A sun, shinning through looking glass
Broken pieces of me are glowing with remorse
Can you tell, how lovely tea leaves are singing
Duets with crows and ravens
Everything shines in glory, shines in regrets
Falling in reverse, crying in reverse
Gone are the ghosts, gone are dreams
How lovely are the birds' beaks
Integrating with the sea's edge
Joining the dead ships and shells
Keeping the diseases, keeping the rain
Low sounds, do you remember how it felt when we said goodbye?
Melodies discharging tears from their eyes like a funeral's crowd
No more remorse, no more regrets
Opening their mouths but the words are trapped like birds in cages
Pills are choking them, stuffing their bodies
Quite was the day, loud was the night with screams from within
Run for your life, or run for your death
Sick were my dreams, sick with my insanity
This birdsong, it's haunting you, haunting me
Under pressure, under which gate is the key?
Vaulted were their smiles, like an ancient city
With sorrow it is, vaulted is the gate to you
Xeroxing my needs, every inch of my pride
You have set my soul on fire, I'm burned to the ground
Zonked out, exhausted by the lies that lingered through your skin, through mine.

The silence now pierces my soul
Grieve is a grey mist in the air
Like a funeral with four people
Burying their respective
Broken promises

The way you conquer me
In a bottle of wine
Like I was an object
Made out of clay
So easy to form
Into a doll
Or a ball

You taught me people make mistakes
In the name of love
And how pain feels
When you refuse to kiss the scars
You have made

The way my voice shivers
When I say no
The way my hands shake
Like a paper not finding its way
Back to the novel it belongs to

I keep having dreams
Of finding wounds on my hands
And glass shards
I realize
I do not miss your touch
Printing me to be yours
A property of glass
Everything that you have
Put together in me
Is shattered now
My glass hands
My glass heart

Your voice makes me weep
Because what once was magic to me
Now makes me bleed in despair
Breathing you is poison
Distance was never a hinder
Although now I wish it was

Everyone can see it in my eyes
The crack, the glass
Everyone can see the broken in me
A woman so broken
I bleed shattered glass
And ink

Somehow, you will always smell like home
And I will always lose myself in you
With you, I wrote love poems
And now, sad poems too.

Silence was overwhelming
The tension was in the air
As if we were in a warzone
And no one wanted to be the first to give up
But for us, neither of us wanted to give up
Promises that we will never leave

The way you broke that silence
You shattered the glass everywhere
And what left your mouth were not words
But a warm breeze on a cold night
That melted the ice cubes
Residing in my heart

You taught me love is not a mistake
And how love feels when you kiss my hand
The way your voice sounds
When you tell me I’m a gift sent from above
And that we are meant to be
With words that belong to a poem
Now found their way to me

When you touched me,
I felt like a flower that blossomed
Emerged between the cracks
And everything that has fell apart in me
Somehow fell back together
As if your hands were made out of glue
And my body is a puzzle piece
Nobody told me that being in love with you
Is better than all novels

I want you to send me your voice in a postcard
So I can hang it next to the flower you once gave me
I want to breathe you, I want to feel you
Because distance is overrated, beauty is overrated
But love, love is above all ratings

Everyone can see you in my eyes,
Soaked in my skin
As clear as a tattoo
Everyone can see how I am a woman in love
A woman inked with love
Inked with you

I always want to tell you
How you smell like home
Like something that got lost along the way
And I’m mostly not good
With love poems
But with you, somehow.
I always have something to say.

I thought it was cliché, when people talk about love
How "the moon shines brighter when you smile"
And "I see heaven in your eyes"
How thousands of songs were written
In the name of love

Then you came around
And I realized how everything was true
I saw the moon, shining in your smile
My heaven, is in the way you look at me
And thousands of stars collided in my bones
The moment you said I love you

I would spend eternity
Thinking about your hands
The way they touch
And your lips
The way you whisper
And I would die, over and over
If I would to die, in your arms

Love is not like the movies
It’s not like books, or songs
It’s not like anything I've heard
Or seen
It crashes sometimes, it hurts mostly
But it will always be worth it
Because love, is the way you bite your lips
It’s the way you hold your steering wheel
It’s the way you kiss my hand
Love is you.

So long, my love
For how the sky cries
For how my eyes do

So long, my love
Not diamonds, not even stars
Are more precious than you

So long, my love
My hands, they bleed
And my heart does, too

So long, my love
You taught me that strength
Can be true

So long, my love
Leave my darkness
I need your aura to beam through

So long, my love
Oh my love, it will last
Deep forever, for you.

