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Blake Apr 4
I wish it didn’t hurt
I wish I could say that all I am is angry
That I don’t care

I wish I could look you in the eye
Without feeling such conflict

I wish I stopped loving you
When I started hating you

I wish you never had me

I wish you’d been happier

I wish you’d been nicer

I wish that I could have two parents

I wish we weren’t fighting all the time

I wish you understood me

I wish I didn’t care when I saw you in pain
Because of my words

I wish I could leave, and feel satisfied

I wish I hated you for how you’ve hurt me

I wish you would leave me alone

I wish you would hug me more

I wish you’d stop asking about my life

I wish I could tell you about my day

I wish I knew you when you were younger

I wish you didn’t love me

I wish we weren’t like this

I wish you didn’t hurt me

I wish you still couldn’t

I wish I was detached from you and could leave without feeling guilty

I wish I didn’t love you anymore

I just wanted you to be proud
Blake Dec 2021
It always makes complete sense
Or absolutely none at all
Mostly it’s the second
And the second means the first to fall
Blake Dec 2021
We’re leaving bruises in the shapes of handprints in our effort to hold on to eachother
While being pulled apart
Your grip could break every bone in my body
And I’d be grateful you held on
Blake Jun 2021
“I could live a thousand lives
And your eyes would calm me in all of them”

You said to me
As if people still spoke that way

They were words from a time before ours
When people still wore their hearts on their sleeve

And I knew then,
That I could never let you go
And no matter what should happen

I’d know you forever
Blake Feb 2021
I know why I was running as fast as I could
I know why I still felt as though I wasn’t good
When everyone else understood what was said
While I was thinking what’s wrong with my head

The signs were all there
I wish I had known
I wish I had seen them
Each time they had shown

No I am not lazy
Nor am I dumb
I am not broken
And there’s no need to run.

Yes I still need them
To speak to me different,
I need things explained to me
Slowly,  just need a second

My brain works differently
And I sense more than most
I hear the electricity
Louder than your voice when you talk

There’s no race that I’m running
So I can’t be behind
I do things my own way
that works for my mind

I’m different than them
But that’s nothing wrong
I’ve learned a lot about me
And who I’ve been all along

I am at peace now
I know where I belong
I’ve found others just like me
I’m not helpless after all
I am just me
And you are just you
And we are both different
Your needs are special too.
Finding out I’m autistic was finding out everything about me and all of it suddenly making sense. I know why I never understood things the same as those around me
Blake Nov 2020
What a strange age

Expected to grow up
Expected to change

But there is a problem
With what they request,
I’m not quite done growing
And I’m still quite a mess

They tell me I’m ready
That I have to move on

Won’t somebody tell me
Where my childhood’s gone?

What are these taxes?
Why must I move out?
If I haven’t the money,
Shall I sleep on the ground?

Nobody told me
How to accept
The loss of my childhood
As a normal event

It may not have been nice
And it may not have been good
And I might have been through stuff
That no child should

But I am not ready
To give it all up
To trade for my hours,
Everyday at a job

I don’t know how to fight it
I’m not sure I can

But at least I am finding
The person I am

At 18 I’m growing
And I’ll keep in my hand
That of another me,
The one of my Past
I am just a person who originated from a clump of cells that developed from an egg. Why am I forced to follow the rules of the people around me, what if I just wanted to be a ******* bird?
Blake May 2020
I only wish that I could tell you
what the world is going to do
But if you can't tell I don't have a clue
My whole world is upside down
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