Emergency! Emergency!
My brain's siren blows!
We have to stop!
We must get off!
No no no.

Emergency! Emergency!
My brain will spin now.
It's just one lock,
Just rip it off.
No no no.

Emergency! Emergency!
I know it won't end.
My head screams die,
My hand grips tight.
No, no... No.

Emergency... Emergency...
The emergency stop is here.
If the train tips aside,
You could die...

It's better to be safe than dead.

And I feel sad or lost or hurt,
I tried to capture it like it's a painting,
then I wonder why it never works,
because it is impossible to ever make it work.

In order to make something,
you have to grab supplies from anywhere,
but I am chuffed and I am choked,
the strings they keep me bound here in my heart.

No matter what I do it will be dismissed,
no matter what I say it will be ignored,
unless it's too late and they have to listen,
so until they have to listen - I may as well be quiet.

The amount of objectification, sexism and racism,
it's all like a merry-go-round, a carousel,
it's never-ending, it's never-ending,
and it ***** that it's never-ending.

Because, it doesn't need to be never-ending.

It hurts to hear it though,
the amount of people who just assume so.
I guess they would with the way I display,
you'd think I wasn't one, anyway.

But I'm not, and I know that,
I think I've always known that,
in my heart something didn't feel right,
and yet here I am treating my body like a canvas.

But I'm more like a notebook.

I hope I can empty the notebook.

I feel like a machine, and yet I'm not immortalised,
a machine might stay the same forever,
maybe my files will corrupt,
maybe my memory will be wiped.

But there are some that don't,
but there are some that last.

I won't immortalise anything, will I?

I always had a hope, a sense of relief,
a moment of comfort and content by simply being me,
but I've been led to believe, that I am not good enough,
but if I lead to believe, maybe one day I would've been enough.

We shouldn't find the irrational a dismissive thing,
we should find it inspiring to think in a delusional state,
while everyone is stuck and believing what is real is static,
how can we move on when everything stays the same?

Time changes whether we like it or not, and yet,
here I become quiet and timid because I know deep down,
I too, can not say,
a single thing.

I am frustrated that I am the same as everyone else,
in how I act, but I bet deep down, there is this little voice,
tugging away at every single one of them,
whether good, or bad - or maybe in-between.

There are some that exist, who believe in good - are bad,
it costs too much, to watch the collapse of the world,
I had wished, dreamed, prayed and weep, dread and begged,
that one day someone else will hear my words and tell me...

That I was wrong in the best of ways.

You ridicule me for my feelings,
Which are valid, strong and hopeful.
You make mistakes like all of us,
So when will you admit you've done wrong?

I'm so fractured it's become unbareable,
My kindness is loved until,
You don't want to give it back.

You'd rather infuriate me,
Like I'm the bad guy.
You'd stab me with the knife,
but blame me for the bleeding.

I'm so fractured it's become grey,
you think I'm ungrateful but I don't,
want gifts if it fueled their fights.

Their love and kindness,
is very selective.
I don't fit that category,
even if I'm their daughter.

You hold me in a cuddle, tight and warm. You hold me tighter than ever before.

We've loved, we've lost and left confused by who we are, but I know deep down, this is true love.

You talk, you glow,
It's proudly put on show.
You wanted, you wasted,
It's perfectly translated.

I doubt my body and self,
Would you rather be somewhere else?

Angry, disturbed.
It hurts me to the core.
Ripped, missing,
Parts of History.
You're pain is valid,
But so is mine.

You were hurt,
But you blew off his side.

Heartbeats; Rapid Pulse,
Pulling my back side to side.
Whines; High Irritation,
How do I express my mind?
A light mark is better than blood,
yet my mind still begs me to cut.

Silent sobbing of a desperate heart crippled by realities and blurred out thoughts,
they are truths of pain which can never be erased forever imprinted in my memory.
Rebirth is beautiful in concept and imagination but I don't wish to be reborn today,
I pray so hopefully that today is the day I can finally learn to change.

