Whispers in a scattered household 
Cobwebs hiding tragic secrets 
Spiders eavesdrop, hear all the lies 
Don’t cry, calm down, all will be fine 

I can’t hear
The voice of my grief from the noise of the world
It lies underneath 
The needless advice of those who stayed here 

Blood was the last thing you coughed up 
Instead of words from your mouth, but 
I still did not believe that you just 
Left us when you fought so hard...

I saw myself on the ground 
Disassociated 
In disbelief I denied 
Empty and dead-hearted

I close you off because it scares me to think 
That in my life you are the only good thing 
Monotonous chores and responsibilities 
I’m living my true life in my own fantasies 

I’m looking for flaws to battle your perfection
I argue to win and avoid the confession 
That I feel nothing without you, you’re my reflection 
But I fear to admit you’re a much better version

I envy your patience and love that is selfless
I’m jealous of you for being so fearless
You have your purpose and fight for it bravely
I feel so little when you’re trying to praise me

Undeserving of you and your glory
Failing to catch up and show that I’m worthy 
All things you do I hold them holy 
Under your light I will always feel lonely

You say that you’re proud 
That I’m by your side 
You shout it out loud 
While your chest being wide

Am I your crown
Making you feel like a king
Or just a bangle 
Adoring you but meaningless

Am I the light 
Of the candle that illuminates you 
Or just the wax 
The leftover after the fire burns out 

I question myself 
I have all these doubts 
They sit on the shelf 
Covered by clouds 

I think what would be 
If it was not me 
Would you be still happy
If I was nobody

My ******
A black hole
******* in
My body
Each month
Nonsense
Painful agony
Undeserved and pointless
Mental and physical
Punishment for women

The curse of being the youngest is that
They don’t recognise their own dysfunctionality
How abnormal is their normal
Convinced about the truth
Yet less knowledge means less empathy
Leading to laughing at you for being you
The younguns should look up
Yet they are the highest
Psychological warfare of the ancestors
Why this why that questioning us
While we question the world not them
****** up wisdom is theirs
But we have clear voyance, crystal
I talk to myself because I can hear me
And they can’t. Won’t ever…

Silver threads
Between our hearts
Stretching them out
When far away

Close to break
The further we go
Loosening
As we come back

Golden clock, slowing down time
When we’re apart
Running it fast
While holding it

In between our fading arms
Hugging an illusion
Marrying hope
Then losing it

Hanging on, I can’t no more
Loving you
Gives me pain
In the heart, unbearable

the room is upside down and with it im going down too
like being high but instead of happiness depression comes like a dementor
im scratchin my face but I cant scream only crawl in my skin that feels like its not mine
I want to end my life
with a knife
to get rid of this horror that my life has become

loneliness eats me up and i cant go out because they are looking, they are everywhere,
but noone is my friend, only ghost faces and stares who think they know what they see
while im the ghastliest ghost of all whose flesh is just a carrier now
my face is just a ****** up drawing of a 5 year old
i dont want anyone to see because they cant even guess
why the wrinkles are there, it’s the screaming
why the fear is shaking, the agony

i want to smash and shout but im still afraid of being heard while not being heard at all
i don’t know how to tell you either because this monster is now me
it doesn’t talk to me anymore like schizophrenia
it is my whole reality now and there is no distinguishing
threw my phone in the corner and broke its screen
a friendly reminder of the absent of what occupied me

powercut in reality becomes the powercut in my brain
cuts out the tales that occupy my brain
music is weird shouting
fhe fan is whirling with me in this unreal reality
i don’t want to make sense anymore because no one does

with every death i feel less
my cheeks burn from my clawing
shaken by feverish fear
i wanna throw up
it is in my gut
its my cancer
the tumor of the nonsense
pain is my muse but i would rather be “normal”
where are the traffic signs
i don’t have a gps…

Physical quarantine
Mental prison
Virus as guard
Who won’t let us out

Travel is danger
Love across borders
Loss of his touch
Rips my heart out

Trial of patience
Mental endurance
Are humans stronger?
****, we won’t bow out!

Seeing myself
Through my lover’s eyes: forgiveness.
Through my own eyes: hatred.
Everyone else: only a mask?
Tortured self depiction.
False mirrors.
Where lies the truth?
Raindrops. Hair. Molecules.

