"dependant" poems
One thread came loose with alcoholism at a very young age.
She recovered. She forgot and proceeded.
One thread was yanked loose by a growing tendency to self sabotage.
She clawed her way out of the spiral.
One thread pulled at others when she learnt she didn’t need alcohol to have a good time.
She felt deprived by self-restraint. So she slightly caved.
One thread burned along with her personality when she became a stoner again.
She was suffocated yet high.
One thread was singed by ****
She fell back into her ***** habits. She found herself here, but not quite present.
She became dependant. As she flooded her body parts with superficial happiness, just a quick release, her mouth grew dry. Then the peeling skin on her stained lips began to stick together and she regressed into a still and faded silence. In the end, she was in shreds and blissfully unaware, alone with nothing but one solitary thread left to grasp at.
Jan 7, 2019
Jan 7, 2019 at 7:30 PM UTC
We all play the game each day.
And that's all it is, a game.
Our lives dependant on a dice roll.
Or is it predetermined?
Will we ever know?
Luck or fate?
Apr 21, 2015
Apr 21, 2015 at 7:10 AM UTC
Take egg, invite *****
Mix for five minutes to two hours
Dependant on assistant
Feed at about body temperature
After 9 months or a little sooner if needed
Your childling will be ready to *** out
Decorate in nice new clothes and feed
After 5 years place in greenhouse with others
Come back in about 12 years
It will be totally unrecognizable to what you started with
Now dependant upon cross pollination in greenhouse environment
You may have unwanted seedlings of its own popping up!!!
So choice of greenhouse at an early stage is essential
If that doesn't present a blight they are now hardy enough to plant out!!!
Feb 18, 2013
Feb 18, 2013 at 5:05 PM UTC
Only fifteen,
He is only Fifthy,
He, her cake eaten,
Her Grandfathers peer,
the Child Fears, that man is so Filthy.
Poverty is the biggest SINNER.
Orphaned,
Two little heads, 10 and 5
Dependant on this 15 year old mother-sister
AIDS is the killer.
Those groaning two little stomachs need a
filler.
Now destitute,
She drops out,
Looks but cant find work
Whites say experience lacks
Spotted by a mercedes benz driving
malechavaunist
She is robbed her innocence
to put food in the table.
Now one day,
The mother-sister never returned,
Exported to Mexico,
Shes been sold.
As a **********
*** slave,
They made *** tapes
The man called the woman by parts of herself.
When she cried.
"Shut up, you ***** You miss mama *******
Tapes
Sold online.
Be acknowledged
These kids grew up with Aunt
Biological parents deserted them
just when the young were toddlers.
Their mom in Gauteng, a Fan of ***********
..........just one day whilst watching **** on
You tube she saw a child with a face like hers
Blinked her eyes, looked again
Her baby
Her baby is a **** star.
Called the mercedes benz driving old man...
how could he have known?
He was never there.
oh He Sold her.
They recognised their child from ***********
Aug 14, 2015
Aug 14, 2015 at 8:32 PM UTC
I met someone today
Someone I've known forever, yet never really known
she was a beautiful girl, yet she wrapped
herself in a blanket of insecurity
She was a determined girl, yet dependant on
everyone but herself
She was an affectionate girl, yet gave love to all but
those who were derserving
She was an eloquent girl, yet she impressed
for all the wrong reasons
I stood in the mirror, staring at her, staring at me
And all I thought was how very little I envied her
How self-concious and plain and naive she was
I looked at her and decided
We'd never meet again.
