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14.4k · Jun 2015
Summer Better Than All Summers
This summer is going to be amazing.
After the terrible year I've had,
The terrible mistakes I've made,
The money wasted and the guilt
Earned. It's going to be something
To remember forever.
3.9k · Nov 2015
**The Note**
Dear You,
Yes, you.
I'm sorry you
Had to find out
This way.


Goodbye.
Goodbye alex. I'll see you soon. I love you.
1.9k · Jan 2015
Cut
Cut
The first time isn't deep
It's basically just a scratch from the blade
It doesn't bleed a lot
But just enough
To feel the rush

The second time isn't much deeper
"It hurts to much"
But he still feels release
"The pain feels good"
One last slow cut across his wrist

The third time is deeper than before
It's bleeding more
It's hurting less
He loves it more
Hates it less

The fourth time he passes out
He cut deep enough to split the skin
"It makes me feel better"
He explains
"I like it. It puts the hurt on the outside"


The fifth time he goes to the hospital
It's an addiction
Just like other things
He can't stop
No matter how hard he tries

The sixth time there is no pain
He hates having a girlfriend
Then he will need to explain
She will leave him
He couldn't handle it

The seventh time it's his throat
He's home alone
Music blasting
He has a knife
Pressed against his throat
Crying
Hurting
Wanting to be gone

One quick swipe*
It's all over
Don't forget boys hurt too, boys cut, they commit suicide. They hurts just like girls do
1.6k · Jan 2015
No Escape
What is life?
Why does it hate me?
What did I do to deserve this?

I ******* hate my life
I want to die
There's no reason why I'm here

My only escape is music
I lose myself in the muse
When you take it away
I hate myself

When can I die?
Can it be soon?

Why didn't the accident **** me?
It was supposed to
I just got myself into this
I cant back out now

There's no escape
Please save me,
I cant get out
1.6k · May 2015
Numb
"I can't feel it anymore"
She says digging the blade into her skin
*m.p.
1.4k · Jun 2015
10 Months
Ten months ago today
You fell. Your head
Smacked and cracked on my surface.
My hard and rough surface.
I made you sleep,
But you didn't wake
For days.
They removed your skull,
They removed your hair.
They removed you from your dignity.
There's nothing that you can do
But wait for the results.
You finally wake up,
You remember a lot,
There's also a lot that you forgot.
Rage, frustration, the "hurry up and wait" system,
Surgery after surgery after surgery after surgery.
The scar they left,
Slicing your head open so many times.
It's tender and inflamed.
It's never going away.
There's something I have to say.
And that's I'm really really sorry I did this to you.
6/23/15 is ten months since my accident.
1.4k · Jun 2015
Playlist of a Dead Poet
Deep in the obis of a poet,
There's a playlist,
Called "Dead Poets"
It's where the songs of their lives
Live. Filled with death, despair,
Haunted memories.
Where no one dares to tread.

Once that poet has gone,
On their own terms,
They search through the poet's
Obis, they find a letter in the notes.
It reads "Love,
I must leave you here alone.
I am sorry that I have forsaken you.
In the depths of the Obis you will find
The playlist I lived by.
Under the name of Dead Poets.
There you will find,
The reason I had to leave you behind
- Your Dead Poet"
They searched the obis,
They found the playlist
In the first words of the songs read
"You Could Have
Foreseen
This"
1.3k · Feb 2015
Why does this feel fake?
To be happy feels fake
It feels like a fake emotion
Like it doesn't exist
All I feel is hurt
Frustration
Confusion
People with happy lives
Are just covering the hurt up
With a mask
Behind that mask
Is hurt and disgrace
My dear, the flowers have died
Withered away
All is left is hurt and death
Every happy story comes to a bitter end
I'm very upset
1.2k · Nov 2015
*TimEinG Is EverYthIng*
I have told myself I'm okay for
Far too ******* long.
I want to disappear forever.
Go somewhere I won't be found.
Where people will give up on the search.
I'm not
Who people think I am.
I'll leave in the night,
When everyone is asleep.
Maybe not. I'm not sure.
"I'll be back later"
"Where are you going?"
"On a walk"
No one will think anything.
*I'll find an overpass,

Climb over it.

And *jump.


At just the right time.
1.2k · Feb 2016
You
You
Vivid hallucinations,
cause a severe depression.
Hearing the terrified screams,
in my head as I sit here in silence
What a internal sabotage.
I’m going to buckle.