Body heat against a blanket,
Covering me in hope and sadness,
I love you dearly and more than before,
But you're not here at all.

Why do you rush
Through my soul
Like a bullet
Waving in
But not
Out

Everywhere I visit,
those numbers follow.
I gaze upon my imaginary fortune,
Falling gracefully within the hollow.

My heart is in awestruck,
Face hidden amongst bedsheets,
They all smell like you.

Your structure was tall like a tree in the night,
yet they shot you down faster than lightning.
I felt myself falling in this deep endless abyss,
while they stand tall above us in this empty place.
Nothing is clear to us.

One by one each payment is erased,
one by one each month is replaced.
the more we look, the more it hurts us,
as we sit here in a confused daydream.

Vulnerable people grasping onto what they can,
it sounds dramatic only when you feel safe.
They say their words represent our feelings,
yet every person I know never felt the same.
I never knew how to feel like them.

One by one each payment is erased,
one by one each month is replaced.
the more we look, the more it hurts us,
as we sit here in a confused daydream.

For you grew in a shell of a place,
I never knew from my experiences.
But, for the place I did know for years,
I feel the colours fade away.
Every hue, every shade.

One by one, each person begins to walk away,
one by one, they make out it’s our fault again.
Yet, instead of fixing what is broken in masses,
we find new ways to paint over it again and again.

For I wonder what becomes of us?
If I’m not enough, will we be enough?
Even then, will they come knocking,
for us to pay their debts?
My pockets are empty.

The time on the clock ticks fast,
you hear them shattering glass.
Explosive sounds in night,
Small hands hold on you tight.
"Don't forget us when it's passed”.

You need to know that
our politics isn't broken
think differently

I can imagine,
trees, ponds, fish and oleanders
but I can't begin
to hold you tightly enough,
the anguish remains crafted.

Must my jaw be firm,
to throw the first punch of a fight?

Must my hands be delicate,
to hold you tightly in my arms?

Must my voice be deep,
to show you how much I care?

Must my eyes be saddened,
to prove how much I want you there?

The first memories of sorry often lie in the first years of school,
don't rip out Cindy's hair, don't tread on Tommy's shoes,
stand up straight and look on forward deep into their eyes,
the teacher would adjust you then say apologise!

Smack! Dead in the middle, hit harder than before,
It wasn't your fault you didn't see her behind the door,
but it's okay! She may be crying,
but she knows you didn't mean it.

SLAM! The door ruptures the eardrums of your family,
you screech out in anger and fear but you hide your crying,
how could he leave you so easily, in the blink of an eye?
it wasn't your fault, you did your best and yet you still say sorry.

It feels numb now, everything not because of the loss of love,
but the lack of it and so you search around frantically,
you either will act in pain and sorry and discarded aside,
or maybe you'll learn to hide it and say sorry every time.

It gets to a point the pain begins to drip away from your skin,
you realise you weren't to blame but it doesn't ease anything,
you hold a note to your heart and vow to be kind and tender,
the mirror stares at you too and begins to say "I'm sorry".

Endings aren't always as expected as you see,
brainwashing of the mind can be almost too easy.
Cruel nature often hides within the veins of our being,
yet would it really hurt to put the acid away and neutralise us all?

Sorry is often stated but in the end it's just a word,
the sentimental value is the part we need the most.

Kisses are delicate.
Never waste them.
I promise you that.

Sharp daggers ripping into the jawline of a motherly soul,
tearing the seems of a perfectly knitted lifeline of red thread.
We gaze at the beautiful clouds above us,
even if they are the darkest shade of blue and grey.

It hurts before the grey, the colours dripping away,
down the pavement into the drains where they stay.
The palette in the sky splashes and twists,
it twists more than the pain in my side.

Fiction isn't real my mind taunts me angrily,
but fiction becomes real if we just imagine a little longer.
For the fragments of make-believe become reality,
Don't believe me? Look around you.

A warm wool neck filled with pins and needles,
rips a volcanic eruption of string from me.
fixing my china is fun to do but
not with a sledgehammer smashing me in pieces.

