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Apr 2020 · 194
When you turn back
Indigo Apr 2020
Go along
Skip into a new lover's song
Just acknowledge,
What i tell you From experience...
You will always love me more
...
That's how deep we've bit into each other's bones.

1 year, 3 months, 9 days gone
I am now a vague description of what my life should have been
Though i hide it with excel
When i walk my limb can tell

Just how deep we've bit into each other's bones
I have been messed up for about a year now and i hadn't written anything in so long.. this morning i just randomly spilled this out and decided to come share it here!
Do you believe after one meets the love of their live they could find satisfaction somewhere else ?
I do!
I do think you can find love again and be happy and stable... It's just... at some corner of your mind..Impossible to forget
Sep 2019 · 158
How ridiculous emotions are
Indigo Sep 2019
You were
My worst fall

Yet now
On my
Worst days
I would miss you
Apr 2019 · 164
The Four Seasons
Indigo Apr 2019
I love you every spring
You hold me in the summer
Then break me in the winter
I wither in the Autumn

Then love you in the spring.
Feb 2019 · 284
When i fall asleep
Indigo Feb 2019
Every boy i have ever loved
Broke something.

One broke my heart
One broke my chasity
The next broke my *****
Then broke my sanity
The last broke my trust
Broke my serenity
My faith
And my gullibility

then here comes you
Asking for a chance
To prove you would break nothing

I am no longer gullible
So I don't belive that

But i do not learn from the past
I erase it
When i fall asleep

It's okay
Stay
until you're no longer
It's okay
Stay
.
Jan 2019 · 237
On The Edges
Indigo Jan 2019
You're a blue whale
You can not fly
I'm a blue bird
I live in the sky
You say we can not meet
Can not love
Till we die

But there is a line
That collides the sea with the sky
A line very fine
Yet divine
A thin surface

Too close to air for whales to find you
Too close to sea for birds to find me
Keep this our secret
Love me
On the edges
Of our two worlds

Love me through the storm
Love me when the seas are angry
Love me when the winds blow
Love me when the ships are sinking
And the buildings fall
Even if the storms bring death
You and i know
They are the time our worlds combine
Every one will run and hide
Hold me
Hold me tight
Everything will be Allright.
Jan 2019 · 281
I Burn 2000 Times
Indigo Jan 2019
"i love you"
Is at the tip of my tongue
Every time you make me laugh

You make me laugh
Every 6 seconds.

"i wish i could kiss you"
Is at the edge of my mind
Every time you look me in the eye

You look me in the eye
Every 4 seconds

"i will melt or burn or die"
Is at the bottom of my heart
Every time
You're touch pumbs in mine

You're touch pumbs in mine
Every 2 seconds

____________

"I'm happy we're friends again"
   Is all what falls
    From my lips
     Every time that my heart skips

  My heart skips
   In an infinite way
    Through the infinite 1 hour
      That you're here with me.
If life were not so complicated...
Jan 2019 · 329
Fractures
Indigo Jan 2019
2 years ago
You broke my heart
I forgave you

1 year ago
You broke my sanity
I forgave you

1 day ago

You broke my rib

When do i stop forgiving you?
I never thought my 3 year boyfriend would end up being a psychotic abuser... I don't know how to not love him though
Dec 2018 · 214
The Flickers
Indigo Dec 2018
Every night
I stare at a particular star
It's light isn't steady
It rather flickers.

I asked a friend
He said it meant
That It's been dead For years
And years
And no one even knows
No one notices
As long as it still sends it's light
Over the hundreds of millions of miles.

I asked myself
Why he never noticed
How it's been a while
Since i started to flicker.
Dec 2018 · 121
In my pocket
Indigo Dec 2018
How do you share a bed with someone
Share your breakfast with someone
Share your thoughts with someone
Share your laughs and tears and dreams and past and fears

Then meet them someday
On a side walk
And "stranger-small talk"

How do you hide all of that in your pocket
How do you shove it down your throat
How don't you hug them and cry your lungs out.

How did i do that
Just last night.
I always wonder how people just un-love someone.. Treat them normally after once having such intensive intamacy
Dec 2018 · 275
Predestined
Indigo Dec 2018
Do not wish for me so much
In your prayers.
I will be the biggest nothing
That you've touched.
Oct 2018 · 907
the yellow curtain
Indigo Oct 2018
"I never learned how to un-love people"
I told you on a lazy afternoon.
A yellow curtain changing the shades of the room that was blue
From lilac to green to the colors of the drops of dew.

"i cannot love you if you still love him"
You told me with a change in your tone

"but love can come in so many shapes! I could leave but still care although!"

Now the room Is still blue
And lilac
  And green
   But empty.

