goodby Betty,don’t remember me
pencil your eyes dear and have a good time
with the tall tight boys at Tabari’
s,keep your teeth snowy, stick to beer and lime,
wear dark,and where your meeting ******* are round
have roses darling,it’s all i ask of you—
but that when light fails and this sweet profound
Paris moves with lovers,two and two
bound for themselves,when passionately dusk
brings softly down the perfume of the world
(and just as smaller stars begin to husk
heaven)you,you exactly paled and curled

with mystic lips take twilight where i know:
proving to Death that Love is so and so.

I have loved this time spent and shared
with you, said some things that meant
something to me, and read some beautiful
thoughts and words said by others.

Frankly this thing, this site can become
down right addictive, and before we know it
a whole day is shot, we might even give up
needed sleep to pursue it.

Like any addiction it needs to be controlled,
taken if at all, in small doses and that then
is my intention.

For new and old friends, I treasure your
warm embrace and no doubt I shall return.
There are other things I must and wish to do,
and as in all matters, I peruse everything in moderation.
Hugs of friendship to all, keep writing, be happy.
Thanks for the tutorial on Poetry communication.
I very much enjoyed it.

In a field of flowers, the marigolds
waved to say hello on behalf of the
wind.  It was not, at that time,
well understood, that the wind had
cosmic drifts of stars, like blossoming
marigolds, to be parried with steel
and resolve.  The numbers added up
to amounts obscured and contradicted.
This interminable universe swirled in
spirals set by the hysterical gardener.
The telephone operator was calm.

Late last night I saw something fall from the sky,
I happened to be in the kitchen making tuna on rye.
As I looked out my window it landed in my yard.
It crushed the pink flamingos, the wife took it hard.

I stood there at the window taking in the sight,
Bright lights flashing red, blue, and white.
Then suddenly a door slid open, I was seized by fright.
But my wife had gone out the door, in her hand a kitchen knife.

As the little green man stepped out, he was looking fine,
In a tye dye tee shirt, waving his hands in a peace sign,
Looking like he had come straight from the sixties,
I think he was expecting to find some hippies.

Thinking this guy might be peaceful, I tackled my wife,
As she dropped the knife, I yelled, "He might be nice".
The little green man then pulled out a bic and gave it a flick,
As he held two finger to his lips, I realized his vice.

As I had given that up long ago, I had nothing to share.
But the little guys face showed such despair,
I went into the house and got the beer from the fridge,
And grabbed the Nacho Doritos for this astorial kid.

We sat on the lawn chairs out under the sky,
drinking the beer, eating tuna on rye.
I asked where he was from, he just pointed up.
When we finished our beers, I said good luck.

Back to the spaceship the little man went,
his steps were unsteady, I think he was spent.
He got in the spaceship and closed the door.
As I waved goodby, the spaceship took off with a roar.

I heard on the news later that night,
That something had crashed in a field, lips were tight.
But I heard a rumor, that someone was found alive.
I guess I should have told him not to drink and fly.

One year on....

My Nana has unfortunately passed away after a valiant fight against cancer. In this passing we have lost a lovely woman who meant the world to our whole family. Me and my cousins affectionally called her 'straight Nana' as when we were younger we were lucky to also still have our great gran around who we called 'curly Nana' this was based on the fact that Nana Pauline has Straight hair and her mother had curly hair. In all my years I've have never heard even a choice word said against her spirit or character which is truly a rare commodity in this day and age.



She lived a full life and had three amazing daughters and a step son who she raised as her own. Thirteen grandchildren one being myself and five great grandkids. Thankfully we recently all got together and she was able to see her whole family together for the first time. I could see how happy it made her that day to see the legacy she had created and more importantly that we all were in a good place before she left us for the final time.



'May the wind always be on your back and the sun always upon your face and may the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars '



My mother was very young when she had me so the support that my Nan gave her as I grew up was vital. Without her me and my mum would of struggled but we always had a safetynet of support that we could rely on that was invaluable to us both. I know this notion is appreciated by my aunties and cousins too. We all share our own individual special memories as well as collective moments too that we will never forget. I would appreciate it so much if anybody has any memories stories that they wish to share as I know they will help us all as a family as we cope with this difficult time.




Cara: ". I once mistakingly rang there (labour club) instead of nanas house looking for mum, nana answered anyway, and passed me on to mum! Good job I got the wrong number! 



