Today I felt alone.
The kind of alone where all you
want is to talk to someone
- to make you feel whole again.

But I was never empty without them.
Just a little hollow.
A type of hollowness that everyone struggles through at some point
- no matter the mind or body.

I don't want to rely on others,
but I feel my ego is too powerful
right now to think anything else.

But let us think positive.
I do not feel sad - just slow.
Just quiet.
Just still.
Just like nature.

We are never alone when we have nature.
We just are deconstructing the concept of busyness, speed, and time.

Don't worry your mind.
This all shall pass,
but in this moment
just be still.

This might be over soon,
but I can not guarantee you happiness.
The mind loves to play tricks on you,
but you have to promise me not to be a fool.
Don't get lost in the silence.
Don't get drowned out by the darkness.
What happened to the days when you outshined the sun?
You never know, this might be over soon.  

You rise, eat, and work so you believe everything is alright,
but your thoughts haven't been too kind to you.
They grow wild at night and they won't make nice.
Maybe one day, they'll instead sing you to sleep.

Maybe one day you'll rediscover your love for isolation,
but lately, I feel you have been struggling with the concept of loneliness versus being alone.
It's not your fault you found love in the comfort of your bed,
but maybe one day you'll learn you can't make a home out of it.
Maybe one day you'll have hope that you'll rise again,
and shine bright like the sun like you did when you were young.

When I was 16 I was happy.
Dancing around,
having fun in the summer.
Imagining the future to be something sweet.
My dreams were vast.
My hopes were taller than cliffs.
I was having fun.

When I was 21 I was lonely.
Wasting around,
sleeping through the summer.
Remembering the past as being something sweet.
My dreams were undecided.
My hopes were scattered all around.
I was tired of crying.

Sorry if I'm quiet.
Sorry, I'm just not sure what to say,
but I hope you stick around because I love your company.
I understand if you have other plans.
Just know I'm here too.
In the back, alone, observing my surroundings.
Overthinking every little thing about everything
I'm too shy of saying.

Sorry if I'm not enough for you,
but baby, just trust me and stick around.
Let me warm up.
Let me get comfortable.
Let me sink in.
Then you will truly see my soul and all that I can give.

But I understand if patience is not your cup of tea,
and I'm not enough for you.
That's okay I'll just sit here and watch you leave.
I'll just sit back alone and watch you disappear into the arms of someone else.
Someone who is as bright as the sun
and someone exciting as a storm.
Don't mind me, I can keep myself warm.
For I have survived so many winters alone.

If you're traveling on your own,
I can be your companion.
In the mountains,
we'll carve our prays there,
and leave our footprints along the sides.
We can sing songs with birds
and harmonize with the naked creek.
We can see nothing but the abundance of old pine trees
for miles and miles.
In these cold winters, the fog walks
the grounds hiding the path.
So hold my hand and be my guide
for these hills aren't my native.
We'll make our home in the low valley.
Although you sleep in the day
and I sleep in the night,
there will always be a daybreak we could meet at.
We must be up in some north country
we must be loving our lives down in the mountains.

Where is the inspiration that I once possessed?
Where is the love that once sprouted from my fingertips?
Where are all the flowers that once grew around my feet,
with each step I took?

It seems as though
lately I've abandoned my gardens,
and left all the flowers to wilt and turn to dust.
The lives that I once cared for,
are now all scattered around the ground.

My spring light is somewhere lost in this winter cold,
and this winter has been going on for too long.
My body is numb from the breeze the December nights send me.
I once rose with the early sun in the morning,
but now I find my self serenading the moon each night.
Hoping maybe she will understand all my pain and issues.

These nights are graceless.
These nights are long.
These nights have me lost,
walking and searching for the sun.
Always ending up in places
that are just too dark.

Where is the sun that once loved me like a child?
Will I ever end up in a perfect place?
Am I just crying them to the moon?
Will this all be over soon?

I did my best to show love to you,
but I guess I'm just too much of an amateur to figure it out.
During our golden hour,
I thought that I had you locked in my heart.
But in my darkest hours,
I felt you fading from my fingertips.
I know I can't make you love me,
but you didn't have to waste my time.
You really hurt me,
leaving me to overthink.
If you have other plans, I would understand,
but you didn't have to leave my messages with no reply.
You really hurt me,
making me believe that you really loved me.