I'm just a stopover
For you to relax in
You read your book on the train
You hear the songs of longing
Overlooking the window

I'm just a stopover
On your long journey
You put your head on my chest
And your head is full of her
You take my heart, and your heart is hers

I'm just a stopover
Just a passing song
That you forget the words to
You stutter my name, and call me by hers

I planted a garden
Filled with love
But you gave it back
And turned to a single rose
She gave to you
She, whom you want
She, who does not want you
You run after her like a stray dog
Begging for affection
Happy for a piece of bread that she gives to you
Waiting for a word from her
And ignoring the songs I wrote for you

I'm just a stopover
She is your stray road
Your final destination
A deserted city
And there you are,
On the ruins crying
The house I built for you is abandoned
My poor heart is abandoned
Which burns when I see your eyes when you look at her
When I see you are still hugging her clothes
I remained silent
As I have sworn not to talk
I swore not to mention her
I swore that I’ll bite my tongue, swallow my pride and my fear
And you swore to yourself
That you will always be hers
Even if she’s not yours
Even if I gave you all of me.

The burn in your cheek on a cold snow day
The wind blowing in your face
Numbing all of your feelings
Including the ones
You once had for me

Tell me, did you forget?
The snowflakes falling right before our eyes
Like the dreams I had that crashed to the ground
Crowded
Melting
Disappearing

The white surrounding everything
Every sidewalk, every inch
Has it failed to cover up your black heart?

The sky losing its sun
The trees losing their leaves
And you, losing me
Is all I could think of
Remembering that cold December.

Why am I bitter?
All the silence trapped in my brain
“I’m not in the mood”
Somehow, I always seem not to be
Why did you leave?
With the walls I painted teal for you
The I love you’s were never heard
And the joy, was never to be felt
Did it ever mean something to you?
Or was it just a dream, hallucinations
A vivid memory

Being held by you
Trapped in your arms
As warm as a blanket
Was all I ever longed for
Like a memories of me as a child
Of never belonging to a playground
Never scraping my knee
But always, my heart

The distance between us
It’s always haunting me
Chasing me down
Pinning my fingers to the map
To the line of oceans
Deserts
Continents
The walls I have painted for you
Are now, pebble grey
Without you
Every shade of grey is conquering
Everything around me turned to grey
Even the books, even the sky.

I felt free and light
Like I was made out of air, or feathers
Then I was slapped back to reality
With a tube down my throat
Now there's this break in my eyes
A white flag, announcing my loss
I have given up

Can you see it, my deadly love?
Can you see what you made me into?
A living corpse, an off tune symphony
A torn page off of a book, lost and incoherent

I, as a cat
Have nine times to die*
I have given up three, and I would give up the rest
In a heartbeat, or a slit of a wrist
The sadness of the world, cries in my head
And the happiness that you once laid in me
Is now slipping through my fingers
I am made out of air

You broke me into a million little pieces
And stumped over each one of them
Over and over again
You can't feel anything
For I should have known
My heart is made out of paper
And yours is made out of stone

I lost count, of the times I cried for you
I lost count, of the times you killed me
My poems are my tragedy, and so is your love
I'm a poetess of death, or near death
The penalty of my half written dreams
Half written books
Half written poems
And our half written destiny

Won't you come, and pull the knife out my back
And bury it with my remains
Dust to dust
Loss to loss
And air to air.

Choking on all the friends that are gone
And all the stories that are lost
Along with bits of my sanity
Tripping on the lines I have crossed

Choking on all the times that you said you will call
But I was left waiting for you in the cold
With tears like waterfalls
And a story left untold

Choking on all the hopes and wishes that were not lost
But taken away from my own hands
And I, like a child held on so tight
Until it slipped right off of me like sand

Choking on all the promises I couldn’t keep
On all the pills I still taste on my tongue
All the razor blades that cut skin deep
And the times from myself, I couldn't run

Choking on all the dreams that were shattered away like broken glass
And surrounded me like nightmares I could never escape from
Capturing me like hurricanes or a spell, a witch would cast
Or the times, I could not face the sun

Choking on all the times I tried to take it away
Only to end up with a tube down my throat
As I struggled to whisper the words “I’m okay”
Hoping they will not find the note that I wrote

Choking on all the goodbyes that were not said
All the wounds that are not meant to heal
And all the mornings I woke up
Wishing I wasn't here.