Her husband John is a great man who was with my Nana for her last 20 years. He is a part of our family and I hope he knows that we will always be here for him and I look I will look forward to his Sunday Dinners in future and having a beer in the back garden in tribute to our usual routine. I know I'm not alone when I say we are always here for you and we love you
and respect you so much. If you ever need anything please do not forget that.


She had a a gift for poetry that was exposed when she made her way to Facebook. I would always giggle at the little dittys she would loving, yet embarrassingly post to our Facebook walls with affection, nailing little pockets of the personalities of the protagonists each time she wrote them. Reading back some of these small potent poems know I smile as a proud Grandson and I'm happy we will all each have our own little prose to refer to in the future. 




From Moat Road, to Winterslow Avenue, Clover  Croft and finally your home in Widnes - I'll always remember each place fondly for reasons as they represents different periods of my life as I've grown up. My blue bear and parties, your back garden at Moat Road. Snowballs and magic tricks, teddy football at Winterslow Avenue. Clovere Croft was a place of refuge in my teenage years, your naughty rabbits and old school cooked dinners and misbehaving Malig. The dog who you took in and never left your side. The Labour club, where you worked hard and played hard! The beautiful garden you have created that will grow and remind us of your colourful nature as the flowers grow and bloom each year. I know John will tender them with care and think of you with a smile as he listens to smooth FM and remembers all the great times that you both spent together there. 



'if winter comes can spring be far behind?'



As a woman she was truly beautiful, a short stunning blonde. Her three daughters each different in ways but each a  reflection of there mother in their own unique ways.  Looking at them now they are all testament to her gorgeous genes and gentle, kind nature.



Nana was the most amazing crossword completer I have ever met. I was consistently surprised by her ability to finish these crosswords as she watched daytime TV and it was one of the small funny things that made me really proud of her. She filled in the gaps that was synomomus to her life.

Each of her daughters have fought through hard times and she provided a back bone of support that helped them reach the stability and happiness in their lives today. I know she said to me personally how she had comes to terms with her fate and that she was especially happy my Aunty Julie has found happiness with a good man like her sisters. I feel this represented the final piece to the puzzle for her and as usual she was able to complete this before she left. She took great solace in this fact - and so she should. It made me feel a small element of contentness when she told me this during one of our last conversations together.



To all my cousins now is the time to step up and being there for your mums. I have no doubt you will be.  I am proud of you all and you all have a special place in my thoughts. You all have great qualities and potential and it's been a pleasure to watch you all grow up into fine young men and ladies, even mothers.  Please never hesitate to contact me if you need to talk or share your thoughts. I know we will remain strong as a unit and we will get through this tough time together as a family!


In closing I want to thank my Nana just for simply being her. I will hold you in a special place in my heart forever and you will never be forgotten. Each Christmas I will toast you with a Jack Daniels (Nan would always buy the guys a JD related present every year) I will never taste that whiskey again without a passing thought for you as it passes my lips. I know I will not be the only one with this sentiment.

Even as a close family - I still hope this brings us all together and that we use this experience to better ourselves in our own personal ways. Fight hard to reach your potential and stay true to your essence and the person you desire or have chosen to be. It's these times that expose what really matters to you - embrace those thoughts and do not lose them in grief or forget them in time.

I am so proud of you.
Goodby Nana. I love you.
Your Grandson,
Nathan x

Eftsoons, thee would fain depart and chasten thy chance
Meseems to be fond of thou beloved with fears:
Harken thy anacreontic jovial at once,
For whosoever conveys love shall drown on tears.
Thee may not ratify affections I bestowed;
Each morn may bring no reasons to behold the sun.
Yon enigmatic events has come and winnowed
Beseech, to cease the fires, afore thy love has gone.
Somehow, blossoms will wither, as rivers will dry
Mayhap, thy heart I own shall be shattered in twain,
Welkin rings, pearls cannot retrieve ev'ry goodby
Maimed and futile; whence, no one can withstand the pain.
If these velvet ropes would seize thine eyne twixt the thrill,
Utter prayers, for Heaven would burn me in hell.

Goodby ego that plagued my soul,
that etched into the thoughts I tow
And as I march ahead this day,
I align with love so I play.

I play in heart this moment true,
as I do dance and bow to you.
So take advice and breath yes deep,
and then in light you'll move so sweet.

The Obscenity of Conscript (and PTSD)

He sits at the table nursing his beer,
Scruffy, unwashed, a bit smelly I fear,
When he thinks he's unseen he'll wipe off a tear.
Come closer I'll tell you his story.