The liquid pain looks at me with my own face
What’s there to fight for when I’m just my own trace
My reflection shouts at me she begs me to differ
Asks me to stop but we don’t know each other

My blood paints a rose of the death on the floor
I’m dripping from sorrow don’t want this no more
The scent of the iron and silk of red water
Colour of love flows out as I suffer

I judged them too hard when I heard on the news
Thinking that sadness is just an excuse
I thought I would never betray family
But this darkness is bigger than reality

Contemplating if it’s worth it
Calling the line or just end it
Silver sharpness invites me to dance
Drawing on my skin it’s final sketch

Don’t stop me on the street
Two years after she’s gone
My goddess who birthed me
I don’t need your sympathy
Your questions don’t help me
When she’s just ashes in a ***
Her death isn’t your place
To prove your fake niceness
And pretend that you care when you don’t

Mesmerized by the wisdom lines
Of the prince whose name is Patience
On his face they draw a map
Leading to his secrets

Depth and endless calm sea
Are his eyes without him knowing
Lakes within the mountains of his lips
Rivers are his curls, tangled and untamed

Storms do thundercloud it
Wild beauty of nature, anger and madness
Sun’s rays turn it gold from brown
My ultimate adventure

Blood was the last thing that came out of Your mouth instead of words
I shivered at the feet of my father, hoping that it’s no true, but it was too late.
I wasn’t conscious, I flew out of my body and saw myself from above, it wasn’t even me.
Only a panicking cramp and chaos in disbelief, faint fragment, unconscious and half dead.
You were my Goddess, Your death my biggest fear.
Thank You for my life.
I love You.

I melt you in my comfort

Creation is
Another level of consciousness
All I don’t understand
Makes sense when I create

Emotions awoke upon
Reading a poem
Seeing a painting
Hearing a song

I give nothingness
A shape
The unknown gets
A personality

I often wonder what life really is
Maybe even too often

Being high
Gives me
A completely different perspective
Of self-observation

Love is like
A bubble of laughter
A fort
Made of pillows
Surrounding me
Comfortably

In my own hometown I feel lost
I ain’t no human, just a ghost
Years and years spent miles away
For some change I always pray

Don’t say goodbye
I’m not ready
I’m going crazy
Distance will **** me

Stranger to the place
I was born

I’m sitting here watching the landscape for the last time
Feeling like farewell is forever
Even though I know deep in my heart it’s not true
I just don’t know when I’m gonna see your faces again

I see this picture
Breeze blowing the windmill
It’s in my heart, it’s in my pocket
I can’t forget it, but I don’t wanna lose it

I’m home and I call it home
But I don’t feel like that anymore
‘cause everything’s the same but me
I’ve changed so much, maybe too much
I thought I found myself, but now I’m lost again

Where is that piece of me
I left it a thousand miles away
Back to the old school
Says the world
But I don’t want the old me
The apple of the Garden of the Wonder poisoned me
It chained my heart to the freedom of life

I’m starting again
Like a newborn
A new life
Stumblin’
Lookin’ for a place to be loved
Just the way I am

How close can I get without being hurt
Should I be open-hearted or cautious
Giving myself to others or hiding behind my mask
Never knowing my limits, but I don’t know yours either

Pain or safe, oh which to choose
Will you hold my hand, even when I’m wrong
Or push me away

Don’t wanna feel shame next to you
I hate myself already
Looking for love in other hearts
Maybe there’s some left for me

Unconditional and forgiving
Here I am naked and honest
Not living or denying anymore

Your choice is upon you
I’m not gonna beg or pretend
Tired of being someone else
Time to look for myself
Time to find my consciousness

Dreamcatcher, dreamcatcher
Why did I dream that I die tonight
I’m not sure I wanna fall asleep this time

Monster, monster
Under the bed is just a tale
Made out of fear and confusion

But when the night comes
Dark thoughts and spirits appear
Conquering my world around me
Creepin’ out on me
Out of the blue
Burnin’ the good inside of me
Leavin’ nothing but ashes

Who am I
What am I doing
Can’t find myself
Lost in the wood of my own despair
I’m just a soul, wandering around

There was a child called happiness
Living his life to the fullest
Having the whole world in his hands
Thinking this feeling just never ends

But he had a twin called sorrow
Always walking by his side like a shadow
Showing pain at its worst
The misery of lost dreams ******* hurts

They were growing together
But hated each other
Why are you my enemy
When you could be my brother

I can’t bear this life
Anymore, shouted happiness
Not with you by my side, no
You hurt me and laugh at me  
Every time you meet me

