She dazed off every few minutes in a dead stare then would turn and smile when customers came near.  
"How are you" They would say.  
"Just fine.  It is a beautiful day. " She said with a smile on her face but not her eyes.  
She had gotten good at faking it.  That everything was alright.  But when they walked away the smile faded into deep thoughts.  No one knew her issues.  And neither did I.  I was just watching her.  Watching the girl with green eyes.  Act like she was just fine.

Everything was dry
The ground rock hard as my shovel dug
The leaves around me wilting from the heat
It hasn't rained for weeks
But still I scrapped at the ground
Making my hole bigger and bigger
I remembered how your hands would touch me
How you were fake when people were looking
How behind closed doors you were the monster
That everyone thought was make believe
From age six til now you were there
Turning everything I was into a nightmare.
I kept digging
You stunk beside me
A stink that would make people cringe
To me I was used to it.
My shovel scrapped loudly on rocks beside my blue house
Just big enough
The hole was
You fell in with a thump
But I knew no one would help you get out
As shovel upon shovel fell on you
I thought about how you would be remembered
With the last shovel full
I thought
You will be remembered as the man who went missing.

I wish I had someone
I wish I had someone to run too
But now I am the last one
All alone
Everyone I know dead
So now I walk this path
All alone
And covered in ash.
Being last to live
Doesn't make you a survivor
It leaves you sad
And wanting more.
I am not a winner
I am a loser
For not dying with the rest

She feels dead
But only in her head
They all know her fame
But not her shame
Wearing the heel
Peeled away the sanity she used to feel
No one sees her smile
She has been lost in her head for a while
Her body used
Always abused
Tight tiny dresses
Nothing on her body for guesses
Drugs to take
To try to make her feelings wake
People taking pictures when no one is looking
Trying to find sides of her no one is seeing
Her hair to her hips
Shiny to the tips
Leaving everyone breathless
It is expected since she can never be a mess
She walks the cat-walk
And talks the talk
Her model life is never easy
Always leaves her wanting to flee
But no one will ever see
That she wants to be free
So in her heels of pain
She has nothing to gain
Except fame

The walls have ears
Whether it be a dog
Or a child near
The walls have ears
So your secrets are never just yours
Cause all walls have ears
And your secret
And all your lies
Will be known
Cause the child hears.

Wildfire
Burning bright with energy
Loving off others energy to make hers bigger
You could see it in her walk and talk
Big steps and loud happy voice
But sometimes her fire would dimmer down
Into smouldering ash
Just burning and willing a flame
Til something exciting happened
And back was her flame
A wildfire she is.

She sat on her throne of skulls
Of all the people she had broke before
She lured with her hand of sweet and vile lips of red
Her song led you to your death
So she could live a year more.

I am exhausted.
Mentally and physically
Sore to the bone
And wanting sleep.
No work for me today
No care for my grades
I just want sleep
To make this exhaustion go away.

Jealousy over talking to a guy
It is alright in my mind
But it isn't love
I don't get jealous when you talk to others
I don't care
But it seems
You don't trust me enough
To be friends with a guy
And not make it something

My air in my lungs
Never seems to be enough
To shake your doubt
To make your jealousy
Turn into trust
I keep thinking of what to say
And regretting what I think
Not talking of my past
Even though it effected me.
My past is what makes me.
You talk about yours
So why can't I?

He had tattooed arms and tattoos up to his face
With two tears on his cheek just under his eye.
He had a little baby
Five months by what he said.
What happened to get the two tears?  
And what that show his child
When he has a dad who lives to be wild.

Why can't you see
That when I look at you
I see perfection
Why can't you see
That I would love
To spend the rest of my life
with you
Why can't you see
That you make me laugh
And make me happy
When times are hard
Why can't you see
That I love you
Unconditionally

I feel my hands are tied
My heart in two places
I feel pressured to love thy
But what if I can't love anymore
I love you
But I don't know
You have become someone so better
But
I don't know
It is so hard to say how I feel
Cause I want everyone happy.

You won't look at me.
It is as if a glance of me will curse you.
My hand you once held now lays by my side.
Cold and empty.
Did I do something?
Did I say something?
What did I do that made your smile.
Go weak.
Made your eyes stone cold.
And made me feel worthless.
What did I do?
Why won't you just look me in the eyes?
Why won't you crack a joke.
Why does it feel
Like it is all my fault

To all my 50 followers (I love you guys)
If you want to read more of my poetry, not on here.
Then just inbox me
❤️❤️❤️

We all make mistakes
We just have to learn from them
And grow

I'm ****** up
And i'm scared

No one cares about you
But it is fine

I'm depressed
And need a hug

Why is it so hard
To just tell you the truth?