An golden ornament is once desired,
Only providing blueprints of a destroyed home.
A flower is fair, beautiful but pure
and even there are days we stare more at the thorns.

Necklaces choking a porcelain doll,
with movements which are dead but a creative mind.
Plotting curiously note after note,
I feel like an object and to you I am one.

Sick as hell I check my phone, messaging into school,
I sigh inside and notice the time, deciding to message you.
The pain falls deep in my body, I type to you in glee,
Crushed, squished, I sit up waiting, stuck in a morning daydream.
Sharp stabs and bubbling insides, lead my fragile mind,
despite the feeling, a childish grin came at your reply.

Your golden personality dripping on me, after whimpering a battle cry,
Ballrooms fill with dancing literature, written in the night by a fool.
Words, movements, gentle touches, make my heartstrings unwind,
Music, intimacy, gifts for you, under a sky of blue.
Child-like fantasies feel trapped inside a tub of Neapolitan ice cream,
My confidence felt numb under a heavy lock until I saw your key.

Cheek caresses and dark chocolate eyes are all I want to see,
Our anxieties scare me, but we’ll overcome it like a butterfly.
Despite it all, it feels wonderful, to meet someone who sees esteem,
Blind ourselves, of achievements we hold, to me you are a jewel.
Your impact, care and self dedication is the reason why my smile grew,
Joyful tears, the pain we’ve known, I know we can finally leave behind.

Gazing downwards, I feel at ease, seeing your name signed,
Touching your handwriting, a piece of you, here beyond the sea.
Ambitions are goals made from our souls, we dream of making come true,
if feeling love is what I feel, I want you to prolong this high.
Colours are bright within our lives and I feel like we could rule,
We spoke in harmony, we spoke in warmth, we watch the pouring stream.

Hardships will fall, sometimes we will but I know we are a team,
We push onwards through the force like a blistering wind.
I promise you, I’ll hold on to you, during this whirlpool,
Life is fun with someone and you mean everything to me.
I’ll dream of you thinking of when I’ll see you come by,
The scent of tea over me, over you, awaiting our breakthrough.

Crying, singing and feeling, It’s all I wish to do,
Learning what’s wrong, doing what’s right, mild to extreme.
We cheer, we laugh and hold hands under this moonbeam,
For your attitude of faith, reminded me that day, to never feel resigned.
Carve your name into mine on the bark of a tree,
Celebrate every moment, kiss me in time, the rush of a joule.

I want your days to be as shiny as the lights, glistening near Blackpool,
It amazes me, that this sheltered dream, could become our reality,
You coat me in romance, I will pay back in kind.

curled, twisted with naked hearts
lights coated on loving figures
jigsaw lips, darkness.

Relaxed, Intertwined, feeling rather free,
Glee emotion in your eyes, give me peace.
Kicking my feet, drinking morning coffee,
as you gaze at me like a masterpiece.

Tints of crimson always filling my cheeks,
The past, it hurts, but my future is green.
I had felt like many dusty antiques,
you didn't, filling my heart like a marine.

Indescribable, Irreplaceable,
Many say as they manipulate me.
Undesired, I became replaceable,
Not by the writer who lives oversea.

He makes me relaxed, his arms around me,
He tells my worth, I begin to agree.

Tender crimson leaves,
shade the tiny, tired fairy,
masking her flowerbed.

Scattered notes from the passive mind,
re-analysed with blissful anticipation,
searching for descriptive ways to be defined.

Imaginative pebble paths give me temptation,
luring my instincts in like a curious cat in the night,
a sinful soul hidden within a blooming carnation.

There are many ways to catch a spark through spite,
I refuse to abandon my kind, gentle morale,
to become a puppet amongst those who refuse to contrite.

When respecting the masterpieces - no matter how small,
fuel awarded amusements I begin to rope in,
leave me crawling but never let me fall.

Cheering, motivation, intelligence and motion,
satisfactions fills me when my eyes are open.

