given the choice between known and unknown, the man goes with comfort
A cylindrical chasm to a familial realm
A world stained orange
A certain memory
Mother, father,
A fair night in October
His cigarette gleams
Serenely vestigial
Often times the words I know I know
As if implanted in my mind
Usually uttered on the spot
Sometimes jargon
Sometimes evident of an owl

Aún la novedad
Mi soledad
Será cierto ser
Le pregunte a un señor
Hombre vago
Barba blanca
"Porque soy así"
Me dijo
"Cuéntame de la última vez que abriste los ojos y vistes"
Me quede callado
Subió la voz y pregunto otra vez
"Cuéntame de la última vez que abriste los ojos"
Y al terminar sentí mi sangre revolver
"VAGO TU, VAGO YO"
Empezó a reír y grito
"SOY UN ESPEJO, LO QUE VEES ES UN REFLEJO"
Y se quebró
Mis venas agarraron la tierra
Empecé a crecer
Salio el vago otra vez
Estirándose en un árbol de nuez
Lo alcance
Me dijo
"Logras lo que tu quieras, lo que tu puedas, ponte las pilas, agarra la tierra, y verás"
Crecí otra vez
Al tercer cielo
Vi los siete mares
La luna y sus lunares
Mi mujer y el sol
El futuro en su infancia
Mis manos y la mercancía
Empecé ahogando en el mar
Ahora vivo en nuevo hogar

What I can't say I align into lines
Because you, again, give me the cold shoulder.
And these words, how they smoulder.
So it's just me and the night
And whatever music feels right.
Alabama Shakes hits the spot.
I can't count how many times I've told this curious tale of a boy who fell in love with a girl just to have it all end in tears.


A few days pass and I'm in my room on a chair
Music playing though enveloped in silence
And the blue-green walls
And stained wood furniture
Start to drip their colors and I do too
My world is a monochrome setting
Like a sitcom in 1942.
If only you would walk through
That door and these colors restore
For you are the paintbrush of god
And life without you is a bore.


It's been days and I wonder
If another one with a silver tongue
Spoke of your beauty-
Your eyes and how you part your hair
Would you listen eagerly?
Can you easily forget me?
Would you buy in to his success
And how much he is a better man?

Hey, um,
This is gonna have a bit of a blue feel to it
Because I'm in my ******* feels again
But what's new.
I'm a nice dude with a big heart,
Like the kind that calls her a work of art
Or the type to call this **** a "spark".
Honestly, **** that.
Always with my heart on my sleeve
Just to have her leave.
haha
Whatever.

The times are young
And the times are tough
The mountain man sews his cloth
The winter is gonna be rough.
He palms the sweat from his brow
Out the window he surveys his plow
Jagged rust
Scratched iron's reaction to snow
By the pond lies his cow
His beloved bovine Big Brown
And he recalls the calf, after birth, lying on the ground
The mountain man sighs in desperation
His wife and daughter with gaunt faces warm their skinny bones by the fire
The cast shadow paints them like death
Flies swirling in their breath
And the mountain man grabs his gun.
With heavy heart, and heavy boot he trods the winter mix,
Jagged soles so as not to slip.
A single tear steams as it strolls his face.
Two shells in their homes
Aims the barrel to the brown beast's nose.
Past the eyes, antlers reveal with grace.
He pulls the trigger and the snow is painted red.
The animal falls dead.
He turns to the house and sees his daughter through the window peer,
Notices the anticipation on her face
And gives God grace for the deer that took Big Brown's place.

