Seeing you
Sitting there
Strumming away
Glancing at me
But saying nothing.

A question here
A song sung there
But still I wonder;
Where is here?

People pass
Day after day
Jealousy of a friend
But what does it matter?
I dare not ruin the friendship
Not a chance.

Still I wish to come close
To hear your heartbeat
The rhythm
Somehow perfectly
Matching the tune
You play

Confused
Sure
But I still try to navigate myself...

Just looking
At you
Kills me
Even filling me back with energy...

- Jay M
April 11th, 2019

No time for regret,
Wake up, you're alive,
Finding who I'm supposed to be,
Struggling to see what I'm supposed to see;
The child in the mirror,
Running from who I'm supposed to be;
Who is she?

Outrunning flat-lines,
Keep the heart beating,
Every breath forced,
March on,
I've had enough,
But I won't give up,
Not yet,
Don't stop,
But questioning still;
Who is she?

- Jay M
January 28th, 2019

Why do I try?
Why do I carry on
When I can barely go on?
Every breath
Every footstep
Each is forced

Nights of restlessness
Only a few hours of rest
Of peace
Turned quickly away
Ushered back to reality.

- Jay M
May 6th, 2019

Feeling so alone
Chilled to the bone
Our house is no longer a home
All day I can do nothing but roam
Searching for answers where there is nothing
Cannot grasp that something
That just isn't there
And all I can do is care
So much
Maybe too much
It's all I can think about
Filled with worry and doubt

Without you, mom
I can hardly keep calm
No little pill
Will ever fill
The gaping hole in my heart
That's your part

This aching
Nothing good baking
In the oven you so proudly bought
For every dollar you fought
And cheered so triumphantly
You laughed, so funnily
Now you're not here
I'm living my worst fear;
Losing you

You're not gone from this world
But you're temporarily gone from mine
My fingers curled
Into fists, these small hands of mine

Mom, I love you
And I long to hear you say
"I love you too"
And for the day
When you come home.

- Jay M
January 28th, 2020

Trip into a new world
Just
Trip yourself
Into a new world
A wonderful place
When your days are dark.
Just a wonderful place!
Trip yourself
Into a wonderful
Wonderful escape!

Running in the rain
Just trip into the portal
Appear where you are loved
Oh, yeah, just don't leave it open...
Don't leave it open...

It might leak...

But hey!
Just trip into a new world!
Trip
Yourself
Into a new world
Where you are loved
Where you are held
Where you can love
And nobody hates you...
Just trip!
Just wonder...
Just wonder...
But don't leave it open...
Or reality will spill...

- Jay M
October 3rd, 2019

Wandering,
Empty, dim lit road,
Where shall I go
But forward?
Eternity, indeed it seems
Miles still untraveled
Steps not yet taken
For here, o here,
There is only the long
Long foggy road.

Signs, they appear!
But oh, how queer,
A most strange word,
As nowhere!
No where, now here,
Not a place, not a time
Simply this, and nothing more.

Dense fog, dense fog,
What lies beyond?
Fallen tree, rotten log,
Simply there, without a sound,
For none could hear the fall.

- February 21st, 2023

As the night wears on
As the mind wanders
Ponders what is to come
A heart yearns, it longs
For words of comfort
Even if they are uncertain
The fact they could be spoken
Brought to life, to weary ears
Would put one at ease

- Jay M
August 28th, 2021

There are stories
Written short to the naked eye
But to the eye of the poet;
There are potential volumes
Of verses and lyrics
Occasional verses and ballads

Hidden all around
Some at first so beautiful
Petals of a bright red rose
The color, fragrance, and corolla appeal
Then seen are the thorns
Sharp as small daggers
Some never to ***** flesh
Others bound to draw blood

Healthy presentation
Good taste and style
Sweet little smile
Glimmering eyes
Melodic voice
Thoughtful and observant
So why the hesitation?

Were those eyes truly glimmering,
Or were they swarming flies,
Hovering over a rotting heart?

That melody
Could it have been giving a choice?
Be wary and don't take the bait
Or be lured by a siren?

Was that thoughtfulness of pure intent
Or will it be a future lament?
Were they so observant
Because they were captivated by you
Or to use blackmail and make you a servant?

- Jay M
April 29th, 2020

In times of confusion,
I am divided;
Hopeful, yet hopeless,
A strong sense of sureness,
Yet filled with uncertainty.

In those eyes, so calm and caring,
There is the most gentle soul,
One of knowledge, and compassion,
My love for you is strong,
But my hope of the return dwindles.

When we hug,
My compassion bursts forth,
Forever I wish to hold you,
Alas, I will let go if you want me to.

