If I could go back in time and have a conversation with myself from 4 years ago I would in a heartbeat.
Not to warn her about anything or to tell her to do things differently but just to simply tell her that she is going to be ok.
Most of the things she is or will worry about work themselves out one way or another and that I am so proud of her
That its ok that she is different to the people she knows because she is going to meet people that like that about her people that make her laugh and smile instead of break her down
I just want to tell her everything is going to be alright because I know that's what she needs to hear
What would you tell yourself ?
And in my mind I scream at him,
Do something, anything to show me you care."
But he didn't move a muscle.
It was one of my bad nights. He just turned on his side and went to sleep
I love you,and I'm so tired of being alone.
10 words is all I need to sum up how I'm feeling
I don’t want to plaster on a ton of make up to be told I'm beautiful
I want someone to look at me when im 100% me and say that they still love me
I want to be comfortable enough to get out the shower put on your hoodie and to have you still want me
The reason I have the make up, straight hair and tight clothing is because without all that fakeness someone would finally decide if they like me for me
And I'm to scared to hear the answer
I just want to be wanted
I think I could lie in bed with you forever,
And still lose myself in your eyes every time you smile.
I could kiss you all day,and still need a good bye kiss when you leave.
You're going to completely destroy me, aren't you?
I was so hell bent on being alone and you had to show up.
Its easy to call someone beautiful when they have spent an hour doing there hair and make up, when they are wearing a skin tight cocktail dress and a push up bra
Its more difficult to say it when the hair gets ******* and the make up is smudged by tears the dress replaces with a stained t- shirt
Because as I'm looking in the mirror right now the last word that comes to my mind is beautiful...
You are worth more than you give yourself credit for
Its bad now
But we have been happy before and we will be again
You are beautiful and loved and worth it.
The moment just before you kiss someone is better than any kiss you'll ever have.
That few seconds before your lips touch,When your heart is beating fast and your stomachs full of butterflies.
You're intertwined with each other, and you're both waiting for the other to move in.
That moment is perfect
I kiss can be good or bad ,but that moment is always my favourite...
That moment feels infinite
She wore all
But her heart bled
Just something I wrote down recently, thought I should share it.
Ending a relationship is like breaking a glass.
If you stand up and calmly, pick up the pieces, and carefully clean up. All you'll have lost is some time and the glass.
If you rush and get angry, or act irrationally, you will get cut and end up unnecessarily hurt.
Just a thought I had today after dropping a glass. It's been 4 days since he left me.
Commitment issues aren't that hard to have when you have nothing and no one.
Being all alone, the only thing I have to commit to is breathing
And I've grown quiet fond of that...
But who knows if that is permanent
I think people find cuddling so appealing because of how close you become with that person, not just physically but in the sense that when you sleep you are at your most vulnerable.When you dream that's the real you shining through and you let that person see that, to be there to hold and protect you. When you decided to share something like that you are showing that person how much you really trust them.
I just wish I had someone to share it with
Don't worry about me I'm just deeply unhappy and am completely alone. No big deal go on and be happy you deserve it.
I truly hope you are all genuinely happy ♡
Falling asleep, with your arms wrapped around me.Encasing me.
Drifting into unconscious.
Feeling completely safe.
And waking up.Not fully.
But just enough to see the new days sun.
When I gingerly touch your hip.
You turn and wrap me in your arms once
again.As if it was second nature.
As if this action, was embedded into your DNA.
I lay there half asleep.
Listening to your breath.
Anything past the edge of the bed is
This moment is ours forever.
No one can take this from us.
Even something as hypnotic and breathtaking as fire, leaves behind something as *****, grey and irrelevant as ash.
Just something that poped into my head. Hope this makes sense
Two shattered people not a word spoken
Lying in bed
Holding each other tight
In the Hope's that they can feel just a little less broken
Even if it's just for the night.
I tried the rhyming thing?
You broke my ******* heart.
And you did it from the comfort of your own ******* garden.
While you had a ******* cigarette.
I was curled into the corner of a ******* bathroom, so no one could hear me cry.
I don't ******* cry.
But since then I can't ******* stop.
I can't ******* deal with this.
Why the **** did you do this to me?
I ******* hate you!
Please come back...
The pain in my chest won't go away, I can't forget him, I love him. I HATE HIM
I've been good enough to do a lot of things for a lot of people.
I've never been good enough to be unconditionally Loved
I really don't know what he see in me.
When he smiles at me it's actually genuine.
I don't understand it.
How can I be sure his intentions are pure?
I really want them to be.
He could be different from the rest.
And trust me the rest, were awful.
He could actually like me for me.
That would be a new one.
You're going to need it.