    I am six months into something new
      But i still never learned
        How to ever un-love
         Every heart that i one day knew.
How do you learn to un-love someone you once carried in your heart?
Oct 2018 · 657
Hello Hello poetry
Indigo Oct 2018
All the broken pieces
That I've seen in here
They Are
Beauty

All these Sharp edges
Imperfections
Tragedy
Fear
Marvelous Minds that are never clear

If pain is art
Then pain is beauty
From this angle
Of sincerity
From this window
Of dark fields
Mingled with drops of hope and faith
And fight
and strength
And messed up spectrum tinted dreams

Pray it would never
Disappear
To everyone and every poem I've read in here. With love
Indigo Oct 2018
On some days i miss your trauma

But never you.

I never miss the good days
Or the details
Or the mornings in bed sheets.

Perhaps because i never understood,
What i was or you were or we were,
so the trauma

Never washed away.
Sep 2018 · 383
1 moment past insight
Indigo Sep 2018
This is when i write my best poems

When there is
So much
Inside
Messed
Tangled
Intertwined
Unraveled
Kept aside
Forgotten
Brought back
Rememberd
Ignored
You Decide
Undecide
And then one hundred words fall into a piece of paper like drops of rain hurling from the sky.

You can not expect it
You may not understand it
But you
Feel

Feel the moment
It collides
With your soul
Finds a home
In your ribs
It's a trauma
In disguise.
Sep 2018 · 193
To understand regret
Indigo Sep 2018
Truth is
I would have rather stayed
in my childish haze of believe
in a hidden goodness inside the devil's heart
Than swallow this poison wrenching my throat
every time your name passes by.

Why did everybody have to tell me every truth they knew?

I would have rather held on to my favorite quote
"to live life with no regrets"
But here i am... Swallowing my first.

I swallow it and it hits a crack in my heart
A tremble in my pupils
A grey shadow on my soul
The one they call "growing up"

I understand there are no super heroes
There are no secret powers underneath
If you are good you are good
And if you are bad
You are
bad.
This has a realy long back story
I just randomly spilled it out while driving around today
I just realized i - for the first time- regret something
That i had met my first toxic and minipulating relation
And that i had survived it.
I no longer think of it as flowers and nice memories, i understand where i was, and where i never want to be again.
Indigo Aug 2018
For I was tought of men to be
Uncaring,not the same as we
They do not listen when we speak
They'll love to boss you all around
And have u worship at their feat
They'll tell you how to dress and talk, and maybe also how to breath
Details are none of their concerns
The kind of makeup that you wear
The color that you dye your hair
The necklace that you bought today
How you just hate that ***** called may !

You made me doubt that i was wrong..
But then again so wrong was i
Its you who are too heavenly
To know how earthly men would be!
I wrote this 3 years ago when i first met the love of my life
Aug 2018 · 229
Stranded
Indigo Aug 2018
You love me
With the intensity
Of a Tornado

Bite my lips

When it hits me
It breaks up
All my signals
All my raders

Grab my hair

I am stranded
S O S
3 long-3 short
Mayday Mayday

Nothing finds me.

Pull my waist

I have landed on your shores
Burned my boats
Threw my resources in the storm
Let nobody come and save me

Kiss my neck

I may wake and want to go
But where to?
This shore is where ends my world
These seas are where stops my pulse
If i try to leave you're home
It's the day

Spread my legs

I try to die.
I haven't written in so long...
May 2018 · 286
Paper Cuts
Indigo May 2018
Touch me,
If i don't open your heart up
Letting the blood seep out the flesh,
Love me
May 2018 · 488
The Crimson Lady Hunt
Indigo May 2018
You are blue
Very, very blue
Wouldn't you like to be a shade of indigo?
May 2018 · 348
Three Feet
Indigo May 2018
Remember my scent
Remember my touch
Remember how it felt.

Remember it all,
Now put it in a box
Now close it tight
Now Keep it in a place with enough light
A place you can see,
But can't reach.

It will always be there
Unopened
Unreached
Untouched
But there.

It will not reach you
Will not touch you
But there.

It is
But is not.

Keep it,
At a distance
Of three feet.
Don't delete it
-one doesn't delete the past-
But don't inhale it
It will ***** your head
make you mess the facts.

Three feet
Away
Until the three feet could be two
And one
And zero
Without a heart that aches.

Until it's just box
In a place with enough light
That you can see
But don't wish
To reach.
May your heart heal, broken lover
May 2018 · 321
That Rare Beauty
Indigo May 2018
Beautiful women are everywhere.
Beautiful souls are found rather rare.
I may be none.i may be both.
I may be a third type that I chose.
All that you need,to make your judgement fair
Is to know I'm a women
who in need will be there.
I wrote this poem in 2014 and found it today between some scraps
May 2018 · 342
A Love Complexity
Indigo May 2018
I love you
You hurt me
  I hate you
   I miss you
     I kiss you
      I love you.
I hurt you
You hate me
  You miss me
   You kiss me
     You love me
       You hurt me
         I hate you
          I miss you
           I kiss you
            I love you.
I hurt you
You hate me
  You miss me
   You kiss me
    You love me
      You hurt me
        I hate you
         I miss you
          I kiss you
           I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Imagine each full stop as a sound of the stop of a typing machine.. Goes like "Ting" in your head
Apr 2018 · 258
Day Five Million
Indigo Apr 2018
I get attached to people for breakfast;
           i get my heart broken for dinner
Apr 2018 · 1.1k
The Transgender of Empathy
Indigo Apr 2018
You are self aware that love is your way of saving a life.