Dec 8, 2010
Dec 8, 2010 at 7:33 PM UTC
( or also entitled : Just How Much ******** Are You Prepared to Believe)
Confidence - grandiosity
Hope - Delusion
Ambition - grandiosity + delusion
Love - Co-dependency
Unrequited Love & romantic hopes - Erotomania
Sexuality - Hypersexuality
Happiness - Manic mood
Sadness - Depression
Shock - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Emotional - Bipolar
Fear - Paranoia/psychosis
Distrust - Suspicion ( e.g paranoia)
Loneliness - Neediness
Needing connection to others - Co-dependant
Existential doubts - suicidal
Spiritual awakening - psychosis
Sarcasm - Aggression
Loner - socially-withdrawn
Messy - self-neglectful
Angry - dangerous/violent
Faith - dangerous Religisiosity
dubious combination
of some of the above : Schizophrenia
Note : All of these need drugs to 'cure' them so the drugs companies can make a fortune & pay you a premium. Where did you think the money for your salary came from?
Jul 7, 2015
Jul 7, 2015 at 10:38 AM UTC
You know that feeling that you get
After a joke you tell falls flat?
Humiliation unrepressed;
I'd summarise my life as that.
Twenty-one years down the line
But worn as if I'm eighty-odd.
Drug dependant, but still here.
All miracle: No added God!
The classic jokes all told again.
"He looked so cute but what went wrong?"
Too much attention, look away
And **** off with that birthday song.
Twenty-one yet still sixteen,
The pinnacle of gentlemen.
A deviant of *** and lust,
And sickness from adrenaline.
Happy birthday, happy birthday,
Psychedelic astronaut.
Years ago you clambered out
And started having second thoughts.
On hands and knees, I'd crawl back in,
Just like Shawshank Redemption.
This may explain my love of ***
I shall make no exemptions.
Aug 23, 2018
Aug 23, 2018 at 3:17 PM UTC
Welcome
Lost Souls,
To a society where
Broken hearts are balanced on tightropes
Stretching across a darkness as thick as an
Overgrown forest that only flickering candles
Can push away.
Welcome
New Fighters,
To a war of words
Where people use their voices trying to make sense
Of the music in their heads and in their hearts.
Where everyone is terrified of falling because
They don't know who they'll be
When they get back up.
Welcome
Newborns,
To a world of childhood and age,
With people who learn to want before they learn
What they want
And what they need.
Where your childhood is dependant on how much
You know before you realize
That some truths were lies
And that there is no rewind button
For sight.
Welcome
Dear Angel,
To a world where you only came
To those who waited for a lifetime and more
Just holding on to a hope older
Than their mind.
To a world where
Some were lost before you could
Find them and
We blame you for not coming
Even though we know it's not your fault.
Welcome
Sad Demons,
To our world where we were taught
To fight with fangs and claws
Against ourselves and against
You.
Where we're all terrified of what lurks
Inside our chests until
We come to realize that
The forest shadows that
We cast as monsters are just
Trees.
Welcome
Far Aliens,
To our everlasting war
Where you'll be left shocked by the way
We'll tear ourselves and others apart
Just to feel whole.
Just to keep what's ours.
Where you'll be left wondering at the fact that
We're terrified of being alone
And that we know we need someone
Despite our desire to hide in our lonely darkness
Whenever a wandering light comes along
Because of the fear of what we'll
Find within that darkened forest.
Welcome
Children,
To a scary world where you know
Everything when you're young because
You knew that everything
Was gonna be alright,
And that's all that anyone needs to know
In order to survive this fight.
Welcome
To our world of broken glass.
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019 at 6:04 PM UTC
3:15 AM
And I'm searching for meaning
I'm ******* searching for meaning
Drained exhausted
But I still got 'bout 3 more chapters to study
And I don't want to study
Cause I'm searching for meaning
It would be easier if this meant more for me
I secretly wish I didn't have these blessings
Cause I'm searching for meaning
I'm not convinced ..
How lame is that
I'm not convinced .
I hate that girl in the movie that keeps falling
The emotionally ****** up
Keeps ******** up
Wants attention
Wants help
dependant
She keeps falling
And I keep falling
I hope I'm not that character
want to be the badass that grew cold and strong
But it seems like I'm growing weak
The future is soo bleak
It's like I'm playing hide and seek with myself
I keep disappearing on myself
Like where did I go
I used to be so strong
So hopefull
My horoscope says im the most optimistic sign
They must be lyin'
Cause you know that feeling
When you just wanna stay sad
You don't want to get over it cause it's hurting you that bad
Now where's the optimisim in that ?
