Love leaves a mark,
Not just the small marks of love down my body,
But a mark within everything for which I am a part.
Whether she stays with me until I leave this place,
Or departs from me before I transcend,
I will always find parts of her in life’s every surrounding- every small trend.

When the rain sets in, I am reminded of her love in the Spring.
Nights spent talking over every little memory and every upcoming thing.
Fixing our hearts in our chests,
While letting luck and the unknown figure out the rest.
As the world warms around me, as the grass turns to green,
I am reminded of the desperation for her love, the only thing I’ve known to need.
I will always be reminded of the soft songs she shared,
Their melodies always find a way back into my head- and I’ll keep them there,
Because when I think of them I am reminded of her.
And once I think of her, I am reminded of the sound of her heartbeat as I lay on her chest,
While we hold each other again and remember what it’s like to invest,
In another soul so deeply and so willingly.
By the new growth of spring, I am reminded of the rebirth of a love I cannot forget.
If again I am in her absence,
I know I’ll be hollowed by a lack of passion.
For only this love has ever shown it to my heart.

For when the days grow longer and the nights get warmer, I’ll always be reminded of her love in the Summer.
When I see fireflies in the summer air,
I am reminded of soft kisses in the summer night and the smell of her hair.
I am reminded of the words we exchanged over cups of coffee,
The way we led ourselves to be happy.
When the sun sets,
I am reminded of the life she breathed into me under the covers of our beds.
I am reminded of the touch of her skin,
And of the feeling of being so in love with another, I cannot find the words on my tongue to even begin,
To explain to her the burn I have within,
To see her smile because of me,
To give her every chance I can to be happy.

And once the leaves turn to orange, I am reminded of her love in the Fall.
The first time she kissed me those years ago,
And the way we held each other close,
As the nights got shorter and the wind got colder.
I was still whispering her name and wishing for no other.
No matter where I may be,
Her name will come off my tongue and echo up and down within me.
Like the fog on the quiet autumn nights,
It rolls across me gently and I will not resist it, I will not fight.
If she looks the other way, I’ll still remember the touch of her fingers,
Locked perfectly between mine- A feeling that always crept warmth up my body and softly lingered.
I’ll always remember the way she’d make me smile,
On the nights where I otherwise may have found myself walking alone in my head for miles.
I will remember the “I love you’s” in dark parking lots and during walks under the colored trees.
I will always remember the way she cried into me,
Or the way I would look at her across the room.
She will always be a magical wonder to me.

When the world turns white, I am reminded of her love in the Winter.
As the world seems to die around me, my love for her does not.
As the air chills over, a fire in my heart for her with my every thought.
I think of the movie nights with bodies curled into one another,
Or the quiet songs I’d write in secret about her.
I am reminded of the days spent with each other in brutal weather,
And of her smile the first time we put up Christmas lights together.
I am reminded of first conversations over cups of hot chocolate,
And of the feeling of her hands in my pockets.

Love leaves a mark,
In every season and on every surface of my heart.
Everything I do reminds me of this love,
Every sound I hear and sense thereof.
I find parts of her in everything surrounding,
Every small thought and every lovely thing.
Whether she stays with me until the end of my song,
Or strays from me before I am gone,
I will find a piece of her in every moment.

Inaudible, inaudible,
Completely, unfortunately intolerable.
A disruption of said audio,
Has saddened us and all we know.

Pessimistic, pessimistic,
Completely, unfortunately pathetic.
Too bad for us,
We cannot resist it.

Inaudible, inaudible,
Disordered so very long ago.
Lugubrious, so spiritless,
We cannot be saved from this.

I think today,
I'll cash out on a box of cigarettes-
To burn my lungs away-
A little thing to make me forget.

It's too bad that you love me,
For I've gone astray,
Maybe you'll see me,
On some other sad day.

I am the sorry dog,
Chasing my own tail- a subject of quiet dialogue.

Like the fleas, I cannot shake away,
I cannot seem to shake her face.

I am her sorry dog with no passage of rite,
A tortured creature, though sad and polite.

Love is not for those who preach it,
But for those instead who burn and weep for it.

I am the sorry dog with no home to follow,
Just a broken heart within me,
Blackened and hollow.