Remember the ex who was suicidal
Then the one with father issues
The one with loneliness the size of the sky
The one with a thousand scars on his arm
That one who was an introvert
The one who was an addict
The one who had depression for breakfast
And the one who loved self harm

Who saves you when realize you don't know how to love?
All that was empathy
All that was sympathy

All these boys you wished to save
But never did
All these boys you wished to save
But left in the end
All these boys you wished to save
But killed instead.
This is not a poem in the true sense of the word, but rather expressing feelings and thoughts that haunt my head during this time of my life.. And that is the essence of poetry i believe.
Apr 2018 · 310
The Firefly Effect
Indigo Apr 2018
I will love you like a hurricane hit your house
Broken glass will be your bed
Rain will drown your wrenched roof
After mass will ruin your head
You don't know
With three words
What you could be singing to
.
Run
.
Run
.
But you won't
How being self aware could help you save somebody's heart
Apr 2018 · 472
Rewind
Indigo Apr 2018
Let me submerge you
   In love
      And loss
         And all that is in between
I have been here before!!
Mar 2018 · 422
Devine Irony
Indigo Mar 2018
HaHa
The god laughed
As he drew my heart a perfect match
To the one man
That would die for me
But who'd also **** me
In a moment of outlash
...
So haha
This is not a poem about life, this is a poem about death
Ahout bruises
About going back every time
About never learning when it's enough
This is not what i would write, this is sickness that was written since my birth
Is this what they call destiny?

This is trading life.. For love
Mar 2018 · 285
When Ridges Bleed
Indigo Mar 2018
I carry the compassion of the whole earth
Inside the landscapes
Of my tiny, fist-sized heart
But each time i cut a tree
To build a bridge
From ridge to ridge
I loose a little bit of life
Then each time a bridge falls
I wonder
was the blood shed
worth it all.
For all those who left with pieces of my soul
Mar 2018 · 343
Can one dissolve to stone?
Indigo Mar 2018
I wonder
If i stick to the wall
With every part of my soul
Would it be
just enough
To merge these feelings
into stone?
Mar 2018 · 528
Re-Eviction
Indigo Mar 2018
Too many times
Had i searched for homes
Inside some strangers' collarbones

Too many times
Had i been rejected
evicted
traumatized

Too many times had i apologized
To my body
for being cruel.
as I'd found my words poor
so instead made it pour

out my crimson red life.
But those scars don't forgive me
Mar 2018 · 411
Collide - Catastrophe
Indigo Mar 2018
But i wonder
What would happen
If a Tornado of feelings
met a volcano of emotions
Would they melt the seas
Maybe wreck the lands?
Send catastrophes. Or
would the current
Turn the lava
Into cold
still
stone
  .
Mar 2018 · 886
How to forget your ex:
Indigo Mar 2018
Forget their kiss
Forget the gaze in their eyes
Erase those lips
And the touch of their fingertips
And their scent, and their lies
Now cry
and cry
and cry
Then forget
how to cry.
Indigo Mar 2018
Apperantly.. Nobody is who they seem to be.
The loving, protective boyfriend.. Is not actually protective
The ******* with the worst reputation is the sweetest, most insecure person
The girl who throws stones in her words is in fact as tender and fragile as a flower
That friend that thanked you so much for being there, is a fucken psychopath that want to ruin you
Your bestfriend for years would choose her new boyfriend over you
The friends you met a few months ago would choose you over their family
The group that brought you in with all the density of love, but turned out to be using you.
That mother, that disturbed her child in the mind
That father, that ***** his daughter
That innocent seeming child... who molested you
That boy you swore was only your friend..
But loved
That same boy who swore it too but loved you back.
What a world to be alive in!
What a life you have had?
Where Apperantly.. Nobody is who they seem to be.
Feb 2018 · 217
The Final Sun
Indigo Feb 2018
What's going on in that messed up, damaged, beautiful mind
In a warm afternoon, you let me inside
I caught a glimpse
Of thousand suns collide
The colors of 7 skies and a black hole combined
A painting, Divine
I gazed
The next moment, you shut the blinds!

How very godlike
To give a taste
Then retreat
Unaccountable for a crime
Of blinding one's reception.
From ugly, to beautiful, to ugly, to devoid.
The latter, the most crucial.
Like stabbing me blind
Who gave you the right?

I weep
For icarus had fallen and surely will i
Your suns seep in my heart
They leave traces
A sun is fire,
Need i explane how the traces mark?

I am a human
Cursed with longing and hoping and hating and spite
Cursed with hurting and fearing but loving despite
Cursed with wanting to orbit as one of your suns
Or burning as speks of your ashes as i try

— The End —