That disgusting buckle,
with terrible hallucinations.
This is your sabotage,
you are my depression.
I’m done sitting in silence,
it’s my turn to scream.
1.2k · Oct 2015
Untitled
Why am I so sad? What did I
Do to deserve this? Am I a *****?
Am I really what they say I am?
I want to know how they're
Able to do this without any regret
1.1k · Feb 2015
Misfits
Rereading conversations
Remembering the past
You love him
You hate to say it
I'm your metaphorical God
You're depressed
You want to go home
You want to leave the town
You already left
You have to come back
Life is rough
Living as a misfit
No one will understand
Understand your depression
Unless they have felt it
Sadness for no reason
Feeling like a freak
Like a misfit
Because of the way you feel
Yet you have to appologize
For the things they did
They need to apologize to you
For being an ignerent ****
Expecting you to be happy
When all you want to do is cry
You thought you left this town
Tear soaked bed
Makeup smuged pillows
Terrible memories
Terrible mistakes
Terrible guilt
You thought you left it all behind
But you didn't
You have to be the stronger person
Even though you're
Breaking at the seams
You aren't apologizing anymore
For their ignorance
They won't understand
Just wanting to sleep
Cry
Cut
Tear the skin off of their body
The awkwardness
The innocent watching
You hate yourself
And your feelings
You want to go back to where you came from
Leave this town
Leave it a mystery if your coming back
Ever
Or never
You're still stuck
With the tear soaked bed
And makeup smuged pillows
You don't know if you can handle it
I'm here
I'm going to help you
Help you through those terrible nights
That, that I promise you will happen
This is a conversation between my best friend and I. It was sad how poetic the conversation was.
917 · Jul 2015
Wonder
As I stand on this highway,
Thinking about the things you did.
The fact that you threw me away,
Makes me wonder. Do I have to bid?
It makes me feel like I'm just a toy.
That's worthless, a piece of trash.
This was all a part of the ploy,
A ploy to make me crash.
I'm so alone,
With the smell of your cologne.
877 · May 2015
If It Makes You Less Sad
I'll leave you alone,
I'll paint myself into someone else's arms.
I bet I'm a terrible bet,
Not letting you get out of my mind,
Not letting myself out of your mind.
You're the breathe in my lungs.
I'm hoping you can forgive and forget.

If it makes you less sad,
I'll let you live alone.
I'm betting I'm not a safe bet.
But my Love,
Time has gone,
Can you forget?
Inspired by: The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot ~ Brand New
824 · Jan 2015
Am I dying?
It's hard to breathe
It's hard to smile
I have so much sorrow

it's like there's no tomorrow
I'm forcing down a pill
I can't swallow
There is no escape
From the prison that is death

Am I dying?
Can you answer that for me?
I guess I'll see you later
Hopefully later than sooner
789 · Jan 2015
Torture
What is wrong with me?
Why do I hurt?
Why do you hurt ME?
You beat me for what reason?
Was I not what you wanted?
Do you want me dead?
I don't mind if you hate me
I just want to be loved
I'm only four
Whats wrong with me
For you to do this to me?
I thought i was the love of your life
The one you would always love?
Is this going to go on forever?
Please stop
I don't like when people
Ask about the bruises



I'm ten now, Dad
You still hit me and bruise me
I think this is going to go on forever
You are abusing me
I didn't realize back then
You hate me don't you dad?
You want me to die
You make me bleed
You're such an *******
Why did you **** mom of you didn't want me?
You LIVE for my demise
I cant wait until you ******* leave
Go back to your job, *******
I'm smart now
I could tell
But this is making me stronger
I'm testing myself how long in going to let this happen



