This is the day
That I prepare for the worst
This is the day
That I prepare for the fall
Just in case
If I don't get through it all

Tonight is the night
I lie awake in misery
Of what could come
Just hours away

Today is the day
I put on a brave face
Today is the day
I can't stop thinking about it

This is the time
I spend distant in my mind
This is the time
I long for comfort
This is the time
I admit I'm shocked

With each passing hour
Nothing feels real
Nothing feels right
I'm nearly there
But still it haunts me

Almost at the mark
Almost at the day
When I can say
It's been a year

And that day
The one that I cannot believe
Is tomorrow

- Jay M
December 9th, 2020

Alone in an empty house,
Alone in your sufferings,
Bathing in your own misery,
Searching for an escape,
But wanting to linger,
What can be done?

Reaching into the space,
Grab a bottle,
Pour a couple drinks,
Something small and quick,
Nothing ever happened...

Giggling, laughing at every word,
Suspicions, yet no accusations,
You try to hide it,
Nothing can mask this.

Get out, switch it up,
Tell a friend,
Go home
Ride the toxic wave.

Morning comes,
Head pounding, on the floor,
Then you realize it.

What have you done now?

- Jay M
March 20th, 2019

Falling through the parallels
Cascading into the unknown
Vast expanse of the cosmos
Drifting through realities
Concepts close, yet so foreign
Crashing through layers of understanding
Slipping away into the indescribable void

Dark and unfeeling
Unsure of any heavens or hells
Valhalla or helheim, underworld or elysium
Disconnected for seeming eternities
To be caught in flux, in transcendence
While still encapsulated within mortal vessels
Souls kept within strange quarters
Pilots of flesh and bone

Journey through the expanse
Venture into plains untouched
Seen, but never disturbed
Sacred lands, without defined boundary
Effervescent luminescence,
Fluid and undefined
Perhaps a vision of the ethereal
Or voyage into the astral.

- Jay M
September 13th, 2022

I see you there,
Walking in the distance,
I wish to come to you,
To talk with you,
Alas, my mind is screaming at me,
Telling me to remain,
Keep what is there safe,
Out of harm’s way...
My way.

Throughout the day,
I cannot help but think of you,
But why?
Why am I thinking of you?
I dare not wonder,
For it may consume me,
The danger shall come,
As it always does,
Never leaving me to a moment of peace.

How I linger on the subject,
Making myself apparent as glass,
Hoping it shall not come to pass,
The day I shatter that glass,
Breaking the barrier,
Holding in the thing I hold most secret,
And trying to deny,
The feelings I have come to have,
All for you.

What happened to me,
Have I fallen under your hex?
Though you may not know it,
I suppose I cast it upon myself,
But I simply couldn’t help myself,
We are so alike,
And I feel like I can be myself,
But you would accept it,
Because of the amazing person you are.

Your eyes tell of your sweet soul,
The wonders yet to behold,
Your talk is something familiar,
Like I knew you long before,
Alas, I know not where,
And when you smile,
I cannot help but smile too,
Oh, what am I to do?

One day,
Far from now,
I shall tell you,
But for now,
I wish to keep safe what is here,
This friendship,
Of which I hold on so dear,
Something so fragile,
Yet so strong,
Forged to last,
Alas, the future is unpredictable.

When the time comes,
Shall I be prepared?
I dare not say,
For I know not what lies ahead,
And I shall never try to know,
For life should remain a mystery,
Or would it be a life at all?

- Jay M
September 6th, 2018

Quomodo es

Tu et ego

- Jay M
October 13th, 2022

Seated alone in a church pew
Hushed voices all around
Don't let him hear you;
"Unfortunate"

They say his mother passed
All of his luck has run dry
They say he's the last
Can't you see him cry?

They say he lives alone
Barely old enough
A shabby place to call home
The young man has it quite rough

They say he sits there
Alone in the church pew
Praying for a better life, if an angel will hear
Then he goes, writes for the few
Who will pay him a penny for his thoughts

Can't you see him in the street?
Watch his feet
Slow stride
He's got nothing left to hide
Don't let him hear you say;
"Unfortunate"

They say he wears his father's old clothes
He was the first to go
Down in the ground
Have pity, have pity
Don't let him hear you say;
"Unfortunate"

They say-

"I can hear you!"
He cries, so suddenly,
"And let me tell you what is true,"
"For none of you know me,"
"Or my story, so let me tell it,"
"Not the unfortunate likes of you,"
"With nothing better to do than whisper of my life."