Feels like I'm a crumbling soul 0
I've grown so bitter and so old
I'm creating drama
That's what my mom says
My sign says I hate drama
Lol
They must've mistaken my birth date
Let's just hope tomorrow I find me again
Cause I'm starting to enjoy the pain
and I don't even seem to be good at writing poems anymore
Must be goin insane ..
Jan 8, 2014
Jan 8, 2014 at 7:43 PM UTC
Designs and Equations
Was it the ****** Void filling
or Pandora's box opening?
Was it Victoria's secret
or was it the intellect of victors?
Was it the prowess of Hector/Hercules was it?
Was it the influence of Arthur or Har-Thor was it?
What shapes this world?
Ancient Egypt, Pyramids and the Sphinx?
Stonhenge and oblelisks?
Mystery Schools and occultism scrolls?
Crystal technology shifting poles?
Perhaps the hips and curves of a voluptuous African Queen
Perhaps the fall of Atlantis
or the secrets of the Bermuda Triangle
Perhaps the enthralling dynamics of the Photon Belt
Perhaps the mystery of Shamballa
or maybe underground bases where vortex points are
Perhaps the missing Eyepods
Maybe ancient and present advanced civilizations
Maybe it was the fall of Mars or the destruction of Maldek
Maybe the hope of Terra par DOMA
Or a design from distant super universes
or the amphibian watchers of myths
Maybe you, maybe me, maybe we
The I I I I I's of this world
however our eyes blind for we ruin this world
If we looked long enough at the light would we burn out?
If we truly listened could we hear the music of the verses unison - universes created by the Divine Creator?
would we join it/him/ness? Would we hear then Sophia being played as a harp and worlds conceived
Would we see a billion pictures as the cosmos are breathed?
and Karma come to be...
Would we learn of all life forms? Would we learn that there is more structural design than form? Would we learn that there are other mediums of activity apart from life?
Would we learn that structure is part of a larger paradigm of concentrated design?
Would we learn that universes are gardens and that there are worlds beyond the multiverse based on a hill and mountain orientation not dependant on planes?
Who shapes the world?
Our Souls from the ocean of love reincarnating?
The keepers of sacred knowledge at the temples of Golden Wisdom?
Walk-ins and starseeds? Cryptids and hybrids?
Wars or the Sun? The Peoples of the Moon or the base in Venus? The underground bases of Mars or The Order of The Phoenix?
Maybe royal and mob families?
Maybe government with all its true lies
Maybe the networks sustained by the simple minds of you and I
Whoever or whatever is responsible, either through sonic beams and energy manipulation, it is not so much the power of the Empire but rather the power we surrender.
May 12, 2013
May 12, 2013 at 9:11 PM UTC
assign me a piece of your mind and
to the bottom of my rucksack it’ll go and
its whispering will shake all the change and
bad and same i keep stuffed in there too and
send shrapnel singing straight at my heart but
don’t worry baby, it’s as tough as
brand new pleather and don’t fret sweetie as
though i don’t really have the funds as
long as what seeps ‘tween front teeth as
whispered ammunition is still friendly fire as
i hold your pan, i’m your darling refugee but
don’t feel bad about it honey 'cos
if you smile just right, then we’re a rainbow 'cos
i’m the sun and you’re just rain 'cos
hell is hot and raindrops have halos ( i said that cos
you can’t trust people not to get mixed up) but
please,
please,
don’t be offended
you aren’t the first person to be so dependant
please,
please,
cut the drugs that you’re taking
and send some to someone whose fingers aren’t quaking
please,
please,
pass me the ***
consult a dentist re: bleeding gums,
please,
please,
just let me cry,
**** your equations,
don’t be so polite,
please,
please,
please go away,
don't pretend not to hate me
and promise to say
nothing at all
but what is true
“that ***** only gave me
standard super glue”
Oct 10, 2012
Oct 10, 2012 at 9:56 PM UTC
I want you to want me.
