after tonight
sleeping alone didn’t feel right.
it feels lonely, cold, i’m craving the bliss
of laying next to you and sealing the night with a kiss.
i remember thinking “this is going to be a perfect memory”
but the happiness i feel is now in jeopardy.
i don’t want it to be
but you aren’t showing the same feelings to me.
i was a fool thinking it could be us against the world
but you left my mind in a constant swirl
i want you to stay, please stay, please, please, please stay
don’t keep pushing yourself away
come back to my bed
i don’t want my heart to crash if this is the end

I laid on the floor that night
I panicked when he told me to take off my clothes
I don’t know why
my stomach just felt uneasy
but I forced myself to do it
because he loved me
and I wanted him to be happy.
he loved me.
today, the uneasiness came back
if I didn’t do it, would he stop loving me?
I don’t want to lose him,
but my brain kept calling me names
“easy” “stupid”
and my brain said
“he’s not going to love you”
my brain got the best of me once again.
now im sitting alone with my thoughts
wishing i wasn’t such a broken person.
I don’t know. I don’t know. I just don’t know.
you dont know how you want me to touch you?
I don’t know.

you say you sleep better alone.
you told me you couldn’t sleep
until i was by your side.
i cradled your head
so close you could hear my heart beat for you.
i played with your hair,
i traced the outline of your face
gentle enough to not wake you
i played my favorite songs for you
and you slept for hours in my arms.
when you woke up you said,
“i thought i was dreaming of having you
in my bed,
but then i realized it wasn’t a dream,
and it made me so happy to pull you closer.”
the sun was shining differently that day.
you smiled more bright that day
our love grew more that day.
but now you sleep better alone

we were standing outside his car
and the sun had just set.
he was holding me against his car
with a blanket wrapped around us
and I looked up to try to find the moon.
i said “where is the moon?”
and i looked around the dark sky.
he whispered “keep looking for the moon”
and began kissing my neck
as I tilted upwards to continue my search.
his soft lips touching every area along with his tongue
making me weak each time
his tongue glided against my neck.
but then I said
“I can’t find the moon,”
he stopped to look up and said,
“oh **** you’re right where is it”
and we laughed.

i met you 2 months ago
8 hours together
and we fell for each other.
at least I did.
2 months later
and I read a text from you that says i’m fake
my heart keeps breaking
as I read it over and over.
you’re breaking my heart
i’m so tired of my mistakes defining me
and people turning me into someone i’m not.
I never thought it would be you
to be one of them.
the man I adored,
the man i shared my secrets with,
the man i cried to as he held me,
the man who I thought would be the one
betrayed me; just like the rest of them.
how do you expect me to stay

it starts off like this,
I hold his face in the palm of my hand
and lean in for a kiss.
suddenly, reality is nonexistent
and it’s just him & I.
I look into his eyes,
and discover my favorite constellation
are the heavenly stars  
gleaming in his eyes.
as he tells me im beautiful,
I get this feeling in my body
that feels so right to me
and I feel like this is where I belong.
my lips on his
my skin against his
my eyes lost into his
this is where my heart belongs.

my heart still yearns for you
sometimes I make myself believe
that you’ll come looking for me.
but you have erased me from your memories.
do you miss me?
do you wish you could have met me?
do you wish you could have kissed me?
i don’t want to live the rest of my life not knowing.
I want to go back to dreaming with you
I should be with you.
did you even love me?

tomorrow is one month
since I last heard your voice.
I deleted your number
because I didn’t want to be tempted to reach out
or to pour my heart out
and be left on read.
I remember the morning I sent you the playlist I made for you.
you were so happy
now I sit here alone
listening to songs that remind me of how much of a dream you were to me.
I remember the last thing you said to me
“I want you but I can’t have you”
how could you want me if you pushed me away everyday?
I never got the chance to meet you.
but the hurt I feel
feels like you woke up one day
and walked out of my life.

i remember one day i went to the eye doctor to figure out what was wrong with my eyes. my eyelids would get a huge ball on top of them and it always made me insecure because it would make me feel ugly. the doctor looked into my eyes and said, "you have very beautiful eyes. you have the eyes of a dreamer." and that stuck with me for so long. my eyes eventually healed, and my eyes became my favorite feature. my eyes look so beautiful when the sun hits them. they're a pure brown color, so smooth you would believe that they came from a painting. and my eyes are just as beautiful when im about to doze off. i dont know how to explain it, but when you look into my eyes, you can hear a voice telling you "im soft and innocent, and i would never hurt you in any way," which is true. i would never hurt anyone. i always make sure people are happy being around me. although my face may not be the prettiest, i know by having people look into my eyes they can see how beautiful my soul is.

dear moon,
does he think about me as much as i think about him?