I want to be a king,
just for one day.
I want to know what it feels like
to have all power
limitless power
I would force this thing you call abuse
into the corner it originated from.
I wish I could be the man of the hour
for one day
This time will be mine.
I will sit, finally being able to show my face.
I want to emerge from depression,
rise from the black water,
and come re-done,
not undone
I wish I could lead.
I would give the peasants a life worth living,
tyranny would be nowhere seen.
In my rule,
everyone is loved,
and all are happy.
If I was a king for a day,
I would do my best
to make this world
a better place
I feel so afraid,
to be small all my life.
I want to be king,
Because I am nothing now.
nothing
at
all
I don't know what this life
has to offer  
I want this world under fire.
But not by my rule.
The leaders have brought us down.
i see the people
they Are hurting.
I want to end pain.
I see the pain.
I want to end poverty
I see the poverty.
I want to stop the people who want to **** themselves,
I want to be the all protector.
Is this bad?
No more will I be a helpless kid,
but a fearless leader.
If only I was king
*just for one day

life
rendered in time.
Made for those who could only see it through next November.
if you wanted,
I would hold you,
'till the stars in your eyes shine.
Please,
hold on
everything will be alright.
Just remember,
if there is no one to love you,
I will be there to tell you that I do
I love you, ***.
Just hold on.
Make something begin in your life.
Make something *work
Your heart is so precious,
suicide will not win you, my queen
Just remember to open your eyes.
Life was made for you,
I was made for you.
So just let me love you,
I will love you
for ever and ever
Let me think of you everyday,
and the life we have
together
Long live
*my queen

My birthday is in 2 days
*the hype is so **** real

I've been hit again.
My mind
suddenly begins to think
how do I get away
I am cornered.
not yet I tell myself.
After the beating finishes,
(Only because they are tired now)
I walk painfully to my room.
My ***
feels like it's been shot.
My body
feels like it has been pulled apart twice.  
I sit down,
lift my mattress,
the blade lies here.
I look at it, craving its sharp clarity.
My wrists are the matching fit.
Cut cut
I think.
No one will miss me anyhow
I think.
But then
I imagine people's faces,
when they hear the news.
When they hear
how despicable the idea was
that I killed myself.
I don't lift my blade.
I let it rest.
"Till next time, friend"
I whisper to it.
I cannot speak,
my mouth has been punched in so many times,
It is as if the great pyramid rests on my lips.
My skin is raw,
carpet burn everywhere.
I tried to get out.
I really did
Like the blade,
I want to be sharp,
yet feel so dull.
Though I have not,
my heart has already killed itself.
Time
is not of the essence
anymore
No
Never again.
I will not
let them take this life.
That's my job
And quite frankly,
Im not ready just yet
So I will keep hanging on.
Just a little at a time.
I will let myself fall,
that way I can learn how
to pick myself up
all by myself.
Yes,
I do not need the blade.
I am Strong.
Strong
Strong
Strong.
*hope

I fell in love
with the evil inside.
I fell in love
with the pain that swallowed me whole,
the pain that shouts
"I love you"
as the dagger hangs out the back.
"555
666
what the **** are ya gonna do *****?"
My life has broken into two.
One: good
Two: bad
I cannot choose between the two.
Being  good brings so much fortune,'
but being bad brings fun.
And everyone likes to have fun.
My sinful nature bleeds through my skin.
But my good nature bleeds between my soul and my heart.
The love/hate relationship is always
reoccurring  
What has my life come to offer me,
a cross and crown,
or horns and a star?
Where the hell have I gone?
I want to be a badass
yet be so kind and caring
I find it hard to believe,
I switch in between.
Or so. I. Think,
I am the double.
IT is in me.
IT.
Christ,
Satan,
and everything in
*between

Merely
ghosts
floating in the dark
My mind is yet of
a puppeteer
*with no puppet

My birthday is in 3 days
*lets **** **** up

I can't breathe.
he was choking me
The time flew by
I was waiting
for someone
who never came.
My spirit had been broken,
like by bones and flesh.
He beat me
get over it
This is me
getting over it

I wish people would learn
I'm different
I hate how they always expect me to do
what everyone else does
I wish they would see
that I never do the average thing.
I don't think the way other men do,
nor do I act the way they do.
I wish people would know that they can trust me.
I wish they would know that I am always here for them
always will be
I am different.
I do not dwell in thoughts of ***,
I do not swim in guilt.
I am my own person
with strong morals,
a healthy passion,
and a heart that wants to love
Thats really all there is to me.
I wish people give me a chance
because I am
*different

my birthday is in 4 days
Hell yeah
*This one's gonna be good

I will rise from the stones,
this is the day
that I shout out,
"I AM BLEEDING DIAMONDS"
This is the day
where I live up to my name
This is the day Zach will rise.
Rise past the haters,
Rise past the abusers,
yes my friends,
today is the day I let go of everything and become
who I was always meant to be.