With raw, unweavering power, I want you to want me.
I want my scent, my voice, to dance whimsically into your senses.
I want my face, my body, to creep into your memories.
I want you to want me as if your very life is dependant upon my touch.
I want you to want me as if you were addicted to the taste of my lips.
I want you to want me in the way that I'm always wanting you.
I want you to want me in the way that I never stop thinking about you.
I want you to want me with a passion that burns hotter than hellfire itself.
I want you to want me with needs more intense than the wind and rain that falls from the heavans.
I want you to want me.
Feb 4, 2016
Feb 4, 2016 at 12:18 AM UTC
did you know
we are made
of stardust?
a million wishes
are made upon
our bones
our eyes
and our blood
every night we see
a part of ourselves
dotted in a technicolor sky
every day we bid
those stars a good bye
until the night comes again.
how dependant
we seem to be
on stars.
how dependent
we are on
each other.
Mar 15, 2017
Mar 15, 2017 at 6:06 AM UTC
You hate my poems
You say they take me from you
that they're pointless
a waste of time
maybe you're right.
You read them,
just the words as they fall,
and say you get nothing
just syllables.
I have lost count
of the sighs and eyerolls,
the you have no talents,
they sit in a memory box
along with the times you've asked me to stop.
Stop.
Just like that.
Stop pouring myself onto paper,
Stop looking for beauty in darkness,
Stop healing.
You prefer me broken, fragile, dependant,
the girl you took from nowhere to god knows where
a once pretty, broken thing
to hang silently from your arm
while you talk proudly of the soul that you saved.
You fear that my writing will end us.
I fear that my stopping will end me.
Jul 22, 2014
Jul 22, 2014 at 5:36 AM UTC
*“Session two;
Subject has become dependant; requires three capsules a day.
Subject has also requested for detainment.”*
What is gold?
“What do you mean?”
**Why can’t it stay?
Why couldn’t he stay?**
“I don’t understand.”
Neither did Eden.
Patience
The window broke again.
“There are no windows.”
Debateable
“What?”
How could you lie to yourself like that?
“I’m not lying.”
I laid the centuries upon my hands.
“Time cannot be held.”
It can be lifted.
Dawning
“How are you?”
I’m very tired.
“Why?”
The voices kept me up again.
“The voices?”
They told me it was my fault.
“Is it your fault?”
If it is, then why am I so proud?
“Are you feeling any better?”
Has death said his due?
“Death?”
Hunger
“Would you like something to eat?”
I’ve already eaten.
“What?”
It came like rain.
“What did?”
Their sins.
Shunned
“Do you recall?”
His voice?
“Do you recall anything?”
**It shifted like rubies-
-and lowered the moon.**
“The moon?”
She sang a song for him.
“A song?”
It’s always darkest before the dawn, right?
“Some would say.”
I’ll follow the dawn.
“Why?”
Until I see the first light.
Grasping
“Do you remember her?”
I am still in love with that place.
“What place?”
The stars in my skin
“Stars?”
They danced and spiraled into amber trees
“What trees?”
**Amber.
Just like her heart.**
“Her heart?”
Who could compare?
“Compare what?”
Love to a tragedy.
“What?”
**Why would they do that?
Aren’t they the same?**
*“End of trial.
Subject denied.”*
Oct 13, 2015
Oct 13, 2015 at 4:06 PM UTC
Since I became paralysed I've lost the will to use it
My instinct, my never say never, my last minute don't give a ****
now just a gurgle in a draining sink
I'd say to the wife, let's stay here, book a room, a night of passion,
not a care in the drop of a beat
Now I must pre-book, distinctly decide,
accessible doors and not to forget the supps, the **** and an inco sheet
The cage maybe open but the beast is still asleep,
only awoken by a blue pill for the night
A reliance now dependant on who signs the scribble,
paid for by the NHS and who's not feeling to tight
Are there steps and is it really going to be worth it
the struggle, the helping out and sometimes feeling like a useless ***
OK, so its not really that bad
I just emphasis the crap points that sometimes make me sad
But its a new way of life you really had better believe
to have back what I had before, yes I often do grieve
but there is no going back as it is what it is
keep your head up,
keep your heart strong and try and regain that lost fizz
JJB
Jul 24, 2018
Jul 24, 2018 at 8:48 AM UTC
We were painted faces
on the memorial of
hearts, that were
crushed to rocky
shambles.