If we knew everything there is to know,
There would be no freedom, there would be no home.
For if we knew everything there is to know,
There would be no highs and there would be no lows.
Existence is in mystery.

If we knew everything there is to know,
There would be nothing at all- no concept to show.
Life itself would freeze in its place,
Meaning losing meaning as if lost in space.
Existence is in fear of the unknown.

For if we knew everything there is to know,
There would be no discipline and there would be no difference,
From "right" and "wrong" would come no divergence.

The universe is better undisputed,
Left with love and wonder,
To be unrefuted.

At 11:11 she told me to make a wish,
So I wished for a little piece of heaven,
I wished for a chance in which,
I could hear all the stories that shine within her eyes,
And for the chance to move to the sky, beside a fresh sunrise.

And the on the second time she reminded me,
I wished just that she,
Would put my world in slow motion,
The way a dancer spins: with grace and beauty,
Filled with wonder, like the open ocean.

And as time passed again, I wished for a kiss.
To breathe in and feel the soft bliss,
Of what's becoming in the softest season.
So I cushion these words with starry wording,
And only hope that she will see my reason.

I creep away to the woods at night,
To hide myself from the burning bright-
Glare of the sun that reaches for me,
With intent to burn away any hope I foresee.


I know that if the woods may hold me,
With the sounds and echoes that lie beneath the trees,
Then I shall find serenity,
With the souls of all those who subsist free.

I am paranoid, bound with fear,
Distraught at the idea of losing everyone I keep near.
My love is sad.
I write about it with ****** hands.
And I am mad,
Twisted and controlled by dreams of promised lands.
All love is sad.
Left behind like footprints in the sand.
Who's to say it's not so bad?

I put my eyes in upside down today,
To see all the world in play.
To watch horizons slide and change,
A new view rather strange.

I put my hands on backwards today,
Even wrong, as you could say.
So that my palms are facing towards the sky,
All the worlds' secrets- mine to pry.

I put my spine in crooked today,
The pieces all astray,
So I know the feeling of panic,
As my structure falls away.

I put my eyes in upside down today,
To get another taste,
Of life for those who see in grey,
And feel pain day after day.

Sarah knew the truth I found,
When she crossed our common ground.
She looked at me and felt the same,
Sarah won't forget that day.

I'm sorry Sarah, for the mess I made,
I'll never forget that game we played.
Sarah saved my soul that day,
I'm sorry Sarah- you felt such pain.

I am only ever so sad,
I'm sorry Sarah, but I cannot be mad.
You want me to be happy, I guess.
Just not when my head is such a mess.

My knees were streaked with red,
While Sarah watched as all my words bled...
A million stories a thousand times,
Of ten hundred different crimes.

I'm sorry Sarah played that game,
Because Sarah already felt the same.

I keep pictures painted of love in my music box,
To play for you all and turn back the clocks.
I am an artist of abstract peculiarity,
Expressing my syllables with my heart- a rarity.

I am the artist who sings as the sun sets,
Painting strange car art from the light of a cigarette.
I have known a million faces, faced a million ages,
But every side of the box is still faceless.
As am I.
I write for fear I might never die...
A thousand words stringed to a phrase,
Written in this book and tucked away-
Inside the box under the back seat, along with all the spare parts-
My strange car art.

I've been counting down the days that I've been hiding from the rain.
5-4-3-2-1
It doesn't make any sense, so I write it all the same.
Painting every book in its place along the shelf,
Freezing memories in time- sealing each with good health.

I am the artist who has long been alone,
Wandering my mind until I find a home.
And I found a home. With my battered heart,
I find home in my strange car art.
And I know what's been eating at you,
You don't know why you love me but I am glad that you do.

I’ve stopped drowning in an empty ocean,
I’ve stopped living in a re-wind contortion...

Because the world looks different when you’re in love.

I hope you know that I’m so proud of you,
For making your way down a steep hill and for everything that you do.
I know what it’s like because I’ve been there too.

But the dark days don’t matter anymore, because the world looks different when you’re in love.

I would take a match to my heart for you,
For you, there’s nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do.
I am stuck in a dream,
And here, you are exactly what I need...

Because the world looks different when you’re in love.

It’s like living in another dimension,
I’ve been in others before, places with sadness and grim intentions.
But this one here with you is the positive exception.

