Have you ever got that giddy feeling
In your gut when everything for the first time felt okay
And then a chill up your spine
Because at some point it would all be thrown away
As if your feelings were controlled like the weather in the sky
And the fall of your whole mood could crash as intensely as that high

Ever got the feeling that you were being watched
From within this world and sometimes not
Like some entity was watching you like you watch the people on TV
Like this whole life you live is nothing more than virtual reality
Now that's a thought that can get really scary

I don't know where I was going with this
But I imagine so much, some pure crazy ****
And at times I find myself sinking deeper in this sand

Why do people read poems?

This is something I've been wondering for a while...
Like, some people actually read poems and then move on...
No opinions.
No reactions...
Nothing.


It reminds me of myself.
Hell, I don't even read poetry.
I think everything I make is word death.
Wasting the energy of the internet to be disgusting on another site...
But then again. I don't really care.
At least, I hope I don't...

What a wonder
O' you are
Now I ponder
The ends not far
Yet I feel lost
I've lost my glow
A mental picture
Of how life goes...

Ticking timing empty bomb
Lost all my fire powers gone
And yet I can't help but feel full
Of nothing, that's just how I boom
A living losing TNT
I feel my life falling from me
A world of hatred in this heart
Coated in sadness, foreign parts...

Coated in sadness
Here I go
Exploding madness
Blackened soul
It's better I just disappear
All I have asked
Was for an ear...




It's better I just disappear...
Somethings aren't tragic
...Like my tears.

I am not air.
Don't neglect me, but also acknowledge my presence.
Don't take me for granted, and use me as a way to avoid others.
I am not water.
I am not here to shower you with energy.
I am not here to be polluted with your bs.
I am not dirt nor rock.
Don't assume i'm easy to kick around.
I have my bugs, but that doesn't mean i'm unappealing.
You will not walk over me, damage and destroy me for your own interests.
I am not fire.
Although, I may have a temper, don't assume I'll burn you.
I can be warm, but don't take my warmth for granted.
I am not your element.
But I am your friend.

If you learn to love me as who I am, our bond may never end.

I'm sorry.

You'd like to be evil...

You want to hurt people.

You think it's fun.

Evil people get to have all the fun...?

You want power.

You want control.




...You're broken. A record that can be read as clear as day.
You don't know true evil.
If you'd like an example, all you'd have to do is ask.


You're afraid to be simple...
But you're nothing but simple.
And that's ok.

Stop trying so hard to be alien for ***** sake.
You're destroying yourself...and that will only hurt you and those you love.


You need to be dismantled, so that you can be built back up...and stronger.

Your foundation is built on resentment. Destruction.
Bitterness.
You call the darkness your friend. But the darkness wants to eat you, and digest you. You're afraid of the light.

What would we see if it was shining on you?
Simple, a broken art piece.

But that's ok. That's enough. You are good enough as that. We all are broken art pieces. And we all are unique, but ironically not any better than anyone else

So accept yourself. I'm right here with you. Always have been, even if you can't see me. And I will be there with you, to build you up. You deserve a friend who will be there for the better you. We all do, when we're ready to accept them.

Now wake up, pat your knees, do a stretch. Let's do this adventure, but together.

I need a friend, and I believe you're more than enough.

I don't know if I'm ready for what you are about to do to me
will you **** me?
Fear filled, I'm handcuffed to the misery of the past.
Nothings meant to last, but losing people...it's the glass
filed underneath my feet, weak and underappreciated...

The consecutive destruction provided every year, on this month,
I find it harder to cope with, and maybe...I'm not supposed to cope

Maybe, maybe you will destroy me.
I can feel myself becoming unsteady.

Sometimes I stare through my window.
My reflection looks back at me.
Why do I sit all by myself?
No friends in such solitary.
Though I don't hate being alone.
I think it will drive me insane.
Why can't I be good on my own?
This life is like a cloudless rain.
Light wipes away all of my tears.
I see my shadows disappear.
I guess this means I'm not alone.
Good, cause that's something I do fear.
I always wanted a soulmate.
Sometimes I want it way too much.
I can't help getting so **** green.
It's when I see some couples touch.
I'm still alive, a shocking thing.
I never thought I'd live this long.
Now my hope is the next best thing.
I hope my life's not something wrong.
Maybe I will see happiness.
May he smile down onto me.
I can't really think much further.
I couldn't say what I would see.
Sometimes my life is like a dream.
Blowing away so silently.
Not that that's bad, it isn't so.
One day I will be truly free.

