You lose your mind,
You lose all function of your body
To the point where
A little bit of ***
Escapes,
Your mind is well and truly ******,
Like, hard.
You're shaking,
Quivering,
Practically electrified,
The world seems meaningless
Until you experience
The one thing you have
Been waiting for
For so long.

I am fangirling like a school kid right now,
And the mess of a poem you have just read?

Yeah,
**That mess represents the state I am in right now.

He waits for the wind to carry him home,
Across waves that rise and fall with
The pulsing of his aching heart,
She waits on rocks by the shipwreck,
Wondering how he got away,
He counts his blessings and clutches his chest,
The lurching feeling fading with the haunting
Visions of the flames in her eyes,
She cries and buries her face into her hands,
Tears forming shallow bodies of water
Like the rock pools where she dreamed of
Capturing  his heart.

We are more willing
To read palms
Than to read between the lines,
To want space but
We want to know what goes on in
Dark corners.

I was the ghost you saw before,

I was the shadow beyond your door,

Just call the doctor and take your medicine,

Forget the exorcist and devote all sin

To the phantom under the sheets.

The tarmac rushes beneath my feet,
But my body is sitting still,
Pulled back by the seatbelt so tight,
The journey feels so unreal.
Speeding cars and motorbikes,
The smell of fumes and city lights,
My home is getting closer,
I can feel it. I can feel it.

I miss the house I called a home,
I miss the friends I call my own,
I miss the place I used to see,
Of happy lives, a family,
And now my heart feels heavy.
I feel just a little homesick, tonight.

Catch a coach from the airport,
I’m tired of waiting around,
Suitcase in my left hand,
The sound of the engine’s so loud.
Vehicles will pass on by,
Lost in the dark and the city lights,
My home is even closer,
I can see it. I can see it.

I miss the house I called a home,
I miss the friends I call my own,
I miss the place I used to see,
Of happy lives, a family,
And now my heart feels heavy.
I feel just a little homesick, tonight.

Smiling faces will guide me,
The signs on the road will guide me,
The hope of going home will guide me,
To cure my homesickness, tonight.

High above the clouds,
Reality seems so false,
Daydreams fuel escape.

Hey stranger,
Sitting at the bar alone,
Let's exchange our numbers,
Or get a taxi home.
You've got me on your mind,
You've caught me like a cold,
The gun is locked and loaded,
Let's pull the trigger and watch the night explode.

We'll lead a revolution once more,
Lying on the bedroom floor,
The white flag is buried beneath our piles of clothes,
We'll search it like it's treasured gold,
Just kiss me and surrender.

Throw our anchors out onto the shore,
The storm is raging,
But we're engaging
In an intimate warfare and we're breaking the law.

Wolf in sheep's clothing and the wool covers my eyes,
Held my heart in your hands and you're feasting
On the lies,
The love,
Lust,
Desire,
It's getting hot and we're playing with the fire.

Throw our anchors out onto the shore,
The storm is raging,
But we're engaging
In an intimate warfare and we're breaking the law.
You know,
I know,
One of us will win,
But for now we'll dance in the dark and do everything.

Although the hate will still haunt,
I'll love who I want,
My heart only belongs to him,
Push me and try,
To change my mind,
But love was never a sin,
Push me and break me,
But you'll never take me,
I will never give in,
The gay guy will fight,
To have his own rights,
Equality will win.
I won't hide who I adore,
Or expect an applause,
I want to be with him,
So excuse me and be quiet,
Because I won't even deny it,
I'm just as gay on the outside as within.

My body's carved from stone,
My lungs are made of gold,
Put a candle to my heart
And it'll die from the cold,
The cathedral bells they ring,
But the martyrs dare to sing,
They only seem to whisper my name.

The only air I breathe
Is the smoke from a fire,
Composure is my friend
As I dance on a wire,
Yes the people stop to stare
But little do I care,
They're only making fools of themselves.

I'm steady as a hunter
Like a shark in the tide,
Don't break above the surface
I'll be caught and I will die,
Try to live on higher levels
But I am just a rebel,
And invincibility falls to its knees.

Hit the ground hard,
Rosary beads hit the dust,
Praying on your knees
That you have seen the last of us,
Heaven's gates are far from calling,
And your graces are still falling,
Repent and confess your darkest sins,
The Devil is coming, don't let him in,
Do not embrace his smouldering charm,
Or let him take you by the arm,
Or ****** your soul and accept his kiss,
That burns like acid and tastes like bliss,
Don't fall for his lust or burning desire,
Or for eternity you will be trapped within the fire.

You are the earthquake,
Tearing apart the ground
Beneath my aching feet
After years of running from
Your destruction,
You let me fall through the cracks
Like sand through fingertips,
Consumed by the dark,
Falling past wonderland
And the other side of the Earth,
Drowning in a sea of stars,
Flushed away to the farthest reaches
Of the universe
Just so I can feel beautiful again,
To reshape myself to fit the new mould
That I constructed after you had
So effortlessly contorted the previous one with your bare hands,
Like smoke and mirrors,
An optical illusion,
There are things that your eyes
Cannot see that are burnt into
My skin,
That I can't scrub from me as if
They were mud stains,
From skidding to avoid the collision
Of my dignity.
I am left suspended in ignorant bliss,
Silent and calm,
Comfortable and collected.