- Jay M
May 7th, 2020

Just running
A sure beginning
An unknown end.

Planning to stop,
But trying several times...
Waiting for the right moment to stop,
Which is uncertain in itself;
Is there a right moment?

Possibly,
If I just keep running until I know it's right,
I can time it just so,
None shall know,
Think I've run away,
Or been thrown away,
But no....
I'll have left.
Been gone.
Is there something that I'm counting on?
Chancing, but hesitant,
Willing one moment,
Then backing down again in the next.

Make up my mind,
I know,
I know it all too well,
Indecisive over far more,
How could I be more?
No way,
Precisely.

Here I must address this last part of relevance;
Will I matter in the end?
Will I affect anything at all?
Is there any point in remaining,
When everything is already so wrong?

Yes?
Then give me a reason,
Just one,
The perfect one,
Before I am done,
Or should I just run?

No,
I pause, take a look around;
There is no one else around,
Then in the next moment,
There are thousands,
Millions,
Billions, even,
None even glance at me,
Not for a moment,
So why should I bother to stay?

- Jay M
March 22nd, 2019

Tethered by those whom I love,
And those whom love me
Yet, I still come undone,
The thread strained,
Awaiting the right moment to snap;
Dropping me into the great unknown.

This twine, once so strong,
Now it's wearing thin,
Where did I go wrong?

They reach out to me,
But their hands go through mine,
Through the ghost I've become...

- Jay M
March 18th, 2019

Dawn breaks
Eyelids struggle
Coffee smell
Awful but awakening
Slightly
So
Decisions made in seconds

Sometimes
You have to go through a little hell
To wake the hell up

Shake off the dream
Dance into the waking world
Twirl me around
Like a ribbon in the hands of a dancer
Spiraling towards nothing
Yet going somewhere of significance

Make me laugh
Make me smile
Make me move for a while
Just please keep me awake

Sometimes
You have to go through a little hell
To wake the hell up

So
Wake the hell up!
Jump out of your skin!
Let the dreams go!
Wake the hell up!

Shake off the dream
Dance into the waking world
Twirl me around
Like a ribbon in the hands of a dancer
Spiraling towards nothing
Yet going somewhere of significance

Sometimes
You have to go through a little hell
To wake the hell up

So…
Wake the hell up!
Jump out of your skin!
Let the dreams go!
Wake the hell up!

I’m outta control!
Just let it roll!
Oh, wake me up now!
Woah…

Spiraling somewhere
Falling around
Dancing like never before
Keep me awake
Make me laugh
But just don’t let me sleep!

So
Wake the hell up!
Jump out of your skin!
Let the dreams go!
Wake the hell up!

Wake the hell up!

- Jay M
September 26th, 2019

Their song
Tells of ages great and long
Warriors found and forged
Along the beaten path
Souls deeply bound
Great foes emerged
Faced with mighty wrath

Drinks all shared
Stories of deeds dared
Battles to the very brinks
Of what sanity each knows
Upon steeds of white they rode
Bringing but death and remaining humanity
No matter how ill the journey may indeed bode

Not every battle
Was fought riding in the saddle
With sharpest sword or strongest ax
Nor concealed dagger or fearsome fist
But in walls of roaring metal
With sharpest words and strongest facts
Concealed stagger and fearsome twist
Leaving wounds to bleed
Perhaps more than a visible ****
Fuel to deed great or foul
Perhaps to lash and scowl
To yearn and to feel
To learn and to heal

- Jay M
January 21st, 2021

Through the whispers carried in the wind,
Through the twinkling light of a star,
Even the smallest is heard,
Even the smallest is seen,
The beauty produced from nature,
Wonders beyond the imagination,
Forever flourishing in this paradise,
Birds calling, deer nibbling on the grass,
Wolves slumber in their den, resting their ever sore paws,
But what could they be sore from?

Shouting, running, ravaging all in sight,
They come like a flood,
Taking over the once peaceful land,
Cutting the homes of animal and insect alike to the ground,
The things that supply the very air they breath,
Soon there shall be no more left,
They will have suffocated not only the creatures of nature,
But themselves entirely.