A better place, like the flower in a blessed vase.
I will try my best to tell you how much I love you,
And that speaking for my heart has never felt as easy as this to do.

I know I cannot make you love me,
I cannot create feelings the way I create art that will so easily please.
But I hope that you mean it,
I have a wild exuberance with this.

For me, the world looks different when I’m in love.
And for that, I cannot thank you enough.

I love you.

A mountain cannot be moved if it’s not worth the time,
And a song will not be sung unless it can rhyme.
We will fight for, and we will be fought for,
And we will always bare consequences for expecting more.
We will forget why we stand for ourselves,
The way we forget old books on our shelves.
We will imagine feelings and we will imagine sounds,
And we will find passion in them before we are laid beneath the ground.
We will watch good things fall downhill,
And we will empty glasses, while some we will fill.
The summer is guarded, with life and with love-
Feelings of winter’s cold discarded. And even when speaking of all the things gone wrong,
There is still nothing more beautiful to me than a love song.
And I know that things will work themselves out before long,
And I just hope that by then, you will not yet be gone.

I found God today,
Found him in a girl I wish would stay
Baby I’m so awful,
Like she likes it.
I’m ten cents to change,
Like a dog with mange.
Pick her up at four,
I’m sleeping on the bathroom floor.
When I mess up,
Will she find someone to surpass me with better luck?
And when I fall,
I find it’s awful lonely at the bottom after all
So when I crawl
Back to the surface, will you tell them all?
That I’m not dead, I’m only lost.
A forgotten land is not so far off.
I wish I was clean like you,
I wish I could find the things that are true.
I wish I was clever
I don’t want to be alone forever
I don’t like the songs I write from my head,
She doesn’t like the beautiful things I said.
I told her I wouldn’t write sad songs
I said I wouldn’t write sad songs

The mirror on the wall may as well **** me,
What stares back is not at all what I wanted to be.
My head’s not held high,
My wings of hope are stripped, and I’ll no longer fly.

They rolled me in bubble wrap and locked me in this box.
Foxes- yet they call themselves cops.
They stamped the box and labeled me “FRAGILE”.
Ripped me of my dignity and cursed me all this while.

It’s just feeding with the wolves-
The lambs come and they devour them whole.
FRAGILE- their little bones break.
I didn’t see it before, but now I think I’m awake.

So as it goes, they stack the boxes against the wall.
Shut away from reality in a little room at the end of the hall.
The wolves feed with foxes, they prey on the lambs.
And though the fox might not ****, there’s enough blood on his hands.

File away the papers, and they’ll deem it so,
As long as they’re quiet, than no one shall know.
Toss out the keys so the cries go unheard,
After all, there’s no reason to ***** the rest of the herd.

A lamb corrupted grows to a sheep,
Stripped of her wool, she no longer sleeps.

If you speak for her cause,
You already know that all hope is lost.
You’ve seen it before, or taken a blow to the head
Or something much worse and you wish you were dead.

Let it all run down- The Fall.
It drags me- Turns me around.
Let the light of your eyes flicker and dim-
The color of your face is looking so grim.
This endless void moves me- A voice that could ****.
If you listen closely, you might hear these voices still.
Listen to their screams-
Are they yours or are they mine?
The answers are so empty- So troublesome to find.
So tell me- If we were to stand at the edge of the Earth,
Would we jump or would we turn back?
Or would we beg to the sky for a different path?
Lean close and listen to my whispers,
Watch the thought as the idea decays and withers.
I see in colors.
You see in red.
I want to live.
You’d rather be dead.
Walk to the mirror, study the lines in your face.
Will they reflect the truth of your fate?
Is it wrong- Or is it right?
Truth is an evil enemy to fight.
Sit, my friend- feel the noose around your neck.
Tell me know, just what have you got left?
Move to the corner, feel these walls with your fingertips.
Hold still as your heart speeds and skips.
Stare through the window. Are the summer skies blue?
Or does April rain and darkness still hinder your view?
If I told you my name, would you know where I’ve been?
Would you see me as your hope to escape this cruel end?
Move your fingertips softly over my skin-
Am I enough for you to give and accept this sin?
I am real. I am real. I am real.
Will you let me in?
You could stop the rain, if only for a moment-
I beg you child- Keep your innocence...Don’t disown it.
Is it so much of a crime to look into my eyes?
What is it about me that you so deeply despise?
I am yourself after all,
So long as you let yourself fall.
Pain is a simple, delicate taste.
It is the only true feeling for which you and I have been faced.
Hold still and try to hold in your screams-
Trust in me. I will follow your dreams.
Lean back to me and close your eyes.
Dark intentions are tough to recognize.
The time is here for which youth parts,
Life and Death is a measly game.
The only true Justice will be found in the aftermath of your shame.
You are real. You are real. You are real.
Join with me, we’ll vow as one.
I will lead you away from darkness when our time here is done.
Revert to thought and seek the Armageddon within me.
I am the only one who can set you free.
You’ve reached the end- There is no turning back.
Leave this place where the river runs red and the skies are black.
One day, you will find love. No more hate.
Follow destiny and you will escape this fate.
Return to the arms of a friend.
Get out now, and we’ll make our amends.