Lights in the sky entertained me that night,
Lights in the sky felt like therapy to my eyes;
Overwhelming me - shining so brightly,
I felt a bittersweet love with the skies - yet it was true with you.

I cradled my thoughts wondering how much you would love me,
I cradled my thoughts afraid of how maybe, I could lose you.

Silky skylines let me feel hope,
Silky skylines recorded infinitely;
Yet I saw you perk up, curious about my words,
Warming my heart that you had felt the same.

I cradled my thoughts wondering how much you would love me,
I cradled my thoughts knowing you loved me too.

Light blue backdrops felt like a dream,
Light blue backdrops coated me in yellow streaks;
As sunlight carressed my face,
Healing my injuried heart of pessimism.

I cradled my thoughts wondering how much you would love me,
I cradled my thoughts in fear of what happens next.

Your words are so gentle and left me singing melodies,
Your words are so gentle that it soothed my head;
Responsibilities and rational feelings felt ridiculous today,
for once we can grab them adventurously.

I cradled my thoughts wondering how much you love me,
I cradled my thoughts knowing how much I love you too.

Haunting my blank life
That the thorns once grew over
Was droplets of pink
petals of roses which I loved
you finally picked me up.

Pitiful angel, fallen in the dark.

I feel your wings flutter onto my cheeks so rough,
your horns of a demon, it hurts so much.
You swore you’d stay with me, not ever deserting me.
Please to god, stay with me until we both fade.

We are fiction in the real world of pain, we see everything real,
we can’t feel a single thing.
I don’t want to screech out to those who are blind and deaf,
because nobody seems to sense the inner pain, that worsens.

The artificial comfort, the falls into our palms,
we pray and suffer because we don’t know how to live without god.
I know that in my heart, I feel warmth and grace, but it is shattered,
glass placed in my name.
Worrisome children, run the streets to death.

We are fiction in the real world of pain, we see everything real,
we can’t feel a single thing.
I don’t want to screech out to those who are blind and deaf,
because nobody seems to sense the inner pain, that worsens every day.
That worsens every day.

I can’t bare to look in your eyes, they are colder than the sky,
I can’t bare to look at your lips, for all the lies I’ve missed.

You are so bitter to me, inner torture of worry,
I ask my thoughts endless questions, questions like “What went wrong?”.
I want to spread my vibrancy of inner beauty and love,
yet I glance to see your hatred does not contribute to the above.
I feel the anger build up, being forced down my throat,
Individual's lanterns fade into the dark.
Contacts one by one disappear into the black,
isolated, I am all alone again.

I feel my anxious heart beats, beating up and down,
I scream out with excitement which ruins all around.
I mostly wish my yelling would be heard from the side,
the other side of the room filled with all my love inside.

After feeling like all is gone, I rush into the cell,
painted wallpaper surroundings, windows forced shut.
I feel the days rushing past, the weeks alongside months too,
before I know it years have gone by and I'm still thinking of you.
I treasure my memories so deep and wonderfully inside my cracked heart,
I know you may have forgotten me, but I will never move on.

Popularity of others push images to the ground,
one of those images of identification happened to be mine.
I saw you there in the crowd cheering the beating on,
you watched the punches, slaps and cuts all over my body.
That ray of light I once had seen arisen from the dark,
an arm around me another in the air projecting the word, “Stop”.
I saw your face for the first time again and the drops of rain fell down,
you looked at me with your deep blue eyes and said it's all done now.
I felt my emptiness pour in, feeling my tears fly,
from my eye ducts to your skin, your warmth dries them up.

For years now continue on more and now you are all stone,
I tried so hard to make you smile, but I realized back then...
We can not always make one another smile in the light of day,
someday we share tears of pain and suffering we bare.
Now I see the candle in the freezing empty church,
but I didn't feel scared at all when I looked up and saw you there.

Silver shares such calming feeling towards my lifeless shell,
responsibilities flow me with joy and smiles,
however, under my silver I wear black.

