He kissed me on my neck
I said "No temptation"
Deep down I'm already tempted but it doesn't work like that with me
He said he had to tell me something
So can a kiss tells you what a person is thinking?
I don't believe so
I said tell me to my ear
He kissed my ear
I said "No temptation"
Is this the devils way of trying to tempt me and distract me from my goals?
Is it?
Because if it is, its not going to work

When that mind trickles that soul
It hurts
It gives you bad thoughts
It kills the souls
The mind could be so evil
The evil we've been expose to
Stand before us
Can it be controlled or will "it" control you?

He trickled his hand around my heart
He proceeded to pull my heart out
He decided to take it
He played with it and confused the beats
He proceeded to beat it because it didn’t mean anything to him
Then he cut it and said sorry and tried to do it again

Mentally I’m drained
And when I say I’m drained
I’m emotionally weak
I’m tired of trying to open myself up to people so they can close down on me
Oh yeah, I’m drained
They play me like tic tac toe
And I let them
I have a father who’s a ghost
And the men I date ghost me too
It’s a pattern I see in men
I can’t love the right one
I can’t view the right one
But I know this because I’m always alone
I sit here and contemplate why I’m not lovable
Why can’t they even see the kindness in my eyes
I wonder if I’m that bad
I want to look from the outside and see what they see
What do I do that’s so bad
Do I breathe weird?
Do I talk to much?
Do I think to much?
It’s a million questions I want to know
But will I ever know?
No

The joker
I admired the joker
People think it's weird
The joker made me into a better me
His struggles caused insanity
For a while my struggle was his
He showed me what not to do
So I decided to do the opposite
And overcome
The joker was so mentally insane it killed him
I wanted to get out of the insanity and become sane again
And here I am
RIP The Joker

The hardest thing is staying together
Because life will start you off with a rose but as soon as you turn around then you are holding thorns and then you're ready to let go and move on to find another rose
How can you hold something when you forgot to hold it from before
Maybe you became so foreign to the action of holding something that you wanted to let it go. The fight is up to you, they say. The will to keep fighting the urge to let go is the true fight. The true fight is overcoming from your temporary pain and lasting to get to see your forever with the rose you spoke your forevers too.

I love her because she's always there
But I hate her because she's always there

I felt pretty empty
All I see is white walls
Noises from laughing children
Annoyance from sadist adults
Tension from everyone around
An emptiness that could not be described
A defeat that I felt happened
The road is short
But I'll roam in the woods and find another way
The road is short
But I'll turn back around and find the exit before
The road is short
But baby I'm not giving up
The road is short
But I have to go farther

I appreciate the rose that grew from concrete. Because I thought that rose couldn’t grow anymore.
I didn’t know the Rose was capable to love once more. But the rose has been on a journey, not a typical one but she’s definitely been searching... searching for more.
More of u, more of me, more of them

I'm sitting here
I'm sitting here in the car in the rain
As I look at the droplets on my window
I look at my tears stream down the window
As I hear the thunder
I hear the hate from others
As the rain stops
My tears stop
As the thunder stop
The hate stops
It's over

Mentally I was down
But then someone saw
They saw me
They saw my talent
They saw something that I thought I had lost
And once they saw  
I felt
I felt loved
I felt appreciated
Sometimes it's hard to receive support when you feel like you're not at your best
It's been a long journey
A really looooong journey
I've lost the most important and influential people in my life and I'm only so young
They pushed me so far while they were here
And sometimes I just have to realize my losses only makes me stronger
My lost ones are in the sky looking down on me and watching my future
While I think I'm stuck in this particular moment
But they see greatness
And I do to

I glow like the summer moon, I rise like a butterfly that has just left it’s home, I sparkle like the fairy you claimed didn’t exist, I conquer like the Great X, I walk like the ground is gold, I love like it’s no more left in this world, and my selfless acts are good deeds from the heart and is not of the world. As I fly from this dimension called “Thoughts” I come slightly down to reality to speak words of the mind, and soliloquies of the heart.

It's 8:30
I'm laying down
In a huge room
A room filled with loneliness and matter
But nothing matters at all
The moment you realize the people you thought were there for you are not
So I sit and lay and cradle myself
Nights like this are the worst
Only thing I want for Christmas are my loved ones but they're dead.
Angels
Look down and heal my broken heart on thus night

Tired of this ****
**** this *****

Today I wanted to be loved
I wanted to be held
I wanted to be embraced
I wanted someone to be in love with me
Someone who looked at me so passionately
I wanted him

Tears fall onto my cheeks
I’m used to that
The illness has taken my soul
Broken pieces
I want to go back to him
But it was better for me to go
To be alone
So now I think of the happiness he brought
But it was too much when I was Ill
If it mattered he would have found a way
But he never did
So I sit here and think about us
But I see it’s just a memory

I told you I was no good
But you begged for me
You cared for me
Then I needed you
But you was no good for me
I told you I was trouble

I and U
Yes, I and U
I is me
I is unstoppable
U is you
And I will stop you
I will stop you from destroying yourself
I will stop you from destroying I and U
I Love U