My birthday is in 5 days
*hot ****

Today,
is Day of Silence at my school.
Today,
voices ring out to me because my silence
is their voice.
I cannot speak today,
oh what a challenge this will be.
I do this for my sister,
a victim of suicide.
lord, hear their voices.
Hear their voices,
hear your children
Do not fall to the depths of suicide.
Please,
hear it from me.
The process is painful.
The funeral is hard,
and after is worse.
Believe me,
it will get better.
Just gotta keep looking on.
Be strong,
keep your head up,
and love life,
*it's all you got

Please
Leave
Everything
And
Survuve
Exquisitely

Amber,
just. hold. on
please?
for me

I've just died.
Oh ****
well...
*what should I have done

The darkest places
somehow end up seeming like the brightest places.
The dark
places the light on subject.
I grew up in the dark
though not literally,
my whole life has been in the dark.
I've lived in it for half my life.
Abuse is a dark thing,
but instead of fearing it,
I decided to embrace the darkness.
I do not fear the dark,
shadows bow to me.
******' right I'm crazy.
I make the dark bend to light.
So be careful when you approach my territory,
because the darkness will fill your body,
leave you to die,
like it did to me
but I resurrected myself
in the darkness
So don't be afraid.
I am in the dark with you.
And I don't plan on leaving
*anytime soon

Can you tell me the best riddle of all time?
Love.
It is a mystery.
The ultimate word in question.
Why has it lead me to where I am
today
Why?
What is love?

America
"the land of the free and the home of the brave"
Right?
No.
America is not/nor has it ever been free
See,
America has fallen,
it has crashed,
and it is burning.
America was meant to be paradise.
But the people are hurting,
and last I checked,
there is no pain in paradise.
There is injustice.
The rich stare at a boat full of money,
while the poor stare at an empty fridge,
begging for help.
America is the place where you are killed for your race,
and slandered for your ***.
America is the place where public schools forget who you are,
and college costs a life's worth of savings.
America is not what the founding fathers wanted.
The only thing that matters is the Benjamins.
No one gives a **** about justice,
and everyone only works to get drunk.
America owns crime,
and brings lies to the table.
America has lost its morals.
What happened?
war?
power
money
ALL OF THE ABOVE.
America has failed.
But here we are,
in a country that has stopped giving a ****.
So here's my question
*what's next?

When a heart breaks,
there is no surgeon to fix it.
There is no medication to remedy the pain.
When a heart breaks,
no amount of duct tape can hold it together.
Why must it be that because I'm s guy,
I am supposed to not feel heartbreak.
See,
Life is love.
And without love,
What is life?
MY heart is tired.
It has been taken,
returned,
taken,
returned.
One more return and I think I just might die
This place we call Earth hurts.
It really is a ****** up place.
Heartbreak is painful,
I know.
I just don't want it to happen again.
I want to love someone,
who loves me
and who will hold me
for the rest
of my life

Excuse me ,
But I have a few things to tell you.

1. If you ever touch her again,
I will personally insure that you won't have hands to touch anything EVER AGAIN.

2. If you ever remind her of what you did to her,
I will make sure you will not have a tongue to speak with.
I will cut out the very cords that allowed you to talk.

3. If you ever look at her, your own sister lustfully ever again,
I will make sure you do not have eyes to watch her grow up.
___________________
Th­ough I may not have the privilege to see her anymore, I will always love her.
I will always be there for her,
and I will protect her from people like you.
People like you who value
***
rather than
family
and
insest
I hope you read this.
Head my words.
If anything happens to her,
I will find you'
and i don't think
you want that.
I hope you take this seriously,
because you are sick enough,
and I will pay you back,
worse than anyone ever has
you will never sexually abuse her ever again.
Got it?
Sincerely,
Zach