It's been some days
And I've seen some change
But I'm finally okay

I write this with tears in my eyes.
Not of anger or sorrow
But of love.
The tremble of my fingers smears the ink of my pen.
A memory I've kept so dear,
Like a child with his teddy bear-
An angel in a black tie-dye BMTH shirt,
The one I gave you.
You wore almost every time I saw you
You said it was soft.
You loved it so much.
I still remember every outfit you've ever worn.
When we first met:
The long sleeve HDLMS shirt, black pants, black vans.
Your hair was up in a bun,
One I've come to love.
You wore red lipstick,
Which you didn't know yet I loved so much.
Our first kiss at my job:
A black shirt, cheetah pants.
Your hair was still curled from your competition-
I thought you should have won-
You wore a purple-ish lipstick.
When it came time for us to leave, I picked you a flower,
You surprised me with a kiss.
God, that kiss from one of his finest creations.
That's when I knew we were meant for each other.
When I came to your house:
You wore that BMTH shirt, black leggings, white vans.
Your makeup was done
Your hair in a bun.
How beautiful you looked.
We sat outside
Talked for hours.
We looked at the stars and talked of god.
I knew he was real every time I looked in your eyes.
Your sister's birthday:
A metallica shirt with the sleeves cut, blue jeans, black vans.
You wore that same lipstick from when we first kissed.
We had dinner,
I had some beer.
We kissed.
I couldn't let you go.
When you came to my house:
I don't remember what you wore, only what you didn't.
I do remember that candle you dropped and how I told you to run.
That was fun.
The first time in Grapevine:
You wore a red flannel, a denim jacket, black pants, black vans.
We had dinner.
I had water.
I was sick, but you still let me sneak a kiss.
Photos under the mistletoe,
The first time I picked you up.
I got you that ******* you wanted.
The second time in Grapevine:
God I had never seen a sight so divine.
You wore bedsheets better than Kim wears Givenchi.
I couldn't keep my hands to myself
And you were okay with it.
I told you I loved you
And I meant it.
I still do.
I'm going to miss your eyes
Your smile
The way you looked at me when I made a smart-*** remark.
The way we play argued
And you let me nibble on your neck-
That made you giggle.
Our tickle fights-
How I adore your laugh.
The way you hugged me when you saw me-
I could tell you were true.
My other half,
When you read this I want you to know,
I love you more than the stars I hold dear-
More than the air that I breathe,
And oh how I love to breathe.
Te amo mi amor.

Poetry doesn't always have to rhyme.
Sometimes it's just how you see life
Or how life sees you
Or sees itself.
It's a strange concept- life.
I was once asked by a younger friend of mine, although I am merely twenty-three, what was the meaning of life?
I, like many others, didn't know the answer to such a complex question, but still I pondered it.
I recalled a moment in my life where I had been experimenting with marijuana, not as a means of simply getting baked, but as a tool to experience.
In one of my psychedelic wanings between time and space, I found myself asking questions.
I swirled into myself, my true self, and found that, from my perspective, life is meant as an experience.
To live
To love
To feel
To learn
To understand
To teach to others what we have learned.
And in knowing this- life, and the world I see from my infinitely finite point in this mass of perplexities, became all the more beautiful.
I began to see things as others do.
And still, it was beautiful.
Beautiful, because I was allowed by the creator to experience and wonder the poetry that has been laid before us.

Sometimes I wish I was like those people who
Can **** whomever they please
And continue about their life
As if nothing ever happened
Emotionless
Unattached

They said
"Be careful young boy
Things are gonna be the same
You think that she will
But she ain't never gonna change
She'll play with your heart
Like she's playing some game
She'll take your next breath
And exchange it for pain"

But I was deaf as a dog
And kept the same path
Now I'm lost in a fog
And my mind is going mad
And I'm praying to god
"Send me off with a bang"
Sho' enough as I finished those words
Came a car with a man with a drink in his lap
Forty mile-an-hour and my neck it went snap
But he didn't stop though his windshield was cracked
So he drove to Austin, Texas and never looked back
Now my bones lie on an old dirt road
Left for the wolves and the gnats

You don't know what love is

I'll never subscribe to the ills of modern romance.
The intrinsic notion that if it isn't perfect, it stands no chance.
There is no such thing as making it work anymore,
And god forbid its a slight chore
To take a chance and make it work.
**** it
**** her
**** me
There's plenty more fish at sea
But those are words I don't mean
Syllables spilling out of my teeth
Because I'm hurt and angry
Hurt by you
Angry at me
All the words I tied in knots to craft a frame that adorns your divine face.
And I hate myself because I find myself in a new faith
A new religion
Like that Lana Del Rey song
The one you told me to listen to
Though my favorite is Honeymoon
I don't know if this a catharsis
But I had to get these ******* words
Out of my skull
They gnaw at my brain and my bone
And don't let me sleep at night
They're akin to the dimmest street light
At your window
A speck in an otherwise ebony sky
That drone on the lid of your eyes
I just want peace of mind
And you to be mine

You are akin to my cigarettes
I light you up, then breathe you in
The taste that stains my fingers and my lips
Killing me slowly
But I love it
Can't get enough of it
My lungs fiend for a bit of your nicotine
Either way
I'll die if you do
Lose my mind if you don't

Last night I dreamt of you
Your words were oh so sincere
Swearing they were true
The way they fell in my ear
This time it was Blue
God I wish it was real