A bank "johnny" married, his future a joy,
For a pretty young girl and a fine young boy.
But then you decided his "year" to deploy...
For a war you did not intend winning.

And so, after kissing goodby to his bride,
He stepped onto a bus full of vigour and pride,
To Kapooka was taken - a happy bus ride...
To a war you did not intend winning.

By training, his past wiped off that it might
Be replaced by the will for a jolly good fight
And that he be led by his team to the light...
Of a war you did not intend winning.

Well, he gave his time plus all that he saw,
The killing, the maiming, brute life in the raw,
With the drink that he took to escape from your war,
A war you did not intend winning.

And when it was finished and home he returned,
Two years his life missing, by God how that burned,
Then by erstwhile good friends he found himself spurned,
For fighting your war without winning.

Turned back from its door by the ****** RSL.
He was just looking to talk with some others as well
Who's life, just like his, had been turned into hell
For fighting a war without winning.

And the lovely young bride who'd looked on with such pride
As her husband departed their warm bedside
Has found she can't talk to nor get alongside,
Of the man she thought had been winning.

For he sits at their table hunched over his beer,
'Midst all of those things that he once held dear,
And refuses to tell her what she needs to hear,
Thus loosing what they'd both been winning.

Now she has gone to her mum and her dad,
And erstwhile "good friends" think he's gone to the bad
But you and I know he's just feeling so sad
And never thinks about winning.

He sits at the table nursing his beer,
Scruffy, unwashed, a bit smelly I fear.
When he thinks he's unseen he'll wipe off a tear
And now you know his story.

When I go to heaven
I want to see my dogs.
all of them, such faithful companions.
How do you say goodby  to such friends
Peter my first
a beagle, stubborn, a hunter with
the basset from across the street
white tipped tail faithfully wagging
as I returned each day from School.
Then Sampson, a blond Belgium Sheppard
Huge, faithful only to me
jumped the fence too many times
of the church pre-school across the street
wanting only to be part of the play
then too protective of our new born and
at 190 pounds too large for our small apartment
Then  found in England,
Beouf Beouf McTavish
a Yorkshire terrier that for some reason was
four times the Yorkey normal size
He thought he was a lion
jumped into the Canal in  Camden town
chasing ducks. We pulled him out and it
took three baths to clean him.
He loved to attack my next door neighbor
after we returned from England
who he had taken a dislike to
as my neighbor warily walked his dachshund
up and down our small cul-de-sac.
Then there was Boober, an Irish setter,
beautiful, but wild and dumb.
who loved to just run and then
pounce on our next door neighbor’s wife
who seemed to love the affection.
Booper true to his Irish temper, never obeyed
Then our Goldens
the perfect pets frolicking with our growing children
Brandy and Blake, the first pair
Brandy the runt of the litter
gentle and loving
so loved by my wife who always loved an underdog.
Blake the larger of the pair
my favorite, large and bold,
constantly bounding about
bullying Brandy
Faster, he got there first when a car didn’t stop
and lay bleeding in my arms
tears cascading down my eyes
too late to save him.
Then Brandy followed when years later
Cancer and she just stopped
She Watched faithfully as
the vet came to the house and peacefully put her down.
we planted a small tree over her grave and mourned.
Last was Maggie, another Golden,
loved by all, beautiful, intelligent,
affectionate, going everywhere with me
to the dump, where they gave her a cookie,
to the beach where she chased ***** until
I became tired and needed to head home, knowingly
she defiantly swam just out of reach, back and forth,
as  try as I might  to get her to come out, she’d defy.
Now there all passed on to doggy heaven where
I hope I’ll find them when I too move on.
they’ll respond to my call
faithfully bounding across a heavenly lawn
returning gleefully  to their aged master.
“Come on blue, You good dog you, I’m coming too”.

Hello self, I know I'm sacred.
Hello day, I move with .
Hello moment, I am very grateful.
Hello heartbeat, I love to dance.

Goodbye doubting I feel my power.
Goodby ego, I am peaceful.  
Goodbye fears, I’m taken care of.
Goodbye sadness, I’m my own friend.

Hello God, I bond with spirit.
Hello life, I have a path.
Hello questions, I have the answer
Hello love, I feel oneness.

StarBG © 2017

Give me some of that vitamin H, so my body can sigh
Sit awail, I'll nod a bit, and kiss this world's problems goodby
There'll be no more tears, no need to cry
As my mind is carried off on high
Body so relaxed it forgets to breath
Where I have floated off to, there seems to be no need
With this vitamin running through my veins
I don't feel the need to plant a bullet in my brain
When thoughts of death start to close in
I turn and run to my new friend
It's all a matter of desperation
Locked up tight in my situation

These                                                                       (this) are

                                              (is)

(:a poem;
                                    For yOu.)

