i sent applications
flooded your mailbox with prayers
would you accept me?
i would've jumped through any hoop
i've always wanted to be a gymnast
but my performance was never good enough
so, tired,
i knocked on the door
and you opened it,
just because you liked me

So disconnected
how I feel
nothing I loved was ever real

anxious,
i shifted my weight
from foot to foot.
worried that
a mistake on my part
could cost the piece of your heart,
that I never had.
i should have realized
that love is unconditional..
or at least
less conditional than that.

I'm so much more
than what they see
who judge
based on the little
that they think they know
of me.

I can still feel your eyes
Disregard my defenses
I wondered how much you could see
How far to the inside of me
You were innocent, but deep.
...Sacred

The leaves flew away when the cold wind blew
I wasn't entertaining enough.
The branches seemed okay,
We walked as we talked
And we lived.
I thought we had something...
I went out on a limb and they snapped.
The cold wind blew
And before I knew
What was left to grasp?
Was anything sturdy?
And then came the root.
But by then I could not trust
Even what I knew to be true
I met You..
As the (cold) wind blew

I understand your taste for meat
But is your thirst for blood so cheap?
Your hunt so deep?
Your drop so steep?
So absent is your love for me?
You'd feast on your own family?

why am I burned to the stake
for each misstep and mistake..?
this is something I just cannot take

I saw your beauty,
majesty
I was beside myself
with the deepest envy...
I wanted
the light that shined with you
the life that shook them with laughter...
And I found...some of it

Rushing,
feverishly flipping
through the empty folders of my mind
I search for that memory
that never happened

I loved you with a thousand words
your photo was enchanting
I wish my love returned to me
to free my soul from panting

I opened up so you could see
a broken piece of my humanity

All I ask is that you
worship every curve and corner
of my imperfect soul

Do you love me?
I commit to you
From the core of my being
I commit to you
I commit to your well-being
to your good
in all its multitudinous facets
Emotion comes and goes as the wind blows
But, what is love if not a commitment of the heart?

understand me
see..
the curve of my cheekbones underskin
the relax of my shoulders
as I exhale and..
I don't ask for perfection.
but try..

dearly departed,
this is a word from the brokenhearted.
you slipped away
as was your right
but the ghost you left behind
still lingers in my mind..

how religious can i be?
when you've ******* up my life
to such a degree

I wasted so much time on you
the way I idolized
it's  true
and now,
I actually
kind of regret you

When I lay in my sheets
Still searching for sleep
I'm confronted
a fight from the gaping the deep
succumb to seduction, both tasty and cheap?
will I fall?
will my sleep still be shameless and sweet?

It can be cold
Ice cold.
Like snow.
So its hard not to trust the warmth
That some handshakes exude
But the cold that ensues,
can..
Freeze your inner organs solid

my eyes x-rayed you as a stranger
as you were one
I knew I should give you a chance
But my heart refused to budge

from the faint
i remember the way that you walked
and my mind oft repeats how it thinks you would talk
but still..
though I see other faces
it's  you that i stalk