I have fallen in love with tunnels
The way they seem to never end
The light that always comes eventually

My hand smells like you after I hold yours for long
I whisper "you smell like home" and a tear tries to escape my eyes
The light, is in your eyes

I have fallen in love with the way your shirts fit you
And how the wind always blows in the right direction when you look at me
The light, is in my eyes

I have fallen in love with books and characters
The way people fall in love slowly, or really fast
How their hearts feel
Light, or heavy.. Never in between

I have fallen in love with our love story
Our first "I love you", and never the last
I love you, I love you, I love you
Never put out the light in me

I have fallen in love with you. Slowly, and then fast.
Like a train wreck, happily falling to pieces
Because now my puzzle piece finally found the other part
Like ocean waves finally reaching the shore
The darkness in me is illuminated by your light
You are my light
You are my light.

Your body is a map and I have red pins in my heart
Who said distance is easy?
When I cry rivers that I can't sail into your arms, my brain turns into a multifunctional machine to develop new ways of feeling less empty when I only hear your voice through my headphones.

I think to myself, has this got no end?

I only long for your sweet smile coming across me not separated by a screen and thousands of miles
I only long for your arms as you cradle me, I as a small bird looking for warmth and peace
I only long for what I already have but cannot seem to reach, like a vision, or a dream

You are the bright stain that overlooks all the other dark parts in me
Nature would bow in glory to how beautiful your soul is
You are as far away as wishes upon a star and I am as hallow as the ones that fall
I cannot contain the dreadful silence and the loneliness that comes after your voice is gone and I am left to face the world alone

Tell me, has this got no end?

Bruises around my heart that long to be cured by your hands are turning into a masterpiece
What do you call it when you miss someone so much it hurts to remember their scent?
What do you call it when you crave something you've never had to begin with?
How can love be so painful yet so wonderful?
I wonder if in years I will be smiling in your arms, kissing your beautiful lips or crying on my bathroom floor holding one of the only physical evidence that you once indeed existed

Are you only in my head?

I love the way I feel
When you hold my hand
The way you look at me
Like I am your prize

You said you'll take away the pain
I thought no one can
But now inside of me
Are birds and butterflies

I thought love has gone
Away and away has ran
But now I'm close to heaven
I see the sunrise

Even if I say nothing
You always understand
Your shoulder is always there
A safe place for me to cry

If you ever fall
I'll be there to help you stand
Always by your side
helping you to get by

I'll be your robin
You be my batman
Together we'll fight
Together we'll fly

I'll lift you up
To your dreamland
And you'll get me higher
Than the sky

For love is
A human demand
And you hand me the world
Right in front of my eyes

You go through girls like I go through books but you found it strange how I preferred how they smell over perfume
There were days where I gave you everything I had on a silver plate and there were days when this plate was nowhere to be found
I fell in love with you, I fell in love so hard it broke me
And ever since you left my heart has been beating differently

I don't sleep anymore and I have a constant lump in my throat growing like a tumor
I'm losing people like tree leaves on an autumn afternoon
I think I'm losing my mind as well

In my dreams, you were still gone
And I was searching for you in the dark with my eyes closed
There was no hope
There is no hope
With everyday that passes, I know I'll wake up and you will still be gone

I miss you so much my bones ache
I wonder how you managed to detach yourself from me like you were a garden and I was just a wilting flower
Nothing matters anymore
Not the books
Not the trees
Not the dreams

Ever since you were gone, I had to bite my tongue so hard I think it's cut off
Now the only thing I could do is write a hundred poems that belonged to the ocean and leave them at your door
Hoping one day, you'll ******* tears in them
And maybe, just maybe
You'll find your way back to me.

Somehow the pain in my chest is always synchronous with
The times you refused to say you love me
Like there are two identical sides of sorrow
One you give, and one you cause me to be

What I need is love, as clear as the city lights
Reflecting like a painting on the sea
A love so loud, a melody, even the deaf could hear

I need to be loved like the sunset is on fire
Or the birds fall off the sky
There’s no time to be infinite
All we have is now

If in your future
Between the cars, the towers
My face to you is unclear
Just close your regrets with your eyes
Remember, I have always tried to be here

You detach me from myself
Like a two hours nap
And I cannot tame
The demons inside of me
Carving your name
In the walls of my skin

The tears on my pillow
Are the only wet dreams
That I have
Because everything
We ever were
Now tattoos my cheeks
With sorrow

I cannot comprehend
How you like to squeeze my heart
Like a little stress ball
And I would go back
To hand it to you
All over again
Every single time
Your lips whisper
“Stay”

How are we stuck?
In this endless cycle
Of me, loving you
And you, using this love
To read the lines in my palm
And to keep me crazy enough
To love you
And sane enough
To cry because I do

I want to open up his chest and hide in his rib cage so I could hear his heartbeat all the time

He grows inside of me like lilies and now I feel a forest there.