Dealing with me is not the easiest thing in the world, but its seems as if he wants to try.
For the first time ever someone chose me over her.
But I was no longer an option...
I couldn't be with him, it would be wrong.
So I have decided to be my own hero
Not because I'm a good role model
or someone to look up too
But because it will just be so much easier
My decisions won't shock me
nor will my actions
When we worship people like
The drug use seems so tragic
and the gunshots leave us terrified
But if its just me I won't be taken aback
By how much I have changed
And no one will care about what I do
Cuts on my wrists wouldn't be front page news and my failures will be forgotten and ignored
But most of all I think that if its me
I won't find the drug use that tragic
And the gun shots won't be that terrifying
He made sure to show I belonged to him.
And of course his trade mark,
was a bruise.
When your house isn't safe anymore
And your left avoiding it at any cost
Is it still considered a home ?
Its so much easier to push someone away, than to let yourself become vulnerable.
To give them the power to hurt you.
Showing your true feelings is relinquishing all your power.
You're trusting them not to take advantage of your weaknesses.
And that, is an absolutely ridiculous notion.
Once weakness is spoted, it is used and abused, untill you are just a quivering mess lying on the floor, wondering how you ever let yourself get into such a situation.
I will not be:
I am strong, because people don't know the real me, and that's how its going to stay.
People don't care about anything but themselves
I knew it was wrong from the very start
I should have never let myself indulge
In this pathetic idea of us
But there I was, hoping to see you around the corner and when you were there my day suddenly had a purpose
I started to need you around and couldn't help but smile when you looked at me
I thought I had picked up on little hints from you.
That maybe you liked being around me as much as I liked being around you
That maybe you waited around the corner until I was there so you could "bump" into me
God I was such an idiot!
Of course none of it was true there were no hints, no waiting behind corners
To be honest I'm embarrassed, you probably hated every second you were around me
This is why I don't let these sought of things happen to me but somehow you snuck through the cracks in my armor
And I couldn't get you out
I really don't know why I expected any different
Especially from you...
Everything I think of killing myself
I start taking my make up off and I look at my eyes.
I've never thought I was beautiful, but my eyes
They're so blue and I think to myself what a waste of good eyes.
Sometime my blue eyes is what keeps me here
Today I woke up and all I wanted with my entire being was for someone to be there next to me to tickle my back.
That's all just someone to tickle my back.
Most days I'm totally okay with being alone but it's moments like this when I crave the company of another.
To be able to call them in the morning and ask them to come over for the day.
And lay in bed all day watching Disney movies wrapped up in each other, exchanging light kisses and inside jokes.
Because there is nothing better than having your back tickled and nothing worse than there being no one to do it.
Just want someone to want me
I find it quite ironic, that my antidepressant pills taste like death.
They are the worst
I see you nearly every day and every times a curse
I see you with your judgmental smile and your eyes that cause people to flinch in pain
You walk around like your a giant in a world full of ants
You trough people under the bus to get what you want, you dance in front of people so that you get every last drop of attention
I guess its my fault for letting you get to me but I can't help it when I dance and you look at me I feel myself physically shrink
But what's sad is that once you've got that attention and you forced everyone into a black hole of insecurity
You have nothing left because all your so called "friends" hate you they speak to you out of pity.
And the sick thing is I end up feeling sorry for you and it makes me angry because you don't deserve that you deserve exactly what you've got.
And yet I find my self feeling sorry for you once again because your an empty shell and that's all you'll ever be
I love you, you ******* idiot. We could have been everything and you threw it away for some ******* stupid blondes who will only ever last a few months... I would have been there for every ******* birthday, for every ******* Christmas. For any bad times you were going through, I would have stuck through them all just so I could see your smile. And you threw that away for nothing, and you still can't see what you did to me, and you still can't see how much I cared about you, how much I'll always care about you. ******* for what you did. ******* for breaking me.
I'm just really drunk right now. And I typed this message out to him. I just couldn't send it.
No Matter how mad I am at you.
When your hand reaches out for mine, I know I'll let my finger intertwine with yours.
Hell, I'll squeeze your hand tighter.
I'm headed for complete and utter heart brake and I know it.
Everyone always says, that they will always be there for you.
But the truth is, nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly sad.
and that's okay I don't blame them.
I wouldn't want to be around me either.
Bad energy makes bad energy please don't let me make you sad
Today I felt a hand on my lower back, I exhaled and wished it was yours.
When I saw it wasn't I felt a wave of disappointment and I remembered you dont want me at all
And it hurts to know that because I want you so badly it physically hurts
I want your touch to be warm and inviting not cold and rigid
I want you to be as happy to see me as I am to see you
I just want you to want me
Is that to much to ask
John Green made me sad in the best possible way...
