Fit to burst and burning inside
Thoughts of harm and despair all the time.
Reach out they say. If only I could.
Why tell the world I've had enough?
Read it on Facebook and Instagram too and twitter to make sure they all knew
But what's the point? None can help, when you're living in your mental hell.
So say nothing,
They won't know until I'm gone.
I thought by now things would be better but it's like yesterday replays only darker and worsens.
Alone and cold, walking in shame as you didn't fit in to this human game
So some pills or a bridge, oh the sea looks inviting! Will it stop all this pain if I leave the world quietly?
Written after another local guy took his own life.
I had the strangest dream last night.
I had died.
There I was cold as ice sat watching those gather at my graveside
Odd as I wanted cremation. But I digress.
Why was I cold?
Do the dead feel the cold?
So there I am in some half existance watching people turn up and suddenly a voice next to me says:
"Didn't expect you so soon"
There next to me was my grandmother.
As the people arrived she asked who they were and who did I expect to be there.
She even told me who I should have married. A bit late now but to be fair you said that when we were alive.
Then as the service started she got up and walked away.
"Are we not going in?" I asked.
She smiled and said no, those words aren't for you, they are for them.
Anything you should have heard they should have said already.
Anything you didn't say you can't now.
I then ask where do we go now?
She smiled and said "We? I'm going back to heaven. I think you're going somewhere else"
I woke up to the dogs paw trying to wake me to let him out to ***. Stood in my ****** behind the front door thinking why did I eat a ham and cheese sandwich before I went to bed.
I blame the cheese.
Richard lived alone.
He had become so used to being his own company and the complexities of relationships seemed now a distant memory.
There had been love. Oh such love but it was never to be long term or the one. He had grown to believe that was the stuff of fairy stories and Disney films. He worked hard all his life seldom saw his children and he just plodded on doing the best he could.
Then the day came that rocked his world.
This wasn't something he could fix.
Not years, months.
So he came upon a plan. Rather than leave it all for someone else to sort out he decided to have a giveaway day.
He posted in the local paper and social media.
All free to a good home.
And how they came. Strangers mostly.
Some close friends he gave the car and bigger things to and by the end of the day there was little left to be done but put the house up for sale.
Like vultures they had picked the bones leaving very little.
As he closed his door he saw a young girl about 19 stood at his gate.
He asked could he help?
"I saw the advertisement"
"I'm sorry, it's all gone now."
She smiled and said
"No, I brought you this"
She put her arms around him and hugged him so tightly."
The next day a neighbour found Richard on the lawn.
Cold, lifeless and a gentle smile on his face.
A single white feather on his chest.
She said live today like it's your last.
I didn't know she was a serial killer.
I was told she could light up a room. Arsonists are like that
Live for today.
Bailiffs love those kinds of people.
Seize the day. And that your honours is how my client comes to be before you today.
I'm a remnant of a past me.
Driven to the brink
Yet now a few steps back from the edge
Stoic in how I view life
Bereft of a need to just be
Longing to find peace
Together or alone it doesn't matter
Some days are unbearable
A few dire
But if your lucky there is a tomorrow
It may not be your tomorrow
But tomorrow none the less.
Up or down?
Am I filling a gap to entertain a clown?
Am I here on demand for when it suits?
A pretty face for corporate dos.
Don't speak your mind that's not your place and apologise for their mistakes!
Slavery so I believed was no longer real.
Yet here I am in a foreign land trafficked by my own hand.
Chained by a ring and a promise of love.
Yet cold as ice and no one to hug.
So now I fill my day with tasks to keep me from fighting back.
But soon when I can break free the world will once again see me.