I don't think I will be loved this lifetime
no one will claim me and says she's mine.

I don't think loneliness will ever leave my side
he's my husband, and I'm his bride

I don't think intimacy is something Ill achieve
they will get too close, and I will fearfully leave.

I only wish someone was brave enough to stop my self-destruction
after all I'm just a delicate woman child in need of severe loving.

the sadness of the eyes is always the first sign

the second is an apparent lack of care

thirdly, feelings they no longer share

then, they neglect their health

lastly, they accept their death.

On her knees
Willing to please
Hands connected
Questions deflected    

fall from grace
disgraced face
****** tears
human fears

“What have I done?”
Orphaned daughter
Afraid to hear the answer
From God’s son

I think it's funny
that you think no one notices you.

I Bet it would make you smile,
to know that I do.

Every morning, day, and afternoon
and that's not it....

I hope to introduce myself to you very soon.

No matter how much I clean
I can't escape this filth
this dirt, this blackness...

this sin that is me
I swam a million miles
and even tried to cross the red sea,
it washed away my hope
of who I could be...

I crawl out my skin
to have it only grow back
darker, stronger, more black
more sin...

it chokes my soul
when it returns,
"Where have you been?"
I lie, telling it "No where,
I could never leave you my friend."

love and laughter we enjoy now
this will end, I'm sure how.

bodies we shared
bed defiled.

the game wasn't fair
too many fouls.

when it's over I'll die inside
but flash a smile.

then I'll apologize
and take a bow.

insomnia has become a gateway
to my new drug
sheets are my lover
lonley body it hugs.
brown burden
outstretched
and laid
routine nights
spontaneous days.
if I never awake
sleeps cousin
has become my fate.
with confidence
blame my death
on sleep aid.

Woe to her with a daughter.
men just play this love thing smarter,
and us women, well we just love harder.

Blessed is the she who bores a son,
I was born with a heart
but surely I'll die without one.

not sure if I am cold
like they believe
or simply numb,
from being treated coldly
for so **** long.

a pretty girl whose smile
is always in rare form
spectators judge
others intriqued
with the quiet storm.

"knock knock,
is anybody home?"
I AM HERE,
but my emotions
are long gone.

White smoke
I slowly inhale
for I am in no rush to
make it to HELL.

There is no worse pain
than seeing babies grow
into kids who hardly ever
call your name.

It's hard to compete with the world,
it's glory, it's beauty, it's fame.

Is my generation to blame?

with sin,
I keep testing my father.

I fear one day

I'll ask for forgiveness,
& He won't bother.

Some days I feel so close
you feel like my skin.
Some days I feel so far
our distance will never end.

hugs, kisses, & kind words
don't reach your heart within.
I still try, aiming high despite
failing and missing over & again.

I apologize to my lovers & kin
sorry for now and back when,
I couldn't love you like I desired
because of this human sin.

I had never felt rejection to your degree
I was charismatic, who could resist me?

you turned away from my tender kisses
though my direct passes never misses

I'm left asking what went wrong
did I come on way too strong?

you were the sweetest most sour person I've ever known....

pity parties.
I'm my only guest
i have to go now
must look my best

the only things I'm good at is
poetry
and making people smile!

But oh how my soul hurts at night

because I have yet to find
anyone to stay with me
a longer while....

Memory is gone
Like a chunk of my heart
Feelings are numb
Emotions I shun
Love has wasted
Failures I’ve tasted
Memory is shattered
Deadliest glass
Veil I wear
True self truly masked
Best actress award
Goes to me
Kidnapped life
Stolen identity

It was the closest thing to love
I ever knew.
It's funny how this tiny
feeling grew.
I said I had felt it all
I had not, it was not true.
What we had was something new
warmth you gave,
soul kisses you blew
so, no matter who I'm with
I'll forever love and thank you!

cologne in the air
can't help but stare

not sure why I care
skin flawless and fair

in my blue heart lies a tear
which for you, I shamelessly wear

you don't deserve me I swear
yet even with options I'm not going anywhere

Still waters may run deep
But sometimes
Down the creek
Appears a crack
And that same water
Eventually
Seeps.

my lover asked a favor
I refused, his agony I savor

mouth drenched in gold
breathe ice cold

lips as gatekeepers
passion they hold

the power of a kiss
is a secret untold

never ask for what you want
Take it. Be bold!

you were welcoming,
yet rejection clouded my action.

you were kind,
still fear was on my mind.

you wore a smile,
time never stayed a long while.

you left,
and I never formally introduced myself.

you were light shining so beautifully,
I watched from afar so pitifully.

