sleeping alone didn’t feel right.
it feels lonely, cold, i’m craving the bliss
of laying next to you and sealing the night with a kiss.
i remember thinking “this is going to be a perfect memory”
but the happiness i feel is now in jeopardy.
i don’t want it to be
but you aren’t showing the same feelings to me.
i was a fool thinking it could be us against the world
but you left my mind in a constant swirl
i want you to stay, please stay, please, please, please stay
don’t keep pushing yourself away
come back to my bed
i don’t want my heart to crash if this is the end
I laid on the floor that night
I panicked when he told me to take off my clothes
I don’t know why
my stomach just felt uneasy
but I forced myself to do it
because he loved me
and I wanted him to be happy.
he loved me.
today, the uneasiness came back
if I didn’t do it, would he stop loving me?
I don’t want to lose him,
but my brain kept calling me names
and my brain said
“he’s not going to love you”
my brain got the best of me once again.
now im sitting alone with my thoughts
wishing i wasn’t such a broken person.
I don’t know. I don’t know. I just don’t know.
you dont know how you want me to touch you?
I don’t know.
you say you sleep better alone.
you told me you couldn’t sleep
until i was by your side.
i cradled your head
so close you could hear my heart beat for you.
i played with your hair,
i traced the outline of your face
gentle enough to not wake you
i played my favorite songs for you
and you slept for hours in my arms.
when you woke up you said,
“i thought i was dreaming of having you
in my bed,
but then i realized it wasn’t a dream,
and it made me so happy to pull you closer.”
the sun was shining differently that day.
you smiled more bright that day
our love grew more that day.
but now you sleep better alone
we were standing outside his car
and the sun had just set.
he was holding me against his car
with a blanket wrapped around us
and I looked up to try to find the moon.
i said “where is the moon?”
and i looked around the dark sky.
he whispered “keep looking for the moon”
and began kissing my neck
as I tilted upwards to continue my search.
his soft lips touching every area along with his tongue
making me weak each time
his tongue glided against my neck.
but then I said
“I can’t find the moon,”
he stopped to look up and said,
“oh **** you’re right where is it”
and we laughed.
was it just a dream?
i met you 2 months ago
8 hours together
and we fell for each other.
at least I did.
2 months later
and I read a text from you that says i’m fake
my heart keeps breaking
as I read it over and over.
you’re breaking my heart
i’m so tired of my mistakes defining me
and people turning me into someone i’m not.
I never thought it would be you
to be one of them.
the man I adored,
the man i shared my secrets with,
the man i cried to as he held me,
the man who I thought would be the one
betrayed me; just like the rest of them.
how do you expect me to stay
maybe i still want you
it starts off like this,
I hold his face in the palm of my hand
and lean in for a kiss.
suddenly, reality is nonexistent
and it’s just him & I.
I look into his eyes,
and discover my favorite constellation
are the heavenly stars
gleaming in his eyes.
as he tells me im beautiful,
I get this feeling in my body
that feels so right to me
and I feel like this is where I belong.
my lips on his
my skin against his
my eyes lost into his
this is where my heart belongs.
my heart still yearns for you
sometimes I make myself believe
that you’ll come looking for me.
but you have erased me from your memories.
do you miss me?
do you wish you could have met me?
do you wish you could have kissed me?
i don’t want to live the rest of my life not knowing.
I want to go back to dreaming with you
I should be with you.
did you even love me?