Those who are held back by depression are often viewed as 'miserable' or 'negative', but people really do not understand the fragile nature that these sufferers must face. It is an unconditionally delicate misconception, one of which that encourages society to hold such a stereotypical perception it can ultimately tip the scales and cause unfaltering chaos on the body, the mind and the soul. We are left to pick up the pieces of ourselves from the stone-like words that people throw at us, the icy glances when they see that we're trying to hold back stale tears that we were unable to release the night before and instead faced a daunting and relentless course of insomnia, the cold shoulder when we are desperate to breathe and release the demons that cloud our heads and our judgements in order to feel free again. It is unnerving to think that we must wander through life as shadows whilst others dance in the carefree sunlight of their ignorance. They are blinded by the sun rays of misunderstanding or lack of interest, they are educated but do not put their knowledge and understanding to the test and instead flee when the school bell of fear and commitment resonates through the hallowed halls of our hearts, our arteries, veins, capillaries, blood cells.

It is a tragic and petrifying truth, one of which breaks me a little more inside as each day passes.

It is always difficult to describe depression,
There are so many interpretations
That people hold,
This is my own.

You're standing on the cliffs edge,
Looking out towards the horizon of life,
Then you see the storm clouds rolling in,
The thunderous roars of trepidation
And the lightning bolts of painful reminiscence
Mirroring the silver scars on your skin,
Then the mighty winds of worthlessness
Hauls you over the edge.
The cool air brushes against your face
As you descend towards the black water below,
Every inch of you is screaming for you to stop
But you can't,
You have lost complete control and you are weak,
Defenceless,
Vulnerable,
Amidst the whistling winds in your ears
You hear the names, the bullying,
The cries of disappointment,
The reminiscent sound of ***** against porcelain,
You hit the water and shatter the surface
And you pray that you have stopped,
Things will bet better ,
But instead you continue to sink,
Numb, cold, aching,
You want to cry but you feel so empty,
Like the bitter sting of the salty ocean
Has clinged to your skin and draws out
The last ounce of feeling you had left to hold on to,
You stare at the surface,
Wide eyes desperately searching for rescue,
The fractured refraction of a flare in the stormy sky,
A hand to plunge into the water and pull you out
And revive you.

I have been fortunate enough to be pulled from
The ocean,
Revived countless times
After feeling like I will spend eternity
Living in the shipwreck of my insecurities.
It is my duty to scour the world and throw a life ring
To every lost soul who deserves to be atop the
Cliffs edge where they can once again watch
Another hopeful sunrise of hope break on the
Mundane horizon.

Black and blue eyes
From rolling with the punches,
Another lonely night
From relying on the hunches,
Flicking through the channels
And hoping for a sign
That tonight will the night
He won't walk another line,
Shielding his face from the red and blue,
Slurring his words
Because he hasn't got a clue,
Where he is
Or why he's behind bars,
A night in a cell
Because he's written off his car.
He wonders why women walk away,
Why they give him the finger
Or why he never gets their name,
But then again he enjoys the rush,
Of taking them to bed
With another heart to crush,
Of sleeping in sheets
That still smell of Chanel,
From the woman before
Who said "go to hell".
He puts on his shoes
And walks through the door,
Hoping tonight
He'll once again score.

Caught in the middle of a nuclear warfare,
And we make love beneath the mushroom cloud,
Sparks fly amidst the dust and rubble
From the remnants of our incinerated world.
Hollow hearts like Chernobyl,
Desolate and dilapidated,
Chemicals still lingering deep beneath the soil,
Forbidden to connect and to flourish
With one another.
Veins lined with toxic waste
That spill from our mouths
When we kiss,
Our skin is radioactive
When we touch,
The boiling point
Before we have a total meltdown,
Slowly eroding
Into ash and ruins.

I watched the sky transform
Overhead,
As the sun set
It flourished more than ever.

I watched in awe
As it changed colour,
The clouds shed its white washed skin
And boasted an undulating opalescence
Of pink and lilac,
Soft like candyfloss,
I felt compelled to reach up
And sink my teeth into it,
Only to let the rain fall
Onto my lips and seep
Into my skin.

I traced the clouds
To the horizon,
Where fiery hues of
Orange burned bright
Like wildfire,
An irresistible iridescence
That filled my belly with
An inferno
Not even the Seven Seas
Could tame.

Before long,
The stars filtered through
The kaleidoscopic creation,
Illuminating the Universe
Like the London Skyline.

I pick one amongst the
Palette of scattered clouds
And wish that I can witness
This masterpiece
*The same time tomorrow

Show me your flaws and I'll show you mine,
The moment is raw and I won't decline,
The chance to be open,
The chance to be kind,
A finger to my lips
To hush words I can't find,
Scars don't determine
Your final appearance,
Nor is perfection
Your final endearment.

I have wounds of my own
But alas you can't see,
Echoes of war that
Ripple through me,
Deep beneath skin
And deep beneath veins,
Tucked away safely
In the confines of a brain,
Kept in a box wrapped in a ribbon,
Collecting dust and carefully hidden,
Away from hands that try to pry,
Scratching at surfaces try after try,
Scrounching for scraps and forever hoping,
That pandora's box will finally be opened

Heartbeats and concrete,
Skyscrapers and commuters,
Dreams and believers.

You're just another cigarette in a packet,
Another ounce of poison that captivates
The senses and destroys me from the inside,
I taste you on my lips,
Another heavy drag,
Inhaling the sickening smoke
And exhaling the ghost of you,
You line my soul with tar,
Block the lungs and you choke me,
Suffocating,
Yet I still desire your touch,
Killing me softly.

Mary Jane please don't tell,
But I'm stuck under your spell,
Amsterdam secrets,
Promise me you will keep them,
Higher than the stars at night,
Don't let me fall 'cause  I'm as free as a kite.

The grass is always greener,
Between the cold tips of my fingers,
Spark the lighter and savour,
The smoke and the flavour,
Mary Jane won't deceive me,
In my mind where she calms me.

One last puff until I'm sober,
The come down won't mean it's over,
Come back tomorrow and I'll be fine,
When Mary Jane loves me from the inside.