I had pretty much given up on humainty, but then I met someone who leaves his lights on so his fish can see where its swimming, and decided it's small moments like this that remind me there is still some hope left in this world.
Years later I still think of you...
My whole life I've been told to speak less or softer, that if I just tried "toning it down" maybe people wouldn't find me as overbearing, more approachable, even more feminine. Years of trying shrink myself into other peoples idea of acceptable has only led to self doubt, anxiety and self destructive behavior. I refuse to spend another second tearing myself apart to fit into boxes other people created for me. I am loud, opinionated, messy and much more . If thats "to much" for you, then so be it. I will no longer apologize for the space I occupy in this world.
**** em !
Everything I think of killing myself
I start taking my make up off and I look at my eyes.
I've never thought I was beautiful, but my eyes
They're so blue and I think to myself what a waste of good eyes.
Sometime my blue eyes is what keeps me here
You are worth more than you give yourself credit for
Its bad now
But we have been happy before and we will be again
You are beautiful and loved and worth it.
Two shattered people not a word spoken
Lying in bed
Holding each other tight
In the Hope's that they can feel just a little less broken
Even if it's just for the night.
I tried the rhyming thing?
I can't wait for the day that I find someone where I don't have to question if they want me around.
Because all this not knowing is killing my soul.
Should I message him....No.
But I want to talk to him ?
Yeah but your probably just bugging him.
Yeah your probably right
I love you, you ******* idiot. We could have been everything and you threw it away for some ******* stupid blonde who will only ever last a few months... I would have been there for every ******* birthday, for every ******* Christmas. For any bad times you were going through, I would have stuck through them all just so I could see your smile. And you threw that away for nothing, and you still can't see what you did to me, and you still can't see how much I cared about you, how much I'll always care about you. ******* for what you did. ******* for breaking me.
I'm just really drunk right now. And I typed this message out to him. I just couldn't send it.
All I think about is you.
And all you think about is yourself.
You always bite my neck before you kiss me.
With us it's always lust over intimacy.
You're careful not to leave a mark, careful not to leave any proof.
But I can feel it under my skin, it's your way of making sure I can't forget you, while making sure no one else will ever know about us.
It's like your always here, but standing just out of my reach.
One day I'll say no to you,
At least that's what I tell myself everytime you leave.
I've been good enough to do a lot of things for a lot of people.
I've never been good enough to be unconditionally Loved
Wow, this boy really ****** me up.
Just my thought every time you cross my mind.
I wanted him.
I wanted him more than anything.
Every fiber of my body was attracted to this boy.
And I believed every lie he told me, about him wanting me.
Long story short.
He didn't want me at all.
I'm just absolutely broken.
Today I told someone I loved them, and I ment it more than I could ever describe in words.
But there was a niggling thought in the back of my head.
"It's too soon," it whispered.
"You should have waited. It's too soon."
People will judge me. They will think I'm foolish.
But who is anyone else to tell me about how I love someone?
And since when does falling in love have a set rules?
Why should I let society decide that my love isn't real, because they don't belive someone can feel this strongly for somone so soon?
It took me eight months to say it to my X.
And I can honestly say that feeling was like a drop in the ocean, compared to how I feel now.
So yes you can say it's too soon.
Frankly I don't give a ****.
I think I could lie in bed with you forever,
And still lose myself in your eyes every time you smile.
I could kiss you all day,and still need a good bye kiss when you leave.
You're going to completely destroy me, aren't you?
I was so hell bent on being alone and you had to show up.
I feel a part of me slowly dying every moment we are apart.
I can't live without you.
This feeling can't even be classified as heart break. Because my entire body is falling apart.
I can't do this...
Ending a relationship is like breaking a glass.
If you stand up and calmly, pick up the pieces, and carefully clean up. All you'll have lost is some time and the glass.
If you rush and get angry, or act irrationally, you will get cut and end up unnecessarily hurt.
Just a thought I had today after dropping a glass. It's been 4 days since he left me.
I need you, and that's what scares me.
Alot has happend in my bed...