I used to always call you my angel
In my dreams, you have big white wings
Sometimes I remember the way your breath sounds and I feel a needle in my chest
You are still the "you" in my poems
And your presence lingers in all the right times, and all the wrong ones

I often wonder what it was like to be in love with a sad girl?
And I wonder if it is the reason you didn't want me anymore
I hear the word "my love" the way you say it over and over again in my head like a broken record breaking my brain cells
I am no longer yours

I'm losing who I am, or who I used to be
My dreams don't speak to me anymore, they left me the way birds leave in winter
And the way you left my cold eyes, my cold chest
The way you seem to leave everything but my sorrowful soul

I don't hope you're happy, because you always were
It was I and still it is I who suffers in silence and even in the day you left, you had a smile on your face
You didn't care, you never have
It's been 145 days
And I've been praying since for either you come home or you leave this miserable heart of mine at peace

I don't hope you're happy. In fact, I hope you're miserable
Because every time he kisses my hand and promises to stay something breaks in me
Every time he whispers "just trust me"
I remember how you spilled my trust from your hands all over the map and dissolved the red pins I had for you

It's funny how you were the only person I ever really fell in love with but you ended up making me puke my heart all over the bathroom floor.
You ask why do I miss you as if everything you did wasn't painful enough already
I often wonder, do you look at the stars and remember my passion for them?
Do you remember my raspy voice those late night calls?
Do I ever cross your mind or have it been so easy for me to dissolve?
Was I that easy to forget?

They told me, no one ever dies of a heartbreak.
But have they not heard about the suicides?
Have they not heard about the hanging ropes, the long sleepless nights, the dying inside a living body?

They do not know, how your voice sounds like when you're falling asleep.
They do not know, how your mouth curls up at the edges when you smile.
They do not know, what it's like to kiss your lips like I've never known air like I've never held hands, like I've never felt life.

In love with you is the only way I felt at home.
It's like falling asleep after so many restless nights
It's like the sun after snow, the snow after long hot summer days. It's like the first love, first kiss, first I love you all at once.

Now, it is always cold in my room, my body is always burning with despair.
I barely even sleep anymore, and when I do, I wake up crying because I just thought you leaving was a bad dream.
There are no I love you's, no kisses.
The love is still there, but it's useless, left on a bookshelf collecting dust and tears.

They do not know the tears I cry every night missing your voice
They do not know how I die a little inside looking at your smile knowing I'll no longer be the reason behind it
They do not know how I crave your lips like I can't breathe and you are made of oxygen

They do not know how life is with you
And how life is without you.

I woke up with your voice in my head saying "I don't love you anymore." I thought I would die without you and I think I did, I've changed so much that I'm not sure I know myself. He kisses me and all I think about is the taste of your lips and I keep calling people your name and it tastes like poison and I can feel my heart breaking every time I think of you. Why did you have to leave? He hugged me and asked "Why is your chest so cold?" I resisted the urge to tell him it's because there's an icebox where my heart used to be. I'm playing all these game and I know it's Russian roulette and one day the bullet is going to go through me faster than my heartbeats the first time you kissed me but it won't **** me because I am already dead. My chest felt heavy when I saw you looking at her the way you used to look at me, you cook for her and she wears your clothes and my blood boils because I'm easily replaced. I can't get myself to delete our pictures together because I admire the happy person I was, I grieve my smile and my shining eyes in your arms. I grieve my happiness. My tears taste like ***** and I can't breathe when I'm with him because my chest is full of dead flowers you once planted in me, your love killed everything. Why did you have to leave? After everything I've given you, after all this love that no creature in the world is capable of. I loved you and it torn me apart. It ruined me. Deformed me. Stripped me out of what's left of my sanity and left me a lifeless shell trying to feel something in anyway possible. I miss you so much that I miss the stupid little things like making you coffee and scratching your back. I miss your fingers tangled in my hair while I lay on your thighs, I remember nothing else mattered in these moments and all I thought about was how much I adored every inch of your soul with every inch of my skin. My best friend cried at how much pain I was going through she wanted my heart to be pieced back together but she didn't know how to sew and I lost my heart to begin with. I'm hurting people, because I'm taking revenge on this world that made me a fragile doll broken to a thousand pieces by a boy that didn't know how to love me. I remember two nights before you decided I'm not worth fighting for how I was in your arms singing you a sweet love song and I swear you looked at me like I was the only girl in the world and after you left you told me it was all a lie and you stopped loving me three weeks before. There's no greater pain than a heartbreak. It's alright if I seep into the darkness because the light has long gone from my soul and if one day this ends up as my suicide letter; I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It sneaks on me like a nightmare
Pulls me out of my daydreams
Pulls me out of my life

