So, no this isn’t a poem today.
This is me trying to reach out.
I feel so alone
And I need someone
Anyone
To talk to.
Please help
I’m running out of time..

last night,
I realized something.
I can still remember the first time I came across,
self harm.
suicide.
it was a movie.
'cyber bully'
I was 13 years old.
I remember the song,
playing during the scene
'breath me' Sia.
I remember looking up,
self harm that very night.
getting all these terrible ideas.
I'll admit,
at first I used it for attention.
but, not in the way you may think.
I craved my fathers attention.
so, I cut.
deeper and deeper.
till it became an addiction.
a release.
I felt control for once.
but,
one night my sister walked in on me,
cutting.
that was the moment I decided.
what I'm doing is wrong.
so, I tired and tried.
to over come my addiction.
I wanted to show her that,
it's alright to have rough times.
but, it's all about overcoming them.
being stronger than you may believe you are.
I did it for her.
it took a year and I half.
one step forward two steps back.
but, I did it.
and now, I'm proud.
I'm proud of who I am.
I no longer feel ashamed.
I over came my battle.
and, I've finally came to a conclusion.
that I'd like to share my story.
for all those going threw,
rough times.
to show them, things are possible.
believe in yourself.

I miss him.
his lips.
smile.
eyes.
mind.
I pushed him away,
now I'm the only one to blame.

how come, you must rub it in my face.
about how happy you are with him.
the man I love.
you stole him.
gone.
and you feel the need to brag.
why?
how come, you get pleasure..
from making me feel small.
unwanted.
being second choice hurts enough,
without your words.
please.
go.

I am no poet.
just a lost girl expressing her word.
and sometimes wondering weather or not,
I belong in this world.
with cold shaking hands,
I find it had to stand.
this world is so cruel.
why can't it just be me & you?
I am no poet.
but, here I am
waiting for you.
I'll give you a hand.

you say she's heaven.
but, you let her drag you threw hell.

I try, but I can’t.
It becomes a long lost friend.
No longer am I able to escape.
My mind starts to run,
I became out of breath.
Suffocating.
All I need is a breath of air.
But, that seems like a far-fetched dream.
I start to collapse.
“Help me!”
Discovering I can’t speak.
Thunder starts booming.
The storm rolls in.
Is this a war I cannot win?

One hit,
Two hits,
Three hits, four.
My thoughts begin to walk out the door.
Five hits,
Six hits,
Seven hits, eight.
Suddenly I can think straight.

I used,
I used to feel so alone.
unwanted.
unnoticed.
until, one day.
I met her.
she wasn't like the others.
she thought I was,
kind,
smart.
she didn't believe,
the words others spoke.
looked straight threw them.
with an open-mind.
now,
I feel wanted.
somewhere,
somehow.
im, no longer
afraid.
little does she know,
I was on the edge.
between
life and death.
one kind heart.
changed it all.
saved me.
thank you.

your heart,
it happens to be,
the size of your,
fist.
but, its no surprise.
your supposed to fight.
for love.

(l.j.t.)

words.
we speak them,
but do we always mean,
what we speak?

words.
they can brighten,
but, they darken as well.

words.
they are complicated.
is it easier just to not,
speak at all?

(l.j.t.)

but, who needs fathers anyway?
we "fatherless daughters"
we are strong.
we don't need any man.
we fight.
on our own.
everyday.
the never ending battle.
but, in the end
who needs them?

(l.j.t.)

why,
why did you force me.
why did you take my,
innocence.
stole me.
now, I feel used.
abused.
why,
why did you choose me.
why couldn't you except,
"no."
you turn my words into a broken,
"..yes.."
leaving me with nothing left,
to say but,
why.

(l.j.t.)

my life,
its a book.
each chapter,
with something different to read.
some read the whole book,
to find,
it wasn't what,
they expected.
it was sad.
scary.
some think the books,
to much.
not their type of read.
and they close the book.
it's so much,
to finish.
so, those never know what's exactly there.
the last few chapters,
of my book.
they are filled with dust.
it's been quite awhile,
since somebody finished my book.
so, there
its lays in the back of the bookshelf.
awaiting its next reader.

-l.j.t.

today is the day,
the day to stop pretending.
to stop telling,
yourself.
that it's okay,
not to be okay.

i believe,
that every time an artist dies,
god lets them paint the sky.
with the stars.
to say goodbye.
the forever changing sky.
full of artists.

i like noticing details that no one else sees.

-l.j.t.

is it natural
to spend all my time
making others
happy
instead of
myself?

-l.j.t.

she may not've looked nice.
but, she was still art.
and art my dear,
art is supposed to make you feel something.
art isn't supposed to be beautiful.
so, therefore she is better than nice.
she makes you feel something.

-l.j.t.

you won't know me,
when the feeling all gone.
the feeling won't last.
it will fade.
fade away,
like all others.
but, you won't know me.

do you even know me know?

-l.j.t.

why do I care?

why do I tend to care,
about those who don't.
they don't deserve it.
I know.
but, I still care.
a lot.
but, why?

why do I crave,
those how beat me down.
**** me.
yet,
they're the ones I want most.
why do I do this to myself?

why?

-l.j.t.

"daddy issues"

is that what they call it?
because I call it strength.

I have the strength,
to live life without my father.
here I am.
living.
yes,
I may get broken down sometimes,
but I've never fallen completely.
and I won't.
because i'm more than the father who left.
I have strength.

-l.j.t.

hello?
father?
can you hear me?
ive been calling for you,
for a while now.
I just want an answer.
some reassurence.
that your there.
father?

-l.j.t.

I loved you.
but, you told me "Idk"
and suddenly,
your name was etched into my skin.

-l.j.t.

there's
nobody's
hand
I'd
rather
be
holding
right
now
than
yours.

-l.j.t.

stop telling me i'm "pretty".
I am not.
stop telling me I've got the best smile around.
I don't.
I'm not as "perfect" as you may think.
I'm a mess.
and no I'm a beautiful mess.
im a storm.
a roaring,
storm.
stop telling me lies.

-l.j.t.

you don't know hurt,
until you've pushed away the one you love most.
and soon come to realize,
you need them.
but, they are no longer there.
that's hurt.
when you don't know if they'll ever return.
constantly wondering "do they even care?"
thats hurt.
and i'm hurting.

-l.j.t.

broke down.
abandoned.
confused.
it's how I feel when I think of you.

father.
where have you gone?
lately I feel so alone.
I just need someone to call "home".

father.
why did you leave so soon?
maybe you saw a light in the moon.
but, will you return?
I need you here.

father.
was I not enough?
or was I to much?
I'll never know
'cause you won't say.

so I guess I'll just fade away.

tried.
lost.
pain.
why me?

why must I feel so alone.
unwanted.
left.

no matter how hard I try.
how many times I tell myself "it'll pass"
I can't seem to bring a smile to my dull face.

why do I feel this way?
can I change?
why must I ask so many unanswerable questions.
is it just me?

why me?

-l.j.t.

when the darkness of the night hits,
that's when I feel most alone.
I may be in my room,
but definitely no home.

the voices start speaking,
no longer am I alone.
the voices in my mind,
they become my only friends.
one's named Susan.
one's named Jenn.

the voices in my mind,
they tell me any things.
"darling, your not alive"
my chest starts to sting.

for the voices in my mind,
they teach me how to cope,
possibly I could slit my throat.

the voices in my mind,
bring me to the blades.
I gain the urge to slit my veins.

the blood starts pouring,
I begin drifting off,
to the land above.

wish me good luck.

-l.j.t