Stuck in my head
It is a huge mushy mess
  Anxiety
       Overthinking
               Depression
       Insomnia
  Over reacting
Some days are better
                      Most days are better
But my head is still a mess
Just a little more
    well dressed.

Hair has to be past the shoulders.
No bangs
No makeup
Hair straight and always down
Cant talk this way.
Cant hold hands this certain way
Cant walk on a certain side of them.

He wants everything about me a certain way.

I laugh to much
I laugh too loud
I am indecisive
I say stupid things
When I talk I say certain words too much

It is like he wants me
                                      to be
                                               someone
                                                                else.
What am I too you?
A play thing?
Your toy?
Someone just to waste time with and give you affection?

What am I too you?
Cause it doesn't feel like your girlfriend.

What gives you the right?
To shame a girl's body
Then stalk her and find all her ***** secrets
To send out pictures not meant for your eyes
To make her shamed to exist
What gives you the right?

I hope someday someone lost will read what I have to say,
What I have felt,
What I went through,
So that they don't have to feel so alone

I want to be the reason someone smiles when they have no reason too
To be the hope someone has when they wake up.  

I don't want to make a huge difference
I just hope some people will remember me.

The marks you left behind after the bruises faded
A flinch at a hesitant touch
Afraid to be alone with someone
Afraid to be touched in a hug
It isn't on purpose
I swear
I just panic at touches even by family
From what you left when the bruises had healed over

And then it disappeared
All my things I had said
Disappeared out of his head
Like steam off of the blacktop
Never to be found again

"You are so dumb."
"*** is that!  Fix it right now!!!!"
"Where the **** did your mind go???"
"And I though you were smart."
"I am YOUR boss so you do what I say"
"I can fire you on the spot right now!"

"It is just Constructive Criticism. Don't be so hurt"

If it is constructive then why do you use it to break me down?

Can I still write
A bit on this page?

What is wrong with me
I was fine
Now I am not
Wanting to dress myself in red
And drown in it
I miss things
I guess
Or maybe this is just a episode
That I want to suffer from
Not die
I love life
I just don't like this moment
Right now

Is said after tears run down my face
My makeup ruined in a matter of minutes.
Stress, just stress they say
But it is much more
I kept pushing those tears back
But everything made them come more
I wanted to run
Run and never come back
But " Yeah, I'm fine"
Seemed to cool down everyone's mind
Tell them that I was fine
And the tears were just from stress
Yeah, I'm fine
Is easier to digest
Then to see that it is more then a
Yeah, I'm fine

~PAF~

I made this 2-1-17

You most I love.
Of two perfect sets
Hand and hand
Forever yours my heart

Air deeply breathing
Comes in as fall
Another Loving
Crisp cold in the air
Should be just as it

Sentences left open
Never met a wanting
It open just to leave
To inspect for the brain
To fill in or maybe the kind

I sometimes wish I was dead.  
Want to be dead.  
But then I think of you.
6 feet underground
Not feeling happiness anymore.  
Was it worth it?  
Did it make you feel better?  
Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

Why am I writing about you again?  
Maybe it is because I can't get you out of my mind.  
The way you look at me
Maybe it is because of how you confuse me.  
You treat me like a treasure and take me places I have never been.  
But you make me feel bad for speaking
Like I am stupid or something.  
But I really like you and I hate how it breaks me but I don't say anything.  
I just keep laughing.  
Like the dumb ignorant person I am.

I am writing about you again.  
This time it is because I hate who I am.  I just wish you could like one thing about me.  Sorry I talk too much or talk to loud.  Sorry I laugh weird.  Sorry I walk weird or trip around.  I hating having to watch what I say and do 24/7 because I don't want to upset you.  

I am writing about you.  
Because I love you.

It's 2 in the morning
And I can't sleep
I just want to feel you in my sheets
Skin on skin
And heat on heat

I want to touch you
To feel that I have someone to hold on too
You make everything crisp
Like fresh clean air
I wish I could breath you in
Give me another taste
I am addicted to you

Love,  
Yours truly

Until we meet again.