You ask me why my hands are always shaky
I say it’s because my nightstand is full of pills to remind me I exist

It steals away my smile
And mostly, my sanity
It pulls me into the darkness
Eats away my soul till there’s nothing left

You ask me why am I always sleeping
It eats up my power and drains my energy to leave me with nothing but tiredness and despair

I can’t do it; sometimes I want to give up
Maybe I was born to be this way
Born to be dying

People glamorize sadness
Sadness makes beauty in art
Not in people

I wear my insanity on me like a crown
But my sadness invited other objects to seep into my skin to make depression a part of who I am

My father, my mother,
They’re always on their toes
It seems like no matter what I’d do
Someone is bond to be hurt

My dead soul roams the world of the living
Wondering how am I ever going to fit in

You see how depression makes beauty?
My poetry is a manifest of my tears,
My health is fading away because of how many pills I take everyday
But it’s okay, because I write poetry as beautiful as a sunset on reflective ocean
Birds humming softly

You see what I mean?

My love, how could you ask me why I want to leave.
Why did you?
Might as well pulled out a dagger and stabbed me straight in the heart
Because the words “I don’t love you anymore” hurt more than a rope around my neck

I would still love him, with my blood splattered on his stunning face
I would still love him with every drop
And every pain I ever felt
I would still love him with my lifeless body on the floor
I will always love him and that is what’s killing me the most

Do you understand me?
This is what depression does to you
I’m so attached to pain
To love
To people
To death
I’m so attached to everything that’s killing me and I just want it to stop
I want everything to stop

I think I loved him too much
Said too many “I love you’s”
Gave too much love
Too much of everything

You see?
I can’t control it
My illness, my curse
My mind, my bliss
I can’t control what leaves my mouth
Because my heart is on my sleeve
On my cheeks
And my mind, is in the stars
With the he used to smile when he says he loves me
How can I reach for the galaxies in his eyes? How can I reach my absent mind?

But wait
For I do not regret my decision
Love is not everything
It can lift you higher than the sky
And lowers you to the pits of the earth

He put a rope around my neck and I’m an answering machine that doesn’t ring so I can never say no
I’m so confused, I’m so confused
I love him but my love was not enough
And his love, wasn’t enough for me either
We’re an on and off switch
On and off and on and off
I can’t remember the last time he looked at me in the eyes when he said I love you
The light is finally burnt

I am not yours, I am not yours
For I am a bird
And to be truthful
I long to fly home
To the stars, to the sky
To everything far far away

I would wait
If it means creasing your skin
in the end

I would walk a thousand miles
to reach your light
at the end of a tunnel

I would wait for your love
like waiting for babies to be born
and flowers to blossom

because everything
that is beautiful
only comes, after waiting

But
You're a sun, I'm a sunflower
no matter how much I stretch my hands out
I can never seem to reach you

My arms, they hurt
My fingers, they burn
Oh my love
I burn for you

I am a sunflower that's dying
Wilting
Smashing

I followed you
My soul will always do
But I cannot love
I cannot wait
any longer for you

Farewell my lonely friend
Should I apologize?
As you welt and bend
You're dead now
Gone with my luck
burnt out

Farewell
For I did not care
But now I sense a difference
There's sadness in the air
You were alone most of the time
I'd complain to you
But never hear your desperate cries

I should have cared
But I was never even there
I'm sorry my little green friend
I'm sorry that this is how you meet your end.

Have you ever wandered to the beach
But didn't get to see the shore?
Have you ever spent centuries trying to sleep
Although the sun, never have risen anymore
Have the walls within you shattered like a bullet through a glasshouse, but you failed to make a noise?