                                                                                      (Whom i hAvE)

                                 (been nursing)
                                          
                        ( B             h                  e
                              u          c            r
in                                     a     T                                            My
                                  T    m
                             f        o          l
                       i               t                e
                                         s)


butterflies—they glow
              For you,                                     {they've spared me some cold,

chilly

nights}

              <goodby>                they're yours now.

                                                                                                              
                                                                                                            <goodby>

Tell me again why you are running away,
...forgotten yearning.
It seems to me like you've gone astray,
...very discerning.
I know you won't listen to what I've got to say,
...so concerning.
But it seems so selfish of you not to stay
...ever the casern king.
You always 've seen the world in a shade of gray
...endless murmuring.
I wanted, just once, to hear you pray
...useless stammering.
Just to know where your soul would lay
...'aven't started burning.
I tried to shape you, create form from clay
...too inurning
But it seems that I created a mess, a splay
...you're learning
Blinded, I just watched as you began to sway
...court's adjourning
And now your body ash as we prepare to bray
...just sojourning
My constant pushing led to this needless slay
...very secerning
Regrets of times past will be reminisced today
...un-upturning
And so, we say goodby one last time along the brae
...stop mourning
As we spread your ash to the wind on this spring day
...I'll be...ret..u..r...n.....i.......

Under the soft white glare of the moon
I watched you saunter out of my door, my life to soon
The memories of you linger like your cologne
That helps mask the feeling of you being gone, me alone
I roam the house hearing your laughter
I miss our playful banter

If only you would have stayed with me that night
But only the moon seen that tragic sight
The black marks on the road is all that gives a testimony
The stars where the only witness to the ceremony
Of the Grim Reaper's touch
As your spirit he clutched
He escorted you away from the pain
Your car had skidded and flipped in the rain
My life will never again be the same

In you I had finally found
My bliss
I found my missing passion in you kiss
I found my joy for life in your arms
You chased away my demons with your charms
Your laughter repaired my broken heart
Your love making was a piece of art
Your comforting words in the middle of my despair
They where what I inhale
They where my air
Your heart was what made my blood circulate
How, oh how could this be our fate

Why did you have to go out that night
Why didn't I go with you, because this isn't right
I can't live without my missing parts
You had my heart
You where my soul
Why did you have to go

Why did you leave without me
Surly the fates could forsee
I would crumble, shatter, splinter into bits
For now all alone in our bed I sit

The tears all ran dry
I sit here and contemplate why
Feeling so **** numb inside
Wishing I too would just die
How sweet it would be to let out life's last sigh

I'll be just like that annoying magpie
I will stalk you, till you let my spirit fly
Grim Reaper let me clarify
I'm slitting my wrist and you know why

You know what that implies
My spirit you won't be able to deny
Let me kiss,my now empty life goodby
So I can once again be with my guy
In the plain beyond, in the sweet by-and-by

It's been two weeks too long,
she's crying, hurting all alone
just waiting to hear him on the phone.

Three years without him
is far too long, especially now
when it's too bad to even wow.

"Baby, I need you hear,
Timmy's gone too
away with death he flew.

I lost my job
and they took my heart,
no more can we be apart.

Love, I need you,
where are you
and what can we do?"

She screamed and
oh my god she cried,
for fear he too died.

You see, I was off at war
a war we weren't meant to fight
though we tried with all our might.

The day passed away
night inevitably came
but she was no longer sane.

I thought the moon brought hope
I guess that is not always true,
cause she got even more dark blue.

Then she found a knife,
"Babe, I'm done waiting,
look at the time I'm wasting.

Here's goodby to my
prince that never showed!"
In it went and her breath slowed.

Just then the door opened
and I walked in, "Honey, I'm home!
And oh I've been so alone!"

Down the dark hall, I went,
into our room where I
saw more than should any guy.

The love of my life
on the floor covered in blood
the room drenched in mud.

On the bed was one
unfinished note
and have a root bear float.

"Dear Marshall,
Late last night, Timmy died,
and Jacob really lied.

Please come home soon
we really need you here
I'm living life in fear...

Are you okay?"
Is all that it said,
I whispered, "Me too, I'm dead..."

I sat down and held her tight,
sang her one last lullaby
and for both of us it was goodbye.