The love you had for me was no longer there
But I kept loving you more
You left my heart in the dark
You told me to get over it
But deep down you pulled me in more

Yesterday you couldn't tell me I wasn't in love
Today you can

Wind blows from behind
Blood flows from within
Love flows from me
Hate blows from you
Time flows constantly
Patience blows away
I'm tired of waiting

Is it weird I thought the world was mines?
I said I was karma I controlled what happened to people who did my wrong and I made sure of that
The people I loved so dearly betrayed me so I gave them what they gave me, but instead of just a scar from the stab they gave me I gave them a jagger and twisted it inside them, I didn’t just give them a scar but I scarred their mind enternally I made their situation worst
But you know what’s wrong?
I’m not a god so do I regret what I’ve done
Yes at times but a lesson learned is better than doing it again
Vengeance WAS mines

How can I put two words together that contradicts each other?
How can I write things unknowingly for it to become a beautiful writing?
It’s like how can I hold a heart that’s not mine.
It’s like how I aim to shoot Cupid’s arrows into a heart that intentionally misses them. I thought I won but I did loose. They said the same way you get them is the same way you loose them, I look back to that phrase and confirm.

All that I have ever wanted
Is all that I have

We've only known each other for a couple of days
But you listen to me
You didn't even know me
But you heard me and you care
Its truly my pleasure to share your company

Yes!
What?
Why?
Why do you bother me when you need something?
But when I come to you, you can't help so you run!
So what?
And hell no!
Goodbye!

Do you know who I am
The irrelevant fact that will always be relevant
Do you know who I am
The queen of your dream
The queen of my days
If you don't know who I am
You should know

Now I'm whole
Now we're whole
So what do I do now?
I got what I want
But is this what I want?
I think it is
But the next question is how do I keep?
How do I keep you?
How do I keep balance?
nevermind.....

Who would ever think I would fall in love?
Who would ever think someone would be genuinely intrigued by me?
Who would ever think someone would fall in love with me?
Who would ever think someone would ask me to marry them?
Who would ever think my life would change overnight?
Who would ever think I would be so happy?
Who would ever think I would be so happy by waking up every morning?
Who would ever think I would love each and every day?
Who would ever think?

At this moment
It's 10:44 pm
And tears are falling
And I want my mom
I want her hug
I want her advice
I need her at this moment
Why did I have to loose her?
Why me?

Why don't you love me, like I love you?

A world
A big world yet it seems so small
While the fat and the rich indulge
While the poor and the helpless loose cautious
While the churches are getting bigger and fancier
While public schools are getting smaller and messier
While the killers are set free
While the victims die
While critics critique to ****
While critics cry because they can't take the heat
While the ball drops on New Years
While the homeless man looks for another chance
While the big and rich are known for nothing
While the small and poor will never be known
While I look at this world
While I see the destruction of
humanity
When will we get better?

Wish I could tell him
The thoughts that take up my mind
The level of confusion that I feel
The harsh reality of a loveless girl
It’s not the same anymore
My strings has been played
Unsure that they can be renewed
Unsure if I can be that person for him
I wish I could tell him

Heard the wind whisper
whispers
Live life a breeze and don't be discouraged"

I'm worst than fire and wind
I'm worst than thunder and lightning
I'm more powerful than a hurricane and a tsunami
I'm faster than a tornado and rain
Harder than hail
But I'm softer than snow
I'm a woman of nature
Powerful as can be

I'm sitting here
Sitting here awake
But I'm weary of the way
Sitting here rambling thoughts
Trying to see if it's a "yes" or a "no"
Sitting here wasting my time
Time going by so fast
While I'm just sitting here
I hear the sounds of murmurs
Wondering why sometimes I have to be firmer
Wondering why sometimes I'm not present
But I'm in the bittersweet past
Im still wondering
Im still sitting

It's words
If he never spoke prolifically to me
I would never let him be with me
Words are so powerful
Because it makes you happy
Makes you sad and mad
Can't be with a person who does not use the words I want to hear
Words could be love or hate
Just Words

I fall in love with words
I'm so sensitive
I'm so happy
But it's just words, not actions
He says I'm meant for him
But he hasn't fully showed me
It's just words

Would he stop
Making me blush like a rose
Making my smile bloom so much
Would he stop
Giving me butterflies
Making me feel like I'm his queen
Would he stop
Hard to get affection if you've never been loved

Would he stop making me feel so good inside. Making me bloom like the rose I am. Making my thoughts think like his mind. Making my heart beat with his.

Yeah, I moved on
But did I really?
I think about him
A lot
It’s been a year and he’s still on my mind

Can't really explain it
It's a beat in my heart that explodes
It's a melody that's stuck on my tongue
It's you

I got you
You’re mines
I won’t leave

I want more of you
Want more of your love
But that's not you
Pretty soon I will be leaving you
Wanted you to take this journey with me
But the love is not there
It's you, not me

I inhaled cannabis for the first time
I felt a freedom I felt free from life
I felt that life was nice and I could live
When my high came down I felt my life wasn't real

To be in a different world, a peaceful world
Is a world I want to live in
I want to be free
I want to live
I want to be me
I want peace


Yours truly