Augustus,who taught me to love people no matter what.
Hazel,for showing me we are all beautiful.
Alaska,for saying its okay to be a bit mischievous.
Pudge,for proving that you don't have to have millions of friends to feel loved.
The Coronel, for teaching me to believe in myself,no matter where I had come from.
Colin,for my eureka moment.
Both Will Graysons,for showing me is okay to not know exactly who you are.
And every character in Paper Towns,who just made me really happy.
But lastly and most importantly I'd like to thank John Green,because you made my life a better place with your books, and for that I'm forever greatful
I'm so happy I found those books
If I give you a kiss,promise you'll give it back?
You can borrow it when ever you want ;)
Today I told someone that I have dignity and self worth...I lied
I have nothing but hate
I hope I'm not the type of person people tolerate.
The type of person that you agree with just to get them so stop speaking.
The type of person who people pity there need for attention.
The type of person who everyone roles there eyes at.
The type of person that brings nothing but waisted time when they speak.
Really what I'm saying is that, I don't want to be like you...
Because frankly I don't like you
I dream of your lips pressed against mine.With your hands exploring my body while you press me up against a wall.
I imagine you leaving me with hickeys, scratches and bite marks.
I think of cloths scattered on the floor and of you pressing me to you so there is no space between us.
I don't want flowers, chocolates and love.
I want lip biting, messy sheets and lust.
I want pure unadulterated passion
The simple fact is that, it doesn't take much to make someone else happy.
A simple act if kindness like :
A tight hug
A genuine smile
All these things take hardly any time.
And they could make somebody's:
It could save them.
Spare a second for someone,and maybe they will do the same.
Be a nice person.
Is not that hard
Is it possible to miss someone you have never met ?
To crave their touch even though you have never truly experienced it.
To miss their presence even though they have never been with you.
Well I hope with all my heart it is.
Because some how I find myself missing you...
I met a guy for a moment but I don't think ill ever forget him.
I wonder how long it will take him, to realise that being with me, is a mistake.
He will figure it out sooner or later
I need you, and that's what scares me.
Alot has happend in my bed...
A few firsts,
Like the first time I slept with someone, and the first time I told someone I loved them.
Two different boys if you can belive.
It's where I Collapse after being away.
It's the home of my childhood teddy.
Where my nightmares take refuge.
Where I take cat naps...With my cat.
I've lay awake sobbing at sad movies, only half because of the movie.
I've slept alone, in someone's arms and not at all.
And stayed awake making up a million different scenarios.And thinking about the universe
To an outsider it's just a bed.
To me it's a life time of memories.
A single rain drop landed just beneath my eye.
It was as if nature was giving me the tear.
That it knew I couldn't shed in front of him.
Literally was exactly what I needed in that moment
I wanted him.
I wanted him more than anything.
Every fiber of my body was attracted to this boy.
And I believed every lie he told me, about him wanting me.
Long story short.
He didn't want me at all.
I'm just absolutely broken.
My bad dreams won't leave me alone these thoughts keep circling my sub conscious.
They wait till I'm most vulnerable to attack I can't relax not for a second.
If I do they are there screaming at me over and over again taunting me till I'm awoken in a cold sweat with tear stained cheeks.
I can't go back its too frightening so I sit huddled trying my hardest to disappear.
Until the light shines through my widow and the screams soften slightly and I am forced to carry on till the next time I'm back in bed and the voices take over once again...
Wrote this with 3 hours sleep...
But I'm just not happy...
I don't like this feeling but I cant seem to get rid of it...
You always bite my neck before you kiss me.
With us it's always lust over intimacy.
You're careful not to leave a mark, careful not to leave any proof.
But I can feel it under my skin, it's your way of making sure I can't forget you, while making sure no one else will ever know about us.
It's like your always here, but standing just out of my reach.
One day I'll say no to you,
At least that's what I tell myself everytime you leave.
Please be happy.
Your smile is beautiful
Please dont cry.
Just dry your eyes
Please dont leave me.
Because I wont survive without you
Please dont lie.
Because I want to trust you
Please look at me how you look at her.
Because it seems as if shes the only ******* earth
Please hold me in your arms.
Because I want to fall alseep happy for once
Please never say good bye.
I cant take that pain
Please stay with me.
Forever and ever
Please be mine
Because I'm already your's
Please love me.
just please...love me
We could do it you know
We could run away together and leave all of it behind
All the second thoughts all the outside opinions would vanish
We could just be together
We could spend everyday doing things that make us happy
There would be no expectations no moral obligations
Just us and what we want to do
We really could do it you know
But the question is...
Would you want to?