Two lovers lost in a world of pain,
One says goodby while the other,
Begs,
Pleads,
And cry's,
For the other to stay.

But no they leave his heart splits in two,
Tears from her eyes,
Tears in his.

They split apart staring after each other,
Lost forever is there,
Love

Forever lost and never found.

Hey how are you
I guess i'm fine
No hes not you know this
yes he is he would never lie

hey you want to talk latter
no im out tonight '
Ok ill see you latter
i guess thats fine

You see him stop denying that
No it cant be him
He just turned around and saw us
see i toooould you!!!
Im going to levee

Hey what are you doing here
i was just about to go
Ok see you latter
No, no you wont

Why cant we talk any more
Because we are to far
But i still love you dear
Even when i'm not there?

He loves another
no he loves me back
We have bean together
You cant count on just that

Hey i miss you what about you
Oh yeah about that
You forgot didn't you
I think we should brake up
but we were doing good
Yha but you always stud me up
whenever you could

ok i guess
i told you he loved somebody else
yeah i guess
good by......goodby

You were suppose to protect me
From evils crooked hand
You were suppose to love me
Not leave me with this man
The one who leaves me bleeding for everyone to see
The one who has no bounds
And doesn't give a **** about me
Hold me down
Make me pay
I felt pain
That very day
Almost broke me to the bone
Weren't his words or his stones
Hate him more every day
I wish I
Could make him pay
For the blood that I had shed
For the care that he misled  
Every tear that fell
I hate this dark angry hell
Iive like this all the time
Frozen pictures, of what all was mine
Stay away from my dreams
Your  minipulative scandalous schemes
Goodby forever you wicked illusion
No mistake no confusion

It burns like cold fire.
Take me to the empire

Your kiss is my lullaby
this is not a goodby

Your breath smells like mint,
Lips taste like berry tint

I will give up this lifeline
Just take me to the cloudnine

Why did you have to go
You've left me all alone
There's no one home but you
What am I supposed to do
Everything reminds me of us
All others have turned to dust

But I'm still here
I fall into your arms
I become lost in our fear
I fall into your arms
The scent of you is near
I fall into your arms
You wipe away all my tears

I never want this to end
Please tell me, when did it begin
All I ever want to do
Is to be near you
Don't push me away
I'm on my knees begging you to stay

But I'm still here
I fall into your arms
I become lost in our fear
I fall into your arms
The scent of you is near
I fall into your arms
You wipe away all my tears

As I lay alone in my bed
Images of you run through my head
I can't stand this hurt inside
Every day you ask me to live a lie
When the night turns to day
All my pain will go away

But I'm still here
I fall into your arms
I become lost in our fear
I fall into your arms
The scent of you is near
I fall into your arms
You wipe away all my tears

I would gladly sell my soul
If it ment you'd never go
Your a part of me now
As we take our final vow
I would sacrifice it all
Just to be by you side
through the long hall

But I'm still here
I fall into your arms
I become lost in our fear
I fall into your arms
The scent of you is near
I fall into your arms
You wipe away all my tears

I'm still here
I'm not kissing you goodby
I'm willing to live a lie
I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here

I will wear my love for you as you wake
not knowing if I'll be shaken so much today
that I'll let my back out from under support
that I'll let my soul slip sideways and wave goodby
while you look up at the snapping beams
wishing you were still asleep
I will write you a list of words as in our struggle with spoken verse
I am caught with what I mean to say stuck in meaningless whispers
Killing myself again, against your wishes, with cigarettes
spinning the secret notions and emotions in a song
I believe in nighttime you'll find my
praise of you as I sing, deeply

On a winter night,
listen at the window

Cold wind blowing on your face
and through your shirt
let the pressure go
Oh,
Invite my shyly into your space
feel that I'll be thankful
when I wake
that I surround you

Give me some of that vitamin H, so my body can sigh
Sit awail, I'll nod a bit, and kiss this world's problems goodby
There'll be no more tears, no need to cry
As my mind is carried off on high
Body so relaxed it forgets to breath
Where I have floated off to, there seems to be no need
With this vitamin running through my veins
I don't feel the need to plant a bullet in my brain
When thoughts of death start to close in
I turn and run to my new friend
It's all a matter of desperation
Locked up tight in my situation

I wish he would know
I wish he could see
I wish he saw
I wish he saw me like i see him
I wish I’d let him know
I wish I’d be brave, and if I was,
I wish I don't wreck it all.
I wish when I enter his smile would grow.
I wish he couldn't control it, like me
I wish he greeted me with a hug
I wish he said goodby with a kiss
I wish he knows the pain bare for him
I wish he could end it.
Before it ends me

I'd never dreamed of anyone more than I did you
almost every night I dreamed you were mine
and then when the time came for it to be true....
you tossed me aside...
and  now I dream of leaving you
never wanting to be in the same room as you
never wanting to see you
you have broken my heart yet again
after I am the one who apologized just so it wasn't the end
and you still left
after everything you said to me
you became everything you promised you'd never be.
So goodby
and good riddance.
I wont be seeing you soon.

