i wanna claw
my eyes out
then put on
my favorite movie
to be soothed
by the dialogue
as the blood
rains down my face

a swinging gavel is coming down,
smashing the glass mirror,
that once showcased,
my stupidity.

it is blatantly clear now.

the mirror is no longer a necessity,
or an aiding constant,
that I never utilized,
to my benefit.

the thing is,
you aren't magnificent.
my mind isn't laced,
with the thought of you.
there is no rarity,
beaming from behind your eyes;
no slight shimmer of a marvel,
beaneath the surface of your skin.
falling in line with those ahead,
and those behind:
you bore me.

if i was given a chance to pull back,
your carefully sealed unexceptional flesh,
would i see and feel something,
i was unaware you possessed?
a tiny glimmer of unprecedented original beauty,
an unknown personal outlet
exemplifying fearless individualism?
...or would i be disappointed,
by the nearly hollow expected interior,
singularly displaying a rudimentary *** drive,
and the unimaginative blueprints,
on how to fulfill it.

you promise comfort,
but I see nothing but chills,
in your eyes.

How is it,
I feel more alone,
Alongside others each day,

Than I did,
Continuously in solitude?

People exhaust my heart.

Alone it idealizes,
Interactions,
Romanticizes,
Human nature.

Reality,
Weighs heavy,
And disappoints.

As I drift throughout fits of consciousness,
My soul flutters about the exposed space,
Surrounding me.
Its wings span out and glide gracefully.
Yet, so easily affected by nearing influences,
It instinctually dips low for a means of protection.

But when fear takes charge of its path,
Positives go undiscovered.
Perhaps fear debilitates reaping the potential warmth,
Another is radiating.
Maybe the individual’s soul is imbedded with good intentions.
Maybe the person’s heart is comprised of purity.

your eyes,
tore into me,
and cut up,
my heart.
your words,
were no kinder,
and left me feeling crushed.

talking to you,
is like smoking a cigarette.
your toxins slowly **** me.
at first it's hard to notice.
you hit my bloodstream,
and I get a bit lightheaded.
but over time,
I grow weaker,
and it gets harder to pick up the lighter.

my feelings for you,
are so strong,
yet they remain dormant.
often times,
I wish for them,
to never be awakened.
the love,
is oddly intense,
and all-consuming.

it has to be true,
that you feel it too,
even in the slightest.

i am drowning in a pitch black sea:
gasping for air,
and swallowing water.
my throat stings,
as i claw at the liquid,
finding nothing to hold onto.

the water reflects the beam,
from a lighthouse.

i scream out:
to the light;
i scream out:
to you.

but it never finds me,
and neither do you.

a waste of paper
of space

she took her time
she lost her mind

she cut her hair
due to the wear

she wished to vanish
to disappear...
maybe today
maybe in a year

i tried to yell
to release my hurt
but it was not a yell
rather a wail
blood curdling
sounding like an animal
being murdered
i scared myself

are you a person,
or a cloud?
you seem to be,
physically solid.
you are warm,
under my touch,
but sometimes,
I feel you fading...
evaporating,
like water vapor,
into a cloud,
above me.

your absence
makes me question
my presence

when I talk to you
it feels like
I'm talking to
a shell
of a person

I scream until
my throat hurts
until the shrill noise
scratches my esophagus

I scream until
the pain numbs a bit

I scream until
I cry
tears streaming down my face

I know I am really odd.
I think
My isolation,
Speaks for itself,

But,
People scare me.

My room,
Feels so safe.
Its four walls,
Are predictable.
They never say,
The wrong thing,
Or make me feel,
Like a lesser being.

They also,
Never respond to me.
And,
The constant droll,
Of my inner monologue,
Uninterrupted,
Is exhausting.

an angel
carefully hand-crafted
you.

i could drown
in the love i have for you
and somehow
i wouldn't mind

you are pretty,
but that is all.
if your appearance
reflected your heart
it would be hard
for people to look at you,
in your distorted face
but i still would
to tell you
to go **** yourself.

this guilt,
is eating me alive.
i think it would hurt less,
if beetles did instead.

disassociating *******
consciousness, far from here
lost amongst the clouds in the sky
as I come down, they follow me
fog lays softly upon the ground I walk on