Now you're gone,
and a friend in you I wished I'd known.

Eyes wait on me like I'm the table
Pour me some'n brown, black label.
Lips pursed as a coke cola curve.
She said hello, I held back the urge.
Before I said goodbye, I fought up the nerve....
To utter only those last four words.

summer hates me

and guess what?

I hate her back.

I am jealous of the sun
because it gets to touch you for fun.

I am jealous of the heat
because your knees, it makes weak.

I am jealous of the breeze
because your body, it gets to tease.

I am jealous of the summer,
because you love her
and I want to be your only lover.

I suffer in silence
I silence my tears
my tears choke my breath
the pain hurts like death
because I'm dying
and there is no one to help

How does one carry on,
when her strenght is gone?
I want to return home
but heaven has no phone
so I live another day---and die
praying to my deaf father
with my mute cries.

Yesterday,
In church
I prayed.

Because even here
I am not safe.
Even here
lust is in my way.
Protect me father,
with you, I am saved.

Lord forgive me,
for my impure thoughts
on your holy day.

Sharks are feared.
Whales are respected.
the water forever flows
the others do not know
or care where the little one goes.

Alone.
Too far gone,
is a little fish
swimming to a distant place
she can call home.

Big world.
Little me.
2 be the little fish in the great big sea
is the deepest darkest blue
called misery.

To go unnoticed for so long
makes you think it won't be so wrong,
to disappear, to be gone.

To be alive and feel dead
makes life seem strange
inside your head.

To hear you're loved
but feel the opposite
makes you feel not meant.

Time wasted,
energy spent
people you begin to resent.

they say let it go
but it's difficult
when it's the only life you know.

Today I saw my love &
cupid paralyzed my face
with a arrow in my neck from high above.

now I sit here smiling.
now I'm stuck.

but,
this moment is everything;
this feeling is perfect enough.

I remember wanting you so bad
I could taste you
strawberry kisses
and cotton candy blue
your love was like candy from strangers
I took it, but was not supposed too.

Greedy for pleasure,
thirsty for your touch,
ingredients went away, I began to rush
I was in the kitchen
and the heat I became too much.

And then like bubblegum,
sweet then bitter...
I  popped off...and
blew...........away my chance
at such a delicious romance.

Today I got a tattoo,
it reminded me of you.

It hurt like hell,
made me cry,
sadness swelled up in my right eye.

I like things that are bad for me I wonder why?

But it's very beautiful, so now I'm happy,
although at first the feeling was really ******.

Many are called
few are chosen
death is open
life is closing
sin is winning
souls are losing
therefore, it's God
that I'm choosing!

You said I never hug you,

You claim I never care,

but you never kiss me,

still, my affections I wanted to share.

I took the heart off my sleeve

and gave it to you to wear.

Because, since day one,

I've loved you *teddy bear

what is the strongest human emotion?

I fear the answer to that question...

They all want my love,
But I don't have the time.

They think of me often,
But money is on my mind.

They think they know me,
But I am a very rare kind.

Libra is my sign,
So read between the lines.

I remember that night
like I remember my name
you were a game
I wanted to play
but I played it cool
calmly I lay
as you touched my body
and kissed my face
we did not rush
we did not race
that night was truly beautiful
blessed by your *grace

dark shades to hide the pain

bright clothes to cover her woes

big personality to hide shes unhappy

drugs to soothe her feeling of ******

how miserable this girl is but,

life is nothing more than an acting biz

her name was season
she could change four times.
her name was silver,
they called her dime.
her name was motion
she came, and went.
they called her good-time,
money well spent.
her name was legend
villain, hero, lover, and friend.
she left with everything,
that's how the story begins...

Informal name* : superficial libra dame

attaracted to all persons beautiful

How did I
Allow myself to be used?
Too compromising
Abused thereafter
Searching frantically
For a clue
Why would you?
How could he,
Hurt me so badly?
Maybe I’m selfish
Or foolish too
I can’t come to terms
With the things he do

We argue,
And I say the meanest things.

Angels cry,
Demons sing.

I always apologize,
And willingly accept your lies.

I’ve died too many times
And life has no rewind...

I died at birth
I died at church
Died as a girl
Died in the world

I’ve died far too much
Reality is no longer in touch...

somtimes shy.
beautiful people make me weird;
the reasons why.