I leave it open
but can't you tell
usually, I'd wonder
did i fail, to make you want to
to really care
trying to break borders
so we can sail
but we're off too far from the shore
hope we don't crash
and the waves come to attack the core
so we can't bother
it won't last

but i don't close it
I never will
wish i could but waters come and swell
they never fade they say
just move away
to come back and play with us
another day
And may being so open
won't hold much pain

i just don't want this to decay
it's open so come back to play, okay

Meet him
Spill your life onto him
Watch his face
He'll say it's okay
Watch him walk away
He's been gone since that day.

Met her
Keep to your self
Here she comes
How are you today
Everything is okay
She'll eventually fade away.

All on your own
You feel the dread in your bones
They don't know what this feeling's like
Triggers and alone, and you want to die
Crying yourself to sleep
Get ready to repeat.

Incognito was my game,
until no one could remember my name.

Drama free all of the time,
until lacking attention became a crime.

Crushing on a star in my eyes,
until it came and broke my skies.

Wishing everything was well,
but left alone in a forgotten hell.

Shedding petals pretty in color,
defined in their detail,
make art as they hover..

No tie to each other,
although they're connected,
one moves, all move,
cause they all get affected.

A part of the tree living life as a family.

But some fall and go shedding the tree,
what a tragedy.
To time cometh their woe and to woe comes great wisdom.

Some petals great,
others harsh,
but all are a part of the kingdom.

I held on to the foreshadowed results of a life without fun,
but all it took to change my mind was the warm light kiss that came from the sun.

Sometimes I focus on perpetually inevitable doom,
but often the time that's stolen by the trees,
petals,
and life around me that may bloom.

So if my woes are petals,
then so are my joys,
which some may shift and change,
and sometimes appear coy.

Because life is a place plentiful of joys and woes,
know,
like petals,
what comes will and eventually goes.

A flow in time divided into nine as a moments scene feels like an eternity.
Falling slowly unconscious, my soul clutches it's heart as I do the same to mine.
Rapidly changing, the scene clicks forward, ticking and tocking faster and faster.
Filling the rooms inside my head with tears I've knitted blue, with dread.
Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with my head, as I lay in my bed and pretend to be dead.
Staring a tunnel into the ceiling, forgetting life's meaning, streaming old memories, ruminating on past tragedies.
I've never lost my conscious, cause I'd rather be nauseous than gone and haunted by thinking I'd be forgotten.
Such a world this is, a world I'd not miss, but I wish I wasn't so consistent on ending.
Ticking and tocking like the clock today, waiting to stop, just to pass away, but is that okay...I'm not sure I know what to say...

I can feel myself dying, gradually, declining in my competence

I'm scared, to die alone, to live alone...
Withering amongst the white noise, surrounded by the stories of the wandering.

I've noticed all the souls I've felt myself calling for...are all calling on to someone else; some even caught and carried through.

I'm scared.


Is there something wrong with me?
Am I just too different of a fish in this polluted sea?
Covered in debris, I'm sorry...

I can't tell anymore.
I thought I was ok; counting my working limbs, every working sense...

I have a lot to give. Love, care, loyalty, authenticity...

I'm healthy, alive, with a passion or two...


I am enough...right


right


idk anymore

but here i am...i guess

I loved you when you couldn't see me

My pink nothing came unintentionally

I didn't want to bring a bag of colors for them to be robbed

You took it all and left me raw and now all I do is sob

I could go out and make my mission a haunting

But all it would do is make me look like a weakling

And so what I do is cover my pink nothing

And trade it out for a gloomier color and drown to feel something

I can't tell you the time I fell in love with love
Where I became crazed and I started to send wishes above
Where my heart first cracked, and I felt it's first attack
Where the walls that grew from the floor caved in and pressed up against my back

Oh, and I can't really remember where I actually felt free
Where I reached that lift off my shoulders and I met serenity

It's really hard to pinpoint these moments, and there's more that I haven't mentioned, but that doesn't mean they didn't happen, and that if they didn't they wouldn't.