I once had a dream
I have visited the black long dresses people I once loved at my funeral
I tried to escape but the flowers they have laid above my casket formed an unbrokable shield
A sadness so deep with it's no longer a feeling but a madness with no cure for
You poured salt over the wounds i seeked for you to heal

Grab my hand
Pull me away from this sea
I'm drowning though I once knew how to swim
Pull me away from my misery
Cure this insanity residing within
Rescue me, I cannot stand on my own two feet

Rescue me, have me yours to keep.

Hush little baby, not a smile is shown
A poet is going to write you your own favorite poem

If that poem won’t rhyme
Don’t you cry, it’s not a crime

Why would a baby want a diamond ring?
They would be happy if you just dance and sing

What’s there to see with a looking glass?
Everything you’ve ever loved will never last

The only thing that will break is your heart
Might as well give up now and fall apart

Baby, do you want a cart and bull?
Nothing will make that emptiness full

Rover will die, and then you’ll cry
Everyone eventually will, including you and I

Your horse and cart will fall down
As well as your dreams, shattering all over town.

I'm infused with the way you say my name
I know it's wrong
But how you talk about time
Makes me wish it would stop
So I can count how many stars
Your eyes hold

It's not easy
I try to be distracted
Only to find myself
Writing your name in my journal
Like a teenager, scribbling hearts
And wondering how your skin feels
Against mine

Breathe in, breathe out
I close my eyes and picture us
If God can look down on us, what would He say?

I am a ghost ship, lost at sea
I dream about your lips,
I have set my anchor.

Come closer, pull me in
Do you ever think of me?
Or am I just skin, flesh, and lust?

I touch you with my fingertips
And I make three thousand small wishes,
Each for every freckle, every lie.

You laugh like stars,
And I cry like the ocean,
Will I ever be loved?

Breathe in, breathe out
Add one more, to my bruises
My ship can no longer sink.

One day I will be gone
And all that will be left of me
Is the pain my name will cause when you hear it
Like a venom burning down your throat

And people will write pointless letters of R.I.P
On pages of worthless connections
That will soon fade as the "new thing" comes out

They won't even bother to write "Rest In Peace" but they will
Bother to write how they wished they have known me better
They wished they wouldn't have hurt me or betrayed me

You will cry
For days
For weeks maybe
But then it will pass, just like everything does
Like everyone did, you will forget

You will start to forget the echo in my voice  
When I tell a sad story of how my heart has been
Broken for so many times

You will forget, the way you made me happy
The sound of breathless laughter
That will soon make you cry

You will forget, the scars that made me the way I am
The beautiful damage in my body, in my thoughts

And more of crying
Because that's all that's left to do
When I'm no longer here to try and make me feel
Like I'm not a worthless piece of atoms that combined
To create a body that I despise a little too much

You will cry, and you will miss me
But then you will forget
Because that's what humans do, they forget

It’s okay to forget
I don't mind.

Because when you hear my name
There will still be venom piercing through your brain
As you wish the words that left unsaid
Were buried with me.

I know it’s been two years
But missing him still makes it hard to breathe
Hard to sleep, hard to eat
There’s a lump in my throat, a burn in my chest
An ache in my brain
He will always be the one that got away
The one that should’ve stayed, the one that should’ve loved me
He’s so far, like the moon, too far to reach
But I still feel him here, I still feel his touch, I still feel his warmth
I’m going crazy, insane, mad
Two years and I can’t forget, I can’t breathe.

I forgot his smell, it makes me sad
I’m sick of this, sick of him, mostly sick for him. I’ve always been crazy for him
I cling to the memory of his voice, the feeling of his warm embrace
Anything I can keep inside my mind, just a little taste of what was mine
I’m weak, so weak
Maybe I’ll miss him forever, maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be
All the men after him will become an antidote experiment
To find a cure, I need a cure.

In your arms
I finally know what it's like to be home.

It's the snowball theory
Except it's not a snowball, it's me,
and I got frost bites all over my heart and brain,
My emotions are piling up, just like the books on my shelf,
No tears, no screams, slowly building up to the avalanche.
I lie to myself that I'm healing, because denial is easier than facing the fact that my search for happiness is an end road.

Some people are born to live sad, and I'm their queen.
I manage my kingdom with a national anthem that includes "It'll get better" and "You will be okay"
but I know **** well it won't, we all do,
we're infected with this disease, eating us inside out
killing us slowly, never going away,
and we're constantly looking for an escape,
but what happens when the pills don't work anymore?
when the drugs, the ***, the recklessness does not give you a thrill anymore?
when everything turns numb.