I repaint my black walls in silver coats, wearing optimism like a crown,
gazing towards my darkest moments with sophistication and charm.
Seductive, mysterious and a comfort to all eyes,
secretive, silliness and sadness overwhelms my negative soul.

Under all of the layers of black and silver,
screaming towards me for affection.
You can find the smallest droplets of pink,
slowly is growing all over.

Hope holds me in a grip of pleaing and prays,
for one day I hold understanding and warmth with romance all my days.

Femininity is belittled thrown into a trashcan of self-doubt,
for once my little childish soul states,
"Can't we let femininity out?"

Annoyance radiates within my mind,
words better unsaid? Yet they feel so hard to find.
I have a hatred when I look within my reflection,
the chapped lips that my weak eyes can't take.
The drier my skin becomes, the sicker I feel,
is this lady Karma catching up to me again?

Fighting the universe isn't what I dreamed,
I leave the battleground wounded to the neck.
The time goes quick and it makes me sick,
wasting away in a shell of security.

Rush the gazes, avoid all eyes,
for the minute they look into mine,
pity will overflow within their bitter soul.

They walk on happily while I grip the wire tightly,
you are better leaving me behind this time.

Caught by your eyes, when I fell for you,
Struggling in painful, I didn’t know what to do.
The sunlight faded leaving me burned.
Sweet hallucinations,
Force feeding me candies.

Trapped amongst the void,
I don’t wanna call this home.
Submerged into media and fakery,
of the make-believe lives.

Thud! Thud! Thud!
Several years have gone by.
Just like me you panic out of your mind,
So impatient, so ill-mannered.

I stared at the fabric, covered in gifts of grief,
Every breath is a struggle I make.

Vulnerability and sensitivity,
forgotten in my memories,
left to decease amongst my bitter mind.

Optimism can be a solution for a lifetime,
happiness through virtue and materialistic belief,
yet this bittersweet taste won’t leave my lips.

Writing of a virtual fantasy to take over,
while I screech at others to remain realistic,
it’s foolish to believe it’s only an idea – not a dream.

Entrances of desire can be discovered on trampling triumphs,
I wish to wear these heels of hope towards the platinum kingdom,
yet must I tear away the typewriter to write with my fingertips instead?

Embarrassment discovered through emotional outbursts of immaturity,
apologies scattered within forests of no sounds, reverbs or life itself,
leave me in both a desired yet painstaking isolation of romantic fantasies.

Mind reading is impossible to the ignorant egotistical individual,
assumptions lead to the destruction of blooming lotus flowers on a tainted feeling,
for honesty’s beauty is desirable – only under management of the mature one.

For the mindset of two cannot be replaced through absent-minded behaviour,
through words of the time, dreams of past lives, an ocean of hope mixed in with sour taste,
the skies show illustrations of words collected throughout time – not our goodbyes.

Reliability hurts us as it cradles our childhood vices,
dreams blurred and forgotten while the nightmares crept.
I gaze at all my friends while they begin to count their prices,
bags of dust, unsaturated gazes follow - I haven't slept,

My smiles have no eyes, only crosses and scribbles.

We feel empty inside as we stare at our devices,
an infinite hoop of dazed talks as the night grows and I wept.
It's what we get for making sacrifices,
I had a golden opportunity and I overslept.

My smiles have no eyes, only crosses and scribbles,
weakened wrists, deprived energy while I tighten the ribbon.

Smooth warm skin cradles you so,
The cracked lips are hardly noticeable.

When you start as an artist, people assume,
that talent begins when you pick up the pencil,
how wrong they were to think that beginning,
was the beginning of my artistic thought-process.

Every bricks texture on the wall, appealed me,
the textures feel different, it's strangely addicting,
when the television light flashes into your face,
media inspires, media creates.

I was born with a wire attached to my brain,
but I can still unplug and refresh myself again.

For art is all around in different shapes and forms,
whether you agree or not - I love it all.

I walked into the new room of my home,
the painted trees guided me towards my bed,
I lay down looking up to the ceiling smiling,
the dark walls are painted in white.