Hopefully I one day can pinpoint my first real relationship
One that's mutual, forgiving, full of love, intimacy, and friendship
Where my wishes came true, at least the ones that matter most
And the wounds I suffered so, that they heal, or He'll turn me into a ghost

That the walls fall, and I finally feel my space expand
So that I can fill it with memories and things I love, making it a new land

That is what I would like to pinpoint.
I hope to see it manifest into reality.

Chaos sings me my lullaby
As I let my eyes descend
And i can't help but start to cry
Wishing this pain would come to an end
Please give me a sign, am I to feel this forever
Because reality becomes more confusing by the day
And I'm starting to think there isn't a cure
So it's becoming harder to figure out what to say
I don't want to be alone with my thoughts
But that seems to be my only playground
And the longer i am there, the longer this *****
Don't judge my struggle, it's so much harder than it sounds.

Why do we lie
When we panic
Say I love you
Then yell **** it
We choose neglect
And that's tragic
It's a secret
Little habit
Falling so down
Just to wake up
In a limbo
We can't make up
Living a life
Mimic a game
It's deja vu
It's all the same...






In the end

To sing to a void of silence, eating away at the sound I make,
Hoping something reacts and makes a sound.
I realized the pattern before me.
A sea of silence
A space of eyes
Alone, in this place
Singing my heart aloud...

But then i begin to wonder;


why?
When it's only me in the end.
Am I crazy to continue to share my emotions with the eyes
Although they don't provide me the company I desire

Am I singing to feel sane
Or is it because I'm starting to feel tired
Cold, descending into the abyss of depravity

I'm not really okay
I just want to be held
But once again

It's only me...singing alone
In a deep silence of eyes

Forever trapped in a pattern that won't decay

It's easy to pretend to be this wise owl, dancing around with the words of your mind.

Raising your head to look down on others...oh, you didn't know that that is a poet's kind?

Some forget that a poet's greatest feature is their power to think...

But others will say that that isn't at all true. It's their power to snake around until they've settled down.

A poet's wise moments can be the same as a crow being an omen. Evil in certain settings and simple in others...

Don't use your wisdom as a dagger to shank down your enemies and fuel the worse in humanity...

Don't turn a blind eye to someone or many whose on the brink of insanity...clapping when someone dances in the words of love or nostalgia...vile for poets to even consider it wisdom...


Where is the wisdom inside of a lie...why bother...why?

Rested petals on the pondering pond, rippling many waves anew,
As the sun peels back the color of the pond, and the heat did a dance,
Within the pond, a new restoration calms the mind of mother nature.

Sending wind into the world, a breath of air branching all around, the flowers mingle and send away their children, time blesses the world with the golden hour.

In charge of the towering army of many, the stallion leads the family of lions. Zebras, elephants, they all came with fury, towards the platinum steed, the amplifier of the sun.

Human kind, constructs of complexity, an alien race formed of the gaping surplex within the eye of the universe, aligned along the seven suns and eleven moons, forming a path into the embodiment of sin, rejection of the Almigonium, Omni Imperium.

Path paved on the poor pervasion of pleasure, and now we exist, many horrors and miracles. Soon, solidified in the many signs of Almigo omni, inscribed in the all truth, the end

Those eyes of yours, big, brown, full of sadness.
I've wondered why, but I've seen a bit of your soul.
You wander in darkness, you're all alone, you claim that you like it,
But I can see that that's wrong.
You want something much better, but you're stubborn, like me.

You're no ordinary boy, and that, I can see.
But you do ordinary things, and it's because you think you should.
You think you're the one in control, but has that done you any good?
When we take control, we fall in our tracks.
And the harder our fall, the bigger the cracks.

You claim that you're evil, I think that you're sad.
You want so much power, but you'll just go mad.
I want so much better for you, I really do.
But you have to see why it concerns me, the things that you pursue.