You start thinking of the only resort, the one that has always been in the back of your mind
high buildings, sharp objects, ropes, and the deep cold end of the ocean
darkness, silence, isolation.
the feeling of all your worries floating above you, flirting with the moon,
while your body is rested underneath, your soul escapes,
free of your body, your now bloodless heart, and your soul
it's now with the angels, laughing with the stars, looking down...

is this what comes after? no one knows, but I take comfort in thinking there must be something better for people like us, people who live in constant agony, fighting battles with themselves, making amends with their demons,
because no matter how much I try to win, it's always a losing game.

maybe it's me, maybe I'm looking through a black veil.
sometimes I think, why can't I be like other people?
who fight normal battles, seeing the world in colours,
while the only color I see, people don't,
the color of my world, is misery.

I don't feel anything
For you should have known
Your heart is made out of paper
And mine, is made out of stone.

You called me beautiful
And kissed every inch of my skin

We were one in the dark
As we drowned in lust, in sin

Our chemistry
Made me break all my rules

And not until it was too late
That I realized you played me for a fool

My dear your lips speak lies
But your eyes are full with the truth

Your soul is old
But you taste like youth

Out of everyone
You’re the one I’ve chosen

I made my bed
Now my heart, you’ve broken

You’re my lost case
I thought I can win you over
But she’s your first
And I come second
Case closed

I’m your settlement
Your satisfactory prize
The book on the shelf
Just in case you need
But never really read

She has your heart, and you have mine
I demand to take it back
Mail it to me, with all the love I gave
The love I shouldn’t have given you

I once said you deserve all what I’m giving you
And you agreed
We were both wrong
You deserve her
Because that’s what you want
You want to hang on to her like a monkey on a tree
No matter how shaky the tree is
You know the tree will always be there
Even if it doesn’t love you back
She doesn’t love you back

You’re just a little side dish
She’ll have bits of you when she’s bored
But you love it
You love being the leftovers
You love hurting yourself

I am not like you
I refuse to be the leftovers
The settlement
The abandoned book
The monkey
The side dish
The unloved but still there

I refuse to give all my love away
And get heartache in return

So go ahead, hang on to her
Love someone that will always choose you last
Not even second

Go ahead and break your heart again
I’d rather keep mine with me.

أنا مجرد محطة توقف
ترتاح فيها
تقرأ كتابك في القطار
تسمع اغاني شوق
تطل من النافذة

أنا مجرد محطة توقف
في رحلتك الطويلة
تضع رأسك على صدري
ورأسك مليئ بها
تأخذ قلبي، وقلبك لها

أنا مجرد محطة توقف
مجرد اغنية عابرة
تنسَ الكلمات
تغلط بإسمي، وتناديني بإسمها

زرعت لك حديقة
ملئتها بالحب
لكنك اعطيتها ظهرك
والتفت الى وردة وحيدة
اعطتك اياها
هي، من تريد
وهي، من لا تريدك
تركض خلفها ككلب ضال
تطلب الحب
تُسعد لكسرة الخبز التي تعطيك اياها
تنتظر كلمة منها،
وتتجاهل الاغاني التي كتبتها لك

انا مجرد محطة توقف
وهي وجهتك الضالة
وجهتك النهائية
مدينة مهجورة
دائما على اطلالها تبكي
وتهجر البيت الذي بنيته لاجلك
تهجر قلبي المسكين
الذي يحترق عندما ارى عيناك وانت تنظر لها
عندما ارى انك مازلت تحضن ثيابها
والتزم الصمت
كبوذي اقسم على عدم الحديث
فأنا اقسمت على عدم ذكرها
اقسمت ان ابتلع لساني وكبريائي ووجعي
وانت اقسمت لنفسك
بأنك دائماً ستكون لها
حتى ان لم تكن لك
حتى وان اعطيتك كل مافيني

I dived in head first
Forgot the bottom was too close
I drowned
And you broke my heart

I can make you the happiest you’ve ever been
And the happiest you’ll ever be
A lantern to light your darkest days
If you give me a chance, I will love you endlessly

I can give you the moon, the stars, and the sea
To the heavens, I’ll gift you the key
But I know, even if I gave you everything,
I can never make you love me.

