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Blake Jan 6
I finally thought I was getting better
But then for Christmas my dad bought me two knives
And my only thought
Was how dumb he is to gift me
That which can only lead
To my own destruction
Blake Jan 5
You aren’t on my mind every second
It’s not that I’m always thinking of you
I simply get reminded of you
You are all hidden throughout my world
And each reminder makes me think of you
Multiple times through my day
And with each
Comes a little bit of hope
A little bit of calm
Little bit of you
A little bit of love

I hear you in every song that instills in me hope and love
In ever word that comforts my crying eyes
I see you in every elephant, real or statue,
In every saxophone
In every street corner with skid marks from drifting
I feel you in every hug,
Every hand hold
In every laugh
And in every tear.
You are in every day that I’m happy to be alive

You’re present in every day, mostly literally, but sometimes not
I see you in every frenchy fry
In every meme, especially bert and Ernie
In everything Disney
In twinkling Christmas lights
In dorky posts that fangirls over friends
In every friendship I observe
I hear you in every song that makes me jam
And every situation where it’s hard to make a decision
In every dog bark or cat meowing
I feel you in every fuzzy blanket, sock, or hoodie
In every cuddle, or jumping puddle
You are in everyday that gives me a sense of pure joy or child like wonder

In every thing that brings me joy, in every day that I’m alive, in every sound that brings with it a memory, you are there.
I may not think of you at every second
But I promise you
You’re with me in every day.
I don’t know how many different ways there are to love a person
But I think you two are my favourites.
Blake Dec 2018
I reach my small arms out for you
crying because of how much  missed you
but my arms are bound at my sides like glue
my crying isn't heard fore my mouth is gagged too
my I love you's go unheard
instead you use words to beat me black and blue
you shove me in a corner to think about what I've done but what did I do?
I learn soon what is true
that you don't understand
You never really will
all you care for is yourself
who cares if I skip my pill
no longer will I trust you with the thoughts that plague me
For when you hear them all you do is yell
why do you hate me
Blake Oct 2018
I am me
"I accept you"
Who is me though?
"You're you"
I think that I might be ***
"That's ok I accept you"
I don't know who I-
"Just don't tell your dad"
But I-
"And don't be too open about it"
I don't think I like who I am
"Don't say that"
I feel repressed
"Stop looking for attention"
I don't think *** is the right term for me
"whatever just don't be in everyone's face about it"
I have a girlfriend now
"just make sure you two aren't obvious in public"
I want to die sometimes
"if you don't accept help now they won't fix you enough and eventually no one will help you"
"You're fine"
I am me
But I don't know who that is
Oh yeah. I forgot I saved this as a draft. But yeah. This gives you a teeny tiny idea of how it feels trying to communicate with my mother.
  Oct 2018 Blake
The uniVerse
I searched for innocence
it was not there
I looked for respect
it didn't care
I needed warmth
and got the cold
I yearned for youth
yet felt so old
I asked for honesty
it told me lies
I wanted life
but it had died

  Oct 2018 Blake
The Lioness
The nights grow long
The air grows cold
My mood is changing
I'm so very tired

My homework suffers
As I spend every minute I can asleep
I lose interest
I stop using my healthy coping skills

The blade it calls me
Thank god long sleeves are the norm now
I watch the blood drip
I feel the pain

I know now I'm not numb
I want to die
But courage I lack
Or is it fear that keeps me here

So instead I clean my gun
Oil my handcuffs
Polish my boots
Cause evil never sleeps

I take my pills
They kinda help
I've stopped eating
There's to much stress.

When will summer come again
I miss the happiness
I miss the manic
Will I ever find peace
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