Isn't it lovely, to be alone?
Surrounded by the quiet, peace roams.
I once thought this was a haven,
but now I don't know.

I have what I always wanted;
a room to myself,
far from my family,
and a door to close.
I ask myself, isn't this lovely?
But never have I felt so alone.

Women crave for a rebirth
and I am no exception.
I crave to hear a choir and feel the water rush over me,
leaving me with a sense of purpose and a new perspective.
I want to forget my name.
I want to see my life in a new light.
I feel it's time for me to leave my body and leave my past.
It's time for me to find my mind
because I know that it must get better than this.

So let me grow,
I believe that it does get better than this.
I have seen many women learn how to scream their own name,
over and over and over and over again.
Howling into the clouds and radiate like the sun,
and I start to wonder when my time will come.
However, I know I must learn to grow steady like the harvest
because I know rebirth is not a path that we can rush down

I once thought there wasn't any life outside of this town,
but I was okay with that because it had everything I needed.
But what do I know?
We are all so young,
running through parks,
climbing up mountaintops.
Strolling past all the shops
and driving around this town going nowhere in particular,
I thought that it simply could not get better than this.

We loved each other like the stars
I thought that nothing could separate us.
We were sure to last,
but little did we know
that all these days will belong to the past,
and everything that we always did
now live on pages on thousands of papers
and in pictures tucked away in a box of old things.

Happiness was in the air that day
when we all were together once again.
The moon shined bright that night,
lighting the path that we once drove down every day.
This city just seems so small now that I have broken all its walls.

I drive past all the places we left marks on in this city.
The now vacant houses that once held so many memories,
the lunch table where our love blossomed,
the midnight drives to the movies,
getting excited over slushies,
and the lakes we learned to float.
I look back on all these places
and think about all the things we ever did,
I simply thought that it could not get any better than this.

Setting the new year on fire.
Dancing to the sounds of Grease.
Picking peaches in celebration of spring.
Watching all the bands we ever loved.
I would forget all my stress and worries thinking about it all.
Can it get any better than this?
                                                                  
I want to thank this town for all the stories I wrote.
All the times we felt like children.
All the times we rose with the sun.
All the times I felt loved by all the people that were my stars.

As I'm driving through this town and watch it grow smaller in my eyes,
I imagine a time when I was not alone.
I know getting older can seem quite strange at times,
but what do I know?
All I know is that there is just so much to see,
and sometimes the grass isn't always green as it used to be.
But as long as I have these memories,
it couldn't get any better than this.

Sweetheart, let's take things slow.
Don't worry about tomorrow.
because tomorrow is a million miles away right now.
You have to understand that I'm a late bloomer,
with a lost mind.
So please be patient with me
because I am still blossoming.
I know you are ready to run
I know you are ready to fly,
but please don't let me fall
because I've never been brave enough to try.

My silence is not poison.
So don't be scared of me.
Just vibe with me and
maybe you'll understand my words.
Let me take you higher
to a place, a place you've never explored before.
High beyond the mountains where not a sound can be heard.
A place of pure peace.
Where no storm has erupted before.
This is gold.
This is bliss.
Can you think of anything better than this?

I don't want to apologize,
but I am sorry.
I understand I can be a bit dramatic sometimes,
and over think every situation.
However, I just wish I could understand how you feel about me.
Maybe I wouldn't hold on to every little thing
if you just gave me a sign that is clear for me to read.
I've never been able to enjoy the company of another,
so I'm not sure how this is suppose to play out.
Don't leave me in the morning
feeling used and forgotten.
However, I find myself waiting by the phone as the evening passes
wondering if I should keep trying.
I'm holding on but I know I deserve something more.
It's been 9 months and it's been hundreds of miles.
Sorry if this sounds selfish,
but I can't wait forever and hold onto nothing
when I know I deserve something more.
I love your company
and in my head, we are happy
because I know you feel the same.
I don't want to sound dramatic,
but just please don't leave me in this haze.