Run before the world ends.

I’m tired and this drama is making me sick.
I won’t even try- Just throw your bricks.
Everything you said was right about me.
I need sleep but I’d rather drown in the sea.
I’d swallow another bottle and go back to bed,
But I can’t fall asleep when the light hurts my head.
If only I had something to believe in,
Then maybe I wouldn’t let this poison under my skin.
You’re no more than us, but I’m only less,
I’m the lies that lay underneath your dress.
They asked me why I threw it all away,
I told them I was bound to sometime anyways.
Won’t someone save me?
(No, I’m vile.)
Is this the only way to set myself free?
(I’m not worth your while.)
I just ask that you bite my tongue out of my mouth so I know,
When you’re through with me so I can let myself go.
“I need another savior on my cross again.”
I am not the angel your faith meant to send.
I’m secondhand smoke,
Filling your lungs and overwhelming until you choke.
I guess my hurt has no healing.
I’ll do my best to drown out the feeling.
You’ve got all your poisons in a row,
So when I don’t wake up…
You won’t know.

Hello,
It’s been awhile.
It’s funny how things turn out so strange.
You were right about me.
It’s funny to see how much I’ve changed.
This is who I’d rather be.
I haven’t missed you.
You haven’t missed me either.
It’s funny how things fall in two.
I’ll take both, you take neither.

The summer winds blew as rapidly as the rush of a river,
When my love met their demise on the darkest night of November.
Not even the greatest soldiers saw the pain coming from a million miles away,
Yet the final battle took my heart and my love as God’s early prey.
Now these days I’m left to sit and cry against the sunrise,
For each new day brings new heartache.
This house is empty and my bedside is cold.
My love is gone and I’m left without a hand to hold.
Their clothes are untouched...I’ve left each belonging in place.
Then I spend the night alone, I still picture their face.
I shall fear to ever find another lover,
My heart belongs to no other.
Here alone, I feel nothing but sorrow.
My lover is gone.
Their heart no longer beats for mine.

I know you’ve caught me staring.
Sometimes it makes me feel so blue.
And I’ll be first to admit that I’m most far from daring.
In the midst of it all, I’ve only wanted one chance with you.
Sometimes it’s as simple as a song that brings you into my head,
But your angelic melodies are always just out of my reach ahead.
You remind me of the soft colors of Fall.
Bright and ever so blissful.
When I think about it, I tend to trip over my every word.
But despite any doubt from others, I’m sure.
You’re just so valuable.
And I, at times, I’m just so shallow.
You’re an angel with wings as pure as your heart.
I’m just the toxins in the poison of the dart.
I’ve got wounds that time will never heal,
But if I can wrap yours, I might just remember what it’s like to feel…
Alive.
I’ve went weeks without sleep, keeping this in,
But I’ll be here waiting, for something new to begin.

Alone- broken and tired,
Body is still, face is numb,
Brain rewired,
Heart is dumb.
I’m so tired of being tired.

They dismantled the cords- swore on a liar.
I stand trial for my sins.
Tear me apart. Watch me expire.
Abandonment always wins.
I don’t miss this.

The lamb approaches slaughter,
Hands are pinned, breathing shallows.
She forgets everything they taught her.
The hangman is hanging from the gallows.
I don’t miss this.

