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Sep 2021 · 730
teni Sep 2021
staring at your name;
seeing it on my screen
for the first time in years

trying to find a different name
than the one i was reading

i had always been skeptical
about resurrection,
tonight you proved it true
i wonder
Apr 2021 · 5.5k
fruitless fate.
teni Apr 2021
dreaming of your embrace,
blind to the sight
of the inevitable burns
you have been cursed with
through my touch.

we love like the sun
and the moon.
a beautifully
hopeful love;
a despicably
fruitless fate.
we knew it would burn
Aug 2020 · 253
f1v3 s3v3n f1v3
teni Aug 2020
i don't know whats real
its like ill never find peace
within my own head
Jul 2020 · 356
a dance with dissociation.
teni Jul 2020
i fear what is true
and find comfort in the folds of reality.
lurking between material and abstract,
i find your outstretched hand.
pull me back into your world
and teach me to love.
a letter to you, thought you'll never read it
Mar 2020 · 313
teni Mar 2020
can i miss you?
can i kiss you?
                                                             strike a match.
i cant miss you
i cant kiss you
                                                                     let it burn.
but i do
i really want to
                                                                 throw it out.
Mar 2020 · 284
teni Mar 2020
cadence cadence cadence cadence
cadence cadence cadence.

rhythm rhythm rhythm rhythm
rhythm rhythm rhythm.

patience patience patience patience
patience patience patience.

hidden hidden hidden hidden
hidden hidden hidden.
everything in the universe is constructed the same way. we refuse to make a change. safety is in comfort, fear comes from the unknown.
Mar 2020 · 162
teni Mar 2020
you've left me for good
though you'll never be gone
Jan 2020 · 167
bouncy balls.
teni Jan 2020
some days there are so many things i want to say
but nobody to tell them to,
nobody to truly listen.
thoughts bouncing around my head
like a bag of bouncy *****
dropped by a child.
eventually they roll and roll
until they stop in a corner of my mind
that even i dont have access to.
Jan 2020 · 151
teni Jan 2020
you can write your story
and present it to the world
but still feel like it has to be told.
nobody understands
the emotion and experience
like you do
and attempts to satisfy the need to share it
can never be truly fulfilled.
or maybe i still write about it because the wound hasnt sealed.
Jan 2020 · 134
teni Jan 2020
in my head there lies
a collection of unfinished poetries.
my writings aren't finished because
experience is endless.
heartbreak and sorrow
or growth and prosperity,
my soul changes every day
and so do my stories.
i hope someday they all make sense
Jan 2020 · 73
through a new light.
teni Jan 2020
in front of the tree, the leaves look bland;
a full tree with no purpose.

underneath the tree, the light shines onto your feet.
through the leaves and spaces between them
pour marvelous shades of green, red, and yellow.

differing in intensity, the once thought as a bland tree is
remarkably deep and varying.
encapsulating your eyes in a world of color,
you see the purpose growing from its branches.

with every blow of the wind,
the tree shivers in the cold air
dropping more and more pieces of natural confetti
into the sea of autumn you're left to swim in.
Dec 2019 · 168
parking lot.
teni Dec 2019
silent whispers fill my head
though all of their voices are the same:
gentle endearments tingle through my ears
walking to my car, the wind wraps its arms around me
and for a passing moment i feel your fingertips on my skin.
the sun is blinding, and in the glare i see
the reflection of me in your eyes.
a dark cloud rolls by and suddenly
its pouring
standing alone in the dark parking lot
unable to distinguish tears from falling rain.
jumping over puddles feels like crashing through waves
in the midst of an evil winter storm.
inside my car is freezing
parallel to the memories i share with you.
i dont know why i wrote this or what corner of my mind this was hiding in.
Sep 2019 · 177
teni Sep 2019
temporary fulfillment for lifelong emptiness
though we all seek further satisfaction
knowing it won't last
satisfaction cannot be trapped-
nor held by lock and key
our knuckles turn white
due to our lack of willingness to let go
Sep 2019 · 273
house warming.
teni Sep 2019
you invite me into your heart
give me a warm welcome