- Jay M
February 12th, 2019

“You look nice today”
I say every day
To you, beautiful boy,
And happily I’ll say it
Until I have words no more,
Or even without words,
For I only need eyes,
Or perhaps hands and lips.

- Jay M
October 11th, 2022

Baby, you said you wanna be
Royalty
We can be anything we wanna be
So long as it's you and me
I'm happy to be
The queen to your king
The medic to your soldier
But you had better let me fight too

I smile when I look and see the ring
On your finger
Oh I linger
On the happy moments we have
And will keep making

Let me put my head on your shoulder
When I'm getting tired
You put your head on mine
That's fine
It's always good
To dream beside you
And to hear you say you love me too

One day I want to put the real ring
On your finger
But for now linger
On the one that's there
Let me brush your hair
Behind your ear
And tell you silly jokes
Take you to see my folks
Oh love, I love you
And I'm so glad that you love me too

Took me to your house
Saw your cat catch a mouse
Introduced me to your mama
I'm glad there is no drama
Introduced me to your siblings
Quite the young little yearlings
Introduced me to your family
They're quite mannerly

Baby, I've still got so much I want to show you
But right now, what can I do?
Ah, I know
I'll show
Every part of who I am
And I gotta say; ****
I've shown you a lot
You've shown me what you've got
But I still have a bit more
I hope I'm not a bore

Love, you said you wanna be
Royalty
We can be anything we wanna be
So long as it's you and me
I'm happy to be
The queen to your king
The medic to your soldier
But you had better let me fight too
Because I'll never stop fighting for you.

- Jay M
February 21st, 2020

Here
         we
               go
                    again...

                                ­Drip...
                                          .
             ­                              .
                                          .
                   ­            Drop...

                                          Tears glide down her cheek,

Cascading to the ground,

                                       Thousands crashing around her,

                                                           ­                              Soothing her,

Telling her she's not alone,

                                              But that's all she feels...

                                                      -­ Jay M
                                                   March 22nd, 2019

Under the cover of stars
Reaching out
Into the dark
Hoping
Wishing for a dream to greet you

Seated in the silence
So loud
It's suffocating
Tormenting
Until

There is a whisper in the wind
Guiding you
Through a maze of stone
Something deep inside
Only to awaken
Vision blurred again
Rub away sleep

Unsure when the fear will leave
Put down the load you heave
Up a hill of uncertainty

Falling just to rise again
Hoping it'll all be fine
For better days to come

Back against the wall
Tears begin to flow
As memories never go
Nor will the pain

Out
Beyond the window
Comes a whisper
On sweet air
Hanging still
Loose from hiding
In the cracks

"Fight for your life,
For your right,
Never let go
Of who you are
Don't leave it as a scar
Or this battle is forever

So
Fight for your life,
For your right,
Free your heart
From the cage inside
No longer to hide."

A tune plays in the mind
Bringing strength
Wipe away your tears
Time to fight your fears
Before they consume you for years

Words flow
Hopefully not to fall
Upon deaf ears
Do not let go

Carry on,
Another day
Another dawn
Get up and on
Never let go
Forget the show

Don't let them control you
A puppet for their pleasure
Stand, cut the strings
Listen to your heart
No longer their words
Dripping poison in your cup

"Fight for your life,
For your right,
Never let go
Of who you are
Don't leave it as a scar
Or this battle is forever

So
Fight for your life,
For your right,
Free your heart
From the cage inside
No longer to hide."

Hold on
For your life
In their storm
As they try to shake you
Break you
To their will

Don't be still
Rise to your feet
Let the shackles fall away
Draw your sword
And fight.

- Jay M
September 21st, 2020

Talking sleep
Memories I wish to keep
Time knows the tears I weep
As I let my tea steep

Walking with head hung low
Eyes but a dim lit glow
Hidden heart, refuse to let it show
Ever afraid of letting go

Draperies sewn shut
Stolen into a hollow hut
**** the peacock that did strut
Replaced with what
But a weak mutt.

- Jay M
September 24th, 2020

Stuck
In a classroom full of children
The numbness shall win

My mind a haze
My hands with a will of their own
Lost someplace
Far away
Then
Return to the realm of the body
Concern as to what has happened
Peers question
Yet I have no answer
For I am still searching for one

Run, run, run
Over and over upon the parchment
Run, run, run
Scrawled across my math paper
Overlapping letters
Unreadable
A scribble

Tell me
What has become of me?
Going on for 2 years
Rising when I least expect
Taking control
Throwing me out
Now feeling as though 'twere not my own
Save me from the void of sensation in my fingertips
Bring me back so I may feel
Anything but empty and pain

- Jay M