I'm sixteen now, Dad
Two more years
Then I don't have to talk to you
You are sexually abuse me now
You make me trust no one, Dad
You disgust me
Go **** mom
Isn't she good enough?
You ended up getting me pregnant
What am I supposed to do now?
You got your daughter pregnant
Congrats Dad
I'm not having this baby
You took it to far
This has gone on for FAR to long
Are you proud?
Your Daughter is pregnant with your baby
You really ****** this one up didn't you?
I'm telling someone you did this
I needed to get this off my chest
745 · Oct 2015
Beautiful Nightmare
I was buried in this dirt,
Leaving you behind.
Sad, torn, and begging
For me to come back
Into your arms.
I see you visiting my grave,
Your sisters too.
Everything is hitting you
Like a ******* hurricane.
My son, I have lived my life, and
I'm speaking to you beyond
The grave.
You will see my old face again
When you pass through this
Black hole that is nothing.
But my love, I'm
Not hurting anymore. There's so
Much I want you to see before you
Come watch next to me.
Watch everyone you love,
And that have loved you.
Watch your grandbabies and
Great grandbabies grow
As I am now.
I love you my sweet son,
My strong, strong son.
I'm sorry I let you down but
I hurt for much too long.
There's a place for you next
To me that will always be open.
Come sit and watch, then,
Only then, will you see.
719 · Mar 2015
"I jump...."
He wondered
"Can I fly?
I like the heights,
I love the view.
To see the city
At this view
Is amazing.
I want to fly
Like a bird.
Will I live?
Will I die?
Will they miss me
If I do?
Honestly, I doubt it.
They barely know
I'm even in the room.
What will happen?
The love I have
Is fake.
There's nothing in it
That is really love.
I could die, and
She wouldn't even know
I'm gone.
It's easy,
Just like this.
3....
2....
1....
I jump...
It'd be painless,
Easy,
Fast.
I'm going to do it"
So he counted in his head
3....
2....
1....
He jumped
687 · Apr 2015
That Bedroom
Can't step foot in that room
The memory foam bed
Holding the memories
Sliced by the knife
Once brought to the wrist

Knowing where everything is hidden
Knowing the past
Hurts physically
It's a hurt that can't be explained

Seeing that house
It's physically sickening
Seeing the open windows
Knowing they've been opened
To sneak out
Can't step a foot inside
648 · May 2015
Chipped Nail polish (10w)
You know you're only that chipped black nail polish, right?
639 · Jan 2015
The Abuse
They scream louder this time
There's nothing I can do
I am everything they never wanted
It's so clear to me now

Pulsing music from my iPod
Drowns Their voices out
I know that wont stop the fight
Just from you hearing it

I cant help but think of when they were happy
I wonder if it was my fault
If I had just been beautiful
Mom would have tried to halt
If had gotten straight A's
Dad would have cared
Instead of hurting me

I've tried so long for them to see
All I've ever wanted them to be
What every other family always had
But my cries and pleas have only left me
Hopeless, Broken, Sad

Once again I open that drawer
I sadly know to well
Grab that blade
To solve everything
At least for now
I lift my sleeve
Just one cut
I close my eyes shut

One tear slips down my vulnerable face
Then the flashbacks
Once again
Of the times where my father made sure I knew
No one will ever want me

I let that blade break through my skin
I hope to God that I'll eventually be okay
My old life
633 · Jan 2015
Wasting Away
Why am I just sitting here getting high?
What am I doing with my life?
I’m wasteing away

Why can’t I get out of bed in the morning?
What am I going to do for work?
I’m just wasteing away

What is it like to be happy? Truly happy?
Am I ever going to feel it?
I’m wasting away

Why am I so sad all the time? Why is that?
Am I going to be like this forever?
Once again I’m a waste

Why haven’t I been able to sober up?
Am I  going to get anywhere?
I’m a true waste

Why do I deal with the abuse from everyone?
Can I take anymore pills?
I’m really a waste

How come can’t find the strength to live anymore?
Why am I so weak minded?
I’m wasting away

Why can’t I just ******* do it?
End it all with no problem?
I’m a ******* waste

Why am I such a stupid *****?
I need to die
Im wasting space
610 · Jan 2016
I'm so desperate
Everything that you put me through
You left me
When I needed you most
WHAT THE ****?!?!
Why would you do that to me?!
Do you understand that I'm in
LOVE with you?!
Why did you leave me
When I needed you most?
I thought I loved you. I hate myself for not being able to hate you.
577 · Dec 2014
The Will
Its like a private battle
Going on inside my head
My mind says, “Use the razor.”
My heart says, “Live instead.” Its like a little warzone
And I’m standing in the battlefield.
The scales could tip either way
And to the darkness I yield.

I keep this secret locked within me
But it escapes in a crimson tide.
Soon everyone will know
That once again, I’ve lied.

I try to control the urges
But sometimes I crave release
And I know deep inside
That my blade will bring me peace

On the nights that I don’t lie awake
Dreaming of far better things
Than cutting myself and watching it bleed
I’m quietly reminiscing

The good old days
Where the need to bleed
Didn’t exist an an option
Because I could grieve.

But the tears don’t come anymore
And its red blood I cry
And now I fight off ugly thoughts
About different ways I could die.

Sometimes I ask myself “Why?”
As the knife rests on my wrist
Such a temptation to take my life
And yet I still resist

I know I’ve got things to live for
Like myself and my friends
But each day I face the fact
That few people understand

What its like to walk in my shoes
To be a self-harmer
To make these marks on my skin
And to think thoughts far darker

Than any person really should
But I wake up each day
I think maybe its time to break this habit
Although it seems so far away.