You can’t exist without me
In this cruel world
I hit and kick you to make you stronger
To give you the eyes to see more clearly

Why don’t you understand
One day you’ll be thankful for that
But you can’t make me disappear
You’d better accept that this is how fate works
You should learn to love me cause I’m the reason you are shining…

Why do I do things that I regret later on
Why do humans run into the their own traps
Day by day

I know I’m committing a sin
Then I just leave the scene
Feeling ashamed of myself

How do I look into the mirror
When I see it laughing at me: It was your fault!
I’m never gonna forgive
‘Cause I am now *****, guilty

He never cares
How would she feel
If only she knew
What he’s done to her and what I’ve done to her
It hurts like hell, I’m burning in hell

I play this game from time to time
Giving you all that’s me and mine
Without any shame but an open mind
I am the one who is always kind

Now it’s different, I feel this time
I have no fear of falling down
My trust in you, and yours in me
Or is it just fake, but how could it be

And it happened again, you let me down
I was needed ‘til you got your crown
I got used to being used but I don’t worry
Another you will come around so easily

It could be done so differently
Only if you could see

You say that you need love
But when I hold you
You cannot hug me back

You say oh please, **** me
I wanna die now
Why don’t you let me disappear

Please don’t **** yourself
I’ll be your friend but
Sorry I can’t say no more

Knife on your veins
And tears in my eyes
Nothing’s gonna be better
Never

We’re watching the trains
Oh why can they leave
And why do we have to stay

You hate yourself and you
Know that they hate you
Because you’re not like
Them at all

You can see through me
And I can feel your pain
Put on your mask little boy
Try to live life like it matters

You could be saved or
You’ll be your own hero
It’s up to you not me
Anymore

3 o’clock and I still can’t sleep
Only thing I wish for is dreaming deep
But my brain can’t stop its constantly ticking
I’m not even in love with you, still you make me think

You only told me the sad story of your life
Then wanted to cut your wrist with your key, not even a knife!
I thought I could be your friend and help
But we lost each other and now it’s only my image of you that is my friend

Or more than that, I don’t even know, oh dear
I honestly have no idea what I feel
Even though I always analyse myself, maybe too much
Still I don’t get why I miss your touch

The way you looked at me and knew
That I care about it and I will understand you
But then you said the opposite, now I can’t follow you  
You almost called me a ***** and said it’s my fault
Being out in high heels in the dark and cold

That was stupid, you were right, but see
I’m fed up with blaming myself for everything
I tried to be there for you when you had nobody
You didn’t give a crap about me when I was drunk and lonely

We’re not talking anymore, I won’t even write to you
I hoped it would help if I don’t see you
But it just got worse, you are always there
I couldn’t make you go, you would not move nowhere

Imagine someone there  
I wake up in tears
Too pretty to be true
Without my fears

It's not real, you just lied
Disturbed by anger
My hopes collide
And my rhymes die

I'm giving up on this
It's unbearable
My love is too strong
Imagination cruel

Sea between us
And five countries
No touch or reality
Just fading images

Cruel pain killing me
I want to end this now
Shout out my lungs
But I don't know how

Plane flights
Are black holes
Gates to
Another universe

Tree front of me too high
Reaching to the sky
Give me a ladder to climb
Can't do it, this road’s not mine

Your expectations and me, they're never gonna meet
I don't have a strong enough feet
To stand on this surface
I am no longer at your service

Just to adjust to your creation
Won't give up my imagination
Take a picture of me in your mind
I'm gonna disappear now, so never mind

I'll leave a note saying
Bury me while crying
For the sins you committed
I am no more committed

This uptight masquarade
will cause my own escape
Shade is my vision
There is no conclusion

How did you think it's gonna end?
You said you want to be my friend
I have no more to say I guess…
Go **** yourself in the ***

Far away from home
Sometimes I feel so alone
But don’t get me wrong
I know, I know the same Sun is shining above
On my head, oh my head
Is spinning around with my thoughts
Going around in circles
Playing around with my soul

When I’m lonely
Music is my remedy
Red and white and green
Oh you don’t know what I mean
When I say March 15 or August 20
Or flag with a hole in it
And Trianon’s ****** up treaty
But that’s just the past

When you talk it’s total non-sense
But I feel you when you’re playing
Different words
But total same thoughts
Brain’s not working
Only the heart

Don’t say a word
Just smile at me
I will know it immediately
Sight of the sea and fjords around me
Do I belong here?
Something tells me
It is my world now