lead me through the foyer
and show me around

but it all feels familiar
i think ive been here before
may i stay for a while?
Sep 2019 · 157
teni Sep 2019
there is familiarity in abstraction
but only visible to those
who have trained themselves to see the truth
Aug 2019 · 311
like you know i do.
teni Aug 2019
i think of you mistakenly
i pray you lay awake and see
our future , us together
for always and eternity
3:15 am
Jul 2019 · 253
so below.
teni Jul 2019
a darkness does welcome me into a world of the unknown. its hands bound so tightly around my fragile wrists, they snap with grace and ease, painlessly. whilst dragging me too quickly for me to catch my step, its hands move to my shoulders, tautening its grip with unspeakable force. i feel the crush of my once in-tact bones.  fear growing inside me, the anxiety ridden heat bubbling its way from my stomach to my throat. exiting silently, my mouth wider than my eyes, i cannot voice my wishing for it to stop. in my ear is an unmistakably familiar voice assuring me of my fate. she tells me i will not escape, for this is an eternal hell ive become infected with. hell, a sickness? rather than a place for the ******? the skin on my knees has taken a leave of absence. permanently, perhaps. the sensation of rock filing against my poor, young bones should feel as a fire eating at my body. howbeit, i feel nothing. is it so-? is this is not a dream, my unconsciousness protecting me from the torture i do endure as we speak?
a draft , from me to you.
Jul 2019 · 278
teni Jul 2019
you are a magnet
drawing me in when i get within a certain proximity
pulling away has never fallen inferior to the most difficult of tasks

inching closer
every day
first its eye contact from across the room
then we make it a point to walk past each other
knowing the other will notice
eventually we are making small talk
which leads to bigger talk
which leads to

the talk that neither of us want to have
but need to have
it hasnt come yet, but it will
soon enough
i wrote this three months ago and never posted it , i hate that it still holds a place in my heart.
Jul 2019 · 243
teni Jul 2019
i wake up and i dont miss you
or wish you
were here

i get in my car and i don't feel
the heel
of your hand on my cheek

i read my old poems and i'm not in love
like i was
before this

who knew i'd be okay
without you , dear ?
teni Jun 2019
i am no longer ,
erase me from your mind.
be happy with her ,
in time i'll be fine.
sacrificing my happiness
for the sake of your own ,
it takes strength
but it's proof that i've grown.
shall we meet again ,
maybe things will have changed.
though until then ,
we must be estranged.
Jun 2019 · 289
teni Jun 2019
sweet words flow from your mouth
forming a river that i drown in.
with each gasp for air,
in comes more water.
yet your diction is so pure
that i begin to appreciate the liquid
disrupting my breathing.
Jun 2019 · 335
color changing.
teni Jun 2019
my heart is continuously transitioning from an icy blue to a happier and fuller sister of red: yellow.
not just any old yellow, but the one that makes your heart rate steady; the soft one. the yellow that lays you down in a field of luscious pink flowers beneath a baby blue sky sprinkled with dusty white cotton ball clouds. she may have even packed a picnic of painfully sweet fruits and a bottle of crisp rosé bubbly. she's the yellow that smells of warm, clean air, and is comfortably cold in your lungs as you gently inhale the heavens, and exhale the weight of the world.
the yellow that feels familiar in all sorts of ways, but you cant quite tell what it is. she can wrap you in her arms as you cry, wiping away the salty stains left by twofold tears as they fell from your harp strings of eyelashes.
come, place your hand over my heart and let me transfer waves of my color to you.
may we be blessed with warm bodies in a cold, cold world.
May 2019 · 210
an unorthodox track star.
teni May 2019
my feet are the brains of this chase
numb and blistered and calloused and bleeding
the skin on my shoe-less heels ran raw
made visible to brandish my journey
from one end of your heart to the other
at least ive learned to have a steady pace
May 2019 · 293
teni May 2019
douse me in gasoline,
the liquid to fuel my passion.
strike a match upon my skin,
ignite the flame that was once within me.
warm me up,
feeling cold is getting old.
a poem about experiencing writers block, how ironic.
May 2019 · 193
should you be there,
teni May 2019
should you be there, dreaming of me too,
i hope youre dreaming of the soft clouds of kisses we shared
and the sweet perfume of my nervousness.
i hope youre dreaming of the moments where it was just us two,
the surrounding world drowned out by the beating of our hearts and dull whispers of unwritten love stories.
should you be there, dreaming of me too,
i hope youre dreaming of the electrifying touch of our fingers, hands, minds, and souls.
i hope youre dreaming of the comfort and safety we found in one another, feeling at home as long as we were together.
please be dreaming of me, too.
Apr 2019 · 152
teni Apr 2019
my hand trails the surface
of the empty spot in my bed,
aching for your chest to be beneath my touch.
my fingers clench the sheet,
making it crumple the same way your t-shirt would.
my hand floats to the pillow <your cheek>
not letting my fingertips escape the flow of movement
up the bed <your collarbone, your neck>
my thumb grazes the corner of the pillow
and i cant help but mistake it for your jaw.
gently caressing the lump of manufactured cotton,
i can see you looking down at me with those sleepy eyes
which i do so adore.
my leg finds its way around my body pillow <your leg>
and they <we>  are entangled.
imitating warmth and comfort
and making up for the what-could-have-beens,
my bedside knows only the truth of my loneliness.
christmas lights gleaming at the sight of my yearning
like smiles from sad stars.
the clock on my nightstand ticks and tocks,
reminding me of missed opportunities and wasted time.
the ceiling fan wizzes away each sigh of desperation.
Mar 2019 · 840
lying lips.
teni Mar 2019
what difference would it make
if we all stayed silent ?
the words we speak
the sorrows we weep
they have no voice.
we fill the air with empty sound
contaminating our ears
listening to the noise
spilling from lying lips.
Mar 2019 · 444
i am not a poet , but
teni Mar 2019
her walk makes me dream of
ripples in a pond
slow , gentle , liquefied motion
her arms sway
as they are the wind
that makes the water dance.