Each day brings me new pains
And also something new
A chance to leave my past behind
And color my world something other than red.
561 · Jan 2015
What's going on?
Why are we leaving?
Why are we scattering?
Why are we screaming?
Why is there blood?
Whats going on?
551 · Sep 2015
Untitled
The doubt that's in my soul
Is eating me alive.
It's like a bug that
Just won't leave.
It's ****.
547 · Feb 2015
Father
You're never home
Sometimes I like it
I really do like it
You don't feel like my dad
You feel like a visiter
That thinks he has authority
The fact that I'm more scared of
My neurosurgeon than you
What kind of father are you?
You make me hurt
More than is needed
By you being gone
You never talking to me
I've gotten to the point that
I don't even like you
You are ruining my life
535 · Dec 2015
Untitled
Jesus Christ
You have such a pretty face.
I'll die all alone.

Jesus Christ
I'm alone again,
What did you do
When you were dead?

Jesus Christ
I'm not scared to die
I'm scared of whats after.

Jesus Christ
I'm scared I'll get scared
Of What's going to happen.
Inspired by Jesus Christ by Brand New
514 · Dec 2015
Untitled
There's a feeling in the air.
A smell.
The smell of death of
Innocent people and children.
Of killers.
The blood on your hands.
I can't get it off.
this is to the paris attacks and the resent shooting in cali
502 · Jun 2015
Goner
I'm a goner.
I honestly can't breathe.
Can you help?
494 · Jun 2015
The Last Something
You broke my heart.
I thought we could just sit and talk,
But you have other things,
And people,
On your mind.
What does it take to be good
Enough for someone like you?
The cherry flavored kisses
We shared, meant nothing.
While you kisses me,
You were thinking of him
and his lips. I loved you,
You know this. I have only one
Question. Did you ever really want this?
Inspired by: The Last Something That Meant Anything by Mayday Parade
490 · Oct 2015
Now I Know
The air is thin,
There's so many miles
Behind me. I barely feel
A smile inside me.
Why can't I be driving south?
I want to open this door so I
Just fall out.
But when you packed my car,
You went in the back and
Buckled up your heart.
Do you want me to drive away
With it? Now I understand why God
Died. The Demon's
Waiting on your porch.
Go ahead and light a make shift
Torch. When I left
He went in your room and
Stayed there for the night.
I felt chills in my bones,
The breath I saw is
Not mine. My skin wasn't
Made to play these games.
I saw them, torch in hand.
They laid out what they had
Planed. They can take my life,
Just not yours. The air is thin,
The jar you gave me a jar
With your hear in it. Do you
Want me to take it?
Well, now I know why God died.
Inspired by: A Car, A Torch, A Death by Twenty One Pilots
Hopefully not too plagiarized.
478 · Jul 2015
You Fucking Left Me
You left me here to die,
There isn't any other explanation.
You killed yourself and you
Left me here.
What the **** were you thinking?
I'm never going to forgive you for
This. Now I have to die without you.
It's going to be earlier than you think.
465 · Feb 2015
Under the knife
I'm under the knife
I'm dying
In this bed
Of no return