Who are these vile beasts?
Why, they are the humans.
A race of intelligence,
Alas, where has that lead them to?
Are they certain their intellect isn’t ignorance?
Be warned, dwellers of the fortresses of wood and stone,
All actions have consequence.


- Jay M
December 13th, 2018

We are
The new generation
The younger ones here
The new faces of the world
The new, the unknowns
The future of the world

We are
The youth
The people
The voices
The souls

We are
The learners
The students
The watchers
The unconsidered
The underestimated

We are
The inspired
The dreamers
The knowing
The open minds
The open hearts
The newest era

We are
The broken
The bruised
The beaten
The silenced
But we don’t have to be

We are
The fighters
The believers
The understanding
The new wave of change

We are the warriors
The advocates, the activists
The protesters, the soldiers

We are the people
The voices of the unheard
The bringers of a new dawn
The beginning of a new age

We are the future
The hopes of the world
The fears of the world
The newest force of nature

We are the change
The ones to turn the tide
The ones to stop the war
The ones to heal the world

We are the new generation
The ones to bring justice
The ones to bring peace
The ones to bring acceptance
The ones to change the world

We are
The revolution

- Jay M
September 28th, 2021

A song sung
A bell not yet rung
Melody in tune
Possibly from past June
To come once more
Through the creaky door
Through long empty corridor

- Jay M
August 24th, 2021

Love, I wrote you a letter
Going to send it, hoping things will be better
Darling, silence is hard
At least I'm not a bard
Writing songs day and night
While I fight
To speak to you again
To see you and then
Maybe things may return to normal

Do you remember the winter formal?
We talked, smiled, danced the night away
When I heard you say
You loved me
And we could be
Whatever we want to be

I said
This romance used to all be in my head
But here we are, here you are
That was then, that time so far

With every passing day
I say;
"Maybe he's missing me,"
"Just like how I'm missing him."
But then I wonder
And all my dreams are torn asunder
Whispering unto me uncertainties
Trekking through each day; little eternities

Such longings, aches, and bittersweet memories
Going through directories
In my mind
Hoping to go through and find
Answers as to why
Such a wonderful guy
And I
Can no longer be together
And what I find doesn't add up
Doesn't satisfy the thirst from my void cup
The void cup of my mind
Open it, see what you find
That which I cannot see
That which will not let me be

Today of all days
Has finally rolled around
I'm caught in a daze
Feels like I'm pinned to the ground
Out of breath
Blood colder than death
With the realization
My brain filling my view with signs of caution
Because today
Would be the 7th anniversary of the day
That you and I got together
But now it's just a severed tether

Still, today I wore a nice red shirt
Wore jeans, never a skirt
Wearing the necklace you gave me
The rose quartz one in the shape of a heart
The remembrance of you it carries wouldn't let me be
And the bracelet you made, adding the little charm
It's saved me from harm
Of loneliness
But that's besides the point -

I know not why I wear such things
The nice red shirt, to start
I wore one like it on our date night
With myself I fight
Saying I shouldn't
That normally I wouldn't
But if we'd still been you and I
Then I'd try
And do something romantic
Maybe paint you a scene; oceanic
Take you on a stroll
My goal;
Kiss you under the light of a thousand stars
Let the time be ours
Maybe sweep you up off of your feet
Dance with you in the street

The heart necklace of rose quartz
To say you're near my heart - in a way of sorts
If I run, it thumps on my chest
Makes me feel like I'm on a quest
And some part of you is running with me
Cheering and then I see
I'm at the end

The bracelet with the charm
Calms me when I am in a state of alarm
On one side of the charm is a heart
And on the other part
It says one sweet word;
"Love"

You wear, or maybe wore, one just like it
On the same wrist, but a bead on mine split
Didn't think much of it, but now I see
But still, I believe we were meant to be

You showed me what love is
Please don't let all of that fizz
Into nothingness
Tell me there is something I can access
To speak to you again
Tell me there is a road I can walk
To see you again
Tell me there is something I can do
To be with you
On one hand and knee
I ask of thee
What can I do to show
That I can go
Any distance and length
With all my strength
Tell me
What an I say or do
To be with you
Again?

- Jay M
March 26th, 2020