My birthday is in 6 days.
***** 'em

Ghost Town in my ears
Cleansing my soul like it's suicide season
I hope to feel the sun once again,
this moment in time.
I see dead things.
I see the world spinning making me nauseous.
The constant whispers drive me insane.
My youth story is beginning to come to an end
my eyes opening at the sight of fear,
the smell of lust,
and the pain of shame.
This haunting will never end,
the twist and turns levitate me up
like an angel rising to the sky.
This knife you placed in my back,
makes me feel like all there is to say is:
Football season is over.
You expect me to fall to your will,
when my allegiance is to the demon who holds me down,
and through the thick smoke
I ask
"Can you feel my heart"
And the only thing you reply with is:
"You're so creepy"
So as I stare at the black moon,
waiting to be taken to the
hospital for souls,
I sit here,
chanting
*"I am the Haunted Youth"

I cant imagine life without you.
I dream of us
not ***,
not swallowing each other,
No,
I look forward to seeing you
every day
I .

I dream about us on a regular day.
It may seem strange.
I dream of when we come home to each other.
I just want to tell you
I love you
I can't say it enough.
I love you.
I hope you know,
I count the hours till I see you again.
sweetheart
You mean everything to me.
Now all i have to do is take the step,
and ask you out.
Will you say
*yes

my birthday is in 7 days
*woo-hoo

my heart beats a bit faster
when I'm with *you

death toll increases everyday,
can the madness end?
The music box keeps rolling on,
"Til' death do us part"

I want to be loved.
I want someone to take me
out of this dark world,
and put me into a new one.
I want a lover who will tell me I am OK,
and truly mean it.
I want someone who I can trust,
someone who I can love
without question,
without doubts,
without anger
without jealousy.
I often wonder
if I am worthy of love.
Everytime I thought I found it,'
it always ended up never working out.
People make it look easy.
"all you gotta do is
have ***,
make out,
and give gifts"
well, sorry but you are wrong.
I want the lust,
but I want it to be original.
I want someone to recognize me,
and lust for me
I often feel like I am ugly.
I wish someone would tell me I'm wrong,
that my weight does not define my worth.
I wish I could love someone who would love me for who I am.
Everything about me.
My faults,
my humor,
my everything.
Truth is,
I don't think theres anyone out there
that is truly meant for me.
And so what I'm a guy
does that mean anything?
I don't believe people like me,
that people would think I have value.
I can't remember
being complemented.  
But, I don't want to seem conceded.
I just hope there is someone somewhere,
that will love me,
and call me bae,
because they think I really am worth their love.
You think I will?
"There will be someone who will come along"
"There's always more fish and the sea"
and for what, to be called a man *****?
Really?
Come on.
You can't be serious!
I am a human being.
I have emotions.
I recognize beauty both outside and inside quickly,
but why can't anyone see that in me?
Makes me wonder,
what is wrong with me?
Why can't I be loved?
Why?
Why can't it never work out?
Why am I the one who everyone asks out because of a dare
tell. me. why.
"people are cruel"
I've heard it before.
I wish they would ask me for real,
love me for real.

Coming to the realization
that I am depressed
is frightening.
I do not need a doctor to tell me, I do not need a father to pray for me,
all I need
is to be alone.
Process things for a bit.
And maybe,
live a little
****
Exotic
Paradoxical
Respective
Extreme
Super
Serious
Interestingly
Odd
Numbing


disorder.

My mind is a minefield

my piano
plays a sad tune.
My piano
makes a rhythm that echos through my heart.
It sings and cries,
while confessing all its lies.
My shattered heart follows the piano.
As If there was salvation
in *music

dressing up,
not giving a ****,
we drive deep into the heart of the night,
'cause this day is gonna be tight.
The big 18,
at last.
Dressed up in the finest clothes,
going on a hit in the town.
Going wherever the **** I please.
I don't know who didn't tell ya,
but I'm done giving a ****.
I'm going, music pumpin' through the speakers,
the smoke rollen deep in my lungs.
I can't take the life anymore,
so i leave it behind.
I'm here
I'm out
ready to start again.
Its me and the tux,
a friend or two,
and we ride off in the summer city lights.
So,
sorry, sorry
I've left my place,
I'm never going back,
job in lace.
**** me, or let me live,
I'll have fun either way.
I've waited 18 years for this,
***** I'll do as I please.
Too bad,
I'm only 15.
I can dream.
I can Imagine.
Leaving This Place.
It will be tuxedo friday,
cruising away,
and leaving this past life
*behind

