My body quivers,
the tips of my fingers
pulsating wildly,
beads of sweat collecting
on my furrowed brow,
teeth sinking into
my bottom lip,
breathing in sharp
heaves of breath,
echoing the fast-paced
pulse of my enthusiastically
beating heart,
limbs tingling,
lower extremities losing feeling
as my body becomes absorbed
in the ecstasy
to which it succumbs
as, in one last swift, graceful movement
you make me explode,
my mind orgasming in the
crazy sensation we have
created in the simple
exchange of our
encapsulating dialogue,
reawakening my addiction,
my yearning,
my craving
for another round
of conversation,
rapture unlike
any other I've felt,
in tangibly feeling nothing but your soul
and your words.

Oh,
how conflicted is the soul
of a poet,
for we yearn for nothing more
than to share the deepest depths,
our nakedness and rawness in
the beautifully
tragic love we feel,
but how much do we
try to individualize
that that lies inside, to make ourselves
stand out, for we
experience the world in sensory means
beyond the normal comprehension
of those around us;
how badly we wish for our
word choice and alliteration
to breathe life into the persons
who never hopefully
comprehend our creativity,
for we are arrogant in our
supernatural secret-keeping,
in our mind games and
manipulation.
Oh, how I bless my soul,
a poet lost
deep in the depths of my own
emotion,
of my never-waivering devotion,
to being the most uniquely recognized
and desperately bittersweet
wide-eyed doe
that ever did aggressively
permit the world
to melt so fervently into a home
within her.

Melodies come whisping out
of my speaker,
engulfing my mind with a haze
almost as thick
as the one I just
inhaled, clouding my brain
with all the thoughts I push away
in my attempts to live my
individual,
unlonely life
when the depth of my soul hankers
for the carnation blooming
at the deepest depths
of your confused persona,
and the moment I find my heart
scrambling free,
reaching for its life in the midst
of gathering strength to likely break
another, you come around
one more moment,
and the springs I loaded beneath
my quivering ankles,
they unlock and unload,
melting me right back into your
rhythm and blues,
and I inhale that curiosity,
snorting and convulsing,
shivering hard against my uncontrollable
goose-bumped arms
as I fall back into your chorus
and verse three
repeats the reprise
of the
first verse
I ever heard.

The sun hung low,
sliding down below
the trees,
whose leaves had turned a golden yellow
from autumn's adoring
kiss.

The clouds looked gray,
seeming to bring in
thunderstorms
that weren't to come,
at least not today.

We spoke of
mysteries,
created poetry in our
realizations,
harmony fostered with the gentle
breeze
as we laughed.
The aha's and uhuh's,
the self-discovery and
conceptualization,
they were the sermons,
the creed,
the metanoia.

The rooftop sunset was
the sanctuary,
the gust of wind the hymns,
the moments of silence were
moments of reverence,
our spirituality
birthed in the
gravel
under
our feet.

The world is
our religion.

I am feeling so many things all at once,
a whirlwind of emotions,
frantic and furious,
circling the drain of my mind,
planting landmines in my heart,
subjecting me to explosion,
to drowning,
that I somehow feel none of it,
an empty shell
exhausted,
dried up from everything
I should be feeling,
I am left feeling none of it,
and maybe once I rest,
once I let go,
once I forget it all,
once I feel nothing,
I will then feel
everything,
and everything will feel
me.

I like to walk the bridge at sunset.
I like the feeling of the
Light autumn breeze on my face
As my calves burn,
Pacing myself for the
Two-mile-long journey.
I like the colors the skyline makes,
The soft periwinkle that fades
To turquoise, that
Transitions to a pastel yellow
And drips down into a warm
Scarlett.
I like the art
The city buildings paint against
The sunset.
I like the peacefulness,
Steadiness,
Tranquility in the river,
Its current rippling
Gently in rhythm
With the steady beating of
My half-broken heart.
I like the way my heart has begun
To mend itself,
Once shattered to a million
Itty bitty
Pieces,
It strings itself back together
With every walk,
Every step
Across the bridge,
Across state lines.
Sometimes I'm surrounded
By crowds,
Other times
It's rather calm;
But the faces, regardless of bounty,
Are lost on me
As I lose myself
Deep in thought,
In reflection,
In an attempt to
Forget you
And remember me
As only myself,
Before you and
After.
Day by day,
Step by step,
Sunset after sunset,
Ripple after ripple,
Autumn breeze by autumn breeze,
My senses are heightened,
One by one,
My pain is relinquished,
Little by little,
And my broken heart is mended,
Bit by bit.

