Children stopped dreaming
Lives were fleeting
People are leaving
Knives were for eating
Nights were for sleeping
Rope was for leaping
Parents stopped caring
Kids were more daring
Our hearts stopped sharing
I stopped hiding
Started showing my scars
Stopped watching for cars
Bottled my feelings in a jar
Never dared to look at the stars
I'm going to jump
I hope I fall hard
I never know how to end anything. Maybe that’s why everytime something ends I end up in pain.
Sometimes I think
I should just get it over with already
Even if it doesn’t work
Maybe then they’ll all know
They’ll all see me
They’ll understand why.
Maybe then I can understand
Why anyone would be so cruel
Why anyone would want to hurt someone
What I did..
Maybe then I wouldn’t feel a hole in my chest
Or a rock in my gut
Or a clamp on my heart
Maybe I wouldn’t feel like someone is pushing all the air out of my lungs and all the water in my body up towards my eyes where it won’t stop spilling out
Like an endless ocean
Over endless people
Who I couldn’t help
Who I couldn’t trust
Who I couldn’t forgive
Who never really gave a ****
Maybe if I just tried it. Really tried it
Maybe if I’m unsuccessful they’ll at least let me leave
Give me a break
Let me heal from what they did
Maybe if I’m not successful
Maybe they’ll learn
Maybe they won’t do the same thing they’ve done before
Maybe if I just try
I can be worth something
My heart feels very painful and I’m afraid That soon I may give out
Where did he ever learn
To love so painfully
I finally thought I was getting better
But then for Christmas my dad bought me two knives
And my only thought
Was how dumb he is to gift me
That which can only lead
To my own destruction
You aren’t on my mind every second
It’s not that I’m always thinking of you
I simply get reminded of you
You are all hidden throughout my world
And each reminder makes me think of you
Multiple times through my day
And with each
Comes a little bit of hope
A little bit of calm
Little bit of you
A little bit of love
I hear you in every song that instills in me hope and love
In ever word that comforts my crying eyes
I see you in every elephant, real or statue,
In every saxophone
In every street corner with skid marks from drifting
I feel you in every hug,
Every hand hold
In every laugh
And in every tear.
You are in every day that I’m happy to be alive
You’re present in every day, mostly literally, but sometimes not
I see you in every frenchy fry
In every meme, especially bert and Ernie
In everything Disney
In twinkling Christmas lights
In dorky posts that fangirls over friends
In every friendship I observe
I hear you in every song that makes me jam
And every situation where it’s hard to make a decision
In every dog bark or cat meowing
I feel you in every fuzzy blanket, sock, or hoodie
In every cuddle, or jumping puddle
You are in everyday that gives me a sense of pure joy or child like wonder
In every thing that brings me joy, in every day that I’m alive, in every sound that brings with it a memory, you are there.
I may not think of you at every second
But I promise you
You’re with me in every day.
I don’t know how many different ways there are to love a person
But I think you two are my favourites.
I reach my small arms out for you
crying because of how much missed you
but my arms are bound at my sides like glue
my crying isn't heard fore my mouth is gagged too
my I love you's go unheard
instead you use words to beat me black and blue
you shove me in a corner to think about what I've done but what did I do?
I learn soon what is true
that you don't understand
You never really will
all you care for is yourself
who cares if I skip my pill
no longer will I trust you with the thoughts that plague me
For when you hear them all you do is yell
why do you hate me
I am dancing
with your demons,
and you're dancing
And for a moment,
we forgot we're in hell.
We're not living, we're just killing time.
I am me
"I accept you"
Who is me though?
I think that I might be ***
"That's ok I accept you"
I don't know who I-
"Just don't tell your dad"
"And don't be too open about it"
I don't think I like who I am
"Don't say that"
I feel repressed
"Stop looking for attention"
I don't think *** is the right term for me
"whatever just don't be in everyone's face about it"
I have a girlfriend now
"just make sure you two aren't obvious in public"
I want to die sometimes
"if you don't accept help now they won't fix you enough and eventually no one will help you"
I am me
But I don't know who that is
Oh yeah. I forgot I saved this as a draft. But yeah. This gives you a teeny tiny idea of how it feels trying to communicate with my mother.