Chorus And I'll say so long to yesterdays, promises. And I'll look back now. But I'll never turn around.   In my heart is the the sound.I heed the words. I'll ignore the hurts. Telling me this is a hard hard road.  Chorus  Goodby i wave to Yesterdays promises. Never really made much sense. In my head. So many voices telling me that someday ill be over this.  And all the feelings inside. I know you've healed my life. I need your memories. To remind me that they were once lived out. I doubt I'll ever see your smile. 

Chorus  And I'll say so long to yesterdays, promises. And I'll look back now. But I'll never turn around.   The way you forgot what we were talking about. I'll remember through tommorrow. And forever long, I miss our starts . I guess this is how we finished.

Everytime I see my dog
my heart seems to clog
with this emotion we call love.
It just soars like a dove,
but if she went away,
I would not last another day.

I cannot say in dialogue
how I hope for an epilogue
that can get rid of,
or better yet shove,
this goodby that I won't let stay
and just keep it forever at bay.

Under the soft white glare of the moon
I watched you saunter out of my door, my life to soon
The memories of you linger like your cologne
That helps mask the feeling of you being gone, me alone
I roam the house hearing your laughter
I miss our playful banter

If only you would have stayed with me that night
But only the moon seen that tragic sight
The black marks on the road is all that gives a testimony
The stars where the only witness to the ceremony
Of the Grim Reaper's touch
As your spirit he clutched
He escorted you away from the pain
Your car had skidded and flipped in the rain
My life will never again be the same

In you I had finally found
My bliss
I found my missing passion in you kiss
I found my joy for life in your arms
You chased away my demons with your charms
Your laughter repaired my broken heart
Your love making was a piece of art
Your comforting words in the middle of my despair
They where what I inhale
They where my air
Your heart was what made my blood circulate
How, oh how could this be our fate

Why did you have to go out that night
Why didn't I go with you, because this isn't right
I can't live without my missing parts
You had my heart
You where my soul
Why did you have to go

Why did you leave without me
Surly the fates could forsee
I would crumble, shatter, splinter into bits
For now all alone in our bed I sit

The tears all ran dry
I sit here and contemplate why
Feeling so **** numb inside
Wishing I too would just die
How sweet it would be to let out life's last sigh

I'll be just like that annoying magpie
I will stalk you, till you let my spirit fly
Grim Reaper let me clarify
I'm slitting my wrist and you know why

You know what that implies
My spirit you won't be able to deny
Let me kiss,my now empty life goodby
So I can once again be with my guy
In the plain beyond, in the sweet by-and-by

who could pass you by
without a breathless gaze
and who would have known
the first day you arrived
a picture window shuttered
from your very presence
ah open stranger
you give so much so soon
hardly time for caresses
before you drop your velvetine clothes
onto the floor
saying goodby

Made in 97 and has'nt gone to far,
She became my best friend, Odd for a car.
Alway's loved when we went out,
Driving up and down of any rout.
She would be there when I needed to go,
Just stop for gas and go with the flow.
Quicker than other's on any ordinary day,
Just wanted to show me she's here to stay.
Black and beautiful and not to big,
She never complained when I lite up a cigg.
I know she never smoked but she was thirsty a lot,
She would guzzle up all the gas that I bought.
She loved my dog's, took ride's with them too,
Till on her one day my dog Brutus spewed.
Fun and freedom that's all I had,
But then some mean man made me sad.
He hurt my buddy in the worst way,
Left her paralized in the month of may.
This man named Yazbek he denies all,
She was hit by a car and it was your's I saw.
Her face was crushed, she did'nt pull through,
Saying goodby to a special friend I once knew.
She gone forever waiting on that list,
While I am still standing here, very pssd.
A friend she was with a big heart,
I'm not so dear, I sold her body part's.
I'll find a new friend, I'm sure we will have fun,
It will never be the same as that one.
You were my first, I'll never forget,
Took you home right after we met.
Everyone liked you especially me,
I got you going with the turn of a key.
You would light up inside and on the road you would glide.
You did your job that's all I know,
Wish you did'nt have to take that tow.
Later day's my black friend,
Damage to your front we could'nt mend.