when i hear her laugh
my ears buzz with the sound
of her joy
crisp and clear,
but comforting
like the moment the sky
is full of thick white clouds
and the sun breaks through.
Mar 2019 · 1.5k
Mind Of The Youth.
teni Mar 2019
Look at  us
Cant you see we are in need of saving?
The dark eyes and tired smiles
Desperate for a hand to hold

Broken thoughts and demented mindsets
Scared of the darkness that we roam unconsciously

Hear our cries
Listen to the words we weep
Our shouts of passion and anger
We deserve to be heard
Incapable of persuasion
They will not take our humanity into consideration
Torn away were our identities
Forced to conform to a world so unoriginal
Taken hold by the evil
Of our minds
And the world
We know no balance nor equality
Overthrown by predators
Feb 2019 · 256
a conversation with myself.
teni Feb 2019
how are you?
i can tell you havent been doing the best lately.
you dont have to lie, i can see it in your face.
i know the pain and love and lies youve been through
and i know it hasnt been easy.
i know you want help.
and let me tell you
nobody knows you
and nobody can help you
the way i can.
im fully aware i havent been here for you these past few years
and im sorry about that.
i didnt know how to help.
but now, seeing how much the past couple weeks have
torn you apart
is tearing me apart.
im never going to let you down again.
you may not think or feel it,
but i love you.
hush hush, dont cry now !
those words can be hard to hear, im sorry.
lets get those tears wiped up.
see? all better.
as i was saying, youre going to prosper
and im going to help you through it
every step of the way.
you deserve to be happy
and you deserve to be loved
and we are going to work together to get you there, understand?
you are the only person that truly knows what is best for you
so listen to yourself
your brain, specifically.
Feb 2019 · 21.6k
fake love.
teni Feb 2019
maybe people are meant
to fall in love
but not meant
to be together.

i was coming to terms with this
only to find out
we werent in love.
i was.
you never loved me
you didnt feel anything for me
you tried to,
but loving someone isnt something
you can make happen.

we always said we were meant to be, right?
perfect for each other
you said our love was pure
and real
and unbreakable.
look at it now,
its shattered.