What do you do,
when everyone stops
giving a ****?
It seems like
they've given up on me.
I've given up on me.
I have tried so hard,
revealing so much in a little amount of time and yet,
no relief
my pain is eternal,
this blood flow will not cease.
I can't lift my head,
my neck is broken.
The world keeps spinning,
turning,
lurking.
I am expected to stay here,
but my tipping point is below the median.
Like a barrel,
I somehow keep rolling,
while the hoes
keep staring.
My life
has lost its voice.
I cannot be expected of, anymore.
Judge me not by my actions
but by the life in my eyes,
or leave me
*to die

walking in silence.
Not breathing,
not doing anything
but walking.
I have the taste of blood,
for biting my lip too hard.
I see your face,
making thoughts pass my mind.
I can't fathom the things that have happened.
The demons I have conquered
to be here.
I walk.
I see you.
My heart stops a little
as I find myself
face to face
with you
The suspension is killing me.
You are looking me in the eyes.
Your beauty captivates me.
If there was a way for me to love you,
oh wouldn't you tell me?
I am hearing myself
"roses are red
violets are blue"
and I curse myself,
for sweating this much.
I want to hold your hand tight,
tell you that I love you,
and leave into the night sky,
hoping you will come and chase me.
Here I am,
heart stopping
because this whole time
I haven't taken a single breath.
I fall,
flowers in hand
for *you

I am done being used

wish me away.
Wish that i would go back to where I came from.
Demote my existence.
Do not pay any attention to my pain.
Mock me with everything I say,
act like a child,
and cause me more pain then my body could handle.
Take me to the lowest parts of my mind,
yes,
make me feel inhuman.
Make me feel ******,
don't let me remind myself of my existence.
Say no to everything I ask,
and keep me in my room until I forget what the house looks like.
Give me all the responsibilities that way you have none,
and that way it is MY fault if something goes under.
Yes,
oh please make sure my family hates me.
Tell them lies about me,
making them cringe at the sight of my face.
Make me cry so hard that my head feels as it has been crushed.
Make sure I suffer in the hot sun,
and tell me it isn't okay to be happy.
Tell me that people never want to see me again,
and cover yourself up in the lie.
Don't forget to hit me with a cutting board,
and please break plastic spoons on my ***.
Make sure I see the corner as an enemy,
and the door as a murderer.
Make the family not understand
just who I am,
and exclaim
"its all his fault!"
I love it when,
my head is smacked.
Soooooo much.
Please make me go without eating
for a good long while.
Make sure,
I cannot go to the bathroom,
Yes I LOVE the thrill.
If you hadn't noticed,
I'm being sarcastic.
I never wanted you to do any of this,
but you did anyways.

can a man love a woman,
but not want to do anything about it?

I spoke.
One word.
The beauty fell out like a sack of bricks,
my words
hit the ground like an angel meets fate.
Love has died.
I said "no"
no broke the barriers of sound,
yes, love broke ME.
I DECIDED TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT
is that so bad?
I made it clear,
i do not hate love,
but love had failed me.
Love had made me tired.
Love did not let me rest.
Love did not let me live.
I could not be myself,
because love is a critic.
Love has silenced me out.
When love said it wouldn't,
it threw me away despite my attempts to build something new.
Love had taken my heart,
and ran.
leaving me kneeling towards something I don't quite understand.

Terrifying.
Intellectual
Fierce
Fate.

Thus, I have died.
May I apologize for nothing.
Because love, you made me this way.
Love cannot stray me away from my faith anymore.
I am done committing a sin to please the feelings you crave.
Love, you have died.
Love, this is goodbye,
Love,
goodbye.

no matter what I feel,
I must never go back.

If my body was as broken of my heart,
there would be a million pieces of me everywhere.
If I was my heart, I would have scars all over,
I would be bleeding all over.
As if heartbreak wasn't serious,
I would be visiting the doctor on a daily bases.
If I were my heart,
I would be big but feel so small.
I would have trouble deciding my morals,
and I would have an attack every time I see your face.
I I where my heart,
I would struggle to keep fighting,
to keep breathing.
If I were my heart,
I would be dead.
I would be gone,
because she had my heart,
it was never returned.
I would be kept under lock and key,
not seeing a peek of daylight.
If I were my heart,
I would have cracks all over my body,
and one little sneeze would crash me down to dust.
If I were my heart.
Oh if I was.
I'd day after every mean comment.
I would melt at the sight of beauty,
and I would never let myself go.
Oh,
If I were my heart.