I live on the edge
The edge of breaking

I’m always on the verge of crying
Always have that lump in my throat

I’m simply lonely
Can’t feel anything but that, and emptiness

I don’t know what I want
Or who I am
But I know where I want to be
And it’s not here

I surround myself with unread books
Procrastinating because I know
They’ll always be unread anyways
With a bullet in my brain
Everything would be scattered
Just like how I feel
Scattered

I don’t even blame it on depression anymore
I think this is how I am
God ****** up when He created me
I am God’s failed project
Or maybe the angels are up there
Laughing at me
Betting on how long I’ll take this
How long I’ll be able to live while this thing is ******* life out of me and fills me with darkness and sorrow.

It could’ve been me
But we always existed in parallel to each other
Always at the wrong place at the right time
Or the wrong time at the right place
Always missing you by a minute, or a block
Missing you by a girl
or two.

It could’ve been me
But all the letters I sent out to space
Hoping they’ll reach you
Got lost somewhere along the way
Somewhere in a forest
Quiet in the night, lost among the leaves
Somewhere in an ocean
Dark at the bottom, lost among the coral reefs


It could’ve been us
I’ve been missing you for five years,
I don’t think I’ll ever stop
You were my brightest star
My beautiful sunrise
And my biggest heartbreak
I dream of you
And I wake up with tears soaking my pillow
These are the only wet dreams that I have
I love you, and I’ll never stop
You were the one for me, the only one for me
You’re gone and I’m hopeless
Because you don’t get lucky twice.

Is there something to be said?
for all the cold lonely nights in my bed.

Is there something to be read?
with all the dark poetry in my head.

My blood runs blue, yours runs red,
it thickens with the lies its been fed.

Tell me about the revolutions you've led,
about all these rotten secrets you've bled.

Tell me about the guilt you've pled,
about the purple lips you've misread.

Tell me about the love you've fled,
about the loneliness you've wed.

Is there something to be said?
I'm already gone, I'm already dead.

When you leave
My hands keep your scent
I hold them close to my chest
As I try to savor every last bit of you

I can’t stop thinking about
That little chuckle you make
My heart beats are unstable
The way your skin feels
Against mine

I now write poetry again
About unrequited love
About how my face feels warmer
When I think of you

You are everything I want
Everything I need
But here I am
Just another thing
For you to stay away from
Another mistake,
You’re careful not to make.

In a parallel universe,
You lay in my bed, with your arms around me
You whisper “you smell like home”
And I hold you a little tighter
Kiss you a little longer
And you kiss me back

In a parallel universe,
You love me too.

I have always found it hard to deal with my emotions, the extremes, the black and white
So when I fell head over heels in love with you from the first night we met, I thought I had lost my mind
I kiss you with passion, in my lips I hold our future, our dreams
My arms stretch out to the sky like an ancient tree, I hold our memories in every branch, I hold our laughs in every leaf
I look at you and see the face I want to look at every night and every morning till the world turns red and the earth explodes and we’re made into a stardust

In a parallel universe,
You think I’m special
You tell me I hold the world in my eyes, I taste like every daydream you’ve had and my warmth feels like the winter of your life is finally over

In a parallel universe,
You want me too.

In this universe,
I lay alone in my bed, with the cold you left when you walked out
One day, you whispered “You smell like my childhood”
I didn’t know how to take that.
I kissed you and you didn’t kiss me back,
I held you and you pushed me away

I love you, and you precisely said you never will.

You think I’m insane, invalidate my feelings
Say that what I think is a special connection between us, is ordinary to you.
You kiss me and your lips are cold
You hold me like you want me to let go
You hurt me repeatedly, like open fire gunshots and laugh when you do it
Why did I fall for a man like you?

A man that came from hell,
A man with the devil in him
I need to know now, what to do with all these feelings
Because I can’t give them to you,
I can’t punish myself anymore.

You were a storm, that swept me off my feet
But as a storm, you completely destroyed me
You did it so smoothly
So unnoticeably, that even I did not know
I did not know how shattered I was, until I broke the heart of a man who’s nothing like you
A man who holds sunshine in his eyes
And sunflowers on his fingertips
A man that appreciates the way I laugh
The way I pronounce his name
I turned into a monster, you see
A million broken pieces glued together
A broken monster,
Just
Like
You.

I killed you
Then cried rivers of blood,
Sent my condolences to your mother,
Grieved you, for months
Until one night, I gazed up to the stars
Realized how someplace in the world
You’re looking at the same sky
Then all of my efforts to bury you have vanished
And my heartbreak rained down on me
Like a million dark cloud
Drowning me under