I need something to hold on to because I'm drowning
And the more I try to stay afloat
The salty water, dark and blue
Seeps its way into my throat

It's often said
"If she returns, it was meant to be"
This makes thrice
Because I'm so ******* nice
And the grip you have on my heart in vice
But ******* lo, what light through your window breaks
I'm just a moth to flame
Frequently burned, and the salve is pain
You're my worst habit
Words from a cigarette addict
I could put it out on my arm
Even though I don't self-harm
But good God, my mind's a swarm
And even though your red stained lips drip venom into my soul
Baby, I can't let you go
'Cause every time I close my eyes
That perfect night replays in my mind
You and I held tight in that candle's light
And every other sight
Your hand in mine
And the way our lips would fight
****
Every bone in my body aches
Every time you say you can't stay
The thought of you many miles away
Feels like every atom in my body split in two
'Cause all I really need is you
My motivation
The only explenation I need when I look to the skies for the answers I seek
The only anchor in my life that is a roaring sea
I love you, but you don't love me

I met a girl in a neoprene sweater
She told me her favorite word was "never"
So I told her my favorite letter
It's "u"
Because it always has a beautiful view

Was i born to write?
To transcribe syllables from thought and mind,
To breathe and bring life,
And at the same time
Wage war with
And those against?
To cement myself in a comfortable coffin and suffocate in the absence of light?
Or was i born to pull back the night
And paint violent colors of red
And
Yellow
And
Orange
And
Call it the morning sky?
Well i regret to tell you,
that i neglected to tell you
that i tremble.
And not just from freight.
A paintbrush- i can't hold tight.
Instead, let my fingers find letters- my favorite is I.
Let my fingers find letters
And I'll string together
What lies beyond
Clouds, and the highest high.
The sun and the stars.
A parallel planet,
And it's inferior nights.
An alien planet,
And our life through their eyes.
So miniscule,
At most benign.
Let my fingers find letters
And i will create
A line.
I will bend it's shape,
Perfect it,
And let it sing it's praise.
Let my fingers find letters.
I will captivate.

Played like vinyl
Scratched and on repeat
Simply a way to pass the time
You were bored
And you liked my words.
My favorites are "****" and "you"
Though they taste better when strung together.
Really, I'm doing fine
Just sitting here watching the wheels go by.
I do and don't regret
So I'll easy forget
And easier yet
Pick at my skin
Until there's none of you left.

A few solid strikes from a broken fist
My throat hurts from all the ***** I scream
It can't end
It can't end like this
I'm shaking
While I read
All about the sorrys
And how the time is not right
It's been a while since a tear left my eye
I guess the incision feels nice
Compared to the palm on my heart
But I knew from the start
Love is a gamble
The cruelest game to leave the lips of God
So I took the chance when I held your hand
And let my lips touch yours
Now I'll relive those nights
Instead of pray when I turn out the lights
I'd give anything to hold you one more time
Carve your name in my shoulder
So every night I lay my head
You are there at my side
I only hope when you're gone
You won't find another one
Or lose my place in your soul
I stumbled in
I'm not ready for the fall

As we reach the peak of summer
And the index swelters
Our skin wet
Dripping in sweat
We curse the sun
And pray for the night
We long for the days
Overcast and grey
When the trees pallor
And their leaves scatter
The satisfying
Crunch
Crunch
Crunch
And walks through the park
Sidewalks mimic the sunset light
Suddenly our lives are painted
Orange, yellow, red
I'll mutter
"I'd like to see autumn in New York some day
Evening coffee with you in a café"
Pedestrians strolling by
New jackets in polyester, cotton, and wool
Darker denim and
Show off the boots
In the summer months
In the southern states we long for
We pray for
We wait for
A breezy chill
And time to ****
With the ones we love
As night falls
And the stars rise
The air is stained with smoke
Fires are stoked
The fireplace tokes
Take my July
Give me October
Summer is plain
Autumn is for lovers

I like to think myself akin to the fevered nightingale, fallen from tree, in every way the same, from broken wing to broken beak. As I lay dying, I bellow out a sullen shrill, let the darkness carry as it will. Does the night know that it is my only light?