I'm under the knife
It's a fact of life
Everyone wants me to fail
But if you try, you will hail
446 · Jan 2016
I'd rather die
"Do I HAVE to go?"
*The pain in the voice of the unheard.
It's oh, so powerful.
427 · Mar 2015
Words
Tattoos
     Of the soul.
Stains
     Left behind by you. The
Words
     ******* my heart,
Don't you see?
     Words are tattoos,
Can you tell?
     Your words hurt.
They roll off
     Your tongue
Like nothing
     Was even said.
Tattoos
     Of your words on my
Heart.
     That's breaking for
You.
     Hurting me with every
Syllable,
     Slipping from your
Tongue.
     It's a slow ******.
Your lips
     Are poison. The
Soft
     Words that came through them.
Left
     Me speechless with hurt.
You
     still mutter them.
The
     Sweet words you
Speak
     They're lies. I can
Tell
     By the look in your
Eye.
     Wanting things out of
Me.
     You're hurting me,
Stop.
410 · Feb 2015
"Friends" Forever... Right?
You get told to **** yourself...
But its a joke...
Right?
Because they're you're friends...
Right?
What's hard about that?...
Right?
They're supposed to love you...
Right?
They tell you you're not a joke...
Right?
But they make you feel like one...
Right?
You aren't supposed to **** yourself...
Right?
You do it anyway...
Right?
408 · Feb 2015
The pen
Beautiful
Clean writing
The pen is.
What you write
Cannot be taken back,
Cannot be changed,
Words are permanent.
How magical
Is the pen,
Leaving scars,
Leaving blood.
Blood of the pen,
Scars of the tip
On the paper.
408 · Dec 2014
No crown.
A princess lost in her own kingdom,
no crown is placed upon her head,
no luxury she does get,
only the wet pillows from tears on her bed,
she has bruises and scars on her body,
from all the times shes been kicked around,
all the tears she has cried,
enough to make all her enemy's drown,
she cries and weeps,
here on this floor,
in her black and white world full of hatred and pain,
as her family hits her again and again,
with depression and bulimia,
she starves and cuts,
people say shes phyco,
say shes going nuts,
but this insane princess,
is craving love,
but she only gets her uncle standing above,
demanding her to let him have his way,
to **** her, and all she can do is hold her tears back till hes away,
then when he goes,
she screams and cries,
she thinks of her family in which her despise,
will anybody save her,
bring the colors back into her life,
as right now she lifts her knife,
to her wrist and slices away,
mutilating her skin,
till her head does spin,
then she passes out,
no regret, no remorse,
that insane princess,
her life has run its final course.
I couldn't think of a title.
398 · Dec 2014
Baby girl
Baby girl
I know it's hard
It's going to be like this for a while
That blade isn't your friend
It's not your fault
Yet you still cut
It hurts me to see your scars.
Up and down your arms
Your legs
One across your throat

Baby girl
It's not your fault
That you're hurting
So much that you hurt yourself
Everyone has problems
I'm sorry everyone sees yours

Baby girl
Your flaws are perfect for me
You don't need to worry
You are mine
Even though you don't know
You are falling for that guy
That guy that isn't worth you
He doesn't understand you like I do

Baby girl
I need you
I love you
This is from my late best friend. xc I found it in our messages.
393 · Jan 2015
Stay
Baby
Your sentence isn't finished
It has a subject
But no predicate
You're just so precious
Don't end it

Baby
You're so sweet
I cant tell you
How much you mean to me
You need to stay with me
To finish our sentence

Baby
I love you
Don't leave
I need you
You can't end it
I'd die without you

Baby
Your sentence isn't done
Being written
I'd be a wreck
If you ended the sentence today
Yet you did it anyway
389 · Jan 2015
Death
I swear
No one would flinch
If I died
No one cares
No one notices the hurt
Burning in my head
Heart
Soul
This life
It's ******* worthless
I wonder how much it hurts
To just end it all
381 · Jun 2015
The accident
It ruined lives,
It threw everyone for a loop,
Left paralyzed in the bed
lifeless and limp.
No one knew if you would survive,
If you would even
Wake up.
Six days,
Your eyes open.
You mutter the word,
"Waaterr"
Everyone cried,
You spoke!
The road to recovery would be
Long and rough.
If you can walk,
It'd be a miracle.
379 · Mar 2015
Butterflies
My body is covered
Covered in butterflies
They are my clothes
They are there to stay
You came now
They want to fly away
I don't let them though
They can't leave me naked
Exposed and vulnerable
Open and at risk
For you to take
I look at you
They fly away
I'm naked
Vulnerable
At risk for hurt
365 · Jan 2015
Water
I'm like water
I get used
Then ****** down the drain
Forgotten
Unwanted
337 · Oct 2015
Sadness (10w)
When everything inside breaks and
You can't even fix it.
334 · Jan 2015
Today
I'm happy
I'm sad
I don't know how that works
I want to die
I want to live
It's a horrible battle of power
I want to know who will win
Live?
Die?
It's a terrible feeling
My baby brother is going crazy
Rocking back and forth
Pulling his hair
The feeling is mutual
330 · Jan 2015
Untitled
Just one cut
She lied
She did more anyway

Just two more and I promise I'll be done
She lied yet again
She cuts deep this time
He's worried she might be gone

I promise baby, Only one more cut
She feels it in her gut
She wants to die
Say goodbye

I'm so sorry sweetie
I'm just can't anymore
I want to go sweetly
Don't let this hurt you, baby


One last slash*
One deep ****
322 · Jan 2015
Breaking hearts
I hate breaking hearts
I do it unintentionally
I hate when people like me
Do you have to?
Do you like getting hurt?
If you have to be hurt
Like me
I break everyone's heart
319 · Jun 2015
Forgotten Love
You have forgotten me,
I've been here waiting for the love
We once shared.
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