It's the days when you don’t cry,
But you don’t smile either.

It’s the days when you’re quieter than usual,
And people notice.

It’s the days when you aren’t quite thinking about anything.

But if someone asked you what was wrong,
You wouldn’t know where to start.

The sun does not hide
And the moon does not cry
As the Earth spins

For they do not belong in the same sky all their lives
They are just too special to be seen as one

So they let each other go
In hopes that someday
She would allow them to meet once more

But only after they realized
That they did not need one another to be special
They did that all on their own

you shoved me underwater.
out of sight,
out of mind.

i screamed.
you saw the bubbles,
and you ignored them.

you act as if i'm not alive.
and at this point,
i'm not sure you even care.

shake it off? ive tried but it hasn’t gone too well. you see, in my wildest dreams i’m clean and he does not belong with me but we all love a good love story and i think she knew that when she wrote fearless. we dream of the white horse but it doesn’t come around it never. ever. does. and i think she knew that too. which is good because to be honest i’m sick of waiting. one of the Kardashian's called my girl a snake so it goes but she can do no wrong she really cant. even when she says she did something bad she cant do no wrong. she’s the queen of my heart to be honest so dont blame me, her love makes me crazy. i think she would understand.

All I want is you
But you’re exactly who I cant have

Im so sad right now,
If only I could be in your arms.

every time i reach out
there's no one there
it's dear diary
every time i type a word.

and every time i press send
i must remind myself
it's dear diary
and he's not coming back.

he’s not “the boy she used to love” anymore
he’s just a boy
a boy with issues
a boy who left a girl,
who would have never let him go.

she’s not “the girl he used to love” anymore
she’s now a woman
a woman with issues, yes.
but a woman who lost a boy,
and gained herself.

now, i ask, which one is better off?

hi,
it’s me again
are you okay?
nevermind
it’s not my business to ask.

but i hope you’re okay
ive been well, if you care
you'd be proud actually
you were right when you said i was strong.

you’re always on my mind
do you still think of us?
nevermind
it’s not my business to ask.

but i hope you still do
i still think of us, if you care
our memories i’ll never forget
you were right when you said we were special.

but you still chose to leave
do you regret it?
nevermind
it’s not my business to ask.

but sometimes, i hope that you do.

i think he found another girl.

the way he looked at her.

it was the way he used to look
at me.

i think a lot
about sphynx
no hair to care
for the lemon-shaped eyes
that squeeze shut in the breeze
but do not make lemonade

no sugar either
all protein bro
do you even lift
a finger because EYE do
YEW dont but they dont call you a
sphynx, do they?

oh wait nevermind i sphynx i got confused
eye am not a sphynx i do apologize
but Lucy is, shes my friend.
maybe even more than a friend
eye dont know
its just that shes a

mutant like me
and she pays for it too
just in cancer and heart disease
not with crying and mocking screams
saree i didnt mean to go there
but eye sphynx eyem getting worse

they
make me
turn me
to We

they live
with pride
with love
they die

love.
thats We
We cares
for me

a team
We’s made
me’s not
afraid

of all
that’s here
alone?
no, dear

cuz they
is me
and me
is We.

i missed you so much
but i dont want to have to keep saying goodbye
it’s just too hard.

dawn breaks
eyes open
another day
a little taller but
weaker too
they do say it gets
better
but is better
ever
enough?

he said he was afraid of losing me
yet he's the one who let me go

and now,
im just another girl.

one that he loved,
and one that he lost.

everyday
i just can't stop thinking
about whether or not
you're thinking
about
me.

sometimes I find myself
looking down
thinking of the past

I look through photos
of when things were okay
of when he still loved me.

I try and understand why things ended this way
why he felt they had to end at all
I think I understand

but then I wonder why I wasn't worth it
the nights he said he had faith in us
I believed him, what changed?

he doesn't talk to me anymore
it makes me sad
but I hope he still thinks of me

I cried again tonight
Thinking about why he left

Why do I do this to myself?
It’s time to move on

But for some reason
I feel like Im back at square one.

im addicted to the thought of you

i just cant seem to take my mind
off
you.

i miss you so much,
that sometimes i wish we had never met.

but at least i got to call you mine,
even if just for a little.

you hugged me like you did when we were together
long and tight
you hugged me like you did when you loved me.

and it just made it that much harder to remember that you don’t love me anymore.

thinking about you doesn’t help me,
and it doesn’t help you.

yet i just can’t seem to stop.

oh, my dear
no feelings here
only head
down eyes
shut
no opening
until
dawn

Is it ok
That I hope to see you again someday?

I don’t know if you feel the same,
I just really miss you.

you only respond when you need me

other than that
i’m no more than a voice in a crowded room

ive come to realize
im no ones favorite.