falling in love with you
was the easiest thing
ive ever done.
falling out of love
will be the hardest.
i guess the [lovers] code has been cracked.
Jan 2019 · 188
handle with care.
teni Jan 2019
even the most beautiful roses
have thorns.
you find one you love
you care for it as though
it is your only child.
but despite how well
you treat your flower
one wrong move
and it ****** you.
it happens in an instant.
before you can even
recognize your mistake
youre bleeding.
blood trickles down the stem
and it stains the leaves
as a constant reminder
of the time your beloved rose
hurt you.
so love your flower , love it endlessly.
love it with no fear of hurting
no fear of pain.
Dec 2018 · 401
disappearing lips.
teni Dec 2018
i used to never kiss you
with my eyes closed
because you felt like a dream
and i feared you'd be gone
by the time i opened them
Dec 2018 · 328
i belong to the world.
teni Dec 2018
some say
they do not belong
to a person
to an object
to a place
or to anything.
belong to the world.
[the world]
that has taught me
who i am
who i want to be
and who i do not want to be.
i am a product
of perfect successes
and miserable failures
[for i have been built by both]
i am the difference between
mistakes made
and plain ignorance.
i belong to the world
that continuously shows me
evil and terror and hatred
and love and care and compassion.
she has raised me
to be a creation
of something taken for granted
and she is teaching me
to not follow in her footsteps.
inspired by Abel Tesfaye [The Weeknd]'s  "Belong To The World"
Dec 2018 · 591
lumiere de ma vie.
teni Dec 2018
he calls me
lumiere de ma vie
which means
light of my life
in the language
of love.
for me
he is the
docile light
melting through my window
making for the most beautiful morning.
he is the
warmth peering from behind
the darkest cloud
on a bone chilling day.
he is the
overwhelming feeling
of comfort in your skin
when the sunlight hits you
just flawlessly.
he is the
lumiere de ma vie.
and i will never be cold as long as i have him
Dec 2018 · 143
teni Dec 2018
if a feeling could be expressed
as a color
this one would be red.
my surroundings are glowing
a magnificent shade of crimson.
i am a steep
slippery *****
of lava
racing down the side of a volcano
leaving everything i touch
with my fiery energy
nothing but a memory
of happier
and more beautiful times.

drown me
in the molten liquid
that is my blood.
Dec 2018 · 536
sleeping with the devil.
teni Dec 2018
the atmosphere is scorching
the heat of your cruel intentions
spread like wildfire.
your dark
mysterious demeanor
draws me into bed.
and not straying from my
typical self
i am submissive
to the temperature.
the way it burns
leaves me begging for more.

the devil
is who you are.
malicious volition
that you circumvent
as an angel would.
which allows me
to disclose
im sleeping with the sweetest
of devils.
and i live for the pain.
Nov 2018 · 208
teni Nov 2018
the day we met
you planted caterpillars in me.
every time we talked
those caterpillars grew
then cocooned
and eventually
they were butterflies.

i remember they always fluttered around
when i saw you
or heard your voice
or even heard your name.
it was a beautiful feeling, truly.
i felt light.

but those butterflies in my stomach
turned to wasps when you left.

now when i see you
or hear your voice
or even hear your name
those wasps start stinging
my head gets hot
my fists mold into grenades.

i wish you hadnt planted
those caterpillars in me
for everyday i get stung
and its all your fault.
Nov 2018 · 395
saving yourself.
teni Nov 2018
youre the worst type of lover
to fall for.

you break hearts
before yours can be broken
because its less painful
to hurt others
than it is to be hurt.

you are saving yourself
from the torturous nights
and bone shattering mornings
going to sleep
and waking up alone.
Nov 2018 · 278
a letter to caffeine.
teni Nov 2018
my hands are shaking
even just typing this

you make me jittery
my mind is hyperactive
i cant focus on a **** thing

each thought lasts less than a second
bouncing back and forth
between topics

our relationship is bitter sweet
i may love the taste
but i hate the effects you have on me

once i finish the cup
youre gone
yet you linger in the worst ways

how do i stop this
how can i make it go away

i am desperate to get you out of my system
Oct 2018 · 332
teni Oct 2018
light up
take a puff
blow it out
gone with the wind
itll be fuzzy soon

push down and twist to open
snag a few
down the hatch
with a swig of that drink
you stole from your parents

open that bottle of drink
sip sip sip
oh it burns
but it burns so good
shh, youre starting to get woozy!
self destruction is my calling
teni Oct 2018
you learn
all those beautiful love poems
you read over and over
filling you with butterflies
weren't about you.
you are not the focus
of the poets affection.
you are not the one
giving them inspiration and spark
to bleed love onto paper.