A few firsts,
Like the first time I slept with someone, and the first time I told someone I loved them.
Two different boys if you can belive.
It's where I collapse after being away.
It's the home of my childhood teddy.
Where my nightmares take refuge.
Where I take cat nap... with my cat.
I've lay awake sobbing at sad movies, only half because of the movie.
I've slept alone, in someone's arms, and not at all.
Stayed awake making up a million different scenarios, thinking about the universe
To an outsider it's just a bed.
To me it's a life time of memories.
He made sure to show I belonged to him.
And of course his trade mark,
was a bruise.
And in my mind I scream at him,
Do something, anything to show me you care.
But he didn't move a muscle.
It was one of my bad nights. He just turned on his side and went to sleep
Even something as hypnotic and breathtaking as fire, leaves behind something as *****, grey and irrelevant as ash.
Just something that poped into my head. Hope this makes sense
Commitment issues aren't that hard to have when you have nothing and no one.
Being all alone, the only thing I have to commit to is breathing
And I've grown quiet fond of that...
But who knows if that is permanent
Because the fact is, I was never good enough to be your first choice.
She wore all
But her heart bled
Just something I wrote down recently, thought I should share it.
No Matter how mad I am at you.
When your hand reaches out for mine, I know I'll let my finger intertwine with yours.
Hell, I'll squeeze your hand tighter.
I'm headed for complete and utter heart brake and I know it.
The simple fact is that, it doesn't take much to make someone else happy.
A simple act if kindness like :
A tight hug
A genuine smile
All these things take hardly any time.
And they could make somebody's:
It could save them.
Spare a second for someone,and maybe they will do the same.
Be a nice person.
Is not that hard
He told me he is giving her roses.
The boy, who yesterday I finally admitted I love.
The boy, who the day before that , kissed me.
The boy, who a week before that told me I was his forever, and I said the same.
The boy, who has my heart.
Is giving her roses...
I could hear my heart shattering
Falling asleep, with your arms wrapped around me.Encasing me.
Drifting into unconscious.
Feeling completely safe.
And waking up.Not fully.
But just enough to see the new days sun.
When I gingerly touch your hip.
You turn and wrap me in your arms once
again.As if it was second nature.
As if this action, was embedded into your DNA.
I lay there half asleep.
Listening to your breath.
Anything past the edge of the bed is
This moment is ours forever.
No one can take this from us.
What if when you aren't here I can't sleep?
And what if I cry?
What if I told you that you are my smile?
And I hope you never lie.
What if you knew that I think about the end constantly?
And if Ill lose my best friend ?
What if I told you how happy you make me?
What would you do then ?
What if we last forever ?
What if you leave with my heart in your hand?
Probably not great but I'm tired and have a lot of thoughts rushing though my head
A single rain drop landed just beneath my eye.
It was as if nature was giving me the tear.
That it knew I couldn't shed in front of him.
Literally was exactly what I needed in that moment
When your house isn't safe anymore
And your left avoiding it at any cost
Is it still considered a home ?
You broke my ******* heart.
And you did it from the comfort of your own ******* garden.
While you had a ******* cigarette.
I was curled into the corner of a ******* bathroom, so no one could hear me cry.
I don't ******* cry.
But since then I can't ******* stop.
I can't ******* deal with this.
Why the **** did you do this to me?
I ******* hate you!
Please come back...
The pain in my chest won't go away, I can't forget him, I love him. I HATE HIM
We can be broken together, broken pieces don't cut each other.
some of my drunk rambling to my boyfriend tends to get emotional
My hips used to be my favorite part of my body.
But now they are the only place that I can hide the scarlet lines I carved into my own skin.
Now they are just tributes to my self harm.
The pain is so good
I really don't know what he see in me.
When he smiles at me it's actually genuine.
I don't understand it.
How can I be sure his intentions are pure?
I really want them to be.
He could be different from the rest.
And trust me the rest, were awful.
He could actually like me for me.
That would be a new one.
You're going to need it.