When you left
I could see
That what I kept
Was not to keep

A broken bond
was what you made
I was so fond
and yet I paid

For all the nights
you said you would
It was not right
“Can” is not “should”

So yes you left
And I was afraid
But a bond of theft
Isn’t one where I gain

I will not devote
Myself to his cause
So I said “end-quote”
This isn’t a pause

My life does not stop
Because he’s not here
I will not drop
And I have no fear

So I move on
Myself in check
He is now gone
No more Russian roulette

you dimmed the lights
closed your eyes
and so did i.

still felt the weight
and all the pain
when you left marks on my thighs.

i just laid there
weren’t you aware
that i didn’t want to die?

though out of sight
out of mind
you heard me cry.

i was always afraid of being too much.
i used to cry when we were together
i was afraid that you would leave.
i had anxiety
and i always apologized for it.

but you comforted me.
you made me feel loved
you made me feel cared for.
you told me i was more to you than that
you told me that everything was going to be okay.

but then you left.

i still wonder sometimes
if I was simply too much.
but I cant ask anymore.
because now
you won’t reply.

i’m just scared that i’ll remember
why i loved you.

and i’m even more scared that i won’t be able to deny
i still do.

im embarrassed of my body
im embarrassed of my mind
im embarrassed of the parts i showed you
that i had never shown another.

im embarrassed because after i let you in,
you let me go
i guess im not good enough
if i was, you wouldn’t have left.

so im embarrassed about everything
everything that makes me, “me”
you showed me i’m not worth staying for
and that makes me want to leave me too.

i see that you're home,
body curled up in bed
damp pillow underneath
i say you've been missed.

i tell you im sick,
though you should already know
i have dreams at night
but you don't keep them in the morning.

blinded by paradise,
you planned to never return
i told you perfection's impermenant
i guess you('ll be) forgot(ton too).
(but i won't tell you that part)

came back to me shattered,
the pieces diverged
left you bleeding out
but the timer, you set.

so please, dear, do hold on
just consider one last thing:
do you regret going
just because you couldn’t stay?

a day to celebrate love
or to feel its absence pulling at the seams of your broken heart.

but a greeting card will do.

ding **** the witch is dead
but she lit a fire under my bed
i woke up to the heat
but why did she leave?

the fire under me still burns.

i hope she makes you smile
i hope she makes you laugh
i hope she makes you feel special
i hope she makes you feel wanted

i hope she tells you she cares
i hope she tells you she’s proud
i hope she tells you you’re beautiful
i hope she tells you you’re everything she ever wanted and more.


and if she doesn’t,
i hope you think about me.

please don’t touch the glass
i’m startled enough as it is.
everything is warped and i
can’t tell ceiling from wall.

please tell me where i am
and please do so right away.
i’m running out of oxygen and i
need another breath.

please don’t feed me here
i do not intend to stay.
will it crack if i scream?
these are things i must know.

but please don’t walk away
iloveyouimsorryimsogratefulforallyouvedone but
can i walk beside you now?
please

i promise i’ll be good.

if you're not feeling happy right now
that's ok
because every moment you have
is just a part of the symphony

some notes are high
and some notes are low
but they all add up to the bigger picture of who you are
and who you were born to be

just know that i'm proud of you
and that your symphony will turn out to be more beautiful
than you could've ever imagined.

it was perfect
so when it ended
i fell apart.

i ripped out the pages
i threw them into the wind
they blew behind me.

but then i asked myself
how could i destroy what remained of our chapter?
how could i tear something apart that told a story so innocent?
so beautiful?

after all, it wasn't our fault that it was over.

so i picked up the pages
i put them back together
and i read our chapter once more.

it was then that i realized
our chapter
was just your chapter in my book.

so i looked to the next one
saw it was blank,
and wrote my name.

that one was gonna be about me.

like a tumble ****
rolling down a city street—
i dont belong here

and i know it.

you’re here,
though only for a moment.
“if you blink, you’ll miss it,” they say.

though only for a moment,
you’re here.
so keep your eyes open.

i can’t be mad at you
that’s the hardest part.

when i think of you
i stare straight ahead
thinking of what you were thinking
when you took your last breath.

i’ve been there before
i know how you felt inside
but for me, the storm broke
i saw the rainbow on the other side.

but you didn’t see it
the storm was just too thick
they say you were selfish
but i know you didn't want this.

so when i think of you
i stare straight ahead
i know you were dreaming of the rainbow
when you took your last breath.

you put everything you had into someone else
of course your soul is crying

we shared so much
but now all we share are memories
of what once was
and what is now past tense.

shut up! i have more friends than you!
and we always get along.
i just sprinkle some sugar and watch from my window
and hear them sing their songs!

now they don’t stay very long,
but it's a small price to pay.
real friends sacrifice, plus
their hearts would burst if they stayed.

but it's okay, really!
i could never let them die.
they say distance makes the heart grow fonder,
and i know they’d never lie.

they just love me so much…
what?! i’m not alone, what do you mean?
i have more than i could ever want! in fact,
they say that i’m their queen.

ceiling and floor switch
candle flickers
                              (1mph wind blows it out)
1000mph wind gets it going
again papers turn me
my head in glass
heavy
crashing into the
mattress which holds
my dreams
        my fears
my dreams
               my reality

it all goes quiet
except for the roar of
dust landing on lava
microbes burning alive from the lysol in my
room
everything is there.



                                       but where am i?

i want there to be a poem that
shuts the door
     lights the fire
and pronounces you dead.

i just can't tell if that's for better,
or for worse.

do not feel ashamed
for feeling too heavily
when your heart has just been broken

the cracks in your heart cannot heal
when the tears cannot fall
a desert cannot become a river without water.

it takes days, weeks, months
for each and every drop to accumulate
until the river may run smoothly

so please, darling, do not hold back the tears
they are necessary for you to swim away from where you are
and towards where you are going