In

I don't see you enough
I don't feel you enough
I don't hear you enough


Out

I crave your face
I crave your hand
I crave your voice

I almost texted you good morning
I forgot
We aren't talking
You had become my second nature

These days there's a recurring theme
It's 4 am
I'm lacking sleep
And losing dreams

You have me
Wishing and waiting
Hoping and praying
Sitting and staying
Close enough to feel
Your hand in mine
Your lips to mine
Your breath and mine
Every song
Is about you
What I think about you
Lyrics line up perfectly with my thoughts
And every morning
And every night
It's you
And love songs
Anticipating
With the birds and the bees
And the flowers and trees
Waiting for the moment
When you are mine
For you have me

And as I lied on that couch in my cousin's house I couldn't help but begin to weep. I wept for my father, who, for the past few years has been in and out of jail. I wept for him and I wept with him. The only man I've ever truly loved was locked in a place void of it. And I can't sleep because it's all I think; how the kindest man, with the biggest heart, is now the smallest man with the biggest guard. Happy father's day.

Ball my fists
And hunch my shoulders
Swinging wildly
Til knuckle meets boulder
Does the earth merit my blood?
Do my bones merit the mud?
My voice becomes a vessel for words reserved for sailors and such
And my belly a sloshy sloppy pocket of ***
Writhing is my skin
At the thought of him within
Alone with no means of defense
Where defense means offense
And offense brings a means to an end
But I'd rather not think on the end
As I'm only about to begin
So I make a fist
And swing
Until nerves breach the bone
And veins burst within
I've known splinters and flint
And broken glass on skin
I know what it is to go without breath
And drown in the sink
This is just another week

I want to craft a ship
With no tattered sails
And sail the seas
To tell the world
Once
And twice over
Then do it again
Of the love that I've found with you

I'm holding onto hope
God knows how long that will last
For what if our atoms split in the blast
And fate brought us cross country for that
The longing they have
Knowing each other as they did in the past
But like I said
I'm holding on to hope
God knows how long that will last

How terrible
And all the same delightful
Are the chapters in life
In which we begin to enter love.

A rosebud's bloom

Chet Baker said it best
"I fall in love too easily,
I fall in love too fast"
I would add that I tend to fall in love hastily, with no second guess.

Her figure
Her form
Her smile
Her lips
Every moment
Of every day
She crosses my mind
Like the Sun's rays in the morning sky
I think I'm in love
But I am afraid
For what if her heart
Is in another place

I had an affinity for you
But you were better in theory
Than in person

I want you
But do you want me?
I swear to god
It's always the same
******* thing
You entice my nights
Then leave with the morning's light
****
Could it be
That every girl I meet
Should turn and leave
To go and be
With a man
Then smile at me
I'm just a crumbling leaf in the hands of every girl I meet
**** me

W I C K E D  T H I N G S
Housed in comfort
The ghost with wet black hair
Sings in the mirror
To a love in despair

H O L Y   T H I N G S
Planted in keys
The woman in white
Stands at the altar
Turns and runs away

My eyes can't befall
She who bears a name like Fall
Because I just might like her,
No
I can't love her
That was years ago
When I held her close
And we sat by the pond
It was a chilly night
But neither wanted to go home
So we talked
And we talked
And talked
And talked
I did what I could to make her laugh
To see that smile
And the way she crinkled her nose
And the way her freckles danced
In the moment I froze

But I don't love her,
No
I don't even like her.
That was years ago.

Was birthed in war
From womb was called
To conquer
To praise
As David did
To cast away
To let my body sway
In light is life

Years drag
Eyes beheld
Hands have felt
What was not meant for me
Suddenly I'd seen
Barren before me
What was once green
In darkness lies death

A crimson streak
At the age of sixteen
Redeemed
Trees scream green
In His eyes tears gleam
He says
"My child
All the while
You ran to hide
All the times
I saw you cry
I stayed at your side"
And all at once
I saw Him hung
Stained in scarlet
Ribs parted
He wore the broken-hearted
His bones splintered for me

Max the unlovable
Has a stained-glass heart
With an unlit candle
An ancient death
Begets the spark
Seen miles through the night
In light there is life

There's a black
Hair-pinned sliver
AKA velvet liver
Lying under the bed
Catty-cornered
Adjacent to where my eyes wed
As I count the primes
I can't help but roll my eyes
And tears stream down my face.
The strigiforme released the worm
From the pebble teeth lodged in its beak.
Double the space from
One and three.
The song changed,
Her morning sickness spoke
Fold our lives in leaves,
The time we have is brief.
She came from under the bed
To blame
I shook my head and said
I did not eject.
I was fake
She was fake
The bed was fake
The owl,
Melted plastic
Left in the sun's wake,
Pacific rays, bleak and weak
Melding homes.
This makes no sense.

You give new breath to the word lust.