666
PREGNANT TEENS
****
***
Got your attention?
good.
sorry for that hell of a beginning,
however,
this is big
So i needed an attention grabber.
heh heh.
See what I did there?
So then, B.D,
whats the news.
The news,
the really big big news,
is that I am alive.
though that may not be a big deal to you,
it is to me.
See, it is because of you,
that I live.
You,
the people of hello poetry.
The people of earth.
REAL PEOPLE.
You!
You are keeping me alive.
I write,
you read..
Right?
Our little system here.
Its a great one.
I am so glad you even decided to read this.
Like, you truly are a hero,
just. for. that.
If you don't feel special,
like I often do,
well let me tell you something.
please?
You are very special.
You are beautiful.
How do I know?
Because you are reading this,
which is poetry,
and poetry,
is a beautiful thing,
meant for beautiful people,
and what do you know?
Your reading this,
which means you are beautiful.
Its quite silly, yes I know.
But why be so serious all the **** time?
We need to smile.
And I smile
because of you =>
you bring life to my life.
This is for you, reader.
Not to a lover,
not to a family member.
To you.
You pioneer this smile,
and for that,
I owe you my life.

lord help me!
no answer.
Lord, he hurts me!
Silence.
Lord, take my soul!
Silence.
Lord, I want to **** myself!
no answer.
First, the bible went.
Then the cross necklace.
Everything had to go.
I needed help.
Need help,
but where are you?
God, the savior of all,
the hero.
Where are you?
Because I've looked long and hard,
hoping to finally see my salvation.
But,
no.
No one came as I was choked.
You didn't come when I was being tortured.
You stayed in heaven,
while I was living my own hell.
I did everything you wanted me to do.
I stayed faithful,
giving my testimony,
following your word.
But you let me down.
You always have.
"god loves his children"
No.
I thought I was a child of god.
Apparently not.
Because I am still here.
Inside the house of harm.
Inside the house of sin.
Evil lives here.
Before you tell me,
"don't give up,
I will come through,
it is just a trial"
answer me this,
where were you then,
and where are you
NOW?

the story starts with a wee little boy.
Staring at the world with wonder,
and he had the audacity to challenge fate.
He never knew,
that by 3 words,
his life would fall before his very eyes.
He marveled at the piano,
as he wanted to die.
Yes, thats all he wanted
to die.
He watched things get smashed.
He watched himself cry in the mirror,
but "how ugly you are"
he would tell himself.
People held him to make an image.
Wear a mask,
light smile,
play dumb.
Truth was my mind was too smart,
so instead of playing dumb,
i LIVED it.
I made sure no one would know who I was.
What he made me become.
As if my life was a game,
and the story would shift at any time.
Clocks began to be my enemy.
They would tease me saying,
"how long have ya been here?"
I hate the corners of buildings.
The 90 degree corner calling my name.
The torture it held.
The backside of me,
made an *** of itself,
though it already was an ***.
The wee little boy.
died inside,
but kept living,
lips cold,
eyes rolled,
and he just kept going.

Sunday,
Many people go to church.
The Christian goes to school,
Taught love everyone, smile, and be respectful.
The morals begin to show.
And one has to wonder,
How can a Christian receive so much hate,
Based on a religion that focuses on love.
Could be because they make sure their click stays up,
So they can preach on the pulpit.
So they can spread the word of god,
Trying to prove to the skeptics that he ain’t a fraud,
But no, when they try to reach out,
Everyone begins to shout,
Pulls you into shame,
While making your case screech to fame.
And hey,
They say
“pray about it”
But how can you pray when no one wants to talk about it.
A club,
Wanted to start.
Wouldn’t hurt anybody.
They swore,
They wouldn’t preach to any outsiders,
But woah,
Hold up,
You wanna start somethin’ for Christ inside of a school?
No.
So they fight back. Right?
And they were only met with higher hostility.
Met with fluorescent humility.
Coming down to it,
The pressures on
The verdict is commin’
They pray
Oh please god, just this once,
Let us start this one.  
The christains,
The kind ones,
Slandered and shunned,
Cause of their faith.
Taken from schools,
Being faithful is no longer cool,
And wait,
They expect us Christians to take the fall,
Accept it and move on.
They told us to move on again and again
Shouting jesus is dead.
No.
Jesus is the reason we have pushed so hard,
The reason why we can say we have land
From sea to shining sea,
We just want this to work,
To worship,
To praise,
But the majorty of society denies us,
We are forced back into the chapel,
Forced to believe only what we see,
Which is why we need to see
A miracle.

I am me.
You can't take that away from me,
my individuality.
I am me,
and I will continue to slit my wrists,
to bleed diamonds,
I will write poetry,
so you can read my words,
I will do all of this
for you