Why am I bitter?
All the silence trapped in my brain
“I’m not in the mood”
Somehow, I always seem not to be
Why did you leave?
With the walls I painted teal for you
The I love you’s were never heard
And the joy, was never to be felt
Did it ever mean something to you?
Or was it just a dream, hallucinations
A vivid memory

Being held by you
Trapped in your arms
As warm as a blanket
Was all I ever longed for
Like a memories of me as a child
Of never belonging to a playground
Never scraping my knee
But always, my heart

The distance between us
It’s always haunting me
Chasing me down
Pinning my fingers to the map
To the line of oceans
Deserts
Continents
The walls I have painted for you
Are now, pebble grey
Without you
Every shade of grey is conquering
Everything around me turned to grey
Even the books, even the sky.