I do not want to be missed,
Forgotten by the one I kissed.
Breathe in the smoke,
I’m forgotten by the discontent I awoke.
I don’t miss this.

At Twilight, the screaming halts.
We point the finger and denounce our faults.
He stands silences with a hole inside his heart,
For he watched this city go up in flames and fall apart.
He tried to put out the fire for hours- as he should…
But he used a can of gasoline: The only thing he could.
We’re making up for the old time we lost,
Retracing our steps to the bridges we once crossed.
We wonder these city streets like lost cats,
Trying our hand at love and preying upon rats.
Like us, the sunlight here is artificial,
Manufactured and stamped by our officials.
It sinks below the horizon and called to the dead,
As Twilight approaches and words go unsaid.

I stand alone in a crowded room,
My state of mind open for anyone to assume.
I’m quiet and cold with rain soaked skin,
The music rings loud and the lights are dim.
I’m wading quietly through screaming water.
The flood left the others like lambs awaiting slaughter.
Oblivious- they don’t care.
Swimming through the flood is a perilous dare.
Outside these walls, the lonely scream from the rooftops,
Their voices go unheard- drowning in the endless pour of raindrops.
The roof is leaking now...the room suggests another dance.
Meanwhile, the desperate call out for one final chance.
They are as alone as I am here.
We fill the room to our necks with hopeless tears.

I’d been chasing after all the things my plain life lacks,
When somehow my fool got caught up between the tracks.
It’s much too late to call for help- The others are far ahead of me.
I don’t mind much anyways- I don’t want to be pulled free.
Instead, hit me with a train of quiet love,
And fly away from me with the grace of an early mourning dove.
My panic keeps me awake,
I know this time around, nothing here is fake.
I’ve fallen into this desperate reality,
Where I drown in the waves across your vast sea.
I find *** within a silver bullet,
Point your gun at me, lock it, and pull it.
I have never been more unprepared-
This time around, my heart is true, though scared.
Up until this moment, all I’ve ever had was my own bare flesh.
But now, I’ve got more than enough to get off my chest.
My lonely nights never end,
So I beg you- tell me what I need to hear...let’s play pretend.
You are the most beautiful one to have ever crossed my eyes,
So let’s lay here in the dark and call for a compromise.
For you, I would give it all away.
I would serve you my heart on a golden platter if I may.
Shoot me with your silver bullet,
Then take my bleeding heart and just hold it.
Fill my lungs with your sweetest perfume,
Until they fail me here in your lovely room.
I’ll write for you, melodies I will never sing,
And melt you away like the snow in the warming spring.
I will keep my words ever so personal,
Until my lonely disease has deemed me terminal.
With my final dying words,
I will lay here on these tracks-
I’ll sing you the sweetest song ever to be heard.

When I disappear, do you care where I hide?
When I return, will you know that I tried?
Please, tell me a lie to ease my panicked mind.
Please, let me inhale and rewind.
Let me exhale and tell you every hope I’ve ever had.
I want to tell you about how my life so far has only been ever so sad.
My mind is like the lonely boy on the street,
Standing alone at a stop sign waiting for the next bus to leave.
Waiting to get away from broken hopes and dreams,
Maybe finding some love with a stranger sitting in an empty seat.
Maybe I don’t know you well now,
But my dear, I’d like to turn that around.
Why?
Why would I lie?
I want to try with you.
I don’t care where this bus goes as long as you sit beside me,
Any destination with you would leave my heart free.
Don’t say my words are too soon spoken,
Just know my heart is set to be broken.
I’ve made myself a bed I cannot sleep in,
I’ve created a game for which I cannot win.
I need a lantern to hold back the night,
I need a love to make it through this fight.
What does it matter what the others say?
Just hold my hand...Please stay.
All lovers are strangers at the start.
But if two heart open to one another, they create strange art.
Some sort of rhythms between souls,
Two parts to complete one whole.
If we take the same bus to nowhere,
It’s best we do more than just stare.
If you let me breathe you in,
I’ll let you breathe out through my skin.
So sit beside me, darling,
And let this bus take us somewhere worth following.

