Wandering around the streets in the city
Not even caring if I look *****
I must find you my lost love
Even if I beg from someone above


I went to the sea hoping that you'll be there
But birds flying around is all I can hear
In the seaside there's only your memories
And it's me walking alone with our untold stories


I tried to look for you in every people that you know
But each one of them said I must give up now
There must be a place where you are hiding
Therefore this journey has no ending


Your warm touch is all I can feel
From the words which I cannot tell
You once called me a keeper
And so I must bury our secrets deeper


You were here walking with me before
And in the night in my deep sleep I will hear you snore
But here am I now who got no one
And day by day dying alone

Loving you means taking the risks
But here's my oldself which I can't fix
Too many doubts and questions
Thinking that I'm just an option

This is the language of love
Teaching me how to be brave
To face all the consequences
And here am I who lost her sense

I am afraid of staying
Thinking that you'll be leaving
And will left me hanging
I say to you, I am afraid of loving

i.

Each night she will hide inside
while blankly staring at the ceiling
a fake smile will paint on her face
and there flashbacks will start to appear
mixed emotions inside her
the feeling of being unwanted
will slowly destroy her heart again


ii.

Without even knowing tears will fall
trying to wipe it with a piece of cloth
yet it won't stop till she fall asleep
her sobs are becoming louder each night
trying to cover her mouth so one will know
that she's in pain and just pretending to be happy

iii.

Bucket of tears day by day
caused by the unknown pain
of loving unconditionally
yet got nothing in return but
pain, sorrow, despair and hatred
bucket of tears is what you gave to her
instead of embracing her onto your arms

iv.

To leave is all what she wanted
yet there's no more escape
she's inside a jar of memories
that you made together
but she's now left alone hanging
and only looking back at those
while you walked away
without even saying your final goodbye

Shall I compare thee to Winter days?
Who art lovely as a piece of poem
Thy skin as white as snow
Which I cannot compare thee to anything

The glowing candle in the table
Thy eyes who cannot forget
I say to you
Please remember me

Falling leaves as for I wish another day to live
From all the battles that I've fought with; will you consider me brave?
For what it is seen; this is not my home
Who were loved by many; trashed by some

As for I was once a sinner here on earth
Now a lost soul who is seeking for the truth
I say to you; thank you for the wisdom
From a disciple who aims to enter the divine Kingdom

Despite of this; I will arise
As an angel in disguise
Engulfed by the love
From the heaven above

As you bend your head
I am lying in cold and dead

You woke up again in a bright morning
Looking up at the ceiling while praying
Thinking of your purpose once again
And there you saw farmers busy harvesting the grains

Walking outside with the fresh air
You only smiled and kept on staring
To the beautiful creation of Him
Asking is it the start of going out of a dim?

There you saw the blue sky
And birds who's starting to fly
Every farmer that you saw paints a smile
And you clearly noticed it even from a mile

You started greeting them back
And a lady called you to give you some corn and a duck
She only smile and said “Cook that for you lunch”
And so you replied “Thank you for this brunch”

A blessed morning
For those people who are praying
Looking up above and still hoping
Thinking that without Him I would be nothing

I, who cannot count the slap that I recieved
From the people whom I decieved
I, the person who cannot be contented
Will now address this experience as something splendid


I am a cheater in the eyes of the judgementals
As for they see me as falling leaves and petals
Someone who will never be happy
And a person who only deserve pity


You called me heartless
But I told you I loved you when I confessed
You thought everything was fake
But it is the toxic which I can't even take


I know this is a sin as for I am unfaithful
The girl whom you called an angel
Is a person who has the tail of a devil
But this is only the start of secrets which I'm about to reveal

Looking at the dark sky
He looked at his paper and started to cry
Wounded by the harsh criticisims
Yet you aren't the God to judge him

He only have passion
But it turns to depression
Leading to stop writing
As people continue judging

Works are meant to get the critic
Not the person who writes the lyric
He is a writer by blood
And a person in the middle of the crowd

“The storm is coming!”
Shouted by a friend who's running
I looked behind and there I saw people panicking
And there's this another friend walking towards me while crying
I gave her a warm hug, and she uttered "I lost everything."
Am I allowed to talk? I asked to myself, but she held onto my arms and ask, “Are you listening?”
I nodded as a response and there she stopped crying
The storm which shattered everyone and left nothing
"I was only drag here by my own feet. I only have you." and there I saw she's barefoot, and her wound is bleeding


The other friend which I saw a while ago is now from afar looking at me
Her eyes are also hurt from crying but she's mad and trying to find a shelter
She is envious of this friend who's relying to me right now
But she was the first one who ran away, forgetting me
She was the one who left me alone, but now to whom is she trying to put the blame?
Is it for I who was abandoned, or is it for her who ran away?

Introducing you to the metal that I use to paint
But everytime I use this; I always faint
I'm carving it to my skin like a masterpiece
And everytime I do this it reminds me of broken pieces

I am the red artist in the dark night
The artist who lost her will to fight
So here am I trying to make an art
To my skin and to add bleeding to my heart

My works are not even worthy
They are calling it ******
But seeing my blood in my skin
I am an artist through thick and thin

You are judging me from what you saw
Not even knowing what's behind of my flaws
The best artist that people never noticed
Is now fighting with words as a poetess

The red blood on the floor
Symbolizes that I will now close the door
Of the darkess which I live in
And to my dear self, for how long since it has been?

Lied about his characteristics
as well as forgot about being an optimist


Forcing him to cut his long nails
Preventing him from wearing high heels
Lips are cracking due to beating
While eyes are slowly begging


His legs are trembling
As for he heard his father screaming
Big paddles are now on the way
“Everyone leave, and you stay.”


He bend down his knees and beg for mercy
People outside are listening for this another controversy

This could be a nightmare with no escape
And his body who lost it's own shape
Fed up with harsh judgements of society
While people don't even give sympathy


Cannot even speak louder
While crying in front of his mother


Afraid of what would be his fate
Thinking that it is too late
To stand up and fight
In his own battle to find the light

The city lights and the people in the street
Here am I passing by expecting that you and I will meet
It's crowded here again, and I can only see my shadow
Oh wait! There you are, in the crowd watching a show


“Excuse me.” I uttered in every people who's passing by
But the show is over and they already said goodbye
You're running away again from me
Shall I chase after thee?


“Lady! You might get tripped!" shouted by a child
“Watch over!” he added, and I only smiled
I can't lose the guy whom am I chasing after
I shouted in the middle “HEY STILL REMEMBER--”


You ignored me and people are laughing
My love, am I really annoying?
You said you'll comeback to me
But I was left alone under the tree


I asked myself “Am I existing?”
Or to your memory I'm slowly disappearing?
Before I forgot I am only your shadow
Who's always chasing you after the show

I use this fancy colors on my lips
To cover all these cuts
Wishing that they will all vanish
As I carve a smile on my lips

I use different powders
To cover up my flaws
The acnes due to not sleeping
Considering that anxiety pays another visit

I use concealer to conceal the dark circles
The eyes which are hurt from crying
Everyday and everynight nonstop
Asking for sympathy

I use eyeshadows to add color into my life
Different colors as for I am a pretender
Glitters to show that I stand out
Trying to belong in a group

Trying to hide my real identity
But who am I fooling?
It's no other than myself
Someone who cannot accept her flaws