and that's when it seeps
into the deepest parts of your skin.
crushing your bones
tearing your muscle
ripping you to shreds.
you made me an optimist i was never meant to be.
Oct 2018 · 811
teni Oct 2018
they say a broken heart
is a void
that needs to be refilled
in order to be repaired.
but darling ,
my broken heart isn't the void.
the void
is the space you occupied

our yellow mornings , aubades strung in the rising light.
our crystal cerulean afternoons , the sky clearer than our minds.
our byzantine evenings , we can smell the rain from inside.
our pure black nights , drowning in the heaving weight of our day.

now they are all seconds
seconds to minutes
minutes to hours
hours to days
days that drag me through and through
because i dont have
a reason to wake up
and be sanguine
for what the day
has in store for me
like i used to.
i cant function without a purpose. i guess loving you is my purpose.
Oct 2018 · 420
teni Oct 2018
ive grown so dexterous
in veiling
my dismays
and despairs
that i can no longer
elucidate the difference
in healing
and in hiding
for it all feels the same.
but what does it matter anymore.
Oct 2018 · 177
teni Oct 2018
today you dropped
a bomb on me.
you asked me
if i love you.
of course my answer
was fogged by hesitation
and stuttering
making my rebuttal clear.

i wanted to tell you
but i was so scared.
scared of unreciprocation
and rejection.
scared it would be too much for you
too overwhelming
and you would want to leave again.

the truth of the matter is
i am utterly
head over heels
in love with you.
there's not a thing in my mind
that tells me otherwise.

ive imagined a life without you
and lived a short one too
i hated it
you were the only thing
on my mind
every waking moment
and every sleeping one , too.
you wouldn't leave my head.
originally written and drafted : 9.5.18
Oct 2018 · 401
my own fault.
teni Oct 2018
we all do things
we wish we hadn't.
it's part of human nature.

some people do things
and push it aside
and act like it didn't happen.
those people
never grow.

others own their mistakes
and make sure those affected
know how truly disappointed
in themselves they are
and how they wish they hadn't
made that mistake.
those people
deserve even the slightest respect
despite how royally they ****** up.
[call me the queen of england.]

it takes courage
to be your own tattletale
but it's more mature
and braver
than hiding from your wrong doings.
please punch me in the ******* face and kick me in the chest i deserve to be hated and treated like absolute **** i'm begging you please inflict as much physical pain on me as possible please
Oct 2018 · 154
diet coke.
teni Oct 2018
where were those words
when everything began falling apart?
they were supposed to keep us safe
but it's like we forgot how to speak.
that doesn't mean i won't drink it again.
Oct 2018 · 588
teni Oct 2018
when my therapist asked
if ive ever experienced
i saw your face
i felt your hands
i heard your voice.


when my therapist asked
if ive ever experienced
i saw your face
my hands went cold
my ears were ringing.
i can tell her but she wont understand.
Sep 2018 · 177
black and white.
teni Sep 2018
wild and violent and merciless and irrational and hard and strong and troubled and excited and loud and rough and sharp and controlling.

but soft and delicate and gentle and caring and tender and warm and compassionate and pleasing [oh so pleasing] and kind and pleasant and loveable.

these qualities go hand and hand, fitting perfectly with one another.
the perfect balance of black and white
evil and good
insanity and sanity
devil and angel.
ive always been one for balance.
Sep 2018 · 549
not a star in the sky.
teni Sep 2018
staying up late , missing your voice.
wishing you hadnt made that choice.

the choice to leave , the choice to quit.
the choice that broke my mind a bit.

you gave me heaven then you took it back.
the only thing left was my heart that cracked.

had you tried , we couldve worked.
but you left , and it still hurts.

i know im no good and that im worthless.
theres nothing to do that could make it hurt less.

i sit here , head in my hands.
my mind rummaging through all our old plans.

you sit there, not caring my heart is in flames.
wondering whos the next player in your games.
originally written : 4.17.18
it may not have been about anyone in particular then but it sure as hell is now.
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