It's funny the mess we make when in love our hearts collide, we hardly think ahead or of the time to say goodby. It is the moment that we're in,  and fulfilling our desires, love rarely keeps its bond in times of forging in lifes fire. The work it really takes to mend, and bend, and fortify, it is greater than most wills and that's when love will thrive or die, and sadly here I am once again upon some ashes, but I will not repeat the same as precious time elapses. I've finally learned the truth after reliving all these lessons, that's investing in myself and fortifying my own essence. So here's to me, myself, and I, and may this future bring, all my efforts, dreams, and passions, unto life so joyfully.

Slightly and then all at once,
every time I give this love a chance
I wake up in relief but sorrowed
by the moment we have borrowed.

From movies, from stories and books
pretending to be infatuated by looks,
only to be left with doubt and nothing.
All I have is nothing and it is too much.

To gently say goodby or wave and smile,
rekindling, every once in a while,
whatever there was to be felt,
knowing now it was not here to stay.

New, you, known or somewhere in
between. If love has grown or suddenly is seen.

where all the civilised remain.

And the bird, he silenced.
I found my missing passion in you kiss
Cuz with all the pain I'm stretched to thin
With no drugs to dull the pain
I sit here and contemplate why
Teasing and taunting like a missing limb
Hurts Too Much!
only to find
You know what that implies
hiding inside the darkness
Reap the seed thats planted
Thin red lines they etch the skin
Wishing I too would just die
Midnight Run (story poem)
Within my head I have no doubt
The tears all ran dry
I will stalk you, till you let my spirit fly
Let me kiss,my now empty life goodby
but the gun beat seemed to rule
As your spirit he clutched
Stop blaming people for the choices you made.
I watched you saunter out of my door, my life to soon
They where what I inhale
Warrior's song
peering out into the light
They seem to go on for centuries
that my soul hates the bright--
Enough is a enough grow the ****
Soul is never here or there
They where my air
You had my heart
who foreshadowed tragedy.
you reap what you sow.
My life will never again be the same
i suppose because no one wants to hear me speak
Gnashing beneath the hovering darkness, a
Surly the fates could forsee
Thats what my scars are all about
In you I had finally found
Into the passage between here and there
and bombs thrown in the wind.
Life is what you make it.
Your laughter repaired my broken heart
I found my joy for life in your arms
and he sang to ignore,
He escorted you away from the pain
That pain is caused by your faults.
So thin red lines will etch my skin
Up.
And the bird, he sang
Untitled
I roam the house hearing your laughter
to deny transition.
to a lost melody
How sweet it would be to let out life's last sigh
You chased away my demons with your charms
That negative seed that you nourished when  planted was surely to grew.
You where my soul
Thin Red Lines ( Trigger Warning)
Why did you leave without me
I would crumble, shatter, splinter into bits
The memories of you linger like your cologne
All to show the agony within Here we go once again
My bliss
Is one less scream that sounds
How I dread its incessant pull
Grim Reaper let me clarify
If only you would have stayed with me that night
But I refuse to open that door.
the dark seems safer for me
E'er threatening possession of my mind
Nothing more agonizing than that chill
I can hear her knocking,
I let the razor glide thru my vain
That with the blood the pain flows out.
But the bird, he sang
Nothingness
He whistled all he could
How, oh how could this be our fate
to a rotting beat
too much to grasp
Of the Grim Reaper's touch
With every drop that hits the ground
Endless ****** up realities
I can't live without my missing parts
Of the taste of the realm of nothingness
With the stream I won't explode
Why did you have to go
too much to comprehend
I'll be just like that annoying magpie
Misery hates to be alone.
I'm slitting my wrist and you know why
Your car had skidded and flipped in the rain
My spirit you won't be able to deny
'make it stop!', my inner voice screams
if you give half *** efforts,
this is a chronologically written story of pain
up to the stars
for darkness brings only quiet
and I keep wanting just to clasp
of the lack of humanity
Quote 2
For now all alone in our bed I sit
"People nowadays only see with their eyes. That is why they are so easy to be fooled."
I won't implode
Ne'er ending nightmare of infinite nothingness
Your love making was a piece of art
Under the soft white glare of the moon
Within my head resides all the memories
i don't even know why i write it
Such is the miracle of a near-death your
its safety and its comfort
That helps mask the feeling of you being gone, me alone
But only the moon seen that tragic sight
you get half *** results.
The last bird flew away
as I fall in a heap onto the cold, hard ground...
Why didn't I go with you, because this isn't right
I miss our playful banter
Only to subtract your happiness.
Your comforting words in the middle of my despair
The stars where the only witne  ss to the ceremony
Feeling so **** numb inside
Take credit for what you are responsible for.
Your heart was what made my blood circulate
The black marks on the road is all that gives a testimony
So I can once again be with my guy
Now I'll sing of my greatest fear
and light brings all the sound  
that no one wants to read
Why did you have to go out that night
In the plain beyond, in the sweet by-and-by
behind missiles and prickles