What are your intentions, unordinary man?
I hope you'll decide to be good because I know that you can.

Do you know your worth
Beneath the raven's wing
Do you know you're hurt
The pain that you will bleed
As pretty as they can come
Yet as hurt as they'll ever be
You're a pretty boy
A pretty boy
A pretty toy
And you'll know just what that'll mean.

Like absurdity...
A constant w, wondering what the who and how the why,
It's like a constant state of the rip between a false eyelash and an eye,
I lie upon a thin surface between reality and psychology,
Is my mind playing a trick on me, or is it just me...just me...all alone,
Gone but here, see this is more than fear, this is pure terror,
No hell could be fairer for the one that induced it on their own,
A cone of darkness and light, I ponder what's right,
Was it a vision all along? Pronged up to put together pieces,
A mind game that maybe ceases once i figure it out...but,
what if it's not a game...and all this time It was a sentence,
Commencement of war upon myself, what if it's the same fire,
Dire in my mind like the wine of wrath that crashes upon my line,
A full on catastrophe...i don't really know me, a fear i've always pondered,
Which places me back at the top-

if
im
not
deep
enough
happy
enough
sad
enough
intelligent
enough
qu­iet
enough
funny
enough
black
enough
white
enough
gay
enough
stra­ight
enough
masculine
enough
feminine
enough
strong
enough
edgy
e­nough
poetic
enough...






am I enough...

We had something that never happened
Lost, uncertain, no control
Kids on a playground, ring-o-round,
Livid souls, trying to run but are trapped in

Suited like a shadow with multiple resting faces
Soul sunken into my shoes in my rainbow shoelaces

Apple in my throat, choking on my emotions
Anxious, paranoid, the same typical symptoms
I feel a little crazy, but at least it's kind of fun
It's a scary day when the depression comes

Captivate my flickering,
This hearts a costume, playing daydream
I'm tired of running the same old mazes
Time to tie up my rainbow shoelaces

Rising shadows reaping spirits
Crashing cars and watching flames
Little liars screaming louder
Putting themselves back to shame
After hours cause their powers
Finding Fortune by the aim
Now forced to fall from a tower
Fortune found but we can't claim

I'm finding it hard to go to sleep
I lost my farm animals, i'm absent of sheep
Finding light is a gamble on a path coated in the night
A battle against the demons and mind, a war i'm forced to fight
Tears streaming down, silently waiting to die
Can't tell you why I sit here and uncontrollably cry
As the dirt comes from land to sink dust back in time
I lose to the curse and lose something so dear of mine...

..And now i'm in bed, sobbing, because...i'm not fine.

September.
October.
November.
December...

In the still of 2017, memories that became of charged devastation appeared.

Fear once silent spoke aloud once again.
A man had the hands that sunk victims in sand.

A manipulated child contemplated suicide aside their heavy bed of memories.

Nothing out of the ordinary, however, nothing really pure either. Shadows seeping from the ceiling, hands crawling, demons singing.

A masterpiece of simple grief without an antidote any greater than time, and yes, that child did survive.

2018

January
February
March
April

Sound body, mind, soul, and heart.

The child from before had something to start and it caused him good glee.
Wonderful sleep. No longer any worries.
Obedient, silent, chain-defiant, the perfect client.

Just the tap on his wrist and a push on his temple.
He closes his eyes and wanders into a hollow memory.

May...
...
...

There are more journeys to come.
We will record his next most important one.
Until then, he must simply reboot.


Clean the whole tree, regrow from the roots.

Red is a warning that comes in many wonders...

flags
liquids
pigments
temperatures
symbols
figures..­.

feelings.

Red, what an interesting color.

Hearts, Anger, Passion, Danger...

Just a wonder, a color.

Annoited within the bleeding
Left falling in broken endings
A story built on our showers
A horror built up like towers

Humanity is resetting
Repeating all of our actions
Resulting in stories setting
A looping theme of the masses

A tragedy's in progression
No peace sent into the pending
Will, we ever have a session
That'll end without us pleading

Absence in understanding
We'd not know what's up ahead
As we wander the forest thinking
We've won when we've lost instead.