On a Wednesday,
here I lay
with so many things
I want to
say.

Even though
on deaf ears
it would
fall,
I still fight that urge
to call
you
and explain
the disdain
I maintain
from what you refrained
to give,
to do,
to live;
you withdrew.

How I wish I could say,
"I know you'll be back
someday.
I know you'll be in dismay,
in disarray,
for going astray,
for walking away
from what we could've made.
To realizations you will come;
to emotions you will succumb;
regretful you will become
when you recognize what you've done;
you'll become numb,
petrified of
what's been
undone.
By the time
you find
your peace of mind,
the strength inside;
when from vulnerability
and love
you no longer hide;
that someday
when you try
to reappear at my side,
I
will be far-away,
no longer with any
words I wish
to say."

I try to keep myself distracted,
Try to stay busy,
To keep my mind from wandering
Where it shouldn't.
But I look out across the
Vast expanse of water,
And my mind rides the ripples,
Catches the current,
Flows right to you.
I'm drowning,
I'm losing myself in this river
Of heartache and confusion.
I can't keep afloat
With the thought that
I would rather sink to the bottom,
Lay dormant at the water's depths
Than be without you,
And even so,
You couldn't fight to keep me
From sinking,
Couldn't breathe the air
Back into my lungs.
You couldn't make the plunge,
Swim in after me,
Sweep me under your tide.
Instead I'm left alone,
Treading the waters of love
Without you.
As the water rises higher,
I plead for you
To catch a boat,
Sail toward me,
Throw out your lifeline,
And pull me back in;
To realize all along
That you didn't want to swim away,
That even though the shoreline is safe,
You would rather be swept up
By my love
And drown in my riptide
Than sail the seas
Without me.

It's 11:30 PM,
and the steaming hot water
singes my back
as I talk myself out of
throwing my half consumed
bottle of beer
against the
shower wall.
My stomach feels hollow,
my throat feels clogged,
repressed screams,
traveling
from
my
insides
up.

Anger is an emotion
I rarely feel,
but as the hauntingly true song lyrics
blared out of my laptop and
reverberated against the glass door,
I was barely able to contain
the wrath,
tears of vexation slipping down
my cheeks,
dropping to my chin as I
heaved in
a sharp breath.

I'm tired.
Tired of giving.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of having faith.
Tired of loving.
Tired of losing myself.

Are we supposed to give
and never take?
Wait and keep faith?
Love without feeling
loved back?
Let our dreams, needs,
hopes, wishes...
let our souls go off track?

Empathy is my middle name,
but when will someone empathize with
me?
When will I get
what I want;
be provided with
what I need?
When will the love I relinquish
rebound back to me?

I want give and take;
I want reassurance and faith;
the mate to my soul,
the 50 to my 50;

I want you,
your heart,
your faith,
your soul,
your empathy;

I want you
like you have me.

Sometimes I find
myself
hard-pressed
to separate
dreams from reality,
living deep in the
fantasy world,
I lose myself,
too dark to see,
blinded by the
pitch black,
I try to feel my way out,
but even once I emerge,
you are the light,
and I again
become consumed,
swallowed whole by
the brightness,
you are the light, and it's
impossible to deny
how easy it is
for my soul to vacate
my body and fly to you,
like Icarus flying toward
the sun.

Inspiration,
perpetuation
of fascination,
inclination
to take refuge in
my imagination,
fantasies trapped safely in
hibernation,
concealed within
my stifled grin,
quivering
just above my chin.

Sultry sentiments slithering
through my mind,
dripping beads of wisdom,
splashing into my pond
of curiosity;

Plant the seeds,
my water bodies
make it grow,
my body fading slowly
from focus,
for in this moment
I'm not on the ground,
my shell overtaken
by a gust of wind,
sweeping away the sound
of doubt,
of matters of only earthly concern;

Whimsical daze,
my eyes rolling to the back of my head,
ecstasy manifested
in forms unexpected
for the irony lay
dormant with the rest
of the realizations,
the creation of
elation, salvation, transformation
encapsulated in
my thoughts.

It's funny how
I cannot seem
to find a care
or worry
in the world
as soon as
the sound of
your lighthearted laughter,
your gleeful giggling
reverberates against
my eardrums,
implanting all of its
melodious magic
deep within my soul.