A flip of a coin is where my luck runs thin,
Heads or tails- only one side may win.
Behind this concealing mask they see,
I am nothing of what they expect me to be.
I am constructed of empty expectations,
They pull me apart in opposite directions.
My heart is full of insecurity,
I am trained to think of myself with parasitic peculiarity.
My fear stems from the burning stare of a crowd,
In which no love is offered and no love is found.
My heart longs to be accepted,
But even my own loathing is not respected.
The crowd tells me how to smile,
How to fix my hair,
How I should smell and what I should wear.
Half-heartedly I follow their direction,
But still they offer me no discretion.
I am only in search of a sliver of love,
But I don’t even worship the one they tell me so surely rules above.
Some things, I just cannot change.
And for that, they’ll only find me strange.
When I walk down the dimly lit street,
I pull my mask up further and hurry my feet.
Though not all seem to truly care,
I still cannot manage to escape their stare.
We follow their printed plan with oblivious ease,
Go to work, pay the bills- Yet it will never be enough to please.
Somewhere, someone offers a handshake,
Though it offers no warmth in its wake.
I think now that I will always feel small- no matter how short and no matter how tall.
I am too boring, I am too gross.
I am too rich, I am too broke.
I am too foolish, I am too sad.
I am too tired, and I am too mad.
So I walk along and flip the coin another time,
Again, it is my face I choose to hide.

The taste of cold in the air is as still as your body as you sleep,
Warm enough to live, cold enough to chill, ever so sweet.
Frost covers the final leaves of Fall,
Glistening white, fueling the withdrawal.
Don’t feel as though we are nearing the end, my dear.
For by my side, I assure you have nothing to fear.
The birds flock south for the winter,
But not us, we stay behind to freeze and wither.
The heavy air holds steady silence,
Hold my hand and we’ll resist the violence.
A city of hearts is abandoned in ruin,
Only we remain here, warming this empty tomb.
I will shield your eyes from such a mournful sight,
I will remain here with you- I will be your light.
Time can stand still, but continues moving forward.
I promise we will not be silent forever, for one day we’ll be heard.
Let our voices warm the air,
Let us break the silence- It’s only fair.
We are not welcome here, but we have hearts beyond compare.

Standing on the edge of what is known,
Of what is pain,
Of what is home.
Wading through the mess of what’s been done,
Of what we’ve lost, of what’s become.
Such a shame- you’re much too young.
Hopeless screams pierce your silence,
Aid in the indecipherable violence.
We’re sailing through this river of red,
All we’ve had- expectantly dead.
They tell you, child, not to cry,
For they wish you’d rather die.
So follow your heart towards all that’s known,
For all that’s dead,
Return to home.

Rancid rain washed over everything,
This storm brought us inescapable pain.
When I held the caged bird within my hands,
I held him close to my heart and retraced each of his plans.
I watched as the water blurred the window
The room forsaken with the curse of a devoid shadow.
He struggled against the empty walls,
But his cage captivated his every call.
He fought his fate with every last breath,
Until his lungs exhausted and nothing was left.
My heart shattered in pain,
I cried as if to make him stay.
So silently I embraced the blame,
Having forgotten life is more than just a measly game.
His soul had already flown away,
And I am left behind-
Alone in the rain.

You are the soft blue lake against an autumn sky,
You are the clouds in which the highest birds fly,
You are the soft winds on a summer night,
You are the morning sunrise that fills the words with light.
Your touch is gentle and filled with care,
To receive your love, I could only dare.
I am the parasite that craves your flesh,
I am the mistake- a heart’s failed test.
I mean good but I never think twice,
I use my one chance to roll the dice.
I am not what you want.
I am your taunt.
So curse my body when I sleep,
With dreams of you playing my mind on repeat.
Curse me when I sleep,
For my soul is only yours to keep.
To shatter- or to break, broken or tattered.
Or to fill- with warmth and thrill.
I alone give myself to you,
But I don’t have much to give- for that much is true.
Your lovely mind has already been damaged,
And dear, I fear that I do not hold your bandage.
So instead I’ll unwrap my own,
I’ll dress your wounds and limp back home.
Here I lay myself to bed,
A mess, a monster, a lonely dread.
So curse my body when I sleep,
The blood I’ll bleed for you, my heart- Yours to keep.