"Are you real?" Ravi whispered hoarsely.
Shyama the Mataji from the Yoga Shakti
ashram in Melbourne, smiled,
"As real as any of us," she replied.
Tenderly she tucked warm blankets around Ravi
as he slept on the cold, concrete, cement
steps of the Hindu temple.

Now it all seemed like a mirage to him, a fading dream.
Ravi anxiously waited for David's dark blue van.
Today he was finally leaving the austere environment
of the Buddhist Temple. New born vistas were
blossoming before his astonished eyes.

That morning he had broken the news to his mother.
"Mom I am coming home in a few days!"
His mother gasped with delight on the phone,
nearly swooning. She had just engaged in a
week long sadhana of intense prayers and
pujas in Bangalore pleading for the return of
their only son, Ravi, to their loving arms.

Soon, David and Ravi scooted down the
road waving goodby to the Monk and fellow
Buddhist practitioners. Ravi breathed a deep
sigh of relief. Everything was going so smoothly.
Later in the day I met David and Ravi for lunch.
Ravi had a slightly dazed appearance on his face.
So much had transpired in the past year. It was
as if he had been reborn. Each baby step he took,
God was there urging him on, catching him if he
seemed unsteady or unsure, infusing him with
fortitude, strength and great love.

I asked Ravi if he planned to say
goodbye to Shyama, the Mataji at the ashram.
Since time was pressed he decided to say farewell
in a phone call.

We wrapped up our lunch, David had errands to run,
so I took Ravi in my car. On our way home
we stopped at Walgreens to get some
chocolates for his Mom. We noticed a
woman pulling out of the parking lot.
"Oh My God!" Ravi exclaimed,
"That's Shyama!" We dashed over to her car.
"Ravi's leaving!" I gushed. Shyama Ma
got out of her car, gently embracing Ravi
and blessing him. We chatted briefly, then Shyama left.

Ravi and I stood there gawking at each other
in bedazzled ecstasy.
We both could feel the Divine Hand of God
showering us with His astounding leelas.

We resumed our errands and made our
way back to my house. Rama, our
inquisitive cat greeted Ravi rubbing his
furry little head against his feet.
Ravi relaxed, settling down on the wine
red couch in our front room. We flicked on
the TV. Ravi stammered like an innocent child,
"I haven't watched television in years!" He looked
at me with a befuddled grin, "I still can't believe
this is all real."

The weekend flew by and soon Ravi
was standing at the Check-In counter of
the airport preparing to fly home to
Bangalore, India.
"Ravi," I said softly, "this morning I had
a dream with Sathya Sai Baba."

"Oh really?" Ravi said excitedly,
"Please tell me about it."
I related the dream to Ravi:
I was sitting at a table, I believe my husband
and another man was on my right.
Swami was seated across from me.
He had such a beatific, radiant countenance.
I gazed at our glorious Sai, love surging
through my heart.

An attendant came over and poured juice
into two glasses. I said,
"Please give this to that man first. The attendant
moved the two drinks over.
Swami looked at me with a very
happy expression on His holy face.

As I finished describing the dream,
I said to Ravi, "I think Swami was
letting us know He is pleased with the
service rendered to you."
What a wonderful blessing.

Ravi shoved a package of Pizza flavored
crackers into his Carry-on bag.
David and I watched as Ravi trekked
through the security line of the airport,
his eyes glistened with thankful tears.

We both snapped pictures with our
cell phones of our sweet friend and
blew kisses which he eagerly caught,
a pristine beginning, a magnificent ethereal
bridal bouquet glowing on the rose pink
threshold of an extraordinary new day.

Wiping away years of dust,
I got something in my eye.
Everything dies...
And we do what we must.
Goodby...
It's not you that makes me cry.
I simply got something in my eye.
And after all this time...