Dealing with me is not the easiest thing in the world, but its seems as if he wants to try.
Its so much easier to push someone away, than to let yourself become vulnerable.
To give them the power to hurt you.
Showing your true feelings is relinquishing all your power.
You're trusting them not to take advantage of your weaknesses.
And that, is an absolutely ridiculous notion.
Once weakness is spoted, it is used and abused, untill you are just a quivering mess lying on the floor, wondering how you ever let yourself get into such a situation.
I will not be:
I am strong, because people don't know the real me, and that's how its going to stay.
People don't care about anything but themselves
I wonder how long it will take him, to realise that being with me, is a mistake.
He will figure it out sooner or later
For the first time ever someone chose me over her.
But I was no longer an option...
I couldn't be with him, it would be wrong.
What if for once something went right?
Like he liked me back.
My parents could be proud of me for just a little bit.
My brother could be sober.
I could actually become a dancer.
Or I passed my last science test.
At this point I'd settle for a good night sleep.
Or just a reason to smile.
But it seems that is far to much to ask for in this life.
If just one thing could go my way I'd be so happy
Is it possible to miss someone you have never met ?
To crave their touch even though you have never truly experienced it.
To miss their presence even though they have never been with you.
Well I hope with all my heart it is.
Because some how I find myself missing you...
I met a guy for a moment but I don't think ill ever forget him.
If I give you a kiss,promise you'll give it back?
You can borrow it when ever you want ;)
Now my clothes are stained with the memory's of the boys that took them off.
The ones that never bothered to learn my middle name.
And I never found out their favourite colour...
I can't get dressed without a flashback now days
I find it quite ironic, that my antidepressant pills taste like death.
They are the worst
The moment just before you kiss someone is better than any kiss you'll ever have.
That few seconds before your lips touch,When your heart is beating fast and your stomachs full of butterflies.
You're intertwined with each other, and you're both waiting for the other to move in.
That moment is perfect
I kiss can be good or bad ,but that moment is always my favourite...
That moment feels infinite
Today I told someone that I have dignity and self worth...I lied
I have nothing but hate
John Green made me sad in the best possible way...
Augustus,who taught me to love people no matter what.
Hazel,for showing me we are all beautiful.
Alaska,for saying its okay to be a bit mischievous.
Pudge,for proving that you don't have to have millions of friends to feel loved.
The Coronel, for teaching me to believe in myself,no matter where I had come from.
Colin,for my eureka moment.
Both Will Graysons,for showing me is okay to not know exactly who you are.
And every character in Paper Towns,who just made me really happy.
But lastly and most importantly I'd like to thank John Green,because you made my life a better place with your books, and for that I'm forever greatful
I'm so happy I found those books
Everyone always says, that they will always be there for you.
But the truth is, nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly sad.
and that's okay I don't blame them.
I wouldn't want to be around me either.
Bad energy makes bad energy please don't let me make you sad
Why doesn't anyone love me?
Did I do something wrong ?
Is it be because I'm ugly?
Do I not say what I'm suppose to?
Is it because I can't go out ?
Or is it the way I dress?
I know my hair is a mess is that it ?
Just tell me what it is and I'll change it!
I can do better I promise!
Just tell me what I need to do please!
I can change...
I can do better...
The most **** thing about a guy has nothing to do with his clothes, hair or eye colour.
It's in the way he looks at you with longing, when you finally find out he wants you just as badly as you want him.
When he pulls you so close to him that there is literally no space between you, because he can't stand the thought of there being any.
When he kisses you, so that it feels as if he is stealing the air from your lungs, and for those few seconds you forget what air even is.
When all thoughts go out the window and its just him, with you,in the most simple way possible.
Now that is the definition of ****.
Pure passion is ecstacy...
I hope I'm not the type of person people tolerate.
The type of person that you agree with just to get them so stop speaking.
The type of person who people pity there need for attention.
The type of person who everyone roles there eyes at.
The type of person that brings nothing but waisted time when they speak.
Really what I'm saying is that, I don't want to be like you...
Because frankly I don't like you