Innocent and alive
and infactuated
with the chase
and the thought of being
in love.
There was no regard for
forgotten lovers or
broken-winged doves
because, with your face in mine,
we only saw each other.
We were the sweetest
taste
in the darkest
brew,
drunk and young
and impressionable and
dependant.
We were the bullets
shot from the
same barrel,
whose handler's name was
Cupid,
and whose imprit read
'Love'.
I am the one who
hit the ground
first.
Jan 12, 2014
Jan 12, 2014 at 4:44 PM UTC
When life falls apart
Staring at the girl in the mirror
All I see is fear and wonder……what ghastly horrors she’s been through
Alas, she still stands even though she’s broken and bruised
Her eyes a storybook for all to see
Yet no one notices her, only me
Her life is a joke, an open book
She tries as much as she can to make every man hurt with her seductive looks
She’s strayed far beyond who she was
Even the God she once worshipped she’s afraid to crawl to and ask….
Forgiveness? She deserves no such thing
Torture her, stone her, she deserves to feel
Rip her heart out in front of her; she’s the one to blame
The floor has fallen beneath her feet; she keeps running but where should she be?
Don’t pity her or she will cling to you, independence? That’s what she says she has
Yet she’s the most dependant, needy person you have ever met
Do not pick her up just watch her fall
She shouldn't be alive, no, not all
She was nothing more than a mistake
The people who love her have probably lost their minds
What can she do to make all her problems go away?
There’s a little voice that keeps telling her there’s only one way
She sits night after night contemplating suicide
Too afraid to let go, yet she holds on to a world of nothing, she’s got nothing, no one
When life falls apart, all she does is stare
Take the blade and cut yourself, you know you deserve to feel the flare
Now she lies in a box, her soul to hell for giving up
Do not think about her no, she deserves the eternity of torture she’s ****** herself to
Just forget her; she was no more than a speck of dust
You’d be wasting your tears if you cried over her too much
She’s finally gone; I have rid myself of her
I am no longer the girl that I used to fear
She’s laid to rest, forgotten and dead
With all this life I can but be glad, the almighty my king has removed all that dread
I am stronger, wiser, more courageous than I ever thought I could be
All thanks to the Glory of my God, I owe my victory
Watch me move mountains, be in awe of what I achieve
It’s because the God that loves me gave me that second to breathe
I am a women destined to do great things
Now step aside as my light shines as bright as the stars in the sky
My life, a new world to open up my eyes
Watch me fly above the star-filled skies, you can have it too all you have to do is try…
Aug 7, 2013
Aug 7, 2013 at 10:38 AM UTC
A subtle shade of orange
Sprayed on to darken porcelain skin
Eyes heavy, the weight of false lashes
Hair an explosion of colours
Nails patterned in a cornucopia of designs
You learn your craft, try all its treatments
A student in the art of cover up
Makeup in layer upon layer
Yet you need none of this
The vogue of female presentation
It's trappings have captured you
So many become dependant
Like a drug
Habitual a ritual
Made up, made over
I wonder what the real you looks like
Mar 5, 2013
Mar 5, 2013 at 12:53 PM UTC
the awkward part is
sleeping without your breathing leaves me lost in the dark.
close to weeping with slient heaving i shut my eyes hard.
the opposite of feeling, barely seeing i'm dependant on you.
no longer solitary, you're one with them and maybe,
thats the awkward part.
k.g.
Apr 19, 2015
Apr 19, 2015 at 6:56 PM UTC
I will never be like you. Dependant not DEPENDABLE. I can’t wait to be set free from the cage I have been trapped in, the time can’t come soon enough. I have matured from pain and anger instead of time and age. I’ve become what you did not, independent and strong. When the time does come, do not come back. The gates have been shut and you may not enter. The walls I could not build will soon be built.
Untouchable
I will be happy again, happiness you did not supply me.
Untouchable
Happy
When I breathe again, my lungs will fill with pure joy.
Untouchable
Happy
Pure
My heart will beat will beat with new blood, signifying my new beginning.
Untouchable
Happy
Pure
New
Do not return for I am untouchable.
Aug 20, 2019
Aug 20, 2019 at 12:11 AM UTC
Do you know how bad you have hurt me? My heart is broken. I don't want you to come up in March. I don't want you to come up here because of the way you are acting. I do have a problem with Xanax, that is why Willie checks my meds. We tried to keep this from you. We didn't want you to know. I'm not taking them irregularly! Almost all bipolar people like myself end up in suicide. If you cut ties with me now, Drew, I can't tell you what's going to happen. I've stopped taking all my meds. Are you happy now?
•
•
•
All these thoughts run wildly through my head.
I feel as though I'm suffocating.
The world is weighing down on my shoulders,
causing me to sink into the ground.
I knew this would be hard,
but I never thought it would be this bad.
This was not my intention.
I did not want you to stop taking all your medication;
just the ones you're not taking properly.
I don't hate you and I'm not mad.
I'm just highly upset and worried about you.
I'm upset because I have seen the way you are without these pills.
You're a fun and loving mom without them.
Yet, we know how miserable everyone is when you're on them:
our family, friends, and your co-workers.
I'm worried because I cannot make you clean.
I cannot make your addiction go away.
You have to go through it on your own.
However, the methods you're trying don't seem to be working.
I'm worried that you won't admit to yourself that you have a problem,
and that you won't get the proper treatment.
I'm worried that I'm too late and there's no saving you.
Most of all, I'm worried I will have a dead mother.
A mother who died from the thing I hate most: medication.
I hope you find this before it's too late.
I don't want to lose you.
I know we've had our disagreements and misunderstandings,
but that doesn't mean I care about you any less.
You mean a lot to me.
You're my mother and I love you.
Always
I'm not trying to cut ties with you.
I want to see you get better and back on the right track.
I want you to be the crazy fun mom I used to have;
not the mom who is completely dependant on pills.
I wish you the best of luck.
Hopefully, my decision to not come back until your better will give you the motivation you need.
Go seek professional help!
Just know I will always love you and that I'm not mad.
I'm just hurt but overall I'm worried.
Get well soon.
Apr 4, 2016
Apr 4, 2016 at 11:30 PM UTC
In clear dawn’s prescient light I saw
Integrity of man withdraw,
Withdraw from that integral grace
Illuminated in that place.
A clear blue light in silhouette
Of moon and mountain pirouette,
A truthfulness of stark relief
Quite unencumbered by deceit.
Unencumbered by the paws
Of those who bare discordant claws,
They who twist God’s clear blue light
To manifest their grip on might,
Those who would, quite by perchance,
Enlist oblivion’s nuclear dance.
This hanging crescent moon aloft
Above our mountain’s darkened croft,
Delicately etched in vivid glow
Of promised new dawn’s velvet show…..
Dependant now on exchanged themes
Of thermonuclear warfare’s screams.
But then…..
Old soldiers call from War afar
To we who listen, jaw ajar,
To wisdom earnt by good blood spilt
Be of Field Grey or Scottish Kilt…..
“Fight no more this curse of War”
They, from beyond the grave, implore,
“We sacrificed our youth for thee
So thou might dwell in harmony”
In clear dawn’s prescient light they saw
A slit of sunshine’s open door,
Where sanity, just, could pave the way
For laughter’s peal to save this day.
M.
“Lest We Forget “
ANZAC Day
25 April 2017
HAMILTON, NEW ZEALAND
Apr 